why do taken men look at porn??

[amerikajin]

Yeah I understand what your saying but sometimes guys can take it to far and disregard their partners feelings.

 

I'm just saying that if their partner has a problem with it they should both talk about it because if not then it's going to cause problems.

 

Just look at some of the people here that don't like it at all. If they end up with someone who does and they don't like their partner looking at it and their partner does it anyways, its going to cause problems.

 

I think that's the key here for both the proponents and opponents of porn, typically men and women in relationships respectively. I think a man can't just say "Well to hell with your opinion", but a woman can't just badger a man and belittle him merely because he likes sex and occasionally digs the thought of having sex outside a relationship in a harmless fantasy. If he's wanking to the picture of his office secretary, I definitely see the problem there. But some superstar with whom he'll never cross paths? What's the big deal?

 

But fair point, both sides should talk openly about what the porn means and how to proceed from this point forward. I think it's a time for a woman to express how she feels about porn and why she doesn't like it, but I don't think it's a time for ultimatums. Maybe talk about acceptable boundaries - or if nothing else just tell him you don't want to know about it in the future and that he should cover his tracks.

[Carbine]

Men put women in porn on a certain looks based pedestal

 

Ha! I couldn’t have said it better myself! The sight of a sexy female will momentarily paralyse even the blokiest, roughest bunch of drunken yobbo males. Whether or not it’s a subconscious thing, a hot female is going to get preferential treatment to other not so hot females. Taking it into a real-life scenario - if you’re a hot female then you automatically have a foot in the door when it comes to manipulating guys. Doesn’t matter if you’re stupid, bitchy, slutty, or swimming with diseases – these things are much more likely to be overlooked and/or tolerated if you’ve got a tight figure and long blonde hair. I once asked my ex if he what he thought of strippers/porn actresses etc and if he respected them, and his reply was “Yeah, f**k yeah! I really admire them!” Upon being asked why, and probed as to whether or not it was a looks-based thing, he caved in and admitted, “I look up to them because they’re f**king hot, ok?!”. Needless to say, a huge fight ensued.

 

If you can accept that love is more than just physical attraction and that guys aren't always sex-obsessed simpletons, and if you can maintain your basic level of attractiveness physically while getting into a guy's head, you'll be able to do things to your man that no other woman could possibly do. I'm talking about the essence of being a good lover

 

Really? I sometimes think that all it takes to be a ‘good lover’ is a hot body, the ability to pour a beer upon command, and to be able to fake a decent-sounding orgasm at the right time. In all seriousness though, I do see the point you’re trying to make. However, I also think that a physically attractive female is automatically shoot to the top of the ‘good lover’ scale with men, unless she’s horrendously, disgustingly, atrociously bad in the sack. And I DO accept that love is more than just physical attraction. It’s just that it’s a very large, very critical part of the love formula. C’mon, we ALL love to surround ourselves with beautiful things. It’s just so much easier, not to mention fulfilling, to love something beautiful. Unless you’re one of those people who tend to go for the cutesy-ugly look. But in my experience, that’s why these people go out and buy Staffordshire terriers, rather than choosing ugly partners.

 

I think women are selling themselves short if they believe that looks are the the most important part of their appeal to their SO's. And I think women are selling their men short if they believe that looks are the most important element of why their men love them.

 

I think women are going to be sold short regardless. I mean, on one hand we’re (oh, sorry – I’m) being told to go on skipping blissfully upon my fat thighs through Happy Fantasy Fairytale Land, hand-in-hand with vague notions like companionship, faith and trust. Yet when Prince Charming eventually rocks up and I ask him nicely to ditch his porn collection, he very quickly takes offence and disappears into the sunset. No wonder I’m confused.

 

If you think your looks are all you've got that would make him want you, then I can understand how him looking at porn women or any other women would make you want to scratch his eyes out.

