why do taken men look at porn??

[pyroguy]

This is for Jersey and all the other women.

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z5QoydSxUQI&search=stripper%20latin%20bridal%20shower%20reggaeton%20hunk%20party%20male%20laugh

 

See, I actually agree with some of Jersey's sentiments, even as a male. My issue,has and still is with women who portray men as the villain here and that women are different than men-bull****. and men, stop being so naive. It's great to be secure and all, and I guess it's healthier for the mind, but lets face it, your women DON'T WANT YOU! They settle, but they never really lust after you. Doe your gal act like these ladies for you?

 

Why are half of marriages ending in divorce? because men watch porn? Why are so many women engaging in affairs? we now know that women cheat as often as men, yet still no "people"comments, just "men". Why are women's affairs accepted more, as in "her emotional needs were not being met. Isn't it true that women marry guys who don't look anything like this because it makes them feel more secure, they can't get that type of guy, or they want security. But, they're not really, really attracted to the guy, and what you see is what you get. Believe me, the behavior actually gets worse too. I think there are a lot of guys who are too secure or arrogant, or have no feelings and just plain ignorant at what goes on at these clubs and elswhere.

 

See, long ago, I decided that women like Jersey, Rainfall,and Meg would never be allowed to comment on men again-not in my presence without a good debate. Women wanted there empowerment (which was a good thing), but they have not handled it well. They wanted their equality, and they certainly have it-even outdoing the males according to these shenanigans.

 

For the record, I'm a male and I don't think like many of the males here seem to claim. I'm married, workout regulary, and am athletic (so as not to be claimed to be insecure) Still, this would horrify me if it were my wife. It would so be a reflection on me, no matter what anyone says-maybe worse, since I workout hard. It's like nothing would be enough. Are the boyfriend and husbands of these girls so vile that the girls have to act like this? My wife,to the best of my knowledge, is not like this , and always says she has no reason or desire for this. I have to believe that for my marriage. But, I swear that, god forbid my marriage didn't work, I will not even date another women ever! it's not worth it. See how it can work both ways?

 

More evidence? last year in my town (I'm from Jersey too.. Jersey) there was a fundreaiser-benefit at a firehouse. It wasn't a big response...until male strippers were scheduled-instantly soldout. Why? because all the wives can't stand the site of their husbands, and aren't sexually attracted to them-despite of what women say.

 

Isn't it great Jersey? it's not men, it's people, and it is a little sad.

[electric_sheep]

Probably the simplest explanation can be found in science and evolutionary theory. Monogamy is a socio-cultural idea that may, quite simply, be banging it's head up against millions of years of evolution. As evidence of this consider that monogamy is rarely practiced nowadays anyway, and rather a sort of "serial monogamy" is more the norm. Sure, it's easy to focus all sexual energy on one person over the short term, but eventually evolution catches up with us.

 

I don't think the issue is whether we find other people attractive, and occationally entertain sexual fantasies where our SO is conspicuously absent. I think the question is do we accept it, or do we fight it and repress such feelings ? Some people are very good at nipping such thoughts in the bud, others are less disciplined.

 

My gf doesn't care if I look at porn, but my own personal guilt was such that I used to (and still do, more often than not) include her in my fantasies in one capacity or another. Yeap. She is always right there along side me, my partner in sin and crime.

 

I asked her once if she entertains sexual thoughts about others. She told me she does have sexual thoughts about women, and will sometimes wonder what it would be like to have sex with some girl she spies across the library or class, but that she doesn't have such thoughts about men.

 

Somehow I suspect she is simply protecting my feelings. Either that, or such thoughts are too scary for her to admit even to herself. But then again, I could simply be jaded.

[electric_sheep]

I almost completely forgot a conversation I once had with a girl about this subject.

 

Many women I have known over the years seem to lack a certain animal attraction, or primitive passion and lust, if you will, towards men.

 

We both agreed that the socialization process may partially account for this... women are used to reining in such feelings, and are looked down upon in almost all world societies if they do have such feelings. In short, women have a lot of practice at keeping these feelings repressed.

