Ladyjane14 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Honestly, I think that he's gained this weight because she took him back after he cheated. He doesn't seem to respect her. AND, he is probably looking for a way out of the relationship. He can lose that weight pretty quick once he's ready to be back on the dating scene. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Maybe the guy just likes TWINKIES. Why does his weight gain have to be a directed attack against his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Honestly, I think that he's gained this weight because she took him back after he cheated. He doesn't seem to respect her. AND, he is probably looking for a way out of the relationship. He can lose that weight pretty quick once he's ready to be back on the dating scene. I never knew about the cheating part. I think a lot of her animosity is probably having to deal with that. The thought that she took this guy back after he hurt her so much and how she should have really high expectations after such a betrayal and she's pissed he's not meeting them. Looks like I refrain from further comments on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Honestly, I think that he's gained this weight because she took him back after he cheated. He doesn't seem to respect her. AND, he is probably looking for a way out of the relationship. He can lose that weight pretty quick once he's ready to be back on the dating scene. Wow, that's quite an assumption right there! Are you inside his head???? THE GUY IS DEPRESSED. Plain and simple. He needs to be motivated and he needs HER help so he can get help. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I think the original poster is still angry at her husband for cheating on her and is using his weight to vent her frustration and withold sex. She claims it is something very simple for him to lose the weight. I wouldn't think 50 pounds around the gut is so simple to lose. The husband I think is holding onto the weight knowing it bothers the wife. He is testing to see how much she loves him and would put up with him. She "forgave" him for cheating, why can't she "forgive" him for gaining some weight? They both need some serious counciling. If he loves her without underlying anger and resentment, knowing how much the weight bothers her, he would lose it. If she loved him without underlying anger and resentment, she would overlook the weight and not punish him by witholding sex (retaliation punishment for cheating on her in the past). Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If you add it up ( I may have missed some of the OPs posts this thread is getting lOOOONG) 1. He cheated 2. He does not care enough about the R to attempt to be attractive to his wife yet whines about no sex. 3. He is a worthless sot around the house. 4. She has paid her dues in this M by trying to be attractive for him, taking him back after cheating, taking care of the kids and home, contributing to the financial matters of the R. The thing that comes to my mind is selfish and inconsiderate of his W's feeling in just about all areas of their relationship. No wonder she is pissed right now. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I thing we're only talking about 50 extra pounds. Granted, that's enough to change his appearance to some degree.... but I hardly think it qualifies him as "hideous". I very much doubt that the underlying issues are about physical appearance at this point.Fifty pounds is a lot of weight to gain in four years.The OP is being jumped all over about this,why ,it's about her personal preferance . Aging (getting wrinkles and sagging naturally in places) is not the same as getting fat . My s/o is six-foot-five and if he put on 50 lbs. he would have rolls , I doubt the OP's H is six-foot-five or over so , yeah it may be gross to her. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Wow, that's quite an assumption right there! Are you inside his head???? THE GUY IS DEPRESSED. Plain and simple. He needs to be motivated and he needs HER help so he can get help. No, I'm really not. I'm all about assumptions today, though, huh? But you're not in his head either. None of us are. If this situation is real, there's undoubtedly SO much more to it than we know here. So much more that we really can't say what she should do. I know that while weight loss is extremely difficult (and I'm not assuming this, I know it is, I've done it) it's completely personal. I do not believe you can make someone want to lose weight. I also know that not all overweight people are victims. Some people are in fact lazy. I still maintain that while people have to realistic about the way a person changes over time, a change in a person's values after a marriage is a cause for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Wow, that's quite an assumption right there! Are you inside his head???? THE GUY IS DEPRESSED. Plain and simple. He needs to be motivated and he needs HER help so he can get help.It's not her job to motivate him or pull him out of a depression thats his job and one only he can do . If I didn't have to do any chores ,take care of the kids , had an attractive wife and ate anything I wanted .I really doubt I would be depresses .He sounds like a jerk , why should she continue to give and motivate and work for him when he's not doing any of it himself ? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Fifty pounds is a lot of weight to gain in four years.The OP is being jumped all over about this,why ,it's about her personal preferance . Aging (getting wrinkles and sagging naturally in places) is not the same as getting fat . My s/o is six-foot-five and if he put on 50 lbs. he would have rolls , I doubt the OP's H is six-foot-five or over so , yeah it may be gross to her. So... let's say your S/O does gain 50 pounds. Is he "hideous"? Do you stop having sex with him? Do you assume it's all about YOU, as if it were some sort of personal attack? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 It's not her job to motivate him or pull him out of a depression thats his job and one only he can do . If I didn't have to do any chores ,take care of the kids , had an attractive wife and ate anything I wanted .I really doubt I would be depresses .He sounds like a jerk , why should she continue to give and motivate and work for him when he's not doing any of it himself ? depressed or not ....... another person cannot solve it for him. I am inclined to agree with TinkyWinky. Sounds like he has his cake and is quite literally eating it too. 50 lbs is quite a bit of weight.... she has the right to not be sexually attracted to him or for that matter repulsed by it. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 So... let's say your S/O does gain 50 pounds. Is he "hideous"? Do you stop having sex with him? Do you assume it's all about YOU, as if it were some sort of personal attack? If I was uncomfortable with the amount of weight my s/o gained I would say something.I know that if I said something he would probably be like " Ug yeah , that is a roll you want to go for a walk with me?" and I would go. If I told him that it was unatractive , and he didn't care ,yes I would think it was a lack of caring and just a general "well, your here and not going anywhere" statement. And if it bothered me enough , no I wouldn't have sex with him. Link to post Share on other sites
mikethmn Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 There is a reason why we don't find fat attractive (excluding skinny black men that go for huge white booty) it's because it is unhealthy, and we as humans are genetically made to find healthy attractive. Supple breasts, curves, butts, etc., are all attractive under the right circumstances (the person is not overweight, handycapped or something else that displays that the person is not healthy). We are designed to be attracted to someone who looks like they would be successful at reproduction, and would have strong genes for the creation of strong and healthy children. THis is why no one is really attracted to the BBW or man type (again excluding skinny black men). Personally, I work out every day - one day cardio, the next cardio and weights, and so on. My wife does not work out, but I STILL like to bang a lot... whether or not she is in perfect shape. Keep in mind though that although she does not work out, she is not overweight and is still very attractive to me (and no, I am not a skinny black man). I can honestly say that I will love her no matter what, but it is possible that I could be turned off/unattracted to her if she ever gained 10 lbs. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 1. He cheated 2. He does not care enough about the R to attempt to be attractive to his wife yet whines about no sex. 3. He is a worthless sot around the house. 4. She has paid her dues in this M by trying to be attractive for him, taking him back after cheating, taking care of the kids and home, contributing to the financial matters of the R. The thing that comes to my mind is selfish and inconsiderate of his W's feeling in just about all areas of their relationship. No wonder she is pissed right now. Okay, so I was the Original Poster. For some reason, I was too scared to use my real profile name because I knew the Hell I was going to catch for my feelings. However, I'm tired of my posts not getting put up until way late everytime I sign in as Guest. Yes, that is exactly how I feel. I have paid my dues and done my damndest to make this marriage work - I forgave his cheating and took him back, not to mention a lot of other s*** he has done that has made our marriage difficult. He even told me when I was pregnant that he expected me to get back into shape after the baby was born. When I called him on it recently when we had "the discussion" regarding his weight, he said he was just joking. Bulls***!! There is a grain of truth to every joke. If I ballooned up and turned into a fat pig, I guarantee he would not want me nearly as much. But, I did lose all the weight and am actually in better shape than before. If he really wants to be with me, then my damn opinion and feelings should count for nothing. Yes, we did say "For better or worse", but that wasn't permission to turn into a lazy bastard who does nothing and expects me to be his house bitch. I don't mind doing all of the work around the house, really, and I don't have an aversion to sex. I just want my feelings to be taken into consideration. I want him to still want to impress me the way I still want to impress him. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 depressed or not ....... another person cannot solve it for him. I am inclined to agree with TinkyWinky. Sounds like he has his cake and is quite literally eating it too. 50 lbs is quite a bit of weight.... she has the right to not be sexually attracted to him or for that matter repulsed by it. God you crack me up! TinkyWinky?????? literally eating the cake????? OMG - you make me laugh so hard sometimes, thank you - I needed it today! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 50 lbs is quite a bit of weight.... she has the right to not be sexually attracted to him or for that matter repulsed by it. I thought love was blind. I thought you are sexually attracted to the one you love. Isn't that stronger than visually being attracted? Why don't they have sex in the dark if it's all about the visual. This is so friggin shallow I can't comment on it. How could you be REPULSED at your husband for gaining weight? Would you justify her being repulsed at her baby should he become overweight as he grows? Holy Jesus. What is this world coming to? Link to post Share on other sites