 

No, see, I don’t think that my looks are my only selling point. That’s not what I’m trying to say. I know that my ex valued me for things like my wit, honesty and (somewhat) sick sense of humour. However, I was/am also totally aware of the value he placed on a female’s looks, (which he was always totally upfront about). At the end of the day, he and I come from very different worlds (his words, not mine). He dropped out of school at 16, went straight into the trades while living the party lifestyle, and is proudly “working class” (once again his words) while I’ve been extremely sheltered and spent my comfortably upper middle-class life studying my guts out. So while he has expressed appreciation and respect for my intellectual abilities and so forth, I also know in my heart of hearts that this isn’t going to be the x-factor that makes sure he stays put. Simply speaking – having an academically capable partner isn’t critically essential to his lifestyle. Having a physically attractive partner IS. Also, I have mentioned previously that I’m an exceedingly jealous woman, to the extreme…which would account for some of the eye-scratching =)

 

Final opinion on porn: I do think a woman has every right to find out about the need for porn, what it means to them and so forth, but it should be something that can be addressed openly in a non-hostile manner.

 

Yes, in an ideal world. But when you’re tinkering with things like female jealousy, low self-esteem, possessiveness and fear, then it’s going to be incredibly hard to keep things from descending into hostility and resentment.

 

What I find about a lot of the women who abhor porn is that they are so incredibly insecure. I keep reading the same thing: "Well why even bother dating men anymore?" That just smacks of tremendous insecurity, and it's not very attractive.

 

And once again it comes down to the attractiveness factor. Jesus god help us all…*rolls eyes*

 

Don't just be threatened by good looking women but ugly ones too, because a lot of men cheat on their significant others with women who are more unattracive than their partners.

 

Truth be told, I’m naturally suspicious of ALL women. But as I stated earlier on in my post, the attractive ones have a much better chance. Anyway, it’s a bit off-topic: I’m not concerned about him cheating. It’s the porn/strippers/sexy girls in the street issue that bothers me. When do men bring home porn that features women who are less than stunningly perfect?? If however, given the hypothetical situation where he did cheat with someone less attractive than me, obviously I’d be massively p*ssed off, hurt etc. But I know deep down that I could get through it and get over it. If the person was better looking then, well, I don’t really want to think about it. It’s something I WOULDN’T get through. My self-esteem and confidence in myself simply wouldn’t be able to take such a knock, and my jealousy would probably destroy me.

 

You reap what you sow. You keep thinking negatively, your results will be the same.

 

Oh come on. How does that work?!? I personally do not believe in positives and negatives. But I’m not going to go off on a tangent with that now. Okay, for the sake of the argument, let’s pretend +/-‘s do exist. So what? I don’t see how it changes anything. Maybe in the extreme situation where the male feels soooo backed into a corner by his insecure SO that he goes and has a one-night stand to get back at her and/or to corroborate his own masculinity. But you thinking ‘positively’ is NOT going to change a man’s private fantasies/desires, his opinions about you and women in general, and which porn actress he’s fantasising about banging while in reality he’s stuck having sex with you. Hence:

 

I never been more real then this. There was a time when I thought men were the greatest thing since sliced bread and didn't have all this bitterness. Well, unfortunetly I had to learn the hard way what men are really about.

 

And that’s the core of it, really. If a female is lucky enough to somehow avoid this sort of reality-check, then she doesn’t know how damn lucky she is. But for those of us who have been through the torment and degradation of learning the truth, well, there’s no coming back from it. I don’t use the term ‘soul-destroying’ lightly…

[CrushedOrgans]

i used to have a huge problem with porn. i don't now, but with that being said, i can still understand some women getting so angry about being told how to feel.

 

if men are different from women, which they are, then women are just as different from men...so why is it expected that a woman defer to a man's differences and not the other around?

 

women get told "you might as well put up with it, because this is what men do, and good luck finding a man who doesn't watch porn."

 

so why is it not just as fair to say "men might as well give it up, because women don't like it and that's just how it is, good luck finding a women who will accept it, so either lose the porn or move on"...?