 

Then she threw out another possibility (she is a very smart girl). Maybe it's not the socialization process at all... maybe it's the fact that men are essentially always available for sex to a women. This constant availability may dramatically limit that sort of animalistic desire. Guys, on the other hand, feel a great deal of competition, and there desire may be stoked by the fact that beautiful women seem unattainable.

 

So, in light of all this, maybe my gf really doesn't notice/think about other guys. Maybe when women say these things they really are being honest.

 

Anyway, who knows.

[Jersey Shortie]

Pyroguy, do you realize that strip clubs geared to men outnumber strip clubs geared to women? The majority of women do not find male strip clubs exciting. They find them stupid and silly. I know I do. I know many many women who think the same way. What do you think one little video is going to prove? Maybe the ladies got sick of the ones always being cheated on and passed up on for other women. So maybe this is pay back for you and other guys for centuries of men who just can't love or be loyal to women.

 

Those guys in that video clip are not a turn on for me. And those women are stupid if they have boyfriends acting like that. But this topic was about why men still look at porn while in relationships. So please don't try to derail the original question with.."women do it too nonsense". That is a cop out and an avoidance to discuss the first question.

[pyroguy]

Electric sheep, did you not read my post? and the associated link? I believe women do have lust...just not for their SO's and husbands.

 

See, I beleieve this evolutionary thing is a modern day copout. Yes, infact we are or were wired to meet, fall in love, mate, and do it all over again-like an animal. However, we are supposed to have evolved, and I would like to think that we operate a higher mental and moral plane than an animal- I guess we do not.

 

From your description of your girlfriend in the library, i take it you are both young? college age? See I think it's particulary bad in the younger generation. Not to pick on you, but to them this seems like going to the bathroom. Think about it. All this generation sees are shows about money, looks, scandal, always an air about cheating and sex. More people than ever are cheating, marriage seesm to be a joke, and I just feel sad for my kids when they grow up.

 

By thye way, while i make no bones about being more conservative, I am by no means a right wing bible thumper, like many liberals like to tag those who don't like an "anything goes attitude" I just think things have gone a little too far, that's all. I mean, why was that out grandparents had an easier time being faithful? yes, i know that stuff went on, but just wasn't discussed. Still, it wasn't anything like it is today.

 

Who knows, the people back then weren't as good looking as they are today frankly-physique wise. And, they definitely show it off today too.

 

Anyway, the point was how women are EVERY BIT AS BAD AS MEN-period. And, your friend was right, sex and access to it is more open to women. That's what makes all this scarier for a guy- I think. For example, it;s very possible,(and sometimes or often) that one of these male strippers will want one of the women- for a night, for an hour, for a date etc.,. However, it's few and far between that any female stripper will want the shlub in the audience. Similarly, Bon Jovi or some other male movie star may and do beckon random average females- we all know that. However, Pamela Anderson will not be beckoning any male on this site- sorry guys. So, Jersey, it may even hit home more for men. what do you think of that?

[Blackfrost]

But this topic was about why men still look at porn while in relationships.

 

Good, here's my two cents on the topic: A large majority of men are pissed off because they have to be monogamous to remain in a relationship that they like. I know I love my relationship, and it fulfills all the day to day emotional needs that I have, but it still doesn't mean that I don't look at a gorgeous woman and wonder what it would be like. Biological urges can definitely overide rational behavior, if the right circumstances are at work. Welcome to the world of men

[electric_sheep]

That was very honest Blackfrost.

 

I have to admit, I occationally see a beautiful woman and just want to bonk her brains out. Inexplicably, this often seems to happen during a period when my SO and I are having particularly hot sex. It's like the hot sex spurs me on and puts me in a sort of frenzy, making me want to have more of it, and with just about anyone. If I'm really honest with myself, I'll admit there are times when I want to have sex with just about every half way descent Lady I see walking down the street.

 

Perhaps I am simply a leecherous old pervert ?

 

My gf is the one to benefit from all this though, as all this pent up lust invariably gets taken out on her.

[blind_otter]

That was very honest Blackfrost.

