she texted me "I miss you" after I went NC

[Chi townD]

Personally, I have never heard of someone coming straight out and saying "I screwed up, you're totally right, please take me back, I'll do anything, you're the greatest, etc". I have seen an ex try to move mountains to get back with someone (myself included) but communication never started with the ex pouring their guts out. To me, people that expect that to happen, harbor a lot of hate still...

 

 

 

Ummm...good try, but no. The thing with veterans on here is that vets have a clear understanding of what breadcrumbs are and their purpose. Breadcrumbs can be very harmful because they fill you with false hope and only to see folks getting their hearts broken and back to square one for eating up these crumbs. Hell, I've seen people eating up loaves on here!

 

 

Now, you say that communication never started out with an Ex pouring their guts out. And for the most part, you would be right! But you can't glean our Ex's intentions by a simple text that says "Hi!" or "How are you?" And more times than not, those are simple breadcrumbs. They know they hurt you and they just want to see if you hate them. So, why humor them.

 

 

If they REALLY wanted to get back with you, they would do more than just leave a "Hi!" text. Once they see that those texts aren't working, they would do more. Some Ex's will wait outside their classrooms, or wait by their cars when the dumpee gets off of work. Or even a really simple concept of walking up to their frickin door's and knock!

[Simon Phoenix]

Rav, you're barking up the wrong tree around here. :-)

 

I agree with you totally, but most folks around here do a lot of projecting (myself included). The best thing any poster here can do is gleen information and adapt it to what they are faced with. They know what's on the other side of the river (meaning their ex) and we truly don't.

 

Sometimes I laugh to myself in thinking that a pitch fork and a torch should be given away when you sign up for these boards.

 

Personally, I have never heard of someone coming straight out and saying "I screwed up, you're totally right, please take me back, I'll do anything, you're the greatest, etc". I have seen an ex try to move mountains to get back with someone (myself included) but communication never started with the ex pouring their guts out. To me, people that expect that to happen, harbor a lot of hate still...

 

Every successful reconciliation that has lasted among people I know has had this happen. I'm sick and tired of posters saying that this doesn't happen because it's just not true at all. My brother-in-law did this exact thing with my sister, one of my good friends did this with his now wife, hell, I had an ex do this with me and I decided it was best not to go down that path. You can disagree without coming up with false agendas. Make your stance with coherent points and logic -- stop calling posters that don't agree with you bitter pills. It's obnoxious and completely undermines your point.

 

I do agree that if enough time has passed and you have gotten over everything, there's nothing wrong with rolling with the punches. However, I don't believe this particular poster -- or any poster who comes on here asking what they should do -- are at that point.

[ravfour4]

A hi is obviously a bread crumb - she was probably just sad that moment and wanted to reach out to know you still like her enough to talk to her to self-validate.

 

That's different than I miss you and I truly mean it and I've been talking to my friends about it.

 

Just like everyone says to have pride and self respect on here, a dumper should do the same. If you tell the person you dumped you miss them and they don't respond, is it not respectful to leave it be? You think they should just make an idiot of themselves by bombarding the person they dumped with texts making them look like a vulnerable fool only to find out the dumpee moved on and no longer gives a grab? I don't think so. All of these situations have 2 sides, not just 1.

[frigginlost]

Ummm...good try, but no. The thing with veterans on here is that vets have a clear understanding of what breadcrumbs are and their purpose. Breadcrumbs can be very harmful because they fill you with false hope and only to see folks getting their hearts broken and back to square one for eating up these crumbs. Hell, I've seen people eating up loaves on here!

 

 

Now, you say that communication never started out with an Ex pouring their guts out. And for the most part, you would be right! But you can't glean our Ex's intentions by a simple text that says "Hi!" or "How are you?" And more times than not, those are simple breadcrumbs. They know they hurt you and they just want to see if you hate them. So, why humor them.

 

 

If they REALLY wanted to get back with you, they would do more than just leave a "Hi!" text. Once they see that those texts aren't working, they would do more. Some Ex's will wait outside their classrooms, or wait by their cars when the dumpee gets off of work. Or even a really simple concept of walking up to their frickin door's and knock!

 

Chi, of course, with all do respect, I'm not a 25 year old college student. I'm 47 years old, been married, and have had plenty of girlfriends to garner me one of the veterans of relationships.