 

and the whole "men are visually stimulated" thing, sure that's true. but that doesn't mean they have to visually stimulate themselves all the time, does it? being visually stimulated by a pretty woman walking down the street is natural visual stimulation, you can't help that. but to make yourself visually stimulated...that's a choice, so it's being sought out. there's a huge difference there. so to me that argument doesn't jive so much, and it never has.

[IpAncA]

women get told "you might as well put up with it, because this is what men do, and good luck finding a man who doesn't watch porn."

 

so why is it not just as fair to say "men might as well give it up, because women don't like it and that's just how it is, good luck finding a women who will accept it, so either lose the porn or move on"...?

 

Yeah that's a good point but if your with a guy who has been looking at it for ages and is dependent on it then their not going to just stop. You would think they would be willing to find some sort of common ground but for some men only in a dream would that happen.

[CrushedOrgans]

Yeah that's a good point but if your with a guy who has been looking at it for ages and is dependent on it then their not going to just stop. You would think they would be willing to find some sort of common ground but for some men only in a dream would that happen.

 

okay. but i see porn as more of a habit...being female my whole life is not a hobby i can stop.

[IpAncA]

But some superstar with whom he'll never cross paths? What's the big deal?

 

Well I think that for some women, they feel that they should be the only person their guy should and want to be thinking about.

 

I do see what your saying and trust me if my H was looking at pics of one of this co workers, that would be a one way ticket to the couch or maybe even more. There is some things that doesn't bug me but when it's someone who he can actually talk to, then it's crossing the line.

 

@Carbine

 

Would you have a problem with him looking at these women in porn if you thought you were better looking then they are?

 

I'm just wondering here but do you think that if someone else better looking came along, he would dump you and go with them? You just seem to have issues with good looking women and it just so happends that your SO is looking at them.

[amerikajin]

Ha! I couldn’t have said it better myself! The sight of a sexy female will momentarily paralyse even the blokiest, roughest bunch of drunken yobbo males.

 

You gotta love Aussie speak.

[Jersey Shortie]

the whole "men are visually stimulated" thing, sure that's true. but that doesn't mean they have to visually stimulate themselves all the time, does it? being visually stimulated by a pretty woman walking down the street is natural visual stimulation, you can't help that. but to make yourself visually stimulated...that's a choice, so it's being sought out. there's a huge difference there. so to me that argument doesn't jive so much, and it never has.

 

 

I think that was very well said.

 

 

Lets be honest. Men don't really like or respect women very much. If they gave a flying fig about women, they wouldn't like porn.

[Guest]

for the same reason women keep buying new shoes even though they already have 75 pairs...they like it.

 

..... I own 2 pairs of shoes and really have no desire to waste my money on something as pointless as a pair of shoes so not all women "like shopping"

 

 

My boyfriend also like to look at porn which has caused me to lose intrest in having sex with him. I can't live up to these fake air brushed women so I really don't feel like being naked around him anymore. (Also I love sex and would love nothing more then to be enough for him where he doesn't need to use these women to get turn on enough to "settle" for me. I would like to have sex every day but will not let myself be second best so we don't anymore hardly at all . )

 

 

Whats the prob your never gonna meet any of these porn models and niether is he, and your not gonna be there 24/7 so whats wrong if your at work or out and hes feelin horny to have a masturbation session with some mags or dvds? My wife loves reading/looking at my porn mags both with me or on her own and we watch porn dvds together, makes for one hell of a sex life, thats not to say we do porn day in day out its just one of many many ways of bringing a bit of spice to your sex life.

 

We have sex toys, she has several dildos, does that mean i should feel insecure and not good enough? No absoloutley not, again its one of many ways of spicing up sex life and good for her when she wants to masturbate when i`m not at home, i mean if your happy with your bloke just to give you a quick wham bam thankyou mam day in day out then fine but how boring is that???

 

Open your mind a bit you never know you might discover a whole new sexual experience thats actually exciting not just porn but other ways too and you might actually get the odd orgasm anyway thats all i got to say so quit whining about porn and get shagging inject a bit of excitement...........