 

I have to admit, I occationally see a beautiful woman and just want to bonk her brains out. Inexplicably, this often seems to happen during a period when my SO and I are having particularly hot sex. It's like the hot sex spurs me on and puts me in a sort of frenzy, making me want to have more of it, and with just about anyone. If I'm really honest with myself, I'll admit there are times when I want to have sex with just about every half way descent Lady I see walking down the street.

 

Perhaps I am simply a leecherous old pervert ?

 

My SO and I joke that it's biological. The horomones in semen make women sleepy and want to stay still, so the little sperms get their chance to try to fertilize something, while men get all amped up from sex and are off to spread their seed. Not to get all "quest for fire" on you or anything.

 

I tend to get horny when I'm ovulating, go fig. That's when the porn comes out to play. Now that I'm on the pill my sex drive has gone way down.

[electric_sheep]

Ha. I expected condemnation over that last post, not understanding.

I really wish you lived somewhere near the DC area blind otter, as you're always chiming in with a smart and sassy comment, and my gf and I are both turned on by intelligence.

 

Anyway, I've been in a bad funk all day and have seemed determined to ruin my good standing around here. I feel as though I should exercise some damage control by way of editing some of my more cynical comments... lest the whole world become as cynical as me.

 

Must be the time of the year or something.

[blind_otter]

men have periods, too, you know. They just don't bleed out of their weenis.

[rainfall]

That was very honest Blackfrost.

 

I have to admit, I occationally see a beautiful woman and just want to bonk her brains out. Inexplicably, this often seems to happen during a period when my SO and I are having particularly hot sex. It's like the hot sex spurs me on and puts me in a sort of frenzy, making me want to have more of it, and with just about anyone. If I'm really honest with myself, I'll admit there are times when I want to have sex with just about every half way descent Lady I see walking down the street.

 

Perhaps I am simply a leecherous old pervert ?

 

My gf is the one to benefit from all this though, as all this pent up lust invariably gets taken out on her.

 

Wow reading things like this really depress me. I would much rather be alone the rest of my life then be with someone who only uses me as a way to think about someone they find hotter then me. I would probably never even want to have sex with someone who thought I was benefiting from the fact that they find me so unattractive that they think about someone esle just to have sex with me. Are all men really like this? So when my boyfriend tells me he finds me attractive is he just lying? Excuse me now while I go to the gym for the rest of the day.

[Blackfrost]

Ha. I expected condemnation over that last post, not understanding.

 

Why condemnation? You even admit that it can be very truthful for us guys to feel this way - like Blind Otter mentioned about men and periods - (in the emotional sense of periods) I know I go through periods of biological overload, and also periods of bored abstinence. Do the women on this board not want honest answers to questions? many times I believe they don't want real answers, and just want someone to give them a hug and side with whatever veiwpoint they are expressing. Every once in a while I actually come across someone on here who wanted an honest answer, and then appreciated it when they got it. That tends to be the only reason I stop by here anymore. There's just too many noisy kids these days

[electric_sheep]

Wow reading things like this really depress me.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to depress you. I doubt one can make many generalizations that apply to all men. Hell, this doesn't even apply to me all of the time, or probably even most of the time... only part of the time. Not to mention, as blind otter pointed out, I'm simply on my period right now.

[UCFKevin]

Why do men in relationships still look at porn?

 

Here's why.

 

Because sometimes it's just easier to jerk off rather than have sex. It's quicker. We only have to worry about ourselves. We can be done quick, and porn is the tool to get us there. Don't truly believe your husband or boyfriend thinks about you 24/7 even in sexual fantasies. Chances are you, you don't think of him all the time. It's reality. It's not cheating. It's monogamy. Give and take.

 

Even if you have sex five times a day, he will still probably find time to jerk one out. That's how guys work. There is no ulterior motive. There is no, "She's not good enough! YAY for my porn! It's my escape!" It's just porn. It's not hurting anyone. Why be jealous of a video? What about your US magazines with Brad Pitt or Clooney on the cover? Or romance novels or romance movies? Porn is to guys as all that crap is to girls. That's it. Nothing behind it. Nothing sinister. No urges unfulfilled. We're men. We're built to have a lot of sex. And if jerking off is what qualms those needs, not cheating or flirting or doing ANYTHING else WITH anyone else...then where's the trouble in that?