 

I have the utmost respect for the advice you give, but at times you and some of the other go into the fire with blinders on. I understand that completely. You're trying to protect, and I admire that. What I have issue with, is that folks (and I include myself) tend to wash over everything as "one size fits all". It simply is not that way.

 

While I do buy into the fact that a simple "Hi!" text is shallow, what if I was to tell you that I know of a happily married couple of 8 years all based on a text of an asterisk from her to him?

 

Believe it or not, there are people with severe self-esteem issues that do not just come right out and say what they are trying to get across out of utter fear of rejection.

 

I will completely and totally back anybody up on using NC straight out of a relationship if it was not the friendliest of breakups. But I think months down the road (like you have stated), it does not matter what is sent. The only thing that matters is how far someone has come in regards to being able to reply to it...

Edited June 29, 2015 by frigginlost

[frigginlost]

Every successful reconciliation that has lasted among people I know has had this happen. I'm sick and tired of posters saying that this doesn't happen because it's just not true at all. My brother-in-law did this exact thing with my sister, one of my good friends did this with his now wife, hell, I had an ex do this with me and I decided it was best not to go down that path. You can disagree without coming up with false agendas. Make your stance with coherent points and logic -- stop calling posters that don't agree with you bitter pills. It's obnoxious and completely undermines your point.

 

I do agree that if enough time has passed and you have gotten over everything, there's nothing wrong with rolling with the punches. However, I don't believe this particular poster -- or any poster who comes on here asking what they should do -- are at that point.

 

And I'm sick and tired of some posters stating that it is the *only* way that it should happen. That is simply untrue. Sorry.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, of course, with all do respect, I'm not a 25 year old college student. I'm 47 years old, been married, and have had plenty of girlfriends to garner me one of the veterans of relationships.

 

I have the utmost respect for the advice you give, but at times you and some of the other go into the fire with blinders on. I understand that completely. You're trying to protect, and I admire that. What I have issue with, is that folks (and I include myself) tend to wash over everything as "one size fits all". It simply is not that way.

 

While I do buy into the fact that a simple "Hi!" text is shallow, what if I was to tell you that I know of a happily married couple of 8 years all based on a text of an asterisk from her to him?

 

Believe it or not, there are people with severe self-esteem issues that do not just come right out and say what they are trying to get across out of utter fear of rejection.

 

I will completely and totally back anybody up on using NC straight out of a relationship if it was not the friendliest of breakups. But I think months down the road (like you have stated), it does not matter what is sent. The only thing that matters is how far someone has come in regards to being able to reply to it...

 

I'm not 25 either and have no problem with differing opinions -- sites like this would be useless without them. What I do have issue with is dismissing people who have a certain opinion as bitter or jaded. You can make your point without the political smear campaign.

 

As far as the OP, if he was on secure footing emotionally this thread would have never took place. And if him ignoring this message is enough to dissuade her, then I doubt her sincerity. Also, she's sold him this bill of goods multiple times.

[Simon Phoenix]

And I'm sick and tired of some posters stating that it is the *only* way that it should happen. That is simply untrue. Sorry.

 

I didn't say that. I just refuted your point that it never happens.

[frigginlost]

I didn't say that. I just refuted your point that it never happens.

 

Fair enough.

 

Simon, please do not take my disagreement with anything other than respectfully doing so. I have the highest regards for folks like you and Chi.

[Chi townD]

 

While I do buy into the fact that a simple "Hi!" text is shallow, what if I was to tell you that I know of a happily married couple of 8 years all based on a text of an asterisk from her to him?

 

 

 

First off, thank you for your post. I do enjoy a respectful debate and you sir, have a lot of class.

 

 

If your friends reconnected by an asterisk; then in my opinion, they are definitely in the minority. That just doesn't happen that often.

 

 

The concept of NC isn't a tool which dictates that we will NEVER talk to our Ex's again. Two people could have had a mutual and respectful break up and I would still tell that person to go into NC. NC is a tool to help us heal and move on from the relationship. If the break up was mutual and respectful, you can still harbor romantic feelings for your Ex and that's where things can go south as far as a friendship is concerned. I would always tell people to stay in NC until every romantic feeling for your Ex is gone and when you think of your Ex you feel nothing but indifferent towards them. Then, and only then, should they entertain the idea of a friendship with an Ex.

