So lost right now.. can anyone relate?

[Allupinnit]

Staying at your job where he can still reach you is keeping yourself in this affair indefinitely. It's ok to admit that you aren't strong enough to resist him - it's why NC is so crucial for you to move on. You'll make new friends.

 

Want until after the holidays. I'm sure he's got a lovely Christmas planned with his family.

[Allupinnit]

 

The affair has taken over my life, destroyed my marriage and seen me neglect family, friends and my work, all because I have put him in front of anything else. I have no idea why, it’s like a drug I am addicted to. I can see myself from the outside looking in and I hate myself for it, I have lost all respect for myself but I can’t stop, I don’t know how and trust me I have tried. Sometimes I envy BW, not because of the reasons you would think, but because she is oblivious to all of this and doesn’t have to go through this emotional rollercoaster on a daily basis and likely will never have to.

 

 

I mean honestly - what do you have left to lose??

[Lurker123]

Just writing as having a massive down day today and needing some support. I’ve tried to detach myself from my situation with MM so many times, but each time he has a way of contacting me (even when blocked) and making me feel like if I just hang in there a little longer it will be worth it. I’ve read so many posts on here over the last year, so many situations similar to my own and in each one I read I’m astounded by how the OP can’t see through the MM and how this person is using them and how they are wasting their life on them, and then I realise that is me, and I am blind to it also, I feel like I can never escape this situation.

A couple of weeks ago, I reached breaking point, I knew I didn’t want to go into the new year riding this emotional rollercoaster. I arranged IC for the new year, sorted out my finances, arranged a course to study and felt a whole lot better about everything. Last piece was to end things with MM, which I did, I wrote him a long message, explained exactly why I was ending it and told him if he cared about me as much as he said he did then he would respect my wishes and leave me alone. Surprisingly he agreed. Move forward to 2 days later when he makes contact, different this time to anything he has said before, saying he has realised he absolutely can’t live without me, his head is clearer than it’s ever been and he needs to sit down with me ASAP to talk everything through. Of course I said no, although he hadn’t said anything to that extent before he has said similar and ‘the talk’ actually got us nowhere and I ended up feeling the exact same, if not worse after. He has been persistent though, contacting me every day since reiterating what he’s said and insisting we need to meet to talk. I can feel myself relenting- I want to hear what he has to say, although in my heart I know it’s likely just going to upset me and set me back a step as I’m almost positive it’s not going to be what I hope it is. I really wanted to go into the NY with a clear head and sorting myself out, but I feel if I don’t give him the chance to speak then this will carry on hanging over me as he won’t let it rest (he has confirmed he will badger until we speak). Any thoughts on what I should do here? I know the obvious is just to say no and move on, but for all of you who have been here, you know it’s not that simple! 

[Naivewomen]

Hi Lurker, 

 

I promise you that I was in almost the same exact situation. He will use every stall tactic their is too keep you hanging in there. Example, if you will just wait for me when my kids get a little bit older.....or give me sometime to sort this out and etc etc.. his sad pathetic face will keep you roped in that's why he wants to meet in person. You will face your addiction head on and you will never want to let go!!

It's the hardest thing in the world to do BUT I am 1.5 years out and he has tried many times to make contact but when the lows outweigh the highs there is simply no way back!

Good luck but your head is making the right decision for you but the heart needs to catch up!!

I feel your pain!

[assertives]

On 8/28/2019 at 4:55 AM, Lurker123 said:

Hey all. Just thought I’d come in and give an update as have been reading about everyone else’s.

 

Firstly, let me start by saying how embarrassed and ashamed I am to be writing this, but I need to say it and hopefully it will hit home with others too. So last update was me and MM went NC, this carried on a while then he reached out and we started messaging again. It was nothing like before, not for the first month, just general chit chat and talking about how rubbish the situation was but how we had to accept it and move on.

 

I had started to feel a bit better about it all, even went on a date! This however ended with the guy being a complete dick and making me feel even worse about myself. At possibly my lowest point in my head I was thinking that no one was ever going to compare to MM and what we had and actually had I been too harsh pushing him away when I truly felt he was my soulmate and actually no one else even comes close to what we had.

