66Charger Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 got all warm and fuzzy reading this you have no idea how badly I would love to do this right now my son visiting just threw a wet blanket over everything will keep for future reference, thanks Thats not revenge Will you allow them another night of "fun" at your expense. Think about that. That would just kill me. Maybe you should stop beibg a hero and start being smart. Do not torture yourself tonight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hero, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Delaying the confrontation will not solve anything. If I was in your shoes i would be too miserable and hurt / alternately raging angry to be able to hide my feelings and pretend life goes on as usual during the holiday period. got all warm and fuzzy reading this you have no idea how badly I would love to do this right now my son visiting just threw a wet blanket over everything will keep for future reference, thanks Your wife already knows something is going on. She will be going into her own detective mode when she gets back. Questioning, blame shifting, gaslighting. Do you really want to deal with this during Thanks Giving? Instead, let her know you know she is in an affair... Tell your wife she needs to stay someplace else during the holidays while you figure out what you want to do with your relationship. Let your son know there are problems, and your wife will not be home for the holidays, but you would love to spend time with him regardless. All the best, S. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hero Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "I know you're mad, but this hasn't exactly been easy for me either things haven't been right between us for awhile. I can only say sorry, so many times You said you would never try to control me, but that's exactly how you're making me feel. If you're willing to give your paranoid suspicions a rest maybe we can get you some help when I get back. Yes, I love you that much, see you when I get home p.s. don't forget to feed the dog. hugs, kisses ======================================================== absolutely certifiable Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hero, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Delaying the confrontation will not solve anything. If I was in your shoes i would be too miserable and hurt / alternately raging angry to be able to hide my feelings and pretend life goes on as usual during the holiday period. Your wife already knows something is going on. She will be going into her own detective mode when she gets back. Questioning, blame shifting, gaslighting. Do you really want to deal with this during Thanks Giving? Instead, let her know you know she is in an affair... Tell your wife she needs to stay someplace else during the holidays while you figure out what you want to do with your relationship. Let your son know there are problems, and your wife will not be home for the holidays, but you would love to spend time with him regardless. All the best, S. Probaly a good idea. There is no way I could fake it. The worst thing that could happen is that it blows up bad while family is there. You must prevent that. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "I know you're mad, but this hasn't exactly been easy for me either things haven't been right between us for awhile. I can only say sorry, so many times You said you would never try to control me, but that's exactly how you're making me feel. If you're willing to give your paranoid suspicions a rest maybe we can get you some help when I get back. Yes, I love you that much, see you when I get home p.s. don't forget to feed the dog. hugs, kisses ======================================================== absolutely certifiable Wow. Send the text. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 ... When she comes home, tell her ONLY 2 things. 1. It is over between us. 2. I know everything. (without adding any detail) That's it. If you feel you have to talk further, repeat those words over and over. After few days, She must make lots of efforts in order to make you talking to her. tell her that the only way you are willing to listen, that if she start telling you everything. If she's lying even once, conversation over, bye bye... I advice you simultaneously to go to a lawyer, and start the paper work. Next time she wants to talk, tell her that next time you're willing to talk to her is only after she's quitting her job. Never make accusations, never be angry with her about her affair or behavior. Try to pretend indifferent. I'm so sorry for you... This. Absofrickenlutely this. Especially THIS part. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "maybe we can get you some help when I get back. ======================================================== absolutely certifiable Chapter 5 in cheaters book - trying to make you belive you're insane. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "I know you're mad, but this hasn't exactly been easy for me either things haven't been right between us for awhile. I can only say sorry, so many times You said you would never try to control me, but that's exactly how you're making me feel. If you're willing to give your paranoid suspicions a rest maybe we can get you some help when I get back. Yes, I love you that much, see you when I get home p.s. don't forget to feed the dog. hugs, kisses ======================================================== absolutely certifiable That is preemptive gas lighting. Damn she is good... totally rewriting history now too. Really, do you want to pretend during the holidays? She needs a wake up call. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I personaly would send her everything. Flood her phone with all the pics and text. Then follow the advice and ask her to not join the family for the holidays. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "I know you're mad, but this hasn't exactly been easy for me either things haven't been right between us for awhile. I can only say sorry, so many times You said you would never try to control me, but that's exactly how you're making me feel. If you're willing to give your paranoid suspicions a rest maybe we can get you some help when I get back. Yes, I love you that much, see you when I get home p.s. don't forget to feed the dog. hugs, kisses ======================================================== absolutely certifiable WOW. I'm surprised she can walk, with balls that big. She sure is following the script. A really poorly-written, made-for-TV Lifetime movie script, but following a script nonetheless. Further evidence (if any more was needed) that she's obviously f*cked her brains out, leaving her completely senseless. She's approaching pathologically dangerous for you to even consider allowing her to be around you or your son and his wife. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I need ot re-emphasize: Get out in front of this story before she begins her smear campaign. Do it with no anger. sadness is okay. Betrayed folks really need to be award of a thing called "fundamantal attribution error" in dealing with this. It is a simple concept that goes like this as regards infidelity ( it is seen in all types of situations): As a betrayed man, in particular, the smear campaign , typically, includes allegations of abuse and controlling or raging etc. So, when a betrayed man acts angrily in any fashion ( a normal response) , it plays into the cheater's characterization of him as rageful/abusive. For some reason, many folks do little analysis of the situation, and simply notice the anger. They , completely, ignore the fact that any normal person will be angry about something like this. In their minds, they see anger. They hear the allegations about anger/abuse etc and see you in this angry state and buy inot this being your typical demeanor. Practiced Cluster B's know this , either instinctively or through years of employing this technique. In short, when you begin disclosing, as you should do right away to get out in front of this, be cognizant of how you appear/come off to your audience. Calm, sad, resiigned etc works best. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Please please please don't tell her what you know! Knowledge is your only power right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 WOW. I'm surprised she can walk, with balls that big. She sure is following the script. A really poorly-written, made-for-TV Lifetime movie script, but following a script nonetheless. He is not in her league... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I personaly would send her everything. Flood her phone with all the pics and text. Then follow the advice and ask her to not join the family for the holidays. Spending time with family is a privilege, NOT a right. She no longer enjoys the privileges a marriage - and therefore, a family by extension - provides. Choices come with consequences; she must accept the consequences of her choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 That is preemptive gas lighting. Damn she is good... totally rewriting history now too. Really, do you want to pretend during the holidays? She needs a wake up call. EXCEPT ( and this is a big EXCEPT), she is unaware of the extent of his knowledge. She is bluffing and is completely in the dark about his having such incredible, irrefutable proof. Once she sees he has it, the scenario could go a number of ways: Fake contrition; rage and smear campaign with DV charges thrown in, and , invariably, when she folds her tent on denying the facts, the blame shifting will be incredible. All the signs are there for an entitled Cluster B, most likely NPD: the attention to her appearance; the sitting home, until recently, being fully supported by her H ( imagine the extent of her leisure time with no kids). the infidelity itself ( one of the hallmarks of the disordered), and the cruelty displayed in ridiculing him with the other man. This woman is no run of the mill cheater, although most seem to be disrdered to some degree. She has a real big mean streak, bigger than a lot of NPDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Just got this text message from the wife ======================================================= "I know you're mad, but this hasn't exactly been easy for me either things haven't been right between us for awhile. I can only say sorry, so many times You said you would never try to control me, but that's exactly how you're making me feel. If you're willing to give your paranoid suspicions a rest maybe we can get you some help when I get back. Yes, I love you that much, see you when I get home p.s. don't forget to feed the dog. hugs, kisses ======================================================== absolutely certifiable This is pure cheater script. It's all your fault you made me cheat, etc. Make no mistake cheating is no mistake it's done knowingly and willingly. This is 100% on her. No one deserves this kind of disrespect. Do not make excuses and do full exposure immediately. Everyone. Family, friends, work, etc. This was on her not you. The big question is could you ever live with this now????? She has zero respect for you and from what you've posted their is no marriage to save. I'd have her stuff on the front porch and new locks on the door. Sorry you are here man. Do not be their fool any longer. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Spending time with family is a privilege, NOT a right. She no longer enjoys the privileges a marriage - and therefore, a family by extension - provides. Choices come with consequences; she must accept the consequences of her choices. Perhaps a slide show with screenshots of her communications as an intermission between main courses and dessert? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Please please please don't tell her what you know! Knowledge is your only power right now. Lola, Why? He really does not need any more evidence than what he has already. the fact that she is trying to rewrite marital history and gas light OP at this stage says it all. The wife is toxic. OP needs to protect himself. OP, I agree with the others. Send a short text. " I know you are in an affair with OM ( insert name), please stay some where else while I figure out what to do with my life". Do not give your evidence at this time. Wait to see her response. The wife response will set the stage for your next course of action. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Perhaps a slide show with screenshots of her communications as an intermission between main courses and dessert? Sent to her parents 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Perhaps a slide show with screenshots of her communications as an intermission between main courses and dessert? Oh, alright. If she simply insists she must be part of the family festivities, I'll go against my own advice as to not really exacting revenge, for reals and instead to just think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hero Can I make a suggestion. Reply to your wife. Let her know this "I know everything You have played me for months. I have seen all the emails. I have seen all the texts. I have seen the videos of you together that your boyfriend posted on his FaceBook page. We can divorce amicably. or If you continue this level of deceit or make me out to be mentally unstable I will bury you. I will send every text, picture, video, screenshots of your FB pages as well as your crotchless undies to your family, coworkers and management team. You and your BF will be looking for jobs when I get done. You either start with the truth now or sign the divorce papers I am leaving on the kitchen table for you. Respectfully, The Fool" Make sure everything is backed up. Keep all evidence in a safe place including clothing. Do not pick her up at the airport. Cancel Thanksgiving with your son or take him and your daughter in law to a hotel for thanksgiving. Print off self help divorce papers for your state and leave them on the table for her. Do not hide the truth. End the affair. Ruin her last night with him. And hold her accountable. Her level of disrespect for you is off the charts. Show her consequences now. HM 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Trying really hard to pull myself together, last time I cried was at my mom's funeral, have a reputation of being the strong silent type, but a little while ago I couldn't hold it in any longer and I just broke down. I would have moved heaven and earth for this woman, she knows that No one ever had a hold on me like she did. I think that's my problem right there, I spoiled her. My son snapped me out it when he called a little while ago. With everything going on I completely forgot about the holidays My son and his wife will be here Wednesday for Thanksgiving. Didn't tell him what was going on, but he could sense something was wrong. Yes, I have an adult son, she has no kids, she can't. May have to change plans and hold off until after the holiday. If we divorce I really don't care what she wants to take with her But she can't have my d@mn dog, I love this dog she can go, the dog stays, my dog is loyal Surely you aren't going to try and live with this/her over the holidays??????? Back up all your documents and put them in a safe secure place. You need to protect your finances now. Freeze your accounts or take her off immediately. You cannot trust her with anything!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Lola, Why? He really does not need any more evidence than what he has already. the fact that she is trying to rewrite marital history and gas light OP at this stage says it all. The wife is toxic. OP needs to protect himself. OP, I agree with the others. Send a short text. " I know you are in an affair with OM ( insert name), please stay some where else while I figure out what to do with my life". Do not give your evidence at this time. Wait to see her response. The wife response will set the stage for your next course of action. I agree with lola...knowledge is power and that she is waaaay out of his league. Any of his knowledge of her activities that he shares with her, gives her the information she needs to come up with enough *good* cover stories, possible plausible reasons as to what he's seen with his own two lying eyes isn't really what happened, and to rewrite history to cover her own bad behavior and put it on him to all the others she tells Their Newly Rewritten Story to. By telling her nothing she has no idea which part she needs to put the spin on. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Lola, Why? He really does not need any more evidence than what he has already. the fact that she is trying to rewrite marital history and gas light OP at this stage says it all. The wife is toxic. OP needs to protect himself. OP, I agree with the others. Send a short text. " I know you are in an affair with OM ( insert name), please stay some where else while I figure out what to do with my life". Do not give your evidence at this time. Wait to see her response. The wife response will set the stage for your next course of action. What you say is very wise and makes sence - For a person who can act logically. I don't trust OP's logic right now. He is in a very sensitive fragile position right now and she is very clever and has tremendous impact over him. She will know how to turn things up side down. He is no real opponent against her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hero Can I make a suggestion. Reply to your wife. Let her know this "I know everything You have played me for months. I have seen all the emails. I have seen all the texts. I have seen the videos of you together that your boyfriend posted on his FaceBook page. We can divorce amicably. or If you continue this level of deceit or make me out to be mentally unstable I will bury you. I will send every text, picture, video, screenshots of your FB pages as well as your crotchless undies to your family, coworkers and management team. You and your BF will be looking for jobs when I get done. You either start with the truth now or sign the divorce papers I am leaving on the kitchen table for you. Respectfully, The Fool" Make sure everything is backed up. Keep all evidence in a safe place including clothing. Do not pick her up at the airport. Cancel Thanksgiving with your son or take him and your daughter in law to a hotel for thanksgiving. Print off self help divorce papers for your state and leave them on the table for her. HM NO!!! NO!! You're giving her ammunition, Sge can go to the police with it. NO! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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