Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I am really tired of everyone saying I'm shallow. Just because I want my spouse to look good, as well as myself, doesn't mean I am shallow, or that anyone else is better than me because they find obesity attractive. I have the right to like whatever I want and dislike whatever I want. Just because I don't like fat, lazy people doesn't mean I'm shallow - it means I just prefer healthy, motivated people. I am feeling for you to a degree. It's just that wanting absolutely no sex over 50 pounds due to the degree of disgust when it is your husband, that makes it hard to exclude shallowness completely. You have to understand where I'm coming from too. I do meet with where you are coming from halfway.
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I am feeling for you to a degree. It's just that wanting absolutely no sex over 50 pounds due to the degree of disgust when it is your husband, that makes it hard to exclude shallowness completely. You have to understand where I'm coming from too. I do meet with where you are coming from halfway. So is there some magical number of pounds of fat where I can be justified in being grossed out? If you saw him naked, you'd feel the same way.
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 So is there some magical number of pounds of fat where I can be justified in being grossed out? If you saw him naked, you'd feel the same way. Can you post a picture? I think he should start with at least ten pounds as a goodwill gesture. If you get him to take smaller steps, the goal will seem more reachable, attainable and doable. He might feel overwhelmed at the thought of the work involved with losing all 50 pounds. You can make it a target to reach by the end of the year so it is not so overwhelming.
zarathustra Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 depressed or not ....... another person cannot solve it for him. I am inclined to agree with TinkyWinky. Sounds like he has his cake and is quite literally eating it too. 50 lbs is quite a bit of weight.... she has the right to not be sexually attracted to him or for that matter repulsed by it. I agree with the monkey man! I wouldn't want to have sex with my H if he gained 50lbs. Heck, I wouldn't even want to see him naked! There are certain things that are important to each person. WorriedSick, you are not obligated to have sex with anyone. If you don't want to put out, then you don't. Its not using it to get what you want, but its about not doing what you don't want to do. I also sense that you still have a lot of anger left in you regarding the cheating situation. Probably because he's not doing much to make you feel valued. I for one think how you feel is normal and you shouldn't be judged harshly for your feelings.
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 LOL, the fact that he sounds like such a creep makes me wonder why you even bother with him at all.
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Worried I think you need to be blunt with him on all the issues. You cannot be responsible for his weight loss, you cannot be responsible if he is depressed. You can offer support. You need to lay out some boundaries and goals for your marriage. It certainly sounds like you have lost respect for him, and with good reason I would think. I is now up to him to decide if he wants to participate in your marriage as a postive player or continue to just be a sot....... helping out around the house, treating you with consideration, and making your sex life better by being more attractive and attentive to you. His choice........ not your responsibility.
933KJL Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 It is not that you are totally shallow for wanting you and your hubby to look good. It is shallow that you repeatedly refer to him as a lazy ass or fat slob or whatever other monikers you assigned. Serioulsy, how tall is he? What did he weigh before? Now? There are a lot of issues that need to be resolved, but by humiliating him and cutting him to the core is doing much more harm than good.
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I feel that in a relationship, both partners need to try and keep themselves as attractive as possible. I hate that people get comfortable and turn into fat-asses. I am in the same boat - I have gotten in even better shape since I got married, but my hubby got fat and lazy. He has a gigantic gut and big bitch-titties, so that when we do have sex, the only places on his body I touch him are his face, his shoulders, and his "nether regions". I can't stand to touch the fat as it grosses me out, and if he wants sex from me, Not to be rude but some of this is so comical. You're obviously still angry at him for cheating and EVERYTHING ON TOP OF THAT and I can see why since you take care of the house child and career and what does he do?
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 It is not that you are totally shallow for wanting you and your hubby to look good. It is shallow that you repeatedly refer to him as a lazy ass or fat slob or whatever other monikers you assigned. Serioulsy, how tall is he? What did he weigh before? Now? There are a lot of issues that need to be resolved, but by humiliating him and cutting him to the core is doing much more harm than good. I have never called him a fat slob or lazy ass to his face. I look at this thread as a way to say how I truly feel instead of having to walk on egg shells like usual with him. I would never look at him and say "Your fat man-tits and fat belly make me want to f***ing puke", but somehow typing those words make me feel better. I know that is very abrasive but in my gut, that is how I feel, even though I do love him. Because I love him, I have never said anything so cruel to him or to anyone we know. This is the only place I have ever said it. My bad, I guess, for being honest in a group of anonomyous strangers. He is about 6'1 or 6'2 and weighs over 250 lbs. I'm not sure what he weighed before, but it has gotten so bad that some new friends of ours were looking at pics of us before all the fat started and they didn't even recognize that it was him. So in my eyes, that is a significant weight gain.
Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Obesity is a problem in America that has always bothered me - people try to blame their weight problems on other issues, such as fast food, stress, etc. Nine times out of 10, though, it is usually just people being lazy. I understand for some people, staying in shape is a constant battle. I know I'll catch heck for this also, but being a size 20/22 let me tell you, it's not all about being lazy. I know all those small people think so, but it ain't. Over the last 4 years I gained 50 pounds and I've lost about 15 so far. Looking back, laziness was only part of it. Depression, stress, and learned behaviors are also part of it. How many times when you were a kid did you hear, "Clean your plate. There are kids starving over in Africa"? Well restaurants give HUGE plates. I had to learn that it was OK not to eat it all. I got a job where I sat 8 1/2 hours a day, and was discouraged from moving around. I was very very frustrated at having no opportunity to move around. When I did try to take a break and walk around, I would get paged. That job is gone, and I'm back at school. Walking around with 20 pounds of books on my back is helping my legs. Another way I've changed my life is by actually moving to a home that needs constant upkeep outside and inside. Some people are just not into going to gyms. But I can go outside and rip up flower beds and weed all day. After a few months, I'm more flexible, have more energy and am losing weight. Perhaps that's a way to go with your hubby. Get rid of some of those 'labor saving' devices like riding lawn mowers and automatic car washes. Replace them with push mowers and wash the car by hand. The first step is GET HIM MOVING, any movement. You cannot expect him to go from 0 to 60 miles an hour right away. His body will hurt, and that will keep him from wanting to do more. I know that in the last two months I've been in a lot of pain from underused muscles. The pain has gotten less and less with constant work. Lastly, if it took five years to gain all that weight, don't expect it all to come off in a month. That kind of attitude really ticks me off. What I'm doing is changing my entire lifestyle here, not just take weight off. That way, my weight loss will be permanent. As to whether or not you're having sex with your husband, well I don't have an answer to that one. Both my husband and I gained weight, we both acknowledged that something needed to be done and now we're doing it. We've had sex all along. I know that may not be a pretty sight for others, but we're not doing it for them.
Buttaflyy Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I have never called him a fat slob or lazy ass to his face. I look at this thread as a way to say how I truly feel instead of having to walk on egg shells like usual with him. I would never look at him and say "Your fat man-tits and fat belly make me want to f***ing puke", but somehow typing those words make me feel better. I know that is very abrasive but in my gut, that is how I feel, even though I do love him. Because I love him, I have never said anything so cruel to him or to anyone we know. This is the only place I have ever said it. My bad, I guess, for being honest in a group of anonomyous strangers. He is about 6'1 or 6'2 and weighs over 250 lbs. I'm not sure what he weighed before, but it has gotten so bad that some new friends of ours were looking at pics of us before all the fat started and they didn't even recognize that it was him. So in my eyes, that is a significant weight gain. What exactly do you say to him about it? Do you just withhold sex? No matter what, seems that your current method is not working. You also appear to be very resentful. Is his weight the only issue? You mentioned him being lazy and a slob (even if just to us:rolleyes: ) I think maybe those are the real reasons you look at him the way you do. Maybe work out a plan with him. Work out together. He won't do it on his own. Have you tried these things? Even if your fit, you could benefit from the excersise and you two can spend time together.
933KJL Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 To be honest 6'2" @ 250# is NOT that heavy. So let's assume he was 200 to start..means his frame is pretty large. Yes, it is a difference from the beginning, but from what I gather from your posts, I feel you are comparing Austin Powers to Fat Bastard (if you saw the movie) when in reality, you are comparing Matthew Perry during his ups and downs.
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Worried, I'm glad someone else has come on here to tell you that what you're feeling is ok. And now that you're actively involved in the conversation it's obvious that you're not shallow at all. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, and expressing them, and this is, in truth, more about his attitude than about the weight. Marriage is supposed to be a team effort, and this idea that one person doesn't have to even try is absurd.