 

Stupidly I said this in so many words, which to him was a complete thumbs up to keep messaging and start the whole ‘i Miss you, I need to see you’ scenario we all know too well. So the last couple of weeks we’d been having some good talks, he explained to me the reason he hadn’t done anything about moving his home situation forward and started looking into leaving was because every time he thought about doing that I’d ‘end things’ and he’d be back to square one completely devastated and in a black hole where he couldn’t think of anything else but me and getting over me.

 

He said by me keep doing this it was pushing things back. I asked him what I was supposed to do in the meantime whilst I ‘wait’ and he said he could give me no timescales and everything was unbearable at home but he was trying to work it the best so he wasn’t prevented from seeing his daughter. He said from a selfish point of view he wouldn’t want me to go on dates/see other people, but couldn’t expect me to ‘live like s nun’.

 

Anyway, fast forward to today- first time we had seen each other in 6 weeks, he pretty much begged to come round, even though he had a very limited window of time (no changes there) he turned up, pretty much did the deed, jumped in the shower and left! No message after.. nothing. I even remember him looking st his watch half way through. I honestly feel completely sick to my stomach. I think today it’s completely hit home for me how much he has disrespected me over the last 10 months and worse- how I’ve disrespected myself.

 

I know I deserve more than this. I know it. I actually feel anger tonight- which I’ve never felt before. I also feel sad and emotional that yet again this has happened. I have no idea what I say to him now. Am I just honest and explain how I felt above? I feel he needs to know. I want so badly to move on from this, but I know what holds me back is the connection we have and my fear I won’t find that ever again. Deep down inside I know he won’t leave- I don’t even know why I’ve convinced myself for so long he will! Surely there has to be better out there for us all? Please tell me there is? x

Remember how you felt when you made this post? Everytime you felt like going back to him, re-read some of the atrocious things he did that you've posted here. As for him, I personally would continue to ignore and tell him that if he doesn't stop contacting you, you'll get a restraining order and tell his wife about your affair. Or tell him that if he's really serious on doing right by you, then tell him to contact you only once the ink on his divorce is dry. Though I honestly think you should leave the trash and not bring him into your 2020. Remember how you felt/know you deserve more than this? You still do, so don't settle for whatever rotten crumbs he's throwing your way.

I really suggest changing your number if blocking him somehow isn't working.

[FMW]

As already suggested, tell him you will only talk to him when he is divorced.  If he's serious, that will happen.  Otherwise, you're only signing on to more misery.  

Other than telling you he is divorced, anything else he has to say is just blah, blah, blah to keep you available to him while nothing changes.  

[Abetterme]

Hi Lurker - I think Assertives reiteration of your post above was very wise. Remember how used and disgusting you felt when you relented before. That message from you was heartbreaking to even read. 
 

I was so happy to read about the steps you have taken to set yourself up for a positive new year. Giving in will be exactly the setback you know deep down it will be. Keep investing in yourself. As you build yourself up, you’ll continue to see that you deserve much better. 
 

I would take the others suggestions and reiterate that you want no contact until he is divorced. If you really want to ensure that happens, perhaps you can state that you intend to reach out to his wife and disclose the A if he does. 
 

I hope your day gets better. Just remind yourself you’ve been through worse days with him and tomorrow is a new day. Thinking of you! 

[OpenBook]

7 hours ago, Lurker123 said:

I really wanted to go into the NY with a clear head and sorting myself out, but I feel if I don’t give him the chance to speak then this will carry on hanging over me as he won’t let it rest (he has confirmed he will badger until we speak). Any thoughts on what I should do here? I know the obvious is just to say no and move on, but for all of you who have been here, you know it’s not that simple! 

Don't tell him anything - just move on! You know it's just going to be more of the same ol' sloppy horse manure from him. It's not surprising that he's trying the same tactic he's used on you many times before, and it's worked - he roped you back in, every time. So (he's thinking) why wouldn't it work this time? You need to jerk a KNOT in this manipulative behavior once and for all. Stop him cold. Do not respond at all. Just be unavailable, unapproachable, uncontactable, un-everything! You're DONE.

[Lurker123]

Quote

 

Thank you all for taking time out of your day to read and responding to my post, I can’t explain how much it helps having the advice on here and seeing it from an outsiders perspective. Assertives- thank you hugely for re-quoting that previous post- I really was at my lowest point there and I forgot how sick I felt after that whole situation played out. I just re read it again (I think I have been too scared to read back over some of my previous posts because I just feel so stupid) but it really was the reminder I needed. 
 

