Do You See What I See?

[oldshirt]

If you don't have kids together, why hasn't she been working the last 10 years?

 

What has she been doing with herself all day for 10 years?

[oldshirt]

Really good advice in dealing with her. You can, however, disclose the truth to others. Watch the extortion angle when dealing with her.

 

Disclose to others once the handle has been pulled and the plans that have been worked out have been carried out. That may be weeks.

 

This will take strength and discipline.

 

Y'all are getting to be like a school of sharks and alligators that have picked up the smell of blood in the water and are now wanting to go on a feeding frenzy and draw more blood.

 

This must be delt with by cool heads, discipline, strength and methodical, step by step maneuvering.

 

This is a chess game, not an MMA Battle Royale.

[turnera]

Hero, are you close to her parents? Is she? If so, I might suggest having them there with you when she gets back, for an 'intervention.' Where you set out what happyman suggests, with her parents there for backup: choose me RIGHT NOW or you'll be divorced and lose everything.

 

If not, I'd go with happyman's advice.

 

Please trust me, I've been doing this for a couple decades, and I know what will work with a cheating woman and what won't. The ONLY hope you have of saving the marriage is swift, firm, confident willingness to DITCH HER - TODAY- if she doesn't come 100% clean and make a vow to end it and quit her job. TODAY. No excuses, no 'let me have closure,' no nothing. Women have to respect their men; she went with him because he was 'strong' enough to pursue her; it's in women's DNA to be attracted to that. She'll swing that vision back around to you ONLY if you react swiftly, strongly, and confidently.

[WomenWubber]

Be stone cold. Let her live in her fantasy world while you prepare your ammo for court. I'd advice against exposing the affair since your goal now is to divorce asap. Exposing thr affair will just make her go into bat**** mode, which is something you want to avoid.

 

You never really know a woman until you have divorced her once.

[oldshirt]

A side note: She either has the worst case of affair fog I have seen here on LS, or she is ready to hit the detonation button on the marriage herself.

 

(Or she is simply diabolical and evil)

 

In all cases, this is a very high-risk scenario and she is very dangerous.

 

Please be encouraging Hero to keep a cool head and be thoughtful and methodical and everyone put away your weapons and your thirst for blood and vengeance at this stage of the game.

 

There will be enough blood spilled no matter how well this goes.

[gettingstronger]

Cliche advice but please

 

get as much sleep as you can

drink water and eat!!!

if you don't exercise, this is a good time to start-even if its just walking-if you do exercise-keep on doing that

surround yourself with people you love and trust

don't worry about making the right or wrong move right now-everything will feel both right and wrong all at the same time

love yourself and your son like never before

 

Its the most off balance you will probably ever feel in your life-its OK, you will make it another day and the day after that too-

 

No matter what you decide- divorce or reconciliation-its a long, slow process- give yourself time-

 

And again- any decision you make now is not set in stone so don't feel like you have to make all the right moves or say all the right things- thoughts will enter your mind and things will come out of your mouth that don't even feel like you-its OK- keep going and hold your head up- we have been there and done that-its zero fun but you will be OK-

[Try]

I decided to blow this thing out of the water now, to hell with the holidays

I like what HappyMan wrote and will probably use that as a template

Papers will be drawn up, letters will be drafted and ready to expose both her and her boy toy

Family members will be notified,

I will protect what's legally mine

 

She can spend Thanksgiving at her boy toy's house

I'm having Thanksgiving with my son in my own home

I am glad that you decided to blow this out of the waters now rather than waiting. I was thinking of suggesting this, but was concerned that you were under too much pressure.

 

One more thing. Do not tell her what you know or how you know it. Just tell her that you know that she has been cheating on you with this other man, and that you want a divorce. Tell her that you have all the proof that you need for yourself to make the decision to divorce, and that you do not owe her showing her your proof. Tell her that if she still has any integrity, decency, or remorse, she would confess everything to you right now instead of playing the you must prove it to me cheaters game. Tell her that a full and complete confession with remorse is the only thing that would get you to maybe think things over, but no promises are being made by you right now.