 

 

NC is one of the only tools we have to safeguard our feelings from getting further hurt. I feel that if our Ex's truly wanted to get back with us, they would make their intentions known. They would do more than simple texts that give us no indications of their intentions.

[Chi townD]

 

Just like everyone says to have pride and self respect on here, a dumper should do the same. If you tell the person you dumped you miss them and they don't respond, is it not respectful to leave it be? You think they should just make an idiot of themselves by bombarding the person they dumped with texts making them look like a vulnerable fool only to find out the dumpee moved on and no longer gives a grab? I don't think so. All of these situations have 2 sides, not just 1.

 

 

 

Well, here's the rub. They dumped you. They made a choice and that choice was to have you out of their lives. They told you that your services as a boyfriend or girlfriend was no longer required. That they no longer see you as their intimate partner. And they want you to respect their decision and abide by it.

 

 

By not responding, aren't you giving them exactly what they were asking for? For you to be gone from their lives? They dumped you. They were in the drivers seat when they ended the relationship. They don't get to dictate what kind of relationship they get to have with you post-break up. You are not friends. I'm pretty sure you didn't enter into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being that you are nothing more than a "really good friend" to them.

 

 

Can you be friends in the future? Sure. But you need to heal and move your life in a positive direction. You need to lose all romantic feelings for your Ex. And you can't do that if the object of your affection is constantly reaching out with you and stringing you along with false hope.

 

 

They made the choice to end it and you're just following through with their wishes. So, you're right, they are not being respectful towards your feelings when they contact you. So, don't feel guilty if you don't respond back.

Edited June 29, 2015 by Chi townD

[darkbloom]

I think there's a lot of misunderstanding around NC. Although NC is not a one size fits all solution, the guidelines are there to protect any more feelings from getting hurt.

 

As with the case of this poster, he is NOT over his ex. She dumped him and pursued another relationship. Now that she found out the grass is indeed NOT greener on the other side, she is back. But she hasn't shown that she is ready to fully reconcile. She DUMPED him and did not want him to be a part of her life anymore. Being dumped is painful and humiliating. If she made a mistake and she knows that the OP is worth it, she will sacrifice her dignity and feelings to let him know because SHE screwed up. If she does not go through these steps, they will get back together for a time just for her to leave him again. Because she never had to admit her mistakes. She never had to make herself vulnerable. Read the countless posts on here about lasting reconciliations, it never lasted without change from the dumper. (People don't change unless they have to.)

 

While you may think chitownd and Simon are jaded, they are not. They are doing their best to protect this guy from getting further hurt by this girl. Encouraging someone to eat breadcrumbs seriously undermines their healing.

[mightycpa]

OP, if you were her former employer, she'd have written you

 

I always thought it was a great place to work. Never forget that!

[Chi townD]

Having an Ex come back after a period of NC. Does it happen? Sometimes. But, you'll also discover that when the Dumpee uses NC in conjunction to making positive changes in his or her life, then discover that they're no longer interested in getting back in a relationship with them.

 

 

Then, sometimes, they're still interested. But (and this is important) the dumpee must set up rules and boundaries to the dumper. The trust is gone and they need to rebuild that trust. The dumpee might request complete transparency in the relationship and maybe couples counseling. Dumpers think that they can waltz right back into the relationship and be the same as before. When they discover they actually have to work on the relationship and that you don't want things back the way they were before, the dumper can get turned off by that and have a change of heart.

 

 

But, if he or she is truly remorseful and shows they will put in the work. Then, maybe they have a shot.

 

 

Just remember, this RARELY happens.

[ZiggyZoo]

Well, FWIW, I'm one whose ex (the dumper) sent a "I'm sorry, here's what I did wrong and how I'm going to do things differently, please give me a second chance" letter. So it DOES happen, absolutely. And I went true NC, no way for him to get ahold of me otherwise. I didn't want these stupid, confusing little nothing messages so I headed them off at the pass. I asked him what made him send the letter, and he said that he realized he had nothing else to lose but everything to gain by doing so.

