she texted me "I miss you" after I went NC

[MWood]

i tried NC back in September i remember and a couple days after not responding to her she texted me again saying "listen i was just checking on you i hope everything is well with you"

 

....because I want to feel better about being a low quality person who has messed you about no end, but I'd never admit to that"

 

Get that number of hers blocked. Problem solved.

 

also my whole thought process in saying anything is to attempt to earn any kind of respect because i feel almost swindled in a way like she got away with disrespecting me, that's all. thats the feeling that fuels me to seek validation.

 

Don't do it. Your dignity is going down the toilet if you seek validation from her. If she disrespected you, sometime you've got to accept the lesson and take it on the chin. Pride is a terrible thing to give into!

 

but overall its tough because she is gorgeous and i still have feelings for her i guess after all this time even though i know in my gut its bad to

 

You've got too many other interesting people to meet to worry about her. She might be gorgeous and all, but she's deficient in her personality and needs to develop herself. That is not your responsibility.

[heyitsmike]

so in reality i just have to let time keep taking its course and steer clear of any contact with her?

 

would responding with short responses be the way to go, because isn't ignoring her kind of make me look bitter/immature considering its right after i found out she dating another guy? what will ignoring her prove? i just see this mental image in my mind of someone askingher if shes talked to me lately and her saying with bitter vibes "yeah but he just ignores me," which paints me to look immature potentially and make it look like i cant handle her being with someone else. any thoughts on this? i'm just speaking freely here. i want to come off looking mature/ have some sort of respect/dignity.

 

also in the odd chance she comes out of nowhere to reconcile or talk about what happened with us, what's my move then?

-----------------------

 

i would have guessed by now i wouldn't be thinking about this whole situation on a daily basis, but in my defense she did just drop the "i moved on" bomb 1 month ago and "reopened the wound" in a sense.

[lumberjac]

so in reality i just have to let time keep taking its course and steer clear of any contact with her?

 

would responding with short responses be the way to go, because isn't ignoring her kind of make me look bitter/immature considering its right after i found out she dating another guy? what will ignoring her prove? i just see this mental image in my mind of someone askingher if shes talked to me lately and her saying with bitter vibes "yeah but he just ignores me," which paints me to look immature potentially and make it look like i cant handle her being with someone else. any thoughts on this? i'm just speaking freely here. i want to come off looking mature/ have some sort of respect/dignity.

 

also in the odd chance she comes out of nowhere to reconcile or talk about what happened with us, what's my move then?

-----------------------

 

i would have guessed by now i wouldn't be thinking about this whole situation on a daily basis, but in my defense she did just drop the "i moved on" bomb 1 month ago and "reopened the wound" in a sense.

 

Ignore her won't prove anything, but it will help you heal and move on.

You stated on your title clearly that "my ex-gf has moved on", she's not the same girl anymore, so you should start moving on too, dont you think?

[Simon Phoenix]

i would have guessed by now i wouldn't be thinking about this whole situation on a daily basis, but in my defense she did just drop the "i moved on" bomb 1 month ago and "reopened the wound" in a sense.

 

One of the main reasons that you do think about this on a daily basis is because you don't have the self-control to ignore and let her be. Ignoring her is not weak -- responding to her to try to put up a front that you are unaffected when you clearly are affected is much weaker. Your need to project a front is not only making you weak as hell, but it also is keeping her at the forefront of your mind. If you block and delete her, eventually your mind will wander to other things. Blocking/deleting/ignoring isn't meant to punish her, it's mean to get you back on track. Because you refuse to hold to this, you've basically been stuck in neutral for months.

 

One of the biggest indicators of strength is being self-aware enough to admit that you are hurt, that not everything is great, that something needs to change. The more you try to put up this false front by responding, the more spineless and weak you look.

 

It's time for you to actually take your recovery seriously and stop trying to play games. You aren't winning these games, not by a longshot, so stop playing.

Edited February 24, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[heyitsmike]

My ex ended things with me this past summer after trying to make things work again. After August we didn't have a lot of communication until December where we would talk every couple of days by texts and video chatting ( all initiated by her). I found a pattern over this time realizing she would mainly contact me when she was home and not in college. A month later we talk again when she contacts me saying she needs to tell me something she's been wanting to tell me for a while now. It turns out she told me she has been seeing someone. Then i ask one of my friends who tells me it's this guy she works with who is 10 years older than her ( she's only 21) and then my ex told me she really hopes I am really trying To get out there and find someone id consider dating rather than just a hook up. This was the end of January .