[Lynn966]

i agree, my bf was looking at porn half the day today when i was at work and then when i came home he wanted me to SERVICE him...i told him to go beat off and not to use me for a place to "deposit" of course he says i am dramatic etc and i say? go beat off

[Jersey Shortie]

Whats the prob your never gonna meet any of these porn models and niether is he....

 

 

Because no woman wants to be a guys choice by default while he wishes he could be with porn stars. We ALL know he isn't going to meet a porn star. But when you put it like that it sounds like if he did meeta porn star, you would be chop suey. That is what men are saying whenever they use this argument.

 

 

 

... makes for one hell of a sex life, thats not to say we do porn day in day out its just one of many many ways of bringing a bit of spice to your sex life.

 

I am sorry but I don't want to have "one hell of a sex life" because he gets excited over watching girls in porn and then has sex with me. That isn't any kind of sex life. That is him excited over other women and then using me to get off to them. That isn't "spice" or about bringing two people in the relationhips closer. It's about his hardon for implated 20 year olds.

 

 

 

"Open your mind a bit you never know you might discover a whole new sexual experience thats actually exciting not just porn but other ways too and you might actually get the odd orgasm anyway thats all i got to say so quit whining about porn and get shagging inject a bit of excitement..........."

 

Why do you need porn to make things exciting? Can you not do it yourself? You need the image of other women having sex to feel excited?

 

Maybe you are the one that needs to open your mind a bit and not rely on porn to fill avoid that is obviously missing in a relationship between you and your partner if you can't have awesome sex without having aids of other women to help you.

 

Who wants to shag with a guy that needs porn to get excited or who tells you that the only reason you don't have to feel threated is because they won't acutally ever meet said porn stars.

[LaughMachine]

well I know there was alot of feedback on this thread and I'm a little late but whats wrong with looking at porn....? Everyone thinks once they have a man/woman that it is soooo wrong...

 

I used to always look at porn even when having a boyfriend. And I am the most loyal faithful honest person there is in a relationship..

[LaughMachine]

Because no woman wants to be a guys choice by default while he wishes he could be with porn stars. We ALL know he isn't going to meet a porn star. But when you put it like that it sounds like if he did meeta porn star, you would be chop suey. That is what men are saying whenever they use this argument.

 

 

 

 

 

I am sorry but I don't want to have "one hell of a sex life" because he gets excited over watching girls in porn and then has sex with me. That isn't any kind of sex life. That is him excited over other women and then using me to get off to them. That isn't "spice" or about bringing two people in the relationhips closer. It's about his hardon for implated 20 year olds.

 

 

 

 

 

Why do you need porn to make things exciting? Can you not do it yourself? You need the image of other women having sex to feel excited?

 

Maybe you are the one that needs to open your mind a bit and not rely on porn to fill avoid that is obviously missing in a relationship between you and your partner if you can't have awesome sex without having aids of other women to help you.

 

Who wants to shag with a guy that needs porn to get excited or who tells you that the only reason you don't have to feel threated is because they won't acutally ever meet said porn stars.

 

Okay you are looking way too in too this. You meen that because someone looks at porn that there is something lacking from a relationship? This really bothers you doesn't it?? Well if you find it so much of a problem It is only going to hurt you because even if you tell this person to stop It's still going to be in their mind. Does it make you feel of unworth? Well I guess I could be bothered by this maybe you should join them haha jk

[Moose]

Because no woman wants to be a guys choice by default while he wishes he could be with porn stars.

You're assuming too much!! I know for a fact I wouldn't want to be with a porn star. To much of a slut for my taste. There may be men out there who'd want a woman who'd go down on anyone, anytime.....but the majority of us men would say NO WAY!!

But when you put it like that it sounds like if he did meeta porn star, you would be chop suey. That is what men are saying whenever they use this argument.

This isn't an arguement. It's a friggin' fact!! We tell you these things because it's true! You wouldn't be, "Chop Suey"......he would be.....

 

Look....an everyday Joe wouldn't know what to do with a porn star if, IF they ever did get a hold of one. The reality is that hookers are more easily to come by. If I were you, I'd be more worried about that than porn.....

