Am I obligated to sex with overweight husband?

[slinkysu]

In England we have a lot of charity runs/walks that take place over the summer. If they do something similar in your area maybe you should sign yourself up for a 5km walk? Get sponsorship, help a worthy cause and get some exercise. You dont have to run but once you have other people rooting for you (and sponsoring you) it's a great incentive to keep up a regular routine. You can find a friend to do it with you and take it from there.

 

All journeys start with a single step - it's just that the first step is usually the hardest!

 

Good Luck!

[Kenyth]

Weight can sneak up on you. I've changed my eating habits and lost forty pounds over the course of under two years without even trying hard. I thought I only had an extra fifty to begin with, but now that I see I still have a sizable belly forty pounds later, it's obvious that I was more like eighty pounds overweight! Wow! I'm a big guy (6'2, bench pressed 350 pounds) so I could easily hold the extra weight and still be active.

 

Two things you have to stay away from almost completely are sugared soda and fast food. Around the home, boxed casserole pasta meals and cheesy dishes are high in calories too. They make a ton of frozen meals that are good for you if you have a hard time being the chef at home. Body fat is chiefly controlled by diet it seems. Exercise is nice, but with current lifestyles, doing enough of it to burn more than a few hunderd calories a day is just not realistic. Back when I used to exercise regularly it took a full hour of RUNNING to burn 1000 calories! That's maybe 1/3rd of a pound!

[worriedsick]

Hello... I just ran a google search with the words, husband overweight sex problems and came across this thread.. wow..

 

I am 33 yrs old and have been married to my wife for 9 yrs, been with her for 12 yrs, and have gained 95lbs (sorry) ..

 

We have 2 children, son 8yr, dghtr 6yr. I am here to basically see what else the world is talking about this topic and feel horrible.. I know I have gained alot of weight, I have tried to lose it before and im at my last straw.. I have a dr appt on jul 3. Im gonna get a full physical bloodwork, and see what can be done to lose this weight. If nothing works Im gonna get the gastric bypass.. I want to stay healthy and fit but its so hard to start.

 

My wife does not have sex with me anymore, i beg and beg and nothing.. I know I am overweight and she has some very long periods, too tired, or has headaches.. I take care of myself.. I have noticed she has lost her weight, (she was never overweight) and looks so attractive to me now, i want to look attractive to her, but im worried now bcuz of what i have been reading.. could she be attracted to someone else?? Since there is no sex and no affection (no hugs kisses etc)

 

I know losing weight is the goal, but the way my wife treats me is cold and i have no one to turn to, thats why im doing this here with all of you.. Im glad i found this site and this thread.. Hopefully i can accomplish my goal and things (intimacy/affection) will be restored.

 

Ill post my progress with the weight and this problem i have, but thanks all for the information.. Im not gonna harass her at all.. Ill lose my weight and see if she is into me or not.. if not then i guess ill have to decide what i want to do..

 

being married is so much more work than dating.... does it get better?

 

I don't know about your wife, but I can tell you how I feel (in case you didn't read the 23 pages of posts on this thread). I do still love my husband very much, in spite of our rocky past. However, our sex life has been dwindling in the last couple of years, mostly (in my eyes) because of his obesity. He gained weight when I was pregnant, and while I lost all of it (and then some) after the birth, he just continued to pile the pounds on. He has gym memberships but hardly uses them, and spends most of his time sitting on the couch eating whatever junk food he can manage to find in the house. I had a frank discussion with him about how I felt like he no longer cared about how I felt, and that I believed he thought he could just take for granted that I would have to have sex with him. I think the underlying problem is the attitude - he just doesn't care about my feelings anymore. The lack of sex in our relationship stems from that, not from an extramarital affair, as I would never dream of that.

 

I can't speak for your wife, but my feeling is that she feels exactly as I do - like you just don't care and think that now that you "got her" you can do whatever you want and she doesn't have a choice. I'm sorry, my friend, but she does - if she doesn't feel the same was as I do about affairs or divorce, she could easily go out and find someone else who she feels won't take her for granted. At least you realize that your weight gain has caused a problem and aren't blaming her for being a bitch or anything (which I have been called quite a few times in this thread). Please, just do something about it and I'm sure you'll see a change in her, if that is truly the problem. Best of luck!

[RarePearl]

Perhaps the OP should consider popping open a can of tuna and placing it in her panties for a few hours whilst sunbathing in 98 degree heat...... then request chunky hubby to satisfy her orally? Although this could backfire and he could reach for bread, mayo, and a bag of chips and just think he is sitting down to a snack.........

Well he wants sex and food so that would be a perfect combination for him!

[agnf666]

I read a post on here about not getting the Gastric Bypass surgery. I for one think that if you are extremely overwieght and tryied to lose the wieght more then a few times then it is a good alternative.

 

My father got that surgery done in March he has lost a total of 100 lbs now. It is wonderful to see him happy agian. It worked very will. So, if that is an option think about it!