 

Which brings us to this past weekend:

 

She texted me while I was on a cross country road trip with my friends asking how it was going and how my family was and that her mom and dad said hi ( she's back home on spring break). I didn't respond and an hour later she said she'd like to set up a time to talk on the phone and she hopes all is well with me and my family.

------------------

 

She's contactes me before asking the same "how are you" questions and I always get the feeling she wants to talk to me to honestly keep tabs on me to make herself feel better and in a way suppress the guilt for dumping me. That's the vibe I get but the problem here is that I still care and have feelings for her if I'm being honest. I don't want to be friend zoned and want to try and get any kind of power back here.

 

I also think at this point the no contact method loses its effectiveness considering we broke up in August, time has passed and we've both gotten used to each other not being in our lives . I haven't even seen her since October.

 

I just want to be in a position to look good and not weak or that I want her back.

 

So.....

 

1)It's been 2 days since the text so my question is should I play it cool or consider another option?

 

2)Any advice in dealing with exes in these situations if I still care about her?

 

3)How do I handle questions from her about how my dating life is? ( she's playing the role of a friend now which is why she can get away with asking)

Edited March 16, 2015 by heyitsmike

[Zahara]

You know what you should do -- you should pull up your thread history. Then read through the title of every thread you've made and maybe that will give you a reality check.

 

This crazy cycle has been going on for far too long and your attempt to play cool has been futile. There's nothing cool or pretending to be cool that has benefited you in any way.

 

She dumped you. Instead of wasting months and months analysing her every move, it would be best for you to stay NC and keep moving forward. If nothing has changed since last summer, likely nothing is changing. You even said she keeps in contact because it alleviates her guilt for dumping you and when she needs attention. Chances are she knows you're always there as her crutch.

[Satu]

No contact.

 

Delete, block, ignore.

[heyitsmike]

If I'm being honest I do care what people think of me, especially with my Ex's. I know it's a terrible trait but hey that's how i am.

 

I just wouldn't want to come off as rude or give off the wrong impression. We were really close in our 15 month relationship and I was really integrated with her parents and family so that's factored into my thought process of not wanting to come off as "immature" or "can't get over the break up" by ignoring her

[MovingOnIsHard]

From recent past experience, just ignore the text. Block her from contacting you and move on with your life :-) It seems you're doing well without her.

[AIJ]

Tell her to get ****ed. Block her number, block everything. She's dead to you, at least that's how you should be acting. She's gone, it's done. End of. Move on. I know you still care about her, but guess what? She ended it with you which means she didn't see fit to invest any more time in to the relationship, she didn't think it was worth it, she didn't think YOU were worth it. Sorry to be harsh, but that's the reality of it. Close the book on this chapter of your life, and get ready to start a new one.

[stillafool]

If I'm being honest I do care what people think of me, especially with my Ex's. I know it's a terrible trait but hey that's how i am.

 

I just wouldn't want to come off as rude or give off the wrong impression. We were really close in our 15 month relationship and I was really integrated with her parents and family so that's factored into my thought process of not wanting to come off as "immature" or "can't get over the break up" by ignoring her

 

Answer this question honestly:

 

Would you be comfortable going to dinner with her and her new bf?

 

If the answer is NO you do not need to see her.

[Stercrazy]

You don't want to be friend zoned right? Unless her intention is to get back together... Which from what you have written doesn't seem like it....then you continue to move on.....without her in your life. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to start back at square one.

[Zahara]

If I'm being honest I do care what people think of me, especially with my Ex's. I know it's a terrible trait but hey that's how i am.

 

Hey, I always need the validation of others, guess just how I am. Poor excuse. You say it's a terrible trait, yet you enable it and encourage it? Poor excuse.

 

I just wouldn't want to come off as rude or give off the wrong impression. We were really close in our 15 month relationship and I was really integrated with her parents and family so that's factored into my thought process of not wanting to come off as "immature" or "can't get over the break up" by ignoring her

 

Going NC on someone isn't about immaturity or the inability to get over someone. It's self-preservation. It's mature. It's healthy. It's putting your emotional and mental well being ahead of the needs and wants of others. Yours is not the first relationship where history has played a part. We've all had relationships that integrated various aspects, but an ending is an ending. The dynamic changes. People go separate ways. Lives take different paths. You can't end a relationship and try to maintain all that you had when you were together. You can't move forward if you keep looking back.