Deep down I know he won’t leave. I’ve read too many posts on here to know this. I also know whilst I allow this to continue he won’t change anything. Why would he? As long as this carries on as it is, there is no need for him to uproot his life as he knows it- there would be zero benefit to him in doing that. It’s in his best interests to keep things exactly how they are. i felt like seeing him would maybe give us both some kind of closure- but as Naive rightly said- seeing him in person would make this worse. This is why I did end it over message last time- I knew seeing him face to face would break me. I know I need to stay strong. It’s just so hard facing the thought of being 100% alone. As sad as that sounds, the crumbs he has thrown me and The attention he has given me have distracted me and made me think that was enough, I know it’s not though, it’s no way to live. I just hate the thought of starting all over again or potentially being on my own as I’m so scared of feeling like this again. 

 

[mark clemson]

It's sad, but it sounds like this guy knows exactly how to pull your emotional strings unfortunately. So, yes definitely continue NC.

Although I'm not recommending it, at some point you might consider threatening the nuclear option (telling his wife) in order to get him to leave you alone. I strongly suspect that will get him out of your hair. I would use this with caution as you could reasonably expect blowback, such as threats to harm you or your marriage(?) in some way. Particularly if you were to actually go through with it.

If it doesn't stop with that and actually genuinely doesn't care about ending his marriage, remember that even once divorced he will have many options and may choose to play the field rather than "settling" for you. I think watching him try out many random ladies as sex partners would be even more traumatic for you than the current situation already is.

I think the thing to do is get past this (as you are doing) so you can move on to a more healthy situation, whatever form that may take.

[Lurker123]

Thank you Mark. I always appreciate your advice. You are correct in he knows exactly what to say/do to get me back on side. I’ve spent most of the day alone today and I’ve just felt miserable and down. I’m really unsure how to pull myself out of this black hole I seem to have fallen into yet again, but I know it comes from riding this constant emotional rollercoaster. 
 

I’m no longer with my H, so there’s no concerns there about him being told anything, but because MM is tied closely with work I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell BS, as it wouldn’t make it worth my while in a professional capacity. I know if I wanted to end the contact 100% there would be ways, it’s just finding the strength to finally do it. 

[Lurker123]

Good Afternoon everyone.  Just thought I'd share a post New Year update- which will hopefully now be my last one!  So I relented and agreed to meet MM in the NY to hear him out, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone until I did that, and I actually wanted the chance to tell him face to face that I was finally done and no amount of 'false hope giving; was going to change that.  I also had my first IC session last night, which helped me massively and I felt strong going into today, knowing that I had to say what I needed to and then stand by it.

MM turned up and we had a usual friendly chat until we got to the serious stuff, I asked him firstly what he wanted to say- he did after all insist on seeing me to tell me 'how things were different' this time, so I let him speak first.  He started by saying that we appeared to have discussed most of what he needed to say over message over the last couple of weeks, we'd engaged in a few conversations, mostly on his part where he told me he missed me, loved me, etc, etc, but I couldn't recall any particular conversation where he had cleared up what he needed to say.  He carried on to say that he has realised (I assume in the last 48 hours as its a total u turn to before then) that he cant sort his life and head out whilst he is still in this situation with me.  he confessed that yes, he is basically having his cake and eating it and he feels like whilst things are good with me, it gives him no incentive to sort his life out at home.  He carried on to say that his daughter has and always will be his main priority, nothing else compares and he knows that she will be used as a weapon against him unless he sorts the home situation out carefully.  He also said he knows this situation is massively unfair on me and that he needs to let me go so I can move on with my life.  He said he will now allow me to do that and said that if we are meant to be together, then our paths will cross again in the future.  This of course shocked me, because it is what I have been saying to him for so long now, so to hear it from him, which is the complete opposite to anything he has ever said before, hit me rather hard as I was completely unprepared for it.  I'm so used to him fighting for me, for us to stay together, that for him to admit its time to end things, did leave me shocked.  We said our goodbyes which of course was awful- I had a good cry, pulled myself together and am now trying to think to the future.  I know this is the right thing to do and in a way I am glad he agreed finally and in a way ended it too, because I now feel a sense of closure and relief as strange as that may sound.  

I know there will be tough days ahead, I know this, but I feel stronger this time knowing that I want my life to move forward and not stay in the same place.  Thank you all for listening over the past year! 