[Kenyth]

Gastric bypass basically just physically forces someone to do what they could have done in the first place. Proper diet and light exercise works fine by itself, and you really won't be that hungry. You don't have to mangle your guts to do it. For the people that already have the surgery, that's fine too. What works, works. I'm just telling you, of the two people I've seen get it, both tried to go back to their old eating habits. This time, it made them terribly sick! Finally, they accepted a healthier diet through the consequence of pain. That's how it works. There's no getting around the minor discomfort associated with dietary changes. The pain and scarring caused by the surgury can be significant also.

 

Changing my dietary habits took off 40 lbs in a year and a half without hunger, and it's staying off! Even though I'm eating more now, I'm STILL losing about a pound a month! And I'm not even trying! Very limited sugared beverages/soda, true whole grains, fruit and veggies, and lean meats are the secret.

[agnf666]

It proper diet and exercise does not work for some people. I have seen people that have tried diet after diet and went to the gym and s*** and it just didn't work. They would gain the wieght back. So, some cases it does not work.

 

Gastric Bypass surgery is not for everyone.. it is just an option for people that have just about tried everything.

[Kenyth]

Many times, people who outwardly appear to be genuinely trying hard will, when no one else is around, binge on whatever they can get their teeth into. It looks like the diet and exercise just doesn't work, but it would if they really did it right, even when no one is looking. It's a vicious cycle, and it cannot be stopped until the person is willing to be honest with themselves and just do it.

 

 

You've got it! Weight is gained (and lost) over long periods of time in small chunks of a couple hundred calories. You don't have to be a complete pig. You can screw up your calorie intake for the day in less than thirty minutes by stopping at a fast food drive-up for the dollar menu. When this happens (and it does), you have to make it up somewhere else. You've got to keep track of what you eat and cut calories where you can. Sugar in drinks is one of the easiest ways to cut out a lot of calories. Five cans of soda has most of the calories you need for an entire day!

[IWalkAlone]

I know of a women who had a gastric bypass scheduled but was rejected the morning of the surgury due to high blood pressure (this makes the surgury even more dangerous).

 

She had already mentally prepared for the liquid diet that post op GP patients do, so she went on that diet anyway. A year later she was down 100 pounds.

 

I've read that one in 20 GP patients die on the operating table. This seems far to risky to me when it is possible to get the benefits without the risks, not to mention the expense.

[Kenyth]

I know of a women who had a gastric bypass scheduled but was rejected the morning of the surgury due to high blood pressure (this makes the surgury even more dangerous).

 

She had already mentally prepared for the liquid diet that post op GP patients do, so she went on that diet anyway. A year later she was down 100 pounds.

 

I've read that one in 20 GP patients die on the operating table. This seems far to risky to me when it is possible to get the benefits without the risks, not to mention the expense.

 

My point exactly. The surgery forces you to lose weight by making you eat like you could have anyway. It doesn't magically make you lose weight. It simply causes you pain to eat too much, or eat the wrong thing by crippling your digestive tract. There has to be a better way.

[Kenyth]

I can't tell you how many times I've seen a very large person (usually a woman for some reason) fly into the drive-thru of some hamburger joint around 5:00 p.m. for just fries and a coke. That's most likely their snack before they go home to cook dinner. They think because the package is small it doesn't count. If they only knew how much fat they're ingesting. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE french fries, and I eat 'em. But I do it sparingly and as part of a meal, not as a snack between meals. And I keep a quiet tally in my head so the next time I hit one of those places, I choose a salad instead.

 

I'm really happy with the way fast food restaurant menu's are going. It's really easy to eat healthy now comparitively to before. Look at Wendy's. My favorite place to eat lunch. If you can't find something good for you there, you have problems.

[RarePearl]

Janet Jackson, who gained weight for some movie she was supposed to star in, said she gained it by EATING WHATEVER SHE WANTED AND AS MUCH AS SHE WANTED. When her overweight was not necessary anymore, she lost all the extra weight.

 

The point with fat people is that they eat whatever they want and as much as they want. It's literally choosing between food and beauty/health. And it's not even food, but the type and quantity of food.

 

It's a kind of mindset that indulges their stomachs without thinking. I feel like I pretty much eat whatever I want. But when I think about it, I completely avoid to cook unhealthy meals, I don't eat pork, I don't eat potato chips, I avoid cakes, I avoid to overload my stomach, I drink diet coke instead of milk shake, red wine instead of beer, skimmed milk and yogurt, no cream or sugar in my coffee, etc. So I do watch my diet.

 

Of course, I go to restaurants about once a week and break the rules all the time. For example, today I ate a huge piece of lasagna, 1/2 a Big Mac, 30 grams of black chocolate, and one cupcake. Not good, but that's all I ate and no more food for the day.

[Guest]

...

Why are strange whores he meets in a bar worthy of his best, but not me?

 

Very insightful. I think that is at the heart of how we feel when our overweight partners refuse to lose weight. We *know* that they'd be back at the gym and/or eating less to attract another person.