 

That's exactly the sort of thing you should be waiting for. Especially since you told her in no uncertain terms that you didn't want any further contact unless she wanted to start over. She's actually being quite disrespectful and not honoring the boundaries you have set in place regarding that. But I wouldn't respond. If she's serious, she will make a real effort. Or if she doesn't, then she's basically telling you everything you need to know about her intentions.

[ravfour4]

Idk Ziggy, I've read your story but in a less committed relationship than yours like OP's you could view the I miss you truly let me know if you want to talk as that first message; it also sounds like they had kept in contact for a while post break up. I wouldn't expect her to keep pushing after no response out of respect for the dumpee - maybe she'd try once more in a few days with another text but not much more, she's likely afraid of getting denied herself.

 

But, as I mentioned previously this happened soon after she broke up with this other guy and at 3 am, so it doesn't sound good. I'd give it an 85% she just was lonely and vulnerable and 10% she thinks she wants to reconcile - at least at the moment and 5% chance of a sincere long term reconciliation. Whether you take a chance at the unfavorable roulette is up to you. Just know it may hinder your healing significantly.

[heyitsmike]

UPDATE: so last night I responded to her and got this response:

 

"I'm working all day tomorrow and I'm bringing in my phone to have work done on it since it got water damage and hasn't been functioning properly for some time now, but if you wanted to talk about the other night, I need to say I was going through a really rough time. Rough times have been plaguing me for a really long time right now. I was frustrated at everything and I didn't mean for my texts to come off as something else. I wanted to let you know that I did miss you and that I was hoping everything was going well for you. I got into the frustrated tizzy about everything. I just kept questioning why couldn't we just be friends. Because I genuinely would still like to remain friends since you are a really great person in and out with a lot of great qualities. But I know that we can't just be friends because of how you still feel and I will always respect and understand that. I know that it was wrong of me to have been so blatant and I shouldn't have just texted you like that considering the circumstances and how you feel. And I in no way intended to try and evoke any wrong feelings or for any feelings to be misinterpreted. I'm truly sorry for having texted you so abruptly like that. I know it wasn't very fair. But I do understand where you come from and I will always respect that. I really hope you're doing very well, that Val is doing okay( our family friend who is sick), and I hope your family is keeping well. Best wishes Mike, to you and your family. I'm keeping Val close in my prayers. I am praying for her recovery. Goodnight."

 

So surprisingly it looks like those feelings if I miss you were her being frustrated about why we couldn't be friends . And the simple explanation of that isn't solely because I have feelings for her, but because she betrayed my trust last summer by saying one thing but meaning another."

 

I responded back to her by saying if she missed me to give me a call when she got her phone fixed and we can go from there. This gives me the option to talk with her physically and not through texting . And by talk I mean either reiterate my stance to her or just see what happens .

 

Any thoughts on the situation, or more importantly what to tell her if she gives me a call?

 

Truthfully I do not know if I can be friends with her based on that trust factor, but optimally I know that deep down the only way I'd really put in a major effort again on my end is if those efforts were building towards something meaningful . At this point however I struggle between maybe meeting up with her ( for the first time in 10 months) and potentially becoming friendly ( as a method to maybe reignite something) or to stay with my current stance of "all or nothing " / working on rebuilding our relationship.

[frigginlost]

First off, thank you for your post. I do enjoy a respectful debate and you sir, have a lot of class.[

 

Thank you Chi. Coming from you that means a lot.

 

 

If your friends reconnected by an asterisk; then in my opinion, they are definitely in the minority. That just doesn't happen that often.

 

I agree with that 100%. Imagine what would have happened if he never responded to that stupid little text. Nothing. The important thing that needs to said is that, like you and Simon have said, the person receiving the text has to *know* where they are at in regards to their feelings. It is waaay to easy for someone riding emotions to have to start from the painful beginning in getting over someone...

 

 

The concept of NC isn't a tool which dictates that we will NEVER talk to our Ex's again. Two people could have had a mutual and respectful break up and I would still tell that person to go into NC. NC is a tool to help us heal and move on from the relationship. If the break up was mutual and respectful, you can still harbor romantic feelings for your Ex and that's where things can go south as far as a friendship is concerned. I would always tell people to stay in NC until every romantic feeling for your Ex is gone and when you think of your Ex you feel nothing but indifferent towards them. Then, and only then, should they entertain the idea of a friendship with an Ex.

