she texted me "I miss you" after I went NC

[dumbass2]

The advice is going to be to do nothing or respond only if she wishes you a Merry Christmas, but only reply the same and don't ask a question.

 

In the end, you have to do what you feel you need to do so you don't have any regrets. Just remember that you may not get a response or hear what you want to hear and push her away. She broke up with you. My ex broke up with me. I learned some things the hard way. We all do. The only regret I have is an email letter I sent her.

 

Do what you feel you need to do

[guest569]

I agree with either no response, or very short and simple.

 

If she wants you back she needs to do better than that, and what she has said doesn't really indicate what she wants.

[EgoJoe]

No response. She has been weening herself off of you. That is a bit unfair. Just take what she said at face value.

 

 

Worst case scenario: Drunk late at night = you are the last thought on her mind.

 

 

Best case scenario: She just woke up from a dream = you were the first thought on her mind.

 

 

What does this mean for you? NOTHING. You are not together. It's ok to be selfish and not say merry Christmas back. You owe her nothing and it's OK to just not respond.

 

 

You've been great to her so when you stop responding maybe she'll start thinking. But you're always there one text away.

 

 

You are a priority not an option. Have compassion for her, sure. Have more for yourself.

[welshbambi]

Take it from me, OP, if someone has any kind of depression or baggage (in your case, her job), then unless they are able to talk completely openly about it, good and bad, and they are actually ASKING for your help to get through it together, then you are opening yourself up for disappointment time and time again.

 

This is my very recent and very relevant experience. It's not saying that you don't love them, or that you wouldn't do anything for them, but it IS saying that you acknowledge that they don't see or appreciate the support you are offering enough to reciprocate that for a team effort.

 

Leave this one be, it will not be easy, but people who are willing to give so much to others deserve someone who would do the same for them. Otherwise you just get the life sucked out of you and in the end it's all for naught.

 

Caveat empor - I am not saying that I judge or dismiss anyone with mental illness. I spent a lot of time researching and learning about the condition because I wanted to be better for my other half. Unfortunately, he was of the mindset that "no one could help and I don't need support" and would shut down rather than just say "this is a bad day, I'm struggling, just hold me". If he hadn't ended it, I would probably still be there being pulled in and pushed away again and again, but I guess this break up and made me realise that sometimes being willing to be humble and give your all to someone is not always the right thing to do when not wanted.

[heyitsmike]

i replied back saying sorry for the delay, but i was running out the door to go to my family's xmas dinner and asked if she wanted to chat later on the phone for a bit.

 

she basically came back and said she was with her friend who was having boy trouble and my ex was consoling her friend how good i was to her and how she never had to go through any of that . and then she said she was at her family thing and probably couldnt but we'd talk soon. she also apologized for being a little tipsy while sending it, and also if it upset me at all by her sending that to me.

i responded saying no worries and to wish your family a merry xmas (simple, right?)

 

then she messaged back with an inside joke talking about how we will talk soon again and how she'll have a date with that bottle of whiskey we were discussing a few night prior.

 

and then i just said simply "sounds good"

------------------------------------

 

its kind of bumming me out because like im assuming she thinks i was upset over it when in reality i was more confused on how to actually respond back (hence this whole post originally)

 

this is why sometimes i think having the chance to lay it out there maybe more so now with new years coming around (resolutions and fresh starts, etc) about "not wanting to be just another good guy friend, and caring about her too much to settle for that. i dont wanna pretend not to love you or want to hold my girl in my arms, you know? id rather be a man and tell you how im feeling than a little boy who waits on the sidelines. id like you back in my life but if not i know ill be just fine too. if you change your mind give me a call but with new years coming around the safest thing for me to do is really continue to move on with my life and hold on to the people who want to be in it." something like that either in person or in a letter of sorts

where do you think i go from here? i definitely still have feelings for her but i just want to avoid making any needy or unnecessary mistakes like you guys were saying that would push her away.

[EgoJoe]

You could simply text her and say you've been thinking and that you don't want any contact unless it's to talk about reconciliation as otherwise you're motivated to move on.

[ponchsox]

Respond "f you"

[Ducktape]

Respond "f you"

Projecting a bit of our own relationship anger there, aren't we?

[Elle1975]

i replied back saying sorry for the delay, but i was running out the door to go to my family's xmas dinner and asked if she wanted to chat later on the phone for a bit.

 

she basically came back and said she was with her friend who was having boy trouble and my ex was consoling her friend how good i was to her and how she never had to go through any of that . and then she said she was at her family thing and probably couldnt but we'd talk soon. she also apologized for being a little tipsy while sending it, and also if it upset me at all by her sending that to me.

i responded saying no worries and to wish your family a merry xmas (simple, right?)