 

Let your men jerk off to porn. Let it go. Being upset about it won't fix anything. If you want to make him stop, that's a control issue and it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is just the scapegoat, the activator. Maybe you shouldn't be with this guy and maybe the porn is just a tiny tiny reason you're blowing up because you can't think of the right real reason yet.

 

Just...let it be. Porn has always been around and it will always be around and men will always jerk off to it. It harms nobody but the people who want it to harm them.

[ultimon]

Why do men in relationships still look at porn?

 

Here's why.

 

Because sometimes it's just easier to jerk off rather than have sex. It's quicker. We only have to worry about ourselves. We can be done quick, and porn is the tool to get us there. Don't truly believe your husband or boyfriend thinks about you 24/7 even in sexual fantasies. Chances are you, you don't think of him all the time. It's reality. It's not cheating. It's monogamy. Give and take.

 

Even if you have sex five times a day, he will still probably find time to jerk one out. That's how guys work. There is no ulterior motive. There is no, "She's not good enough! YAY for my porn! It's my escape!" It's just porn. It's not hurting anyone. Why be jealous of a video? What about your US magazines with Brad Pitt or Clooney on the cover? Or romance novels or romance movies? Porn is to guys as all that crap is to girls. That's it. Nothing behind it. Nothing sinister. No urges unfulfilled. We're men. We're built to have a lot of sex. And if jerking off is what qualms those needs, not cheating or flirting or doing ANYTHING else WITH anyone else...then where's the trouble in that?

 

Let your men jerk off to porn. Let it go. Being upset about it won't fix anything. If you want to make him stop, that's a control issue and it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is just the scapegoat, the activator. Maybe you shouldn't be with this guy and maybe the porn is just a tiny tiny reason you're blowing up because you can't think of the right real reason yet.

 

Just...let it be. Porn has always been around and it will always be around and men will always jerk off to it. It harms nobody but the people who want it to harm them.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself

[rainfall]

Why do men in relationships still look at porn?

 

Here's why.

 

Because sometimes it's just easier to jerk off rather than have sex. It's quicker. We only have to worry about ourselves. We can be done quick, and porn is the tool to get us there. Don't truly believe your husband or boyfriend thinks about you 24/7 even in sexual fantasies. Chances are you, you don't think of him all the time. It's reality. It's not cheating. It's monogamy. Give and take.

 

Even if you have sex five times a day, he will still probably find time to jerk one out. That's how guys work. There is no ulterior motive. There is no, "She's not good enough! YAY for my porn! It's my escape!" It's just porn. It's not hurting anyone. Why be jealous of a video? What about your US magazines with Brad Pitt or Clooney on the cover? Or romance novels or romance movies? Porn is to guys as all that crap is to girls. That's it. Nothing behind it. Nothing sinister. No urges unfulfilled. We're men. We're built to have a lot of sex. And if jerking off is what qualms those needs, not cheating or flirting or doing ANYTHING else WITH anyone else...then where's the trouble in that?

 

Let your men jerk off to porn. Let it go. Being upset about it won't fix anything. If you want to make him stop, that's a control issue and it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is just the scapegoat, the activator. Maybe you shouldn't be with this guy and maybe the porn is just a tiny tiny reason you're blowing up because you can't think of the right real reason yet.

 

Just...let it be. Porn has always been around and it will always be around and men will always jerk off to it. It harms nobody but the people who want it to harm them.

 

You don't know me so please don't assume I get turned on by random strangers. However I do think of my boyfriend everytime we have sex. Why would I not? So if guys want to be selfish why can't thet tell their women, "Hey I am tired and gonna lay here and not do anything." Every single women I know would prefer that then to having their man jerk-off to porn.

 

My US magazines with Brad Pitt? I do not find Brad Pitt attractive. I only read them to pass time when I am on the elliptical machine at the gym. I could really care less about who is on the cover.