I am sorry but I don't want to have "one hell of a sex life" because he gets excited over watching girls in porn and then has sex with me. That isn't any kind of sex life. That is him excited over other women and then using me to get off to them. That isn't "spice" or about bringing two people in the relationhips closer. It's about his hardon for implated 20 year olds.

From what I can gather in this paragraph, are you stating that your SO likes to look at porn to get it up, then release his, "hound", on you? Or are you being hypothetical again? Or are you generalizing again?

 

All this is about is CHEMISTRY, men AND WOMEN, have a CHEMICAL reaction to stimuli like this......you're going to just have to get over it!!

Why do you need porn to make things exciting? Can you not do it yourself? You need the image of other women having sex to feel excited?

Noone said that. I believe that person just meant that porn COULD be another avenue to more enjoyable sex.....not the STANDARD of it!!

 

The rest of your post is more cutting down men because of something that's pissed you off.......

[Jersey Shortie]

I know for a fact I wouldn't want to be with a porn star. To much of a slut for my taste. There may be men out there who'd want a woman who'd go down on anyone, anytime.....but the majority of us men would say NO WAY!!

 

Yet, if their was a girl that looked like a porn star and didn't have sex with everything that moved, I think most men would pick that over their SOs. That is my point! Men put women that are porn stars on a pedestal of looks and then tell their SO to deal with the fact that he doesn't find her as attractive because she is the one that cooks him dinner.

 

 

JerseyShortie:

 

But when you put it like that it sounds like if he did meeta porn star, you would be chop suey. That is what men are saying whenever they use this argument.

 

Moose:

This isn't an arguement. It's a friggin' fact!! We tell you these things because it's true! You wouldn't be, "Chop Suey"......he would be.....

 

 

 

I am confused what you are saying here??? It is a fact that if he did meet a porn star he would have sex with the porn star? So in all honestly, that means that you are just with your woman by default because you can't have someone who looks like a porn star?

 

 

 

Look....an everyday Joe wouldn't know what to do with a porn star if, IF they ever did get a hold of one. The reality is that hookers are more easily to come by. If I were you, I'd be more worried about that than porn

 

Are you really this obtuse? This is as bad as the "he won't ever meet a porn star in real life" argument. Who cares if he would or wouldn't know what to do with a porn star. What does that have to do wit hthe fact that you are basically saying that the only reason men are with *real* women is because they couldn't possibly ever hope to meet a porn star or be with one.

 

From what I can gather in this paragraph, are you stating that your SO likes to look at porn to get it up, then release his, "hound", on you?

 

Yes this is what men do. They get excited over other women, women they tell you they wouldn't be with only because they would never get the oppurtunity, and then they expect you to fee like being the recepticle they use to release themselves. Using their woman as nothing more then a trash can.

 

 

 

All this is about is CHEMISTRY, men AND WOMEN, have a CHEMICAL reaction to stimuli like this......you're going to just have to get over it!!

 

Why don't men just not get in relationships. They obviously can't be loyal or love women and respect them.

 

 

The rest of your post is more cutting down men because of something that's pissed you off.......

 

Actually, it's just truth that you don't want to address.

[Moose]

Yet, if their was a girl that looked like a porn star and didn't have sex with everything that moved, I think most men would pick that over their SOs.

You just described my wife. So there!!! I don't know what you've been through, but your attitude towards men in general is false.

Men put women that are porn stars on a pedestal of looks and then tell their SO to deal with the fact that he doesn't find her as attractive because she is the one that cooks him dinner.

What men? I don't! Generalize, generalize, generalize.......GEEEEEZZZ!!!

I am confused what you are saying here??? It is a fact that if he did meet a porn star he would have sex with the porn star? I don't know about him, but I sure as heck wouldn't!! So in all honestly, that means that you are just with your woman by default because you can't have someone who looks like a porn star?