 

then she messaged back with an inside joke talking about how we will talk soon again and how she'll have a date with that bottle of whiskey we were discussing a few night prior.

 

and then i just said simply "sounds good"

------------------------------------

 

its kind of bumming me out because like im assuming she thinks i was upset over it when in reality i was more confused on how to actually respond back (hence this whole post originally)

 

this is why sometimes i think having the chance to lay it out there maybe more so now with new years coming around (resolutions and fresh starts, etc) about "not wanting to be just another good guy friend, and caring about her too much to settle for that. i dont wanna pretend not to love you or want to hold my girl in my arms, you know? id rather be a man and tell you how im feeling than a little boy who waits on the sidelines. id like you back in my life but if not i know ill be just fine too. if you change your mind give me a call but with new years coming around the safest thing for me to do is really continue to move on with my life and hold on to the people who want to be in it." something like that either in person or in a letter of sorts

where do you think i go from here? i definitely still have feelings for her but i just want to avoid making any needy or unnecessary mistakes like you guys were saying that would push her away.

 

I wouldn't have said "sorry for the delay". Those few words say a lot more than what you intended originally.

 

There is also no need to make the point of being a man. I hate to drag the reference in the conversation, but if you need to say you're the king, then you're not the king. See what I mean?

 

I don't believe this love story will end very well: you put her on a pedestal. Let her chase you instead. I also feel as you're too emotionally connected to her still to be making rational decisions. To each his own however.

 

Advice? Understand she has to deserve you. I really wouldn't throw myself down at her feet; let her do the heavy lifting.

[kenmore]

this is why sometimes i think having the chance to lay it out there maybe more so now with new years coming around (resolutions and fresh starts, etc) about "not wanting to be just another good guy friend, and caring about her too much to settle for that. i dont wanna pretend not to love you or want to hold my girl in my arms, you know? id rather be a man and tell you how im feeling than a little boy who waits on the sidelines. id like you back in my life but if not i know ill be just fine too. if you change your mind give me a call but with new years coming around the safest thing for me to do is really continue to move on with my life and hold on to the people who want to be in it." something like that either in person or in a letter of sorts

where do you think i go from here? i definitely still have feelings for her but i just want to avoid making any needy or unnecessary mistakes like you guys were saying that would push her away.

 

Mike, that's crazy talk, seriously!

 

You can talk all day to a woman about being a man and putting out ultimatums, but it will backfire on you as surely as the sun will come up tomorrow. That NEVER works.

 

From someone who has gone NC for months because my wife told me to leave her alone, I can tell you that you get a little used to it. Whether you go completely NC now is up to you, but definitely don't overplay your hand, and frankly you don't have any (hand that is.)

 

The less you say, the more she'll want to talk to you. If you lay it all out, she'll finish it, and then you'll be kicking yourself.

 

If you don't want to be another guy friend, you always have the option not to. Saying it now won't change a thing.

 

Leave it simple and direct. No pushing, no bullying, no drawn out explanations, leave her wondering. Her own insides will eat her up. That's how you win!

[Ducktape]

this is why sometimes i think having the chance to lay it out there maybe more so now with new years coming around (resolutions and fresh starts, etc) about "not wanting to be just another good guy friend, and caring about her too much to settle for that. i dont wanna pretend not to love you or want to hold my girl in my arms, you know? id rather be a man and tell you how im feeling than a little boy who waits on the sidelines. id like you back in my life but if not i know ill be just fine too. if you change your mind give me a call but with new years coming around the safest thing for me to do is really continue to move on with my life and hold on to the people who want to be in it." something like that either in person or in a letter of sorts

where do you think i go from here? i definitely still have feelings for her but i just want to avoid making any needy or unnecessary mistakes like you guys were saying that would push her away.

I'm probably alone on this, but I think your message makes sense. I would send it to her and then go complete NC. I know my mind would be at peace after such a message, and I'll be able to move forward no matter what.

 

To be honest, I don't think she's thinking of coming back. But your message makes you sound mature, at peace with your emotions, and a desire to become a better version of yourself. It is a good final mental image to leave her with, and a bit of closure for you. But then you gotta respect what your message says. You go NC.

[Diezel]

Don't respond. Take into consideration the time at which she texted you.

She was either lonely, nostalgic, got dumped by someone else, or drunk. None of them are positive, really, because SHE dumped YOU.