Edited November 23, 2015 by Try

[Hero]

Hero is all smiles, finally a bit of good news

 

Decided the best course of action right now is to call in the cavalry and surround myself with loved ones, can't go through this alone.

 

called my little sister, older brother and my son, told them everything

 

my son got quiet, then asked me if I was alright, told him yes

he's pretty angry at what she's done

told him I didn't want to come between him and STBXW

he said "are you serious?, you're my dad, end of conversation"

 

my oldest brother from Atlanta said he's catching a flight out here

decided he's going to spend the holidays here with me

said I needed family with me right now, told me I'm not in this alone (tears)

 

my sister is a different story

she never liked my STBXW, something that women can sense in other women I guess, I don't know

 

my sister's response was classic

"I told you not to marry that B!tch, I knew it, I knew it

If you don't kick her @ss to the curb, I'll do it for free!"

 

don't you love little sisters?

 

Anyways, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy right now, sister decided to change her plans for Thanksgiving

she and her family are coming here instead

can't wait to see my nieces and nephews, it's been awhile

 

STBXW won't come near the house once she finds out my sister is here

 

so there it is folks, Hero will be spending Thanksgiving with lots of family in his own house with own his dog

[Hero]

If you don't have kids together, why hasn't she been working the last 10 years?

 

What has she been doing with herself all day for 10 years?

let's just say she's been living the good life

[CarrieT]

Hero, this is my first chime-in on your thread - although I have been following along - and I am thrilled your family will be there for you and with you through this.

 

Bravo and well done!

[Hero]

Hero, I did not take the comments "you're weak" and "she's out of your league" to be disparaging comments about you...

 

I took them as acknowledgements that you have loved, trusted, and given of yourself to your wife in your marriage (as spouses should do with one another) and that she is waaaaaay ahead of you in how to manipulate others/circumstances to her - and ONLY her - benefit.

 

You did nothing wrong loving her and being her partner and mate through the life you'd built together; you will only be doing *wrong* by continuing to love her and being her partner and mate, while she works to destroy everything you [two] had together.

 

 

Best of everything to you, during this very troubling time...

 

Thanks, I knew the comments weren't directed at me personally

I know everyone here is only trying to help

[Marc878]

Hero, I did not take the comments "you're weak" and "she's out of your league" to be disparaging comments about you...

 

I took them as acknowledgements that you have loved, trusted, and given of yourself to your wife in your marriage (as spouses should do with one another) and that she is waaaaaay ahead of you in how to manipulate others/circumstances to her - and ONLY her - benefit.

 

You did nothing wrong loving her and being her partner and mate through the life you'd built together; you will only be doing *wrong* by continuing to love her and being her partner and mate, while she works to destroy everything you [two] had together.

 

 

Best of everything to you, during this very troubling time...

 

This was about concern for you. I feel the same way.

 

I'm very glad you have brought your family in for support. No one should be alone at a time like this.

 

Very smart on your part. Nice job!!!!!!!!

[Hero]

update:

 

pictures and videos just mysteriously disappeared from his facebook page

[Marc878]

update:

 

pictures and videos just mysteriously disappeared from his facebook page

 

You did save them to your files, correct?

 

It'll be interesting how she explains why you weren't invited since spouses were allowed to go????

 

I think I'd see how much she can lie before I dropped the bomb on her.

 

That will be very interesting.

 

Hey man, again sorry you are here.

Edited November 24, 2015 by Marc878

[mrldii]

update:

 

pictures and videos just mysteriously disappeared from his facebook page

 

Because she knows something's up.

 

Neither confirm nor deny.

 

That's the magical part of 'silence': it drives 'em bat-sh*t crazy trying to figure out just what all you do know.

 

 

I am very, very glad that your family will be surrounding you this holiday, along with your dog.

[oldshirt]

let's just say she's been living the good life

 

Do some further digging and peel back some more layers and you will find that this is not her first rodeo.