Like I said, Mrs. Moose already has the size/shape and looks of a porn star. So, I can't help you there......could it be that you're upset with men IN GENERAL because you aren't the size/shape or have the looks you need to, "look", like a porn star?

 

If so, perhaps you're griping out the wrong group of people here??!!

What does that have to do wit hthe fact that you are basically saying that the only reason men are with *real* women is because they couldn't possibly ever hope to meet a porn star or be with one.

Let me let you in on a little secret....before I met Mrs. Moose, (and was a back slider spiritually), I've left strip clubs with dancers, (even though that's majorly TABOO in that industry), and have had several nights of wild monkey sex.

 

You're talking to someone who's experienced being with fake breasts, nips and tucks and the likes. They're isn't anything different about them except for their promiscuity.

 

So it's not the fact that men can't EVER be with a porn star.....it's the fact that they will always and forever be around, so you, (women), need to face the facts and learn to deal with it differently or you'll just go insane.

Yes this is what men do. They get excited over other women, women they tell you they wouldn't be with only because they would never get the oppurtunity, and then they expect you to fee like being the recepticle they use to release themselves. Using their woman as nothing more then a trash can.

Generalizing AGAIN!!! This is what men IN YOUR LIFE did.....not all of us men!!

Why don't men just not get in relationships. They obviously can't be loyal or love women and respect them.

Because, all WOMEN want to do is complain that their MEN are looking at porn. Hell, we can't even watch a TV commercial without being accused of gettin' a rise out of it!!! (This is a test by the way)......

Actually, it's just truth that you don't want to address.

Actually, it's the definition of insanity that keeps me from answering it......all you'll do is twist it into a sweeping generalization and won't listen to truth if it stared you in the face......

[pureinheart]

me fiance looks at porn when im not in, why is this?, i find out because he doesnt think to delete the downloads off media player, i mean, we have sex every day so why does he do need to look at all this, am i right to feel hurt by this and not good enough or do men look at this in a diffrent way to us. i dont no how to feel but its making me feel sick and insecure.

 

Your fiancee could very well have a sexual addiction....and the funny thing is, it's not about sex at all, it's about control. My now ex-H cheated, went to strip clubs, magazines and God knows what else....at first I was obsessed, thinking, what is wrong with me (meaning is there something physically not attractive about me)....then after months of agonizing, I woke up with the words "sexual addiction"....as God as my witness had never heard this term before.

 

Got on the internet, did some research, and bingo, he fit the profile to a tee. He was in the more advanced stages, and there are patterns they follow such as "cycling".

 

There are different levels and stages to sexual addictions....when they hit the last stage it is similar to a heroin addict. Sex is a drug to them. My ex used sex to combat stress, stress was the trigger for the addiction.

 

There was in effect a crackdown on child porn, and I know for a fact it is being tracked....there is a "red flag" that goes up so to speak when one veiws porn, and from that point the veiwer is tracked.

[pureinheart]

Personally, I hate pornography of any sort because I know what it does to people, it destroys....in my research I was literally sickened to find that the so called "soft" porn finances child porn and the sick world behind that.

 

Porn is big money....and is the drug of choice for more people than what is thought.

[Jersey Shortie]

You just described my wife. So there!!!

 

I don't understand what your wife has to do with this?

 

 

"What men? I don't! Generalize, generalize, generalize.......GEEEEEZZZ!!!"

 

Most men. Yes I am generalizing but most men are like this.

 

 

"Like I said, Mrs. Moose already has the size/shape and looks of a porn star. So, I can't help you there......could it be that you're upset with men IN GENERAL because you aren't the size/shape or have the looks you need to, "look", like a porn star? "

 

Thank you. Instead of taking my arguments seriously you feel the need to put me down. I already know I don't look like a porn star. I know I don't measure up. So thank you for that. I know I am not as pretty as them! So thank you..feel better? I know men like them much more then they like normal women. Okay! Happy?

 

My "gripe" isn't because I don't look like a porn star. My gripe is that men just are not loyal and aren't happy with what they have but expect their woman at home to feel good about that and their place in their life.