Romance novels are in my opinon cheesy and if a guy ever tried to be like on of those guys in the book I would laugh so hard at him. Porn hurts me because I work my butt of to look good for my man. I deserve better then to be just some wet hole he uses.

 

Reading this thread has made me see why some women stop caring about how they look in relationships. Really there is no point in trying if you will never be enough for your guy.

[chicsurfs]

Because men like looking at other women. And seeing them naked. And seeing them boink each other. And a midget.

 

There's really no mystical secret to it. It doesn't matter how hot you are. Guys (in general) like looking at other chicks and watching other people get it on.

 

I don't get why some women act as they have to be the sole source of visual stimulation for their man. It just isn't realistic.

 

The thing is this women are nesters and men are planters ok..that's the beauty of life! Women want to build the nest and make it perfect while the mate is out hunting keyword hunting...so yes its very realistic the male was not given the female anatomy so how can you possibly know what is realistc with the female mind and thinking process? So to me its very realistic.

 

But I will also let you know what is realistic "wink"

 

I'm in a business that men come to look..and guess what I let em, as I laugh my way to the bank...it goes like this... "do you like that sweetie".."do you like looking at me and watching me dance sexy for

you"

 

Guys are the most simple creatures ONCE you figure them out and you know what 97 % of the guys who go to strip clubs are married and also wanting to cheat....sorry but it's soooooooooooo damn true! So strong they are but really so very weak, that's also realistic as much as I hate to say it.

 

The weakness I am so glad as a female I do not have to worry about because as a female we only have one head and that's the one were thinking thinking with and btw your right there really isn't anything mystical

about this at all it just is what it is.

 

Toodles

 

xo

[pyroguy]

Well Jersey and some of the girls here still don't get it. Yes, my post did deviate from the original point. However, I guess I'm trying to illustrate that the argument becomes moot because of women's behavior. They are not as different from men as even gthe men here feel they are.

 

You are just completely wrong-either very stuuborn, hate men, or just naive if you think this is just one video clip and an anomaly. This is SO prevalent now. Throw in the cheating rate for women. Also consider the story of my town that I cited-lots of bored, horny housewives. And, your assertion is an old and tired one of retribution and payback. That's a lot of bull. Yea, those women looked like they were just exacting some payback and no interest inthe guys. Wasn't that just lovely when the girl licked the dancer's stomach? or wasn't that a bride to be grinding her but against the dancer? or how about the girl simulating "sex from behind" just great. So, great, women have payback, now what?

 

Did Rainfall see this clip?

 

But, to humor you, I will try and answer your question. First, I actually agree with you to a point. Certainly too much porn is no good, especially if it interferes in anyway with sex with your partner. I think that porn can actually jade a person too-expecing things that many women may not be willing to deliver. That being said, I think that it's the sex, and not neccessarily the women in the porn that does it. However, you have rejected this before, so why bother. I can only say that for me, it was more about the sex, and the type of sex that was portrayed. Of course, it was better if the women were attractive, but that wasn't the focus. I know for me, and many other guys I know, we see regular women all day, including wives and girlfriends who would look just as good doing these things. In fact, I think many guys think of these things when they see girls they are attracted to. Many or most guys probably feel that their girls would look just as good doing these sexual acts. Should men discuss all their sexual desires with their women, and try and live them out with her-yes. However, it isn't always that easy, depending on what it is. Also, do women discuss all their fantasies wit their guy. No, and by the way, how many of them involve another guy-probably a movie star, or some guy at the office. Of course there is the "guys are visual". That's accounts for a small percentage of it too.

 

Where I disagree with many of the guys here is that we men are like animals, and we cannot operate at a higher plane. That's a copout. If your girl is not good looking enough, find another, or focus on the other qualites and grow up. If it's hurtful and/or disrespectful, don't indulge in thos things. Personally, I rarely watch porn anymore and never go to strip clubs. As I got older, I see no reason to give some goodlooking girl money-why? and yes, I can also see the disrespect that it would show towards my wife. Besides, I'd rather spend time at home with my family over giving some girl a lot of money who thinks your worthless for being there anyway.