[Allupinnit]

He'll be back again.  I hope you can find a way to fully block this guy once and or all.  You say he finds a way to contact you anyway, which suggests he has no regards for your feelings, only to pull this BS stunt again.  How cruel to jerk you around like that.

Do you still see him at work?

Edited January 7, 2020 by Allupinnit

[mark clemson]

Yeah, I'm with Allupinnit. While this does sound positive on the face of it, I'd be careful. I suspect he well knows that his turnaround is hard on you, so he may well change his mind in an effort to reel you back in. So look out for that. Hopefully I'm wrong and you'll be able to recover. Agree with the work question in that if you see him there it's likely to be retriggering for you. A lot of times in these situations the more total NC can be the better. Knowing that you might run into him, etc keeps your limbic system actively focused (I believe) and makes it hard to move on.

[Lurker123]

Thank you for your comments. This time does feel different, definitely for me anyway. I don't think in previous times I felt ready to end it, but this time I do, I feel stronger and to be perfectly honest as awful as this sounds, some of the things he was saying to me today just sounded so fake and insincere- how had I never noticed it before?! Today was different, it felt like I saw him in a completely different light- almost like he was acting out being there and playing the part, saying what he needed to say to be the good guy, but sounding so insincere about it all! Not sure if that makes any sense at all.. but it’s difficult to explain.

We are connected through work, but it is very loosely- we work for different companies which are connected but I can avoid if I have to- and I want to.

I have no idea if he will come back- but even if he does there’s nothing he can say to me that will make me feel any different. I’ve heard it all before and unless he is willing to give me more than I am now totally adamant i will not accept any less. An interesting point my IC pointed out to me is- I am using him to validate me- I don’t get that validation anywhere else as he was my main source and I didn’t really care what anyone else thought of me (I had zero interest in any other men and even if I did meet anyone else they would always be compared to him and fail) so I was seeing him 2% of the time and therefore only getting that validation for 2% of my life- how is that enough for anyone? When seen in black and white like that it makes so much sense! I know I have to work on myself before moving forward, but accepting this EA as being finished is the first step and I really want to take those steps! 

[mark clemson]

5 hours ago, Lurker123 said:

it felt like I saw him in a completely different light- almost like he was acting out being there and playing the part, saying what he needed to say to be the good guy, but sounding so insincere about it all! Not sure if that makes any sense at all.. but it’s difficult to explain.

No it makes perfect sense actually.

[NomiMalone]

Make no mistake, he “needs to let you go” not because he has your best interests at heart at all. Not one bit. He’s letting you go because he’s decided that the time he has to spend trying to maintain his “relationship” with you (regular texts, compliments etc) now outweighs the benefits he gets. I.e he’s not getting enough bang for the buck, literally so to speak. 

Allinpunnit and Mark are right - there’s a fair chance MM might try to come back. Make sure he has no way of contacting you. He has already broken up with you once, don’t take him back only to let him break up with you again (I mean this in the nicest possible way.) 

[stillafool]

On 7/3/2019 at 3:38 PM, preraph said:

Yes having contact can be contentious between him and his ex-wife if he were to ever divorce. That's why the Court gives them both custody for three and a half days in a row so it's not a constant back-and-forth and can even arrange a third party to pick up and drop off if it becomes necessary, but she cannot make it hard for him to see his daughter and he knows it. he just doesn't want her to know he's having an affair because then he'd lose her. He doesn't want one or the other of you. He wants as much variety as he can get without getting in too much trouble. And it doesn't have anything to do with whether he could see his daughter or not. He is completely snowing you on that.

This is true OP, there is no way his wife can prevent him from seeing his child.  He's a bold faced liar.  OW need to read up on this because the old "I can't leave because I won't see my kids" excuse is dead.

[Lurker123]

Thank you for your comments all. I appreciate the feedback and I agree about about the fact he can’t be stopped from seeing his daughter. It’s a poor excuse and not one that I have ever fallen for.

 

i am grateful for the support on here, yesterday evening was tough as it all finally sunk in. It still doesn’t seem real- 14 months of my life just wasted! I have friends who have been in relationships lesser time and have advanced to moving in together etc- whereas I am now back to square one in trying to recover from all of this! 
 