 

she also apologized for being a little tipsy while sending it, and also if it upset me at all by her sending that to me.

 

AHEM.

 

See what I mean? Did I not nail that one?

She's stringing you along. I bet you she regrets that text in the sense of it "giving you possible hope" but not in "I'm stringing him along".

 

You have everything to lose in this situation. She has control of it. You won't win, no matter what. But hey, go ahead and gamble in a no-win situation. What's the worst that can happen, right?

[heyitsmike]

My ex-girlfriend (21) and I (24) dated for 15 months before she broke up with me in June, came back to me 2 weeks later and then ended things once again in August. We currently live 1.5 hours from each other with her still in school, and me working full-time. I definitely lacked some alpha qualities towards the end but other reasons of her stressful workload with school and EMT contributed as well. Right after the break up I got a new job, moved to a new house in a new city, and made new friends to really start doing positive things for myself that were in my best interest.

 

Since the end of summer and into this past fall our contact was limited and were too few and far between. But recently towards the month of December our communication started to increase, and during the entire post-break up period I’ve never been the one to initiate the conversation. We have been using video chat, and before that she was finding reasons to text me that would lead to further conversation. In our most recent video chat she actually brought up getting together and we discussed availability briefly right before we hung up because it was late. We did not make definite plans

 

 

But my question to you is this: I’ve read relationship breakup articles with that focus on the power of walking away and meaning it Here?s The Best Strategy To Get An Ex Back. more specifically, stating in a loving way that i'm not okay with just being a good friend to you because i care about you and love you too much to settle for that.But I’ve also seen numerous sources advise to create situations where you can hang out and hook up (aka the bottle of wine and dinner at your place technique)

 

So I’m conflicted on what strategy to actually implement in my situation here. Is it still time-appropriate and Do I arrange a meeting with my ex to hang out and at the end tell her I only want a relationship, I wont settle for anything less than that and walk away? Or do I just hang out with her with the intention of hopefully hooking up and try to keep consistently seeing her?

 

I definitely still have feelings for this girl, but my goal is to start getting back into that alpha male attitude and stop thinking about this on a daily basis.

[heyitsmike]

My ex-girlfriend (21) and I (24) dated for 15 months before she broke up with me in June, came back to me 2 weeks later and then ended things once again in August. We currently live 1.5 hours from each other with her still in school, and me working full-time. I definitely lacked some alpha qualities towards the end but other reasons of her stressful workload with school and EMT contributed as well. Right after the break up I got a new job, moved to a new house in a new city, and made new friends to really start doing positive things for myself that were in my best interest.

 

Since the end of summer and into this past fall our contact was limited and were too few and far between. But recently towards the month of December our communication started to increase, and during the entire post-break up period I’ve never been the one to initiate the conversation. We have been using video chat, and before that she was finding reasons to text me that would lead to further conversation. In our most recent video chat she actually brought up getting together and we discussed availability briefly right before we hung up because it was late. We did not make definite plans

 

 

But my question to you is this: I’ve read relationship breakup articles with that focus on the power of walking away and meaning it Here?s The Best Strategy To Get An Ex Back. more specifically, stating in a loving way that i'm not okay with just being a good friend to you because i care about you and love you too much to settle for that.But I’ve also seen numerous sources advise to create situations where you can hang out and hook up (aka the bottle of wine and dinner at your place technique)

 

So I’m conflicted on what strategy to actually implement in my situation here. Is it still time-appropriate and Do I arrange a meeting with my ex to hang out and at the end tell her I only want a relationship, I wont settle for anything less than that and walk away? Or do I just hang out with her with the intention of hopefully hooking up and try to keep consistently seeing her?

 

I definitely still have feelings for this girl, but my goal is to start getting back into that alpha male attitude and stop thinking about this on a daily basis.

[tikay00]

You can't be the same man she met until you're truly over her. There is no trick to this.

 

By the time you're over her, what's the point in getting back with someone you have a history with? There's the rub....

[heyitsmike]

hey sorry for the repeat post here ^^^

[Aint_Easy]

I'm not going to give you any pessimistic ****. I'm a hopeful person but you have to be realistic too. Are you ready to handle this? Are you ready to TRULY be alpha as you say? If so, then let HER decide when to meet up and where to meet up. Let her pull the conversation. Don't even mention "I dont want to be friends because I love you" until she says something like "I want us to be friends again" If she pulls that then you can say

 

"I don't think that is a good idea."

[heyitsmike]

my ex gf of 15 months broke up with me abruptly in june '14. she cited reasons of too much school work, stress, and depression. i had also still been really picky while looking for a job after getting out of college and i knew that annoyed her as well. in addition i might have gotten a little too complacent in the relationship.