 

Rainfall, Did you see the clip? please, like Jersey, don't tell me it's isolated and insult my intelligence. Also, I go to a gym like you. Are you telling me you don't notice any good looking guys? because obviously I hate to admit it, but there are other good looking guys there. Hey, bravo for you and Jersey, but the fact is just as many women as men are not like that. I have said i see your point, and I think like that too sometimes, but it's a dual problem, not one way. I think the best you can hope for is for your SO to get to a point where they don't ask themselves the comparison question. There are plenty of attractive girls that I would find physically appealing enough, and along with other important qualities, make me never consider the question of whether some stripper is hotter- make sense? That's my wife's stance-that she already has a greatlooking muscular guy. I may not believe her, and she may be sugarcoating it, but if it's true, it's all you can hope for. There will always be other goodlooking people-period.

 

However I see the opposite in younger guys. They seem to think they are gods and entitled to the hottest girls ever created. I see these guys with really attractive girls, and yet they'll tell you they're ok, or think they should have even better-regardless of the fact that they are not her equal in looks as a guy. And, they have crappy personalities, and don't know how to treat the girl-but that's for another thread.

 

Chicsurfs, while I agree with you about many of these guys, I think it's an overgeneralization. I know the couple of times I went early in my marriage, I had no notion of cheating. This is also true fro many guys that i know. However, you are correct, why go at all then, andmany that do, probably would cheat. However, as you can see frokm my clip, this is also true of many women- but I think you already know that. Sadly, I think many men are naive or women are trying successfully to hide what really goes on. It's a sad world we live in today.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Madgurlee: " why do taken men look at porn?? "

 

My guesses are:

 

Some do it because they just want to know/see what's currently "out there" -curiosity, seeing what's "new".

 

Some do it because it's an occasional thrill "just to look".

 

Some do it because it's a spur-of-the-moment thrill.

 

Some do it to "take care of business".

 

Some "take care of business" just because they looked at it.

 

Some look at it, "take care of business" and come back time and time again because it's convenient, speedy, and private.

 

And some allow it to become their primary source for no-strings-attached sex.

 

-Rio

[aeren944]

Why do men in relationships still look at porn?

 

Here's why.

 

Because sometimes it's just easier to jerk off rather than have sex. It's quicker. We only have to worry about ourselves. We can be done quick, and porn is the tool to get us there. Don't truly believe your husband or boyfriend thinks about you 24/7 even in sexual fantasies. Chances are you, you don't think of him all the time. It's reality. It's not cheating. It's monogamy. Give and take.

 

Even if you have sex five times a day, he will still probably find time to jerk one out. That's how guys work. There is no ulterior motive. There is no, "She's not good enough! YAY for my porn! It's my escape!" It's just porn. It's not hurting anyone. Why be jealous of a video? What about your US magazines with Brad Pitt or Clooney on the cover? Or romance novels or romance movies? Porn is to guys as all that crap is to girls. That's it. Nothing behind it. Nothing sinister. No urges unfulfilled. We're men. We're built to have a lot of sex. And if jerking off is what qualms those needs, not cheating or flirting or doing ANYTHING else WITH anyone else...then where's the trouble in that?

 

Let your men jerk off to porn. Let it go. Being upset about it won't fix anything. If you want to make him stop, that's a control issue and it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is just the scapegoat, the activator. Maybe you shouldn't be with this guy and maybe the porn is just a tiny tiny reason you're blowing up because you can't think of the right real reason yet.

 

Just...let it be. Porn has always been around and it will always be around and men will always jerk off to it. It harms nobody but the people who want it to harm them.

 

Exactly! This is exactly what I was saying in my post from before (I actually lost count of how many posts ago). Its just the way it is.