I don’t imagine he will contact anymore- I do feel it became too much for him to deal with my mood swings on top of it all and ‘handling me’ so to speak, probably outweighed any benefits he was getting. 

[mark clemson]

Your post made me think of this song (you have to wait a bit to get to the song)...

 

 

[Lurker123]

Thank you Mark! This song is very relevant right now 😂

[Lurker123]

As predicted above- had a message today saying he missed me. I stayed strong, replied I didn’t want any contact and that he was not to message me again and I wanted zero contact in any form going forward. I also asked for my key back that he had to my house (something he had always joked in the past that he would really know it was over if I ever requested it back) he tried to say he was going to keep it ‘in case’ but I again was strong, said he had no need for it anymore and to return it ASAP. I still feel like there is something going on in the background with him at the moment- I can’t put my finger on it, my guess is maybe BW is expecting again or perhaps they are trying. Given how bad he always tells me the home situation is currently (exaggerates I’m sure) this would be very strange, but I am unsure what else it could be as his attitude towards me has changed massively. 

i can’t lie and pretend none of this hurts. I feel strong, but I have moments where I crumble (mostly at night when I get into bed) and wonder how the hell I ended up here and how I will ever move on from this.  I know the key is to stay consistent and to move forward but man this is tough!! Got IC Monday evening so hoping chatting it through will reiterate for me this is the right thing to do. 
 

it sounds strange but another reason I don’t want to give in and that I want to remain strong is I want to show on here this can be done! I don’t want to be posting full of shame in a few weeks time saying I’ve gone back to square one and am back on that emotional rollercoaster- I feel like I’ve posted like a broken record over the last year- taken the advice and then forgotten about it. That needs to change. 

[Daisydooks]

On 1/7/2020 at 4:26 PM, Lurker123 said:

I saw him in a completely different light- almost like he was acting out being there and playing the part, saying what he needed to say to be the good guy, but sounding so insincere about it all! Not sure if that makes any sense at all.. but it’s difficult to explain.

He was playing the part and playing you like a fiddle..... 

He had to pester you for days via message and wanted to see you in person to tell you he doesnt want to speak and doesnt want to see you in person?? f*** off. Lol. What the actual head-f***ery is that s***? He could have put that in an email. "I'm going to work on my marriage for the sake of my child, my wife and myself. We can no longer do this and it is over." Instead? He said "I need to see you and talk to you to tell you I cant see you or talk to you." Why?!??! Lol. What a mess. And you fell for it all over again. You are too naive in this.  

 He didnt need to see you to tell you you cant see him and he didnt need to speak to you to tell you he cant speak to you. It's just more of the same head gamey breadcrumbs and you keep signing up for it. Stoppppp! Its painful to watch, and I continue coming back to this in hopes you have caught on... Lol. Cut it out! I keep yelling at you through my screen as it is so glaringly obvious to everyone but you. 

Haha He can mail your key back or leave it somewhere where he doesnt have to see you BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO SEE HIM ANYMORE. Put your foot down. He doesnt need to meet up "one last time" to drop off your key. Your home is off limits. Better yet, just change your locks. Then you dont need your key. Stop playing this game   

Stay strong and stand up to him. No, no, no and more no. All you're doing by living this way is keeping him in his marriage. If he wanted out, he would have done the work, or will do the work to leave, but this A has done nothing but keep him comfortably married. The longer you gobble up those breadcrumbs, the longer his marriage will last. And right now he is comfortably married.

His wife  suspects something is up. I dont believe he feels guilty all of a sudden. Maybe she is pregnant as you said, but she probably has her spidey senses blowing up and has probably noticed odd behaviour. That is all this is. Everything he said typically happens when  the wife knows or suspects something's happening. It either stops the affair, like he has done with you, albeit a short time, or the A goes further underground. He is probably trying to find ways to either not find himself taken to the cleaners, or he wants to find ways to further put you into an underground affair with him. Either way, it's bad. By engaging, you're keeping him happily married. By ignoring, he has some demons to face. I wonder how important his daughter will be when he is stuck with the wife he is unhappy with and doesnt have someone to cheat with/get away from reality with? I guarentee MM always come first to MM, NOT his child. If she were his first priority ever, he would have never given you the time of day and he would have never engaged in this affair, knowing it was one thing that would destroy his childs life as she knows it. What a crap excuse. And my God, if she is pregnant, you have your answers smacking you upside the head. No one in their right mind brings a child into the world this way even by accident. If he didnt want another child with this woman "who will use his DD as a pawn" why the f*** would he knock her up again?!?!?! 