 

Spot on.

 

NC is one of the only tools we have to safeguard our feelings from getting further hurt. I feel that if our Ex's truly wanted to get back with us, they would make their intentions known. They would do more than simple texts that give us no indications of their intentions.

 

I agree to a certain extent. I do feel they would make their intentions known, I just don't think that every person would make them known right up front. Some folks who fear rejection may try an alternate route before giving up the goods.

[frigginlost]

UPDATE: so last night I responded to her and got this response:

 

"I'm working all day tomorrow and I'm bringing in my phone to have work done on it since it got water damage and hasn't been functioning properly for some time now, but if you wanted to talk about the other night, I need to say I was going through a really rough time. Rough times have been plaguing me for a really long time right now. I was frustrated at everything and I didn't mean for my texts to come off as something else. I wanted to let you know that I did miss you and that I was hoping everything was going well for you. I got into the frustrated tizzy about everything. I just kept questioning why couldn't we just be friends. Because I genuinely would still like to remain friends since you are a really great person in and out with a lot of great qualities. But I know that we can't just be friends because of how you still feel and I will always respect and understand that. I know that it was wrong of me to have been so blatant and I shouldn't have just texted you like that considering the circumstances and how you feel. And I in no way intended to try and evoke any wrong feelings or for any feelings to be misinterpreted. I'm truly sorry for having texted you so abruptly like that. I know it wasn't very fair. But I do understand where you come from and I will always respect that. I really hope you're doing very well, that Val is doing okay( our family friend who is sick), and I hope your family is keeping well. Best wishes Mike, to you and your family. I'm keeping Val close in my prayers. I am praying for her recovery. Goodnight."

 

So surprisingly it looks like those feelings if I miss you were her being frustrated about why we couldn't be friends . And the simple explanation of that isn't solely because I have feelings for her, but because she betrayed my trust last summer by saying one thing but meaning another."

 

I responded back to her by saying if she missed me to give me a call when she got her phone fixed and we can go from there. This gives me the option to talk with her physically and not through texting . And by talk I mean either reiterate my stance to her or just see what happens .

 

Any thoughts on the situation, or more importantly what to tell her if she gives me a call?

 

Truthfully I do not know if I can be friends with her based on that trust factor, but optimally I know that deep down the only way I'd really put in a major effort again on my end is if those efforts were building towards something meaningful . At this point however I struggle between maybe meeting up with her ( for the first time in 10 months) and potentially becoming friendly ( as a method to maybe reignite something) or to stay with my current stance of "all or nothing " / working on rebuilding our relationship.

 

Mike, you're in a tough spot. It may be that now you're going to have to decipher what she says when she contacts you, and that is no fun. In other words, you're going to have to read between the lines of what she is saying. Is it an ego boost or is she trying to build a bridge?

 

The best thing you can do is keep living for you right now and totally and completely make her work for it. Do not allow yourself to become an emotional tampon or buddy. If you feel that she is moving that way, shut her down completely and go full bore NC once again.

 

The important thing is not her right now. It's you. Think logically and do nothing that will jeopardize your progress.

[frigginlost]

Well, FWIW, I'm one whose ex (the dumper) sent a "I'm sorry, here's what I did wrong and how I'm going to do things differently, please give me a second chance" letter. So it DOES happen, absolutely. And I went true NC, no way for him to get ahold of me otherwise. I didn't want these stupid, confusing little nothing messages so I headed them off at the pass. I asked him what made him send the letter, and he said that he realized he had nothing else to lose but everything to gain by doing so.

 

That's exactly the sort of thing you should be waiting for. Especially since you told her in no uncertain terms that you didn't want any further contact unless she wanted to start over. She's actually being quite disrespectful and not honoring the boundaries you have set in place regarding that. But I wouldn't respond. If she's serious, she will make a real effort. Or if she doesn't, then she's basically telling you everything you need to know about her intentions.

 

Ziggy, nobody is saying that it does not happen. I'm saying that not everyone is going to be the type of person that does it. Whether we like it or not, people are different and we have to take that into account, which is why we have to allow the poster to decide the route to take. They know the person they are dealing with. We do not. Sure we can give advice based on our experiences, but we can't blanket the situation with "go full NC until they beg" because that is what happened in our situations.