 

As for letting it bug you (both to Rainfall and pyroguy), don't let it. If something like this bugs you, about your man or your woman, then you need to grow some thicker skin. Love ain't for the feint of heart. You gotta be smart about it. Don't let it get to you, cuz that's ridiculous... your SOs are with you by choice. They WANT to be with you... its not some desperate, you're-the-only-one-I-could-find-who-could-ever-fulfill-this-need stuff. Take some pride in the fact that you are better than all the rest... don't live every day in depression or fear that your SO could find somebody else... especially because of strippers or porn. Don't be naive about it, cuz life's not a ****in' fairytale with flowers and storybook endings.

[pyroguy]

Aeren944, well put, and believe me, I have growna thicker skin over the years. I do not feel depressed over these types of things all day, I just note them and understand some of what are talking about. Then again, my wife doesn't seem to be like that, but who really knows.

 

My point was to illustrate that both men and women are equally guilty. I will say that I wouldn't turn a blind eye to it as you seem to suggest. Do you think a guy should watch porn incessantly when he has a girlfriend or wife? Do you think women should be acting like the video clip shows.? Let me ask you something-your girl goes to that same exact show. Maybe she doesn't put her tongue on a stripper. However, she fully enjoys herself-mahybe gets the guy grinding on her. She then comes home to you and wants to have sex-she really seems turned on. How do you react? I know some people who don't really think about it, say "great!". But, if you stop to think about, why is she so horny? is she normally like that with you? are you just a sex toy tonight? it's very easy for these things to go through your mind as it does for these ladies- as it would for me.

 

Sadly, it's this way for many, but we as a society don't want to admit it. There are tons of housewives all over the country that just aren't attracted to their husbands-regardless of what they claim. Then again, I guess that's something that we can't admit or else we are done as a society. Not enough people would mate and perpetuate the species. In that sense, I guess you can take a "there's nothing I can do about it" attitude.

 

For the record, don't think there are not lots of people who are "settling" as I say. Or, they have some form of attraction or bond that keeps them in the picture, but they're not as attracted to their SO as they are to others- this video clip case in point- as well as the show in my town that was soldout, probably from bored, married women who are not attracted to their husbands, but feel the need to fufill the marriage contract. I know that sounds cynical, but I see a lot. It's bad out there and getting worse.

[rainfall]

Rainfall, Did you see the clip? please, like Jersey, don't tell me it's isolated and insult my intelligence. Also, I go to a gym like you. Are you telling me you don't notice any good looking guys? because obviously I hate to admit it, but there are other good looking guys there.

quote]

 

I didn't see the clip but my guess is it was women cheating on their man with stippers. Right? I think that yes there are women who cheat. I never said there wasn't. However I do not cheat. I have never or will ever go to a strip club. I will not pay some starnger money for something when I am 100% happy with what I have at home.

When I go to the gym I go to work out. I don't go to check out guys. Maybe there are some good looking guys there but I could care less. Finding someone who I can think about next time I have sex with my boyfriend is something I don't do.

You guys say it is the act of sex that turns you on? Ok here is an idea make porn with your wife/gf. Then you will not need other women.

[electric_sheep]

I don't believe anyone mentioned thinking about somebody else when they are having sex with their girlfriend, or did I miss something ?

 

Many people, myself included, masturbate occationally even while in a relationship. I must say, I only find time to do it maybe 2 or 3 times a week now though.

 

Anyway, I often think about other women when I do solo fantasizing. I used to feel guilty about it at the beginning of the relationship, but then I found out my gf thinks about other people too, so I loosened up.

 

Often my gf is an accomplice in these fantases though, or she makes a cameo. BTW, my girlfriend herself gets fired up by watching porn sometimes. She is really into S&M and has an entire collection of HogTied videos on her computer.

 

I admit this sort of thing can dampen the romantic spirit sometimes, and the overarching emotion is more animalistic and lustful, but...

 

We believe there is a wide variety of expressions for sexuality within the context of a monogomous relationship. Sometimes we have very romantic sex, sometimes we are "dirty" and "kinky". Sometimes I'm not in the mood to think about her watching HogTied videos, sometimes the idea makes me crazy hot.

 

We are not always in sync either! I was feeling very romantic one night and she was watching some R rated HBO show and a guys penis was briefly displayed. I asked her if she was thinking about that penis, and she said she was "thinking about it being in my mouth". Swear to God. All my romantic feelings went out the window for the rest of the night.