He continues to play this game like every other cheating man before him. I know you have read the threads here.  Go to the last pages on all of those threads and even look at your own. You are much more aware now than on page 1. By page 6, you are slowly seeing him for what he is. 

You are no different and you are not special (I mean to him! You're very special and I wish you knew how special.) If he cared at all and loved you, he would either leave his marriage or he would leave you alone to heal from this. In no way would he continue an A and the bread crumbs if he loved you. Ever. His child doesnt matter. His wife doesnt matter. You do not matter. He matters. MM is doing what feels best for MM. Read that again if you have to. He isnt staying for his daughter. He is staying because he is a lying, cheating, cake eater who finds it so much easier to stay and have the best of both worlds. Comfortably married. If you dont give in, I'm sure he'll have another AP in no time AND be no closer to divorce. And you will have dodged the bullet of the century. 

 He is comfortably married and thought you were too for a short time. You were the perfect Mate when this began.  Then you got a divorce and s*** got real. You were supposed to stay married in his little pretend world. 

I hate to say it as I know work pays you well but if he doesnt stop, you need to leave your place or work/ask for a transfer elsewhere if possible (can you work from home?) I know it's not practical because they pay you well. Or the biggest show stopper would just be to call his wife. That'll end it for sure. 

3 hours ago, Lurker123 said:

I feel like I’ve posted like a broken record over the last year- taken the advice and then forgotten about it. That needs to change. 

You have. That is accurate. You continue not to see him for the waste of space he is but glad you continue coming back. So we are getting somewhere slowly with ya!  Slowly, you are coming around to the idea that he isn't all he is cracked up to be. One day you're going to gag over this and feel sick to your stomach over how much you gave him credit for and how naive you have been. 

Stay the course here, Lurker. I promise a year out from now, if you stay the course, listen and exercise the advice given here, you will see him for all he is... which is lying, cheating, cake eating a**h***. You will genuinely wonder what the heck you ever saw in this man. You changed the rules when you got divorced. He enjoyed you more when you were married and not a threat who would take his marriage out at the knees. He didnt want to be divorced. He wanted to cheat and get away with it and you were the perfect mate when you were also married because you werent a threat to his marriage when this began. That's why you were chosen. You were unavailable. Now that you're available, it makes life hard and that's no fun anymore.... so we find you here. 

Keep coming back, keep responding here, keep asking for help and guidance. This is where you should be. IC is wonderful and with time and energy spent with your counselor you will get to a better place with all of this. 

Edited January 10, 2020 by Daisydooks

[stillafool]

Why not block this man from reaching you?  You aren't helping yourself by keeping a line open for him to contact so why not cut the chord?

[Lurker123]

Wow thank you DaisyDooks- that really hit hard with a LOT of home truths in there, but that was exactly what I needed to read right now! I must have read your post at least four times and I will continue to read it each time I am feeling down and not strong about this. 
 

I read through my own thread a few nights ago- and it was almost laughable where I was when I made that first post. I have tough days to overcome I know this, but I know I can do this. I think the fact I have seen him as so insincere the last time I saw him, hammered the last nail in for me- it was like I was looking at a different person.  I read another thread on here earlier, someone in a similar situation, but still giving in and I felt the frustration as you did with me- I too want to grab her and scream that it’s all a lie and don’t let yourself get in any deeper!

As for the key- I couldn’t care less whether I have it back or not. He’s not ballsy enough to just turn up at my house and let himself in- it was given more as a token of trust. By asking for it back- it felt like the final closure to me- and I knew he would have felt that, but you are right, it’s all a game, one that I no longer want any part off! 
 

I have organised lots going forward- days out with my children, days and nights out with friends the weekends I don’t have them and like Mark has suggested in previous posts I am going to try and get out amongst nature a bit more, go for walks and clear my head! Sadly one of the other things I had to give up as part of separating with H was my dog and I miss her massively, but I am going to try and take friends dogs for walks as I really did find that quite therapeutic whilst going through my separation with H. I am also going to be continuing the IC as I noticed so much difference even after one session!

Thank you all again for your support and taking time out to write posts to a complete stranger- it means so much and helps massively on the down days! I am so glad I found this site.