 

The other poster(s) that said you weren't in her league were not putting you down or saying that she is better than you. They were saying that she is a shark and has more guile and a more experienced manipulator than you.

 

I tend to agree with them. I think this goes deeper and is a lot more darker than you even realize. You may have been getting played for a lot longer than you realize.

 

 

 

......and sisters are rarely wrong if they think their big brothers are involved with a snake in the grass.

[Hero]

You did save them to your files, correct?

 

It'll be interesting how she explains why you weren't invited since spouses were allowed to go????

 

I think I'd see how much she can lie before I dropped the bomb on her.

 

That will be very interesting.

 

Hey man, again sorry you are here.

 

yes, everything is backed up

thanks again for the support

[ShatteredLady]

Hero. I recently had my heart broken by the one person in this world I believed completely would always be there for me. It's beyond brutal. There aren't words. I'm so glad that you are going to have your family there for you. That's wonderful!

 

PLEASE, Please remember this.... Eventually you are going to talk, shout, scream & cry. She will tell you that's "Things have been bad in your marriage for a long time.". She is going to rewrite your marital history. The sane part of your mind knows this but part of what she says is going to burn its way into your mind, heart & soul. DON'T LET IT!!! It's all twaddle!!

 

Please don't let this change you. Don't let this break you & don't let this make you doubt yourself. When people betray its ALL on them!! She won't be able to handle that reality...it makes her a shallow, thoughtless cow....she NEEDS to blame you & she will!! You know that you are better than this!

 

I know this isn't as valuable advise as you've been given by the great members here. I'm just telling you what I wish someone had told me! It's not my fault & it's not your fault. We loved. We trusted. We had faith. This isn't our fault in any way!

[Dylon]

Wow, either you started a really well scripted story to entertain us (happening really fast) or it's one heck of a sad incident. My eyes went wet when you told us about the family part.

 

I have to believe it's real. Hard to get over the pace. Keep us updated.

 

I'm glad you got your family to support you. Sounds like a bunch of great posters here to help you along.

[Marc878]

You don't owe her a thing now. Of course she'll want you back immediately.

 

Make your decisions in your own time. Enjoy your family time. Let her simmer alone or with her boyfriend.

 

The thing you have to decide is can you live with this in your life going forward?

 

Your life is going to be what you make of it. Take plenty of time an make your choice wisely. Once trust is lost its almost impossible to get back.

 

Do not be deceived being sorry for getting caught is not the same as remorse for what you've done.

[Marc878]

Don't forget!!!! First thing!!! Secure your finances!!!!

 

If they aren't separate do it yesterday!

 

Cancel all credit cards that you have with her that you can be liable for.

[Marc878]

If it were me I'd text and tell her she wasn't allowed back in the house without an STD test.

 

Just my way of saying thanks.

 

Ps: I'd copy everyone including her parents.

 

But I'm a hard case.

[Hero]

Wow, either you started a really well scripted story to entertain us (happening really fast) or it's one heck of a sad incident. My eyes went wet when you told us about the family part.

 

I have to believe it's real. Hard to get over the pace. Keep us updated.

 

I'm glad you got your family to support you. Sounds like a bunch of great posters here to help you along.

 

sorry to disappoint you, I don't do drama.

 

The only thing happening fast here are the great responses

and my decision to stop giving my wife everything she wants

 

thanks for the support

[lil hoodlum]

From the cheaters handbook:

 

1. Gas-light the cheated, i.e. "you're crazy!"

2. Deny, deny, and deny.

3. Re-write history.

4. Minimize what happened.

5. Shift the blame onto the cheated.

6. Admit only what is known to the cheated.

7. Trickle-truth.

 

And if all else fails,

 

8. Cry, beg, and plead for a second chance.

[Buckeye2]

It has partially hit the fan. Is she texting anyone about recent events?

 

 

Being able to read her texts is gold. If you do what you said I would confront with all you have but hold back the texts. Let her tell you that you’re crazy etc. Then read her texts to the OM and her friends.