 

Again, the most important thing is that the poster is in a mental state to understand what he/she is receiving from the ex, and is at a point where they fully understand and can handle either good or bad the consequences of hearing from the ex. I'm not talking full indifference, but I am talking about being at a point that they can healthily process and accept without hurting themselves.

[ravfour4]

Well - that response from her was not good. It's basically her saying "whoops, I didn't mean that, I was just all emotional". The 85% chance was right.

 

I wouldn't meet up with her as I can tell you still have deep feelings for her and she's going to be friendly and nice which will make you think she wants to get back together when she doesn't. I'm in some weird friend zone thing with my ex and I'm going to have to cut it off soon - it's annoying and way more frustrating than a normal friendship because she'll say things that make it seem like she still cares when she no longer cares in the same way. Plus communication is awkward and inconsistent - it's not worth it. Ideally you would have ignored her massive message and went back to "only contact me if you want to reconcile" (without needing to actually say that).

[Popsicle]

Damn it, too late. Just read your opening post and I could have told you that she only contacted you for "friendship" (and ego boost) only and to ignore her. I see that you responded, bad idea. Ignore her completely from now on. I speak from experience because I was in her position before.

 

If she wanted more than friendship, her text would have sounded completely different.

Edited June 30, 2015 by Popsicle

[ZiggyZoo]

Ziggy, nobody is saying that it does not happen. I'm saying that not everyone is going to be the type of person that does it. Whether we like it or not, people are different and we have to take that into account, which is why we have to allow the poster to decide the route to take. They know the person they are dealing with. We do not. Sure we can give advice based on our experiences, but we can't blanket the situation with "go full NC until they beg" because that is what happened in our situations.

 

Again, the most important thing is that the poster is in a mental state to understand what he/she is receiving from the ex, and is at a point where they fully understand and can handle either good or bad the consequences of hearing from the ex. I'm not talking full indifference, but I am talking about being at a point that they can healthily process and accept without hurting themselves.

 

Not sure how you took my advice as being "go full NC until they beg"...I have always advocated NC as a way to allow the dumpee to heal, and to be able to step away from the initial panicky feelings post-breakup that would cause one to re-enter an unhealthy relationship just to stop missing the other person. Not to manipulate or cause the other person to come back or anything at all.

 

OP, your ex is being extremely selfish in that message she sent. If you WERE more emotionally removed, you could see it. She says that she misses you, and is contacting you for her own benefit, even though she KNOWS that you don't want her to and that it'll possibly cause misunderstanding. Shoot, here's a direct quote..."And I in no way intended to try and evoke any wrong feelings or for any feelings to get misinterpreted." That says to me loud and clear that she knows the effect this contact may have on you, but she doesn't want to get your hopes up for anything romantic. What else could she mean? If you said to not contact you unless she wants to get back together, and she contacts you, she must want to get back together. Oh wait, unless she states that little disclaimer. She knows full well that her life has been sh*t since you broke up, and she's coming back to you for a bit of ego soothing. The ex who's pining for her still will surely make her feel better. And she's told you that its not to be taken the wrong way, so there's her out when you try to rekindle something. This scenario isn't a new one by any means.

 

I do wish you good luck. I have a feeling that, based on the fact that you've already replied and are questioning your own boundaries, that this isn't going to go well. I can see her using you for a bit until she's feeling better about herself and doing what she's done before and leaving you for someone else. Just remember, the best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. People CAN change, but it honestly doesn't look like she's there yet.

[mightycpa]

I'm working all day tomorrow and I'm bringing in my phone to have work done on it since it got water damage and hasn't been functioning properly for some time now, but if you wanted to talk about the other night, I need to say I was going through a really rough time. Rough times have been plaguing me for a really long time right now. I was frustrated at everything and I didn't mean for my texts to come off as something else. I wanted to let you know that I did miss you and that I was hoping everything was going well for you. I got into the frustrated tizzy about everything. I just kept questioning why couldn't we just be friends. Because I genuinely would still like to remain friends since you are a really great person in and out with a lot of great qualities. But I know that we can't just be friends because of how you still feel and I will always respect and understand that. I know that it was wrong of me to have been so blatant and I shouldn't have just texted you like that considering the circumstances and how you feel. And I in no way intended to try and evoke any wrong feelings or for any feelings to be misinterpreted. I'm truly sorry for having texted you so abruptly like that. I know it wasn't very fair. But I do understand where you come from and I will always respect that. I really hope you're doing very well, that Val is doing okay( our family friend who is sick), and I hope your family is keeping well. Best wishes Mike, to you and your family. I'm keeping Val close in my prayers. I am praying for her recovery. Goodnight.