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 To be honest 6'2" @ 250# is NOT that heavy. So let's assume he was 200 to start..means his frame is pretty large. Yes, it is a difference from the beginning, but from what I gather from your posts, I feel you are comparing Austin Powers to Fat Bastard (if you saw the movie) when in reality, you are comparing Matthew Perry during his ups and downs. LOL, yes I do know Fat Bastard. Fortunately, my husband doesn't run around screaming "Get in my belly" and is definitely not that grotesque. I am not sure how much he is supposed to weigh, or what his accurate weight is right now. I do, however, know what he looks like. He has at least a small B-cup size man-tits, his gut is very Santa Claus like, and he has stretch marks from all the weight. I didn't even get stretch marks when I was pregnant. If I wanted to feel tits when I have sex, I'd be a lesbian.
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 LOL, yes I do know Fat Bastard. Fortunately, my husband doesn't run around screaming "Get in my belly" and is definitely not that grotesque. I am not sure how much he is supposed to weigh, or what his accurate weight is right now. I do, however, know what he looks like. He has at least a small B-cup size man-tits, his gut is very Santa Claus like, and he has stretch marks from all the weight. I didn't even get stretch marks when I was pregnant. If I wanted to feel tits when I have sex, I'd be a lesbian. I don't want to hijack, but we need a new thread on how you kept from getting stretch marks. Valuable info. Man-tits are gross. Seriously. But laziness and inconsideration are even grosser.
hotgurl Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 although mathew paeery at his heaviest didn't look to good. my co-worker is 6 ft and 215 and he needs to lose 30 lbs.
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I don't want to hijack, but we need a new thread on how you kept from getting stretch marks. Valuable info. I bought about a gallon of that Palmer's lotion made especially for pregnant women and slathered it on like my life depended on it multiple times a day!!
portableversion Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I have never called him a fat slob or lazy ass to his face. I look at this thread as a way to say how I truly feel instead of having to walk on egg shells like usual with him. I would never look at him and say "Your fat man-tits and fat belly make me want to f***ing puke", but somehow typing those words make me feel better. I know that is very abrasive but in my gut, that is how I feel, even though I do love him. Because I love him, I have never said anything so cruel to him or to anyone we know. This is the only place I have ever said it. My bad, I guess, for being honest in a group of anonomyous strangers. He is about 6'1 or 6'2 and weighs over 250 lbs. I'm not sure what he weighed before, but it has gotten so bad that some new friends of ours were looking at pics of us before all the fat started and they didn't even recognize that it was him. So in my eyes, that is a significant weight gain. FYI, 6'1 at 250 is OBESE according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control. He'd needs to lose the pounds. Maybe you SHOULD say "Your fat man-tits and fat belly make me want to f***ing puke", It would probably get the point across to him, as you have tip toeing around the issue. Men supposedly need the 'direct' approach to everything...so try it. Besides, he was a prick to you about the pregnancy weight, and he cheated on you too. f*** him! Karma is a bitch, you should be too!
hotgurl Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 To be honest 6'2" @ 250# is NOT that heavy. So let's assume he was 200 to start..means his frame is pretty large. Yes, it is a difference from the beginning, but from what I gather from your posts, I feel you are comparing Austin Powers to Fat Bastard (if you saw the movie) when in reality, you are comparing Matthew Perry during his ups and downs. the healthy weight range for 6'2" is 155-195 so he is about 60 lbs overweight if he has a large frame if he has a med frame even more. 60lbs is a lot of extra weight.
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I bought about a gallon of that Palmer's lotion made especially for pregnant women and slathered it on like my life depended on it multiple times a day!! Thanks. This is something I'm worried about. A plastic surgeon can fix a lot of it, but stretch marks... I guess laser skin resurfacing, but if I can just prevent them I'd rather do that...
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 You and your husband would make for an ideal segment on Dr. Phil. I'd be intersted to hear his advice. Why don't you contact him?
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 You and your husband would make for an ideal segment on Dr. Phil. I'd be intersted to hear his advice. Why don't you contact him? Because Dr. Phil is a f***ing quack. Sorry to anyone who likes him, but I think he's full of s***. Plus, anyone who would air their dirty laundry on television is trashy.
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Because Dr. Phil is a f***ing quack. Sorry to anyone who likes him, but I think he's full of s***. Plus, anyone who would air their dirty laundry on television is trashy. What's the difference between airing your laundry online or on television? If you're concerned about your identity, you can conceal it with a disguise.
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 What's the difference between airing your laundry online or on television? If you're concerned about your identity, you can conceal it with a disguise. Seriously, do you sit around and watch talk shows all day long? You must if you think that they are the cure for marital problems. Half the time people make s*** up to get on there anyway. Besides, I don't need counseling from Oprah's lapdog anyway. If I wanted to go on any talk short, it's be Jerry Springer. At least that one's funny!!! LOL
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