 

 

 

"So it's not the fact that men can't EVER be with a porn star.....it's the fact that they will always and forever be around, so you, (women), need to face the facts and learn to deal with it differently or you'll just go insane. "

 

I don't expect them to go away. I expect men IN RELATIONSHIPS, to show some respect, caring and loyalty. I guess I am asking too much from men. Maybe I need to lower the bar. Men apparently can't be trusted or loyal.

 

 

"

This is what men IN YOUR LIFE did.....not all of us men!!"

 

Most of you.

 

 

"Because, all WOMEN want to do is complain that their MEN are looking at porn."

 

You would think with all women complaining men would take the time to listen. I guess women are important enough to them.

 

 

Hell, we can't even watch a TV commercial without being accused of gettin' a rise out of it!!! (This is a test by the way)......

 

Huh A test of what? You don't make any sense.

 

 

 

".....all you'll do is twist it into a sweeping generalization and won't listen to truth if it stared you in the face......"

 

And you think *you* know what the "truth" is? I only think men sprout the truth that best works for them and do not care about their partner.

[norajane]

Personally, I hate pornography of any sort because I know what it does to people, it destroys....in my research I was literally sickened to find that the so called "soft" porn finances child porn and the sick world behind that.

 

Porn is big money....and is the drug of choice for more people than what is thought.

 

We all finance porn. We send a check every month to an internet provider. Our 401k funds all have shares in tech companies that provide networking and infrastructure and equipment as well as cable and DSL companies in them and we profit from their success. Their success is partially due to porn - it's the biggest industry on the internet.

[Moose]

I don't understand what your wife has to do with this?

You said that most men would choose a porn star over their SO. I certainly don't fit.

Most men. Yes I am generalizing but most men are like this.

Then say, "most men", or, "the men I've had in my life", or something rather than plain, "men" where as not to generalize.

Thank you. Instead of taking my arguments seriously you feel the need to put me down. I already know I don't look like a porn star. I know I don't measure up. So thank you for that. I know I am not as pretty as them! So thank you..feel better? I know men like them much more then they like normal women. Okay! Happy?

I didn't say that to insult you, I AM taking you arguement seriously, what I said is definitely something to consider in this situation.

 

My thought is that your whole view on the porn industry could be based on your own self-confidence level, and all I'm trying to say is that you're worth more than that!!

 

You're being too hard on yourself, and on men in general.

My gripe is that men just are not loyal and aren't happy with what they have but expect their woman at home to feel good about that and their place in their life.

Here you go.....PERFECT example of generalization. Couldn't you of just said, "My gripe is that most men", "My gripe is that the men I've dealt with", why must you make these comments and put all of us into this one group?

 

I'm truly sorry for what's happened to you in your life. BUT jeeeez louise!!! There are REAL men out here who are EXACTLY what you're looking for!!

I don't expect them to go away. I expect men IN RELATIONSHIPS, to show some respect, caring and loyalty.

I agree 110%!!!

I guess I am asking too much from men.

No......you're not....you've just had poor judgement in your men selection(s).

Maybe I need to lower the bar.

That won't work......try raising it!

Men apparently can't be trusted or loyal.

You mean, "Most Men", or, "the men I've dealt with"......right??

Most of you.

Most of THEM!

You would think with all women complaining men would take the time to listen. I guess women are important enough to them. AND Huh A test of what? You don't make any sense.

These replies reinforce my thoughts that you're seeing this one-sided. It doesn't matter what I or any other man tries to explain to you, it'll never be good enough.

 

Until you get into the mindset that not all men, and not all women are like you and the men you've dealt with, you'll have a battle on your hands, and you're your own worst enemy.

And you think *you* know what the "truth" is?

HA! Like I said, a WHOLE nother' thread. I will tell you that I work with people like you almost on a daily basis, so yes.......I have a little more insite than the average bear.

I only think men sprout the truth that best works for them and do not care about their partner.

:rolleyes: If only you knew.....Mrs. Moose just about died reading this......