 

"Can't get over the break-up" is you having posted for months and months going in circles. That's the reality. She dumped you. She wasn't too concerned about being rude or hurtful. She wasn't concerned about how you would feel. So stop trying to pretzel yourself to protect her feelings.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Zahara

[Simon Phoenix]

I feel like you've gone on this merry-go-round a few times. Everytime nothing happens. But if you really want to chase your tail again, I guess go for it.

[Satu]

You are a single person.

 

It doesn't matter who's boyfriend you used to be.

 

What matters is you getting out of that hole you're sitting in.

 

If you hold on any tighter, you're gonna choke yourself.

 

Tough love, sorry.

[Price2Play]

If I'm being honest I do care what people think of me, especially with my Ex's. I know it's a terrible trait but hey that's how i am.

 

I just wouldn't want to come off as rude or give off the wrong impression. We were really close in our 15 month relationship and I was really integrated with her parents and family so that's factored into my thought process of not wanting to come off as "immature" or "can't get over the break up" by ignoring her

 

 

She dumped you bro and is sleeping with a new dude that she may have cheated on you with and you don't want to come across as rude? Where the h*ll is your dignity bro? If you would have stuck to NO CONTACT a long time ago you would not be on here wasting time post crap about your unloyal ex! The relationship is DEAD MOVE ON!

Tell us what do you gain from continued contact with her? Just more heart ache and more posts about her send you bread crumbs.

 

You should be posting in the "dating" section site with questions about NEW girls not EX's! You come on here for advice from people and you ignore it all.

[mtnbiker3000]

You're putting yourself in this position. You know that, right?? You're living a life of dis-empowerment. Try empowering yourself. You're the only one who can do that for yourself.

[sabd]

Just block her and move on.

[mightycpa]

I still care and have feelings for her if I'm being honest. I don't want to be friend zoned and want to try and get any kind of power back here. I also think at this point the no contact method loses its effectiveness considering we broke up in August, time has passed and we've both gotten used to each other not being in our lives .

I would counter that it hasn't been effective yet. One of my exes wanted me to drop in and visit her and her new husband while I was on a trip to a friend's wedding. I said "Sure!" and made all the arrangements. She was telling me about all the preparations she was making, she went to a lot of trouble to impress me.

 

Then I stood her up. Never talked to her again, problem solved.

[Diezel]

I don't want to be friend zoned and want to try and get any kind of power back here.

 

Here's the ultimate tip on how NOT to get friendzoned in this situation:

 

DO NOT REPLY. BLOCK HER NUMBER.

 

BAM. You win.

[heyitsmike]

Last summer my ex-gf dumped me and she went back and forth afterwards wanting me back and then breaking up again. So at the end of summer I ended it . Through the fall and winter we periodically texted until in March I told her the only relationship I would want with you would be one aimed at us working back to what we were, not as "just friends" and if you can't give me that I need to cut all communication with you , and please respect my wishes. "

 

now 3 months later she texts me on a Friday night at 3am saying :

"I'm writing this to you because I generally mean this Mike, but I miss you. And I hope you never forget that. I really, truly miss you.Just shoot me a text when, and if you can. If you want to."

 

So it's 2 days later and I'm just not sure how to go about this situation. It's also important to know hat back in January she told me she was "seeing someone" but sounded like she had doubts about it.im not sure what is up with that or her because like I said I went NC, haven't seen her in about 9 months.

 

I happen to be up in her neck of the woods right now getting my motor cycle license and I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to grab coffee and stay strong with my stance of what I want and see what she has to say

 

Any advice ?

[Grumpybutfun]

Ignore it and move on. She likes to think you are still pining for her because it feeds her ego. You need to be focused on moving forward in your life, not backwards. You gave her many chances and she kept being wishy washy. Invest in something with potential, not her ego.

Move on,

Grumps

[changeofseasons]

It's a trap! Don't fall for it, she wants an ego stroke. Instead of giving it to her read the text again, say "Hell yeah bitch i know im all that," delete the text and then walk away into the sunset and move on lol. The fact that it was at 3am should be a concern. for all you know she could've been drunk or overtired/overemotional.

 

Don't let it mess with your head, sounds like you were doing fine up until this.

[wizer]

You can see what she's got to say but I doubt even she knows if things will go right back to the way before, and in this case past performance is a good indicator of future behavior.

[sandylee1]

Ignore her and block her number.

 

She was seeing who else was out there and you seem to be the back up guy.

 

She's too flaky and you don't need that in your life. Plenty more fish in the sea .