Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I think the overall point here is man or woman, you love your mate (whom you'd promised to love FOREVER) for who they are and not only what they look like. If you want them to lose weight you the method you choose in approaching them is what is important. As you said, the person must want to do it for themselves. Bottom line...You attract more bees with honey! Part of who they are is appearance. Some who is fat is not sexually attractive to most. Spouses have an obligation (IMO) to look their best. All the suggestions on what to say or how to approach or to bring it up as a health issue all tend to fall on deaf ears. It takes the person to want to change. It is not shallow to be turned off by someone who is way to heavy. I would guess, many of the people that said she was shallow or should love him for who he is, etc...............is overweight themselves. Just a guess. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 does your H look like this? http://badgas.co.uk/moments/moment_027.jpg I am just kidding....... Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Seriously, do you sit around and watch talk shows all day long? You must if you think that they are the cure for marital problems. Half the time people make s*** up to get on there anyway. Besides, I don't need counseling from Oprah's lapdog anyway. If I wanted to go on any talk short, it's be Jerry Springer. At least that one's funny!!! LOL I catch his show here and there and find that he gives great advice. I was wanting to know what he would say in your situation. It is an interesting one where each of you have your valid points. I think Jerry Springer it is where people might make up stuff to be on his show but you should check out Dr. Phil sometime. Back to the issue at hand. Hem his clothes a size smaller so he thinks he's gained even more weight? Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 does your H look like this? http://badgas.co.uk/moments/moment_027.jpg I am just kidding....... No, he does at least have a handsome face. But the body is pretty close!!! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 No, he does at least have a handsome face. But the body is pretty close!!! Oh gosh. Bless your heart! Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Oh gosh. Bless your heart! This is what I'm saying. Am I expected to be attracted to that body? That's downright nasty in my opinion, and that is what I have to look at. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 This is what I'm saying. Am I expected to be attracted to that body? That's downright nasty in my opinion, and that is what I have to look at. You're so shallow. Is it fuzzy like that too? Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 You and your husband would make for an ideal segment on Dr. Phil. I'd be intersted to hear his advice. Why don't you contact him? I was thinking more along the lines fo Jerry Springer. Next up on Jerry. Wive's who's husbands make them want to puke. The truth comes out on the next installment of the Jerry Springer Show. And I can see Catgirl in the audience leading the "fat slob" chant and maybe tossing a chair at him. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 And I can see Catgirl in the audience leading the "fat slob" chant and maybe tossing a chair at him. Only if that show is on when I'm not at the plastic surgeon. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 You're so shallow. Is it fuzzy like that too? Whatever. Weren't you the one defending people's rights to be attracted to whateve they want? Way to totally change your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Whatever. Weren't you the one defending people's rights to be attracted to whateve they want? Way to totally change your mind. Vain people tend to flip-flop on these things. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Because Dr. Phil is a f***ing quack. Sorry to anyone who likes him, but I think he's full of s***. Plus, anyone who would air their dirty laundry on television is trashy. The folks who go on Jerry Springer are trashy. Folks who go on Oprah and Dr Phil are good people, with real problems that need help. If going on TV and getting help is what it takes for someone to change for the better, then do it! Besides, so many people gain confidence to DO and change their ways after seeing what others do on Dr Phil and Oprah. He may be a quack, but he's helped SO many people! That's a good thing! Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Vain people tend to flip-flop on these things. Okay. Just as long as I know where you're coming from. Besides, wanting to take care of yourself is not vain in my eyes - you should want to look as nice as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 The folks who go on Jerry Springer are trashy. Folks who go on Oprah and Dr Phil are good people, with real problems that need help. If going on TV and getting help is what it takes for someone to change for the better, then do it! Besides, so many people gain confidence to DO and change their ways after seeing what others do on Dr Phil and Oprah. He may be a quack, but he's helped SO many people! That's a good thing! How do you know they have been helped and not just shamed into doing what Dr. Quack says? I've seen it a few times as well, and basically it seems like he takes a side, tells the other one they're the f***ing devil which the audience always agrees with, then they show a followup where the "offending party" has changed so much. No s*** they've changed - they just put themselves on TV to be judged by everyone in the world and been told they're bad. So, to save face, they pretend to change but really feel the same as before (this is just my opinion, mind you). And of course, if we went on there, the majority would take the side of my hubby and Dr. Quack (because a majority of America is obese), I would come out looking like a shallow bitch, and the rest is history. No thanks! I believe I am perfectly justified for feeling the way I do, and don't need a bunch of grief from a fat, ugly audience group to make me feel bad! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Okay. Just as long as I know where you're coming from. Besides, wanting to take care of yourself is not vain in my eyes - you should want to look as nice as possible. I think everyone should. You should try to look nice, together, fit, healthy, just because it's hard to respect someone who is all sloppy. It's hard to believe that attitude doesn't extend to the rest of their lives. And it's not even about being skinny, it's about at least caring what you look like. Marriage takes work and compromise, you can't only think about yourself. Besides, if you let yourself go, wouldn't you always feel bad about yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 No, he does at least have a handsome face. But the body is pretty close!!! Can I hold the train for a minute before you guys continue on. Is it only me or does the pic a4a posted not look all that bad? If the body is pretty close, then how much skinnier did he used to be? (not taking into account the face and the diaper like undies, look at the body itself). The legs have some definition, I don't see rolls and rolls as you have described. I have been picturing him to look closer to: http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c100/mkunicron/obese.jpg Are you being reasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Can I hold the train for a minute before you guys continue on. Is it only me or does the pic a4a posted not look all that bad? If the body is pretty close, then how much skinnier did he used to be? (not taking into account the face and the diaper like undies, look at the body itself). The legs have some definition, I don't see rolls and rolls as you have described. I have been picturing him to look closer to: http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c100/mkunicron/obese.jpg Are you being reasonable? :lmao: the one I posted was bad enough the one you posted is about 500 + lbs. There is no way in hell I would want a sexual relationship with my posted photo body type. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 You have a very negative attitude about everything. I know you're upset and pissed off - That's okay, but any good suggestion brought up to you, you shoot it down. If you are this unhappy then do a trial separation. See how life is without your husband. I don't know what else to say. I mean, I think his actions are clearly showing he's depressed, and he is having issues, but probably doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about them because of all the past issues and now his weight and dealing with your anger. He may not be showing signs of the "typical" depression, but I bet if he spoke to his DR and got an assessment done, the results would show he is infact depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Can I hold the train for a minute before you guys continue on. Is it only me or does the pic a4a posted not look all that bad? If the body is pretty close, then how much skinnier did he used to be? (not taking into account the face and the diaper like undies, look at the body itself). The legs have some definition, I don't see rolls and rolls as you have described. Are you being reasonable? Seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 No, he does at least have a handsome face. But the body is pretty close!!! That's not half as bad as you've described it. (Ofcourse, minus the Depend Diapers...) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 That's not half as bad as you've described it. (Ofcourse, minus the Depend Diapers...) Maybe to the grotesquely obese fatties, that pic is not bad. But to me, It think it is nasty. I think my hubby's boobies are bigger, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 That's not half as bad as you've described it. (Ofcourse, minus the Depend Diapers...) What kind of glasses are you looking through? That is pretty damn unattractive in my eyes. Plus, my hubby's man boobs are bigger and the rolls are more defined. He carries most of his weight in his torso. Sexy! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 What kind of glasses are you looking through? That is pretty damn unattractive in my eyes. Plus, my hubby's man boobs are bigger and the rolls are more defined. He carries most of his weight in his torso. Sexy! If you don't find it attractive than that is just fine. Do you think your marriage is worth the work to repair it? Sounds like it is 90% down the s***ter from what you post. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedsick Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If you don't find it attractive than that is just fine. Do you think your marriage is worth the work to repair it? Sounds like it is 90% down the s***ter from what you post. How do I repair this? I AM NOT THE ONE THAT GOT FAT! We have discussed this before, and I as nicely as possible told him how I felt. Nothing has come of it. Therefore, I am usually not turned on by him so our sex life has dwindled. I have told him what my problem is, and he has told me he agrees - he doesn't like the weight other. He did say his feelings were hurt, understandably. I told him I really didn't want to hurt him, but I thought he deserved to know my true feelings, just as I would want to know were the tables turned. The only thing left to do is for him to make himself more attractive to me, or we only have sex when I'm really, really horny and can get past the fat, or when I'm drunk and just don't care. Sad, but that's how I feel. I know, I'm an evil bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If you don't find it attractive than that is just fine. Do you think your marriage is worth the work to repair it? Sounds like it is 90% down the s***ter from what you post. Now that I just read your other thread, I too wonder if your marriage is worth working on to begin with. You had recently posted that your hudband had his profile up on two different online dating sites, soliciting for 'no-strings-attached sex." I think that should be a bigger concern as far as being a turn off rather than his fat. That's just my opinion though. I am learning everyone puts their priorities in different places. The only thing left to do is for him to make himself more attractive to me, or we only have sex when I'm really, really horny and can get past the fat, or when I'm drunk and just don't care. Sad, but that's how I feel. I know, I'm an evil bitch. I seriously would be concerned with other issues. Yup, you are shallow in my opinion to overlook infidelity but you are bothered by fat. Link to post Share on other sites
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