[Guest]

Porn, What a tricky subject. I guess there are different reason why men look at Internet porn. I think it bothers me more when my husband looks at porn on the Internet more than it does when he looks at his Playboys. But does anyone think by looking at so much porn on the Interent in some cases it can escalade into unfaithfulness? When they look at porn and see these women & men, it kind of makes what you have at home seem like chopped liver. And the Internet makes cheating a little more eaiser, with the swinger sites and sex buddy sites. Are some peoples sexual appitiete fueled by porn? Leading them to be unfaithful? Its all so complicated...

 

Just a thought.

[Moose]

But does anyone think by looking at so much porn on the Interent in some cases it can escalade into unfaithfulness?

It already is, "unfaithfulness", in my book......

[rtHawk]

Hello to all;

I only have but a moment, I have been reading this post for a day on and off; I came here looking for answers, looking for ways to learn how to cope--one with some of by known insecurities, but for ways to deal with how the porn fuels them.

I will offer details another post when I have more time, but I did want to say thank you to the men who have posted and who do seem to hear and care about the frustration, hurt and absolute confusion, angst and even devastating ways porn can hurt a woman's sense of self--right where she is a woman in the eyes of sensuality, sexuality and relationships.

 

I can see the industry is taking over and I do feel there needs to be a greater awareness of how damaging it can be--men and women all need to look a this with open eyes and awareness that it is a much larger beast than our own individual struggles with it.

 

That said, I really so wish I didn't struggle with it but I do....

I just wrote a 4 page letter to my man about my feelings, my views, my confusion with it, how it leaves feeling inadequate, unattractive and in doubt... I hope I did the correct thing, I just don't know how else to approach it. I have found myself feeling actually sad and stuck in the throes of our passions wondering if he is with me or with some porn chick in his mind.... I feel him love me, and adore me and tell me this and at the same time, the porn seems to leave me in doubt ....

 

I think it is not an unnatural feeling and desire to be "the one" in the eyes and heart of your love..and so porn leaves me feeling not woman enough.

 

This has become even more so for me as we have made our own movies and he would watch those too...... maybe more than the other, but since he moved he hasn't watched those and that used to at least give me some sense of "real" balance between the two.

I would welcome any thoughts, and words on how to cope with all these feelings......

[Moose]

I just wrote a 4 page letter to my man about my feelings, my views, my confusion with it, how it leaves feeling inadequate, unattractive and in doubt... I hope I did the correct thing, I just don't know how else to approach it.

In my mind, you did fine. You did more than fine:

This has become even more so for me as we have made our own movies and he would watch those too......

I've wondered if Mrs. Moose would ever do this, but then I got to thinking what if someone besides myself ever got their hands on it? (among other thoughts), but at least you went to provide him with what should be an acceptable alternative. HOWEVER.....this isn't so in your case, DISCLAIMER: The rest of my post are only my opinions.....take em' or leave em'):

maybe more than the other, but since he moved he hasn't watched those and that used to at least give me some sense of "real" balance between the two.

This throws a red flag in my mind. He's still indulging himself with other materials not provided by you yourself, and to me, that signals a problem.....

 

Whether it's an addiction, or his own insecurities, it needs to be dealt with.

 

The whole, "taken man looking at porn", is simple when you look at it from my view. Some men......(and I emphasize the word some) get high on the feeling that the women he's jerkin' off to is actually attracted to him, and would actually, "want" him, and want to be submissive to him in this way....

 

If your man is this man then evaluate your relationship as a whole. Are you sure you're providing him what he needs in these areas? (I know that you did rtHawk, this is for everyone else interested)

 

If not, you could actually be an enabler.

 

If so, then he has a real addiction, and needs to treated as such. Even as far as a 12 step program........

 

Here's the clincher though folks......IF help is refused, nothing changes, you've done all that you could, and you're at your witt's end.....MOVE ON!!

 

I know you love them, and you feel you should just suck it up because society says it's no big deal......but no, you don't.......it's infidelity in my mind....or the next best thing, at the very least, one that eventually leads right up to it.......