[pyroguy]

Wll, there you go. Your girl is imagining another penis in her mouth and you get flattened emotionally- just as I claimed. I think all the guys who claim otherwise are full of it. Maybe I'm crazy, but I couldn't handle that. Even as I've gotten older, I guess I'm too unrealisic to deal with that-I'm not sure i could be with her. But, good luck, I'm sure you do have really good sex though, judging by her openess.

 

Rainfall, that was my point. The tone had been "why do men", and all along I have been pointing out that it's both sexes, that's all. The fact that you do not act in that manner is great for you and whoever. I have a single friend-do you have a sister:) .

 

Just as a curiosity, if you were single, would you notice these guys at the gym? It strikes me that it would be hard to find someone when you don't take notice of attractive people.

 

As for the porn thing, first I did say that too much is a bad thing. Also, doing those things with your SO is great ! maybe not filming, but the acts are fine. I have the feeling that many women will not be comfortable with all these things-and that's fine. Nobody should be forced tdo something that they don't want. Nor, should that make the other person seek it outside their relationship- as happens today in our selfish me society. But, I can see being drawn to watching it sometimes.

 

Also, I know you and just about all women will vehemently disagree with this analogy, but here goes. Isn't this similar to a woman who's SO isn't a bid dancer, and doesn't like to. However, the woman does, and either watches these male dancers on TV or goes for some lessons with some guy named Armando the sauve instructor. They will rave about the guys and brag about their dancing and how sexy and romantic it is, and make innuendos that the men should be like that. I know it's not as common, but it does happen often, and when men react negatively, they are labeled insecure immediately. When it's a woman, we have to make them feel beautiful, desired and wanted. Why do MOST women assume that men don't need this? They have read too many books that claim that women and men are SO different- I claim they are not nearly as different as people make them out to be. Guys don't want to hear about how great other guys are. Again, I know you will disagree, but it really isn't that much different. For some reason, when sex is involved, it's worse in people's mind- at least in women's minds. That is,the porn thing making her feel bad is somehow worse than her infatuation with whatever guy she wishes her guy was like. Women want their feelings validated, but not the man's. See, it doesn't matter if YOU think his insecurities aren't as valid as yours. The point is that they are to him, and most women ignore this.

[rainfall]

Just as a curiosity, if you were single, would you notice these guys at the gym? It strikes me that it would be hard to find someone when you don't take notice of attractive people.

 

Also, I know you and just about all women will vehemently disagree with this analogy, but here goes. Isn't this similar to a woman who's SO isn't a bid dancer, and doesn't like to. However, the woman does, and either watches these male dancers on TV or goes for some lessons with some guy named Armando the sauve instructor. They will rave about the guys and brag about their dancing and how sexy and romantic it is, and make innuendos that the men should be like that. I know it's not as common, but it does happen often, and when men react negatively, they are labeled insecure immediately. When it's a woman, we have to make them feel beautiful, desired and wanted. Why do MOST women assume that men don't need this? They have read too many books that claim that women and men are SO different- I claim they are not nearly as different as people make them out to be. Guys don't want to hear about how great other guys are. Again, I know you will disagree, but it really isn't that much different. For some reason, when sex is involved, it's worse in people's mind- at least in women's minds. That is,the porn thing making her feel bad is somehow worse than her infatuation with whatever guy she wishes her guy was like. Women want their feelings validated, but not the man's. See, it doesn't matter if YOU think his insecurities aren't as valid as yours. The point is that they are to him, and most women ignore this.

 

Honestly I don't know if I would notice the guys at the gym if I was single. Probably not because big ego muscle men aren't really my type.

I actually agree with you about the whole dance analogy thing. If a women is doing anything and it makes he rman feel bad about himself and the relatinship then she should either stop if she wants to continue to be with him. If you really love someone their is no reason you should continue to do something that you know will cause your SO pain. My boyfriend didn't like when I would go out to bars with my friends and drink and so out of respect for him I stopped doing it. So no I actually do agree with you it goes both ways.