 

2 weeks later she called me back crying begging me to come back to her saying she realized i was "there for her through all the good and the bad and thats what mattered most". after getting back together and trying to make things work, we ended things once again in august. over this period we had a lot of ups and downs, but she did give me little signs of hope here and there for the future, but the main reason in us ending things was based on her not being happy with herself and being depressed.

 

over fall 2014 we've communicated on a limited basis until recently in December. around Christmas time we would talk frequently and even video chat (all initiated by her). i didn't want to say it officially but i had a little renewed hope that her reaching out to me so much was a good first step in us reconnecting.

 

then a month later in January 2015 she contacts me saying she wants to talk to me about something that she's wanted to tell me about for a while. she tells me she is seeing/talking to someone and how as a "good friend" she really wants me to try and find a girl to date, and not just a one night hookup. she also mentioned how over the summer she thought overall it was best to see other people (despite the actual reasons she told me at the time). it turns out this "someone" who she failed to mention specifically was this 31-year old guy she works with as a volunteer EMT (she just turned 21). over the summer she would tell me how annoying he was, but would text him frequently acting as a facilitator between the drama of him and his now ex-girlfriend. everything now suddenly makes sense to me and her sense of guilt and sadness over the summer might have been the result of trying to pick between me and this other guy.

 

i'm definitely hurt by this and the fact that she said she was too busy and depressed for me and then can turn around and date someone else so fast. since she told me we have not spoken in nearly a month (all of February) and ive had it on my mind, especially because i still care about her.

 

-------------------------------

i'm not sure what to do at all and here are some of the questions going through my mind:

 

1) do i do anything?

 

2) should i send her a facebook message/text about this recent revelation and to define our situation as a whole? if so what should i say to put myself in the best possible situation? take the high road? any of the following? :

- i just want you to be happy

- acknowledge me not settling on a temp job / being complacent as reasons she lost interest/attraction in me

- good luck with your new relationship

- im glad you found that "happiness" you were looking for?

 

3) what do i do when she calls/texts me to check up on me to see how im doing? she has been doing that since she broke up and just makes conversation asking about me, my family and friends, etc.

 

4) what are some good tips on how to get her out of my head and move on?

 

5) any advice for the future regarding these situations?

[ghsteo]

[JS84]

You need to cut off contact. Period.

[FortunateSon]

Do nothing. Eliminate everything about her out of your life and do not talk to her again.

[MWood]

 

1) do i do anything?

2) should i send her a facebook message/text about this recent revelation?

3) what do i do when she calls/texts me to check up on me to see how im doing? she has been doing that since she broke up and just makes conversation asking about me, my family and friends, etc.

 

4) what are some good tips on how to get her out of my head and move on?

 

5) any advice for the future regarding these situations?

 

 

1) No, aside from implementing no contact.

 

2) She hasn't told you this information to be kind. She wants to relieve her own guilt over the whole situation and is seeking your validation. Don't provide it to her. If she's got a new relationship, leave her to it. Any involvement / conversation will torment you.

 

3) Hopefully you will have blocked her, so the messages won't reach you. If they do, be straight to the point but don't offer up any information at all, and then end the conversation fast.

 

4) Go and exercise or learn a new skill. Occupy yourself and don't allow yourself to be idle - the devil makes work for idle thumbs

 

5) Once you've broken up once, it's probably better to move on and leave it alone for a long while. Trust takes a long time to rebuild so don't force it

[Price2Play]

Delete all forms of communication, block her number. What your gut told you was right! She ended it in June because she was probably feeling guilty of her behavior that & she thought about it 100x. It was over in June bro, take care of YOURSELF now. Hobbies, sports, gym, whatever.

 

Learn from this immediately, all future relationships. There's are no breaking up & getting back together. When it's OVER, you walk out for good. The same applies to if you ever end a relationship. DONE

[Elias33]

All what is said above. End contact now. Your dignity is pouring out, stop that leak! No words can be said that will make this better for you. You've been dealing with a parasitical lover. And they take. They only take.

[heyitsmike]

i tried NC back in September i remember and a couple days after not responding to her she texted me again saying "listen i was just checking on you i hope everything is well with you"

 

also my whole thought process in saying anything is to attempt to earn any kind of respect because i feel almost swindled in a way like she got away with disrespecting me, that's all. thats the feeling that fuels me to seek validation.

 

but overall its tough because she is gorgeous and i still have feelings for her i guess after all this time even though i know in my gut its bad to