mikethmn Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 all the fatties think it's shallow, and all the non-fatties think fat is ugly... (excluding skinny black men (see above comment by me)) Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 it's because it is unhealthy, and we as humans are genetically made to find healthy attractive. Skinny doesn't guarantee health. I don't think it's totally genetic if at all. It is a media view engrained since a child. If you look in the past centuries, you'll find plenty of art depicting overweight women because they were seen as attractive at the time. Just like in certain cultures, flat sagging breasts are attractive. It's more of a cultural thing. Early nineties.. super skinny waif is in... now curves are in... more environmental than genetic in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I thought love was blind. I thought you are sexually attracted to the one you love. Isn't that stronger than visually being attracted? Why don't they have sex in the dark if it's all about the visual. This is so friggin shallow I can't comment on it. How could you be REPULSED at your husband for gaining weight? Would you justify her being repulsed at her baby should he become overweight as he grows? Holy Jesus. What is this world coming to?Love is NOT blind , that's just a cliched statement. To expect to not have to meet any standards after marriage is repulsive . You should take care of yourself in the same way as those you love , it shows a caring both for yourself and your partner . If her baby becomes overweight , she doesnt need to be physically intimate with it , so the comparison is ridiculous .But fat does show laziness (with the exception or an under active thyroid) period. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I thought love was blind. I thought you are sexually attracted to the one you love. Isn't that stronger than visually being attracted? Why don't they have sex in the dark if it's all about the visual. This is so friggin shallow I can't comment on it. How could you be REPULSED at your husband for gaining weight? Would you justify her being repulsed at her baby should he become overweight as he grows? Holy Jesus. What is this world coming to? That is your opinion. Some of us do not find overweight people sexually attractive at all.......then add in the rest of this guys bulls***.... what the hell is there to be attracted to at all? There are also health issues to consider. If my H acted like this (OPs) and gained even 20lbs I would be repulsed by him.....hell at least if he still looked good I might have a reason to want to have sex with him Link to post Share on other sites
mikethmn Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Skinny doesn't guarantee health. I don't think it's totally genetic if at all. It is a media view engrained since a child. If you look in the past centuries, you'll find plenty of art depicting overweight women because they were seen as attractive at the time. Just like in certain cultures, flat sagging breasts are attractive. It's more of a cultural thing. Early nineties.. super skinny waif is in... now curves are in... more environmental than genetic in my opinion. Yeah, you pretty much missed the point... I said that we are all made to find healthy attractive... basically for reproduction... and no, I don't think there is a culture that prefers pancake tits. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 That is your opinion. Some of us do not find overweight people sexually attractive at all.......then add in the rest of this guys bulls***.... what the hell is there to be attracted to at all? There are also health issues to consider. If my H acted like this (OPs) and gained even 20lbs I would be repulsed by him.....hell at least if he still looked good I might have a reason to want to have sex with him If my s/o acted like this and stayed just the same in apperance , I minght put on 50 lbs. to make him go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 all the fatties think it's shallow, and all the non-fatties think fat is ugly... (excluding skinny black men (see above comment by me)) She has ALREADY reproduced with him so she is not trying to shape him into a skinny dude to reproduce with as your theory above states, nor does she bring up a concern for his health. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If my s/o acted like this and stayed just the same in apperance , I minght put on 50 lbs. to make him go away. and sign him up to an online dating site! Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I thought love was blind. I thought you are sexually attracted to the one you love. Isn't that stronger than visually being attracted? Why don't they have sex in the dark if it's all about the visual. Yes, sexual attraction is usually what starts the initial spark between people, and then a relationship ensues. That is what happened with us. However, he let himself go with me, which I look at as having lack of respect for me and my feelings, so I am pissed off. He holds me to a standard, saying when I was pregnant that he expected me to lose all the weight. He said he was joking, but I doubt it. I did lose the weight, but he got fatter and fatter. I can't help it if I don't find obese attractive. Some people like fat - just slap the roll and ride the wave in!! I however do not function that way, and I can't control my own desires and feelings. As for having sex in the dark, that still can't turn off my sensation of touch, when I touch his body all I feel are rolls. If you can come up with a way to make me not sense that, like in Shallow Hal, by all means, enlighten me. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Yeah, you pretty much missed the point... I said that we are all made to find healthy attractive... basically for reproduction... and no, I don't think there is a culture that prefers pancake tits. Obviously my point proved that wrong. You said overweight is viewed as unhealthy and we "genetically" find healthy women attractive. Overweight women WERE viewed as attractive in the past. And maybe you should read a book because flat sagging breasts are seen as attractive in some tribes. And this is coming from a "fatty" of 120 pounds. So now so far you are wrong 3 times and your personality is the only thing that is ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
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