Translation:

About that message the other night at 3AM... my new boyfriend had just banged me like a fresh set of drums, and then we got in a fight and he said some really mean stuff to me and left. While I was lying there, naked, drunk, crying and dripping with his goo, I remembered how you never did that to me. You were always so nice and sweet and I truly missed you at that moment, so I texted you to tell you so. Then I went to sleep. When I woke up, new BF was back and ready for more, so we had the best makeup sex ever and I'm all better now. I'd forgotten all about the text until just now, so I wanted to make sure you didn't take it the wrong way. I mean, I wasn't lying, I still think you're sweet and all that, but I want to make it clear that you're not for me, OK? I just needed a little validation when I sent it... you understand, right? You're the only guy who puts up with that, all the other guys I do that to either ignore me or are mean to me. But not you Mike, you're really sweet, and I respect you for that. So thank you, thank you, thank you, , but I know I shouldn't take advantage of you like I do, and I probably shouldn't have sent you that text. Don't make a big deal out of it, ok?

[frigginlost]

Not sure how you took my advice as being "go full NC until they beg"...I have always advocated NC as a way to allow the dumpee to heal, and to be able to step away from the initial panicky feelings post-breakup that would cause one to re-enter an unhealthy relationship just to stop missing the other person. Not to manipulate or cause the other person to come back or anything at all.

 

Sorry Ziggy, did not mean to say that it was you saying that. Sorry about that. I was talking in general about folks waiting to hear that type of wording from an ex.

[Simon Phoenix]

UPDATE: so last night I responded to her and got this response:

 

"I'm working all day tomorrow and I'm bringing in my phone to have work done on it since it got water damage and hasn't been functioning properly for some time now, but if you wanted to talk about the other night, I need to say I was going through a really rough time. Rough times have been plaguing me for a really long time right now. I was frustrated at everything and I didn't mean for my texts to come off as something else. I wanted to let you know that I did miss you and that I was hoping everything was going well for you. I got into the frustrated tizzy about everything. I just kept questioning why couldn't we just be friends. Because I genuinely would still like to remain friends since you are a really great person in and out with a lot of great qualities. But I know that we can't just be friends because of how you still feel and I will always respect and understand that. I know that it was wrong of me to have been so blatant and I shouldn't have just texted you like that considering the circumstances and how you feel. And I in no way intended to try and evoke any wrong feelings or for any feelings to be misinterpreted. I'm truly sorry for having texted you so abruptly like that. I know it wasn't very fair. But I do understand where you come from and I will always respect that. I really hope you're doing very well, that Val is doing okay( our family friend who is sick), and I hope your family is keeping well. Best wishes Mike, to you and your family. I'm keeping Val close in my prayers. I am praying for her recovery. Goodnight."

 

So surprisingly it looks like those feelings if I miss you were her being frustrated about why we couldn't be friends . And the simple explanation of that isn't solely because I have feelings for her, but because she betrayed my trust last summer by saying one thing but meaning another."

 

I responded back to her by saying if she missed me to give me a call when she got her phone fixed and we can go from there. This gives me the option to talk with her physically and not through texting . And by talk I mean either reiterate my stance to her or just see what happens .

 

Any thoughts on the situation, or more importantly what to tell her if she gives me a call?

 

Truthfully I do not know if I can be friends with her based on that trust factor, but optimally I know that deep down the only way I'd really put in a major effort again on my end is if those efforts were building towards something meaningful . At this point however I struggle between maybe meeting up with her ( for the first time in 10 months) and potentially becoming friendly ( as a method to maybe reignite something) or to stay with my current stance of "all or nothing " / working on rebuilding our relationship.

 

Abort, abort, abort. It's the same thing she always does with you. I wouldn't even have a follow-up call.