Author heyitsmike Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 yet another UPDATE: so after talking on the phone with her (she initiates everything keep in mind) we talked for 4 hours and basically she told me she admitted to missing me and said she hasnt been her normal happy self in one year, and even more so she hasnt been her normal happy self since she was with me. she said she feels like a shell of herself an wished i was right there with her at the time of the phone call. as she was crying telling me this i kept my cool and gave her a support (in a friendly matter, avoiding "i miss you too, blah blah blah). but overall it seems those feelings might be there, but im not believing anything at this point and will not being up any serious conversation until she does, and preferably in person. she said she would really like to get together (10 months since) and we ended the phone call because it was late at night and i had work. this was 5 days ago and we haven't talked since. if i do meet her though and this topic of missing me does come up i have no problem addressing the fact of her just missing me because she ended it with that other guy and might feel lonely. i feel pretty in control of the situation, but if im being honest yes i still have a spot in my heart for her. when we were happy i thought she had "the one " potential. i am free today and wouldnt mind maybe driving up to meet her (coffee, etc). but my main question is am i the one who should initiate the text? or should i continue to wait for her? and if so should i stick to coffee during the day or suggest something later on at night for a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 despite all advice to the contrary, you've let it get this far. you're going to eventually go when she calls you, right? so why not just contact her and get it over with? Call. Go. and let us know what happened. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scubasteve Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Don't do it Op, don't do what I did when she gave me bread crumbs. . Just go hardcore NC like I should of have. Your ex still knows that you still like and wsnt her. Please save what ever of your balls you have left. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Enjoy the merry-go-round. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 The fact that you two haven't communicated for 5 days after hre breakdown and you comforting her is all you need to know. She needs you for the occasional breadcrumb-throwing to check if you've moved on or not - and if you have, to quickly pull you back. Block her for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 You seem to be channeling Janice Joplin's "Another Piece of My Heart". If you're not familiar with it, she sings "Take another little piece of my heart baby. You know you got it if it makes you feel good." She's not finished with hurting you and you're not finished with letting her. Just sayin', Twosadthings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 yet another UPDATE: so after talking on the phone with her (she initiates everything keep in mind) we talked for 4 hours and basically she told me she admitted to missing me and said she hasnt been her normal happy self in one year, and even more so she hasnt been her normal happy self since she was with me. she said she feels like a shell of herself an wished i was right there with her at the time of the phone call. as she was crying telling me this i kept my cool and gave her a support (in a friendly matter, avoiding "i miss you too, blah blah blah). but overall it seems those feelings might be there, but im not believing anything at this point and will not being up any serious conversation until she does, and preferably in person. she said she would really like to get together (10 months since) and we ended the phone call because it was late at night and i had work. this was 5 days ago and we haven't talked since. if i do meet her though and this topic of missing me does come up i have no problem addressing the fact of her just missing me because she ended it with that other guy and might feel lonely. i feel pretty in control of the situation, but if im being honest yes i still have a spot in my heart for her. when we were happy i thought she had "the one " potential. i am free today and wouldnt mind maybe driving up to meet her (coffee, etc). but my main question is am i the one who should initiate the text? or should i continue to wait for her? and if so should i stick to coffee during the day or suggest something later on at night for a drink. Yea keep telling yourself you're in control and that you're not believing any of it, because to me you're slipping into her breadcrumbs and when you said you wouldn't mind meeting up with her for coffee, you seem to have fallen into the hole again. Like others have said you're not listening to their advices on going NC since she hasn't said anything about wanting you back, missing you and wanting to be together because she hasn't been happy sounds like friendship to me and definitely selfish because it's all about HER. Just contact her already, you know you're going to meet up with her anyways, why wait for our approval? Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 yet another UPDATE: so after talking on the phone with her (she initiates everything keep in mind) we talked for 4 hours and basically she told me she admitted to missing me and said she hasnt been her normal happy self in one year, and even more so she hasnt been her normal happy self since she was with me. she said she feels like a shell of herself an wished i was right there with her at the time of the phone call. as she was crying telling me this i kept my cool and gave her a support (in a friendly matter, avoiding "i miss you too, blah blah blah). but overall it seems those feelings might be there, but im not believing anything at this point and will not being up any serious conversation until she does, and preferably in person. she said she would really like to get together (10 months since) and we ended the phone call because it was late at night and i had work. this was 5 days ago and we haven't talked since. if i do meet her though and this topic of missing me does come up i have no problem addressing the fact of her just missing me because she ended it with that other guy and might feel lonely. i feel pretty in control of the situation, but if im being honest yes i still have a spot in my heart for her. when we were happy i thought she had "the one " potential. i am free today and wouldnt mind maybe driving up to meet her (coffee, etc). but my main question is am i the one who should initiate the text? or should i continue to wait for her? and if so should i stick to coffee during the day or suggest something later on at night for a drink. This is classic, textbook, post-dump, dumper BS. It's like she's reading it to you right from the manual. And your eating it up with a knife and fork. It means NOTHING!!!! Do NOT meet her at all, for anything. If you do meet her, you will remain in limbo and postpone your healing. She will get what she wants, you as her emotional tampon, and you get all the confusion, pain and frustration you can handle... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 ...unless she comes front and center with solution that puts your emotional wellbeing first and a plan how she is going to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 yet another UPDATE: so after talking on the phone with her (she initiates everything keep in mind) we talked for 4 hours and basically she told me she admitted to missing me and said she hasnt been her normal happy self in one year, and even more so she hasnt been her normal happy self since she was with me. she said she feels like a shell of herself an wished i was right there with her at the time of the phone call. as she was crying telling me this i kept my cool and gave her a support (in a friendly matter, avoiding "i miss you too, blah blah blah). but overall it seems those feelings might be there, but im not believing anything at this point and will not being up any serious conversation until she does, and preferably in person. she said she would really like to get together (10 months since) and we ended the phone call because it was late at night and i had work. this was 5 days ago and we haven't talked since. if i do meet her though and this topic of missing me does come up i have no problem addressing the fact of her just missing me because she ended it with that other guy and might feel lonely. i feel pretty in control of the situation, but if im being honest yes i still have a spot in my heart for her. when we were happy i thought she had "the one " potential. i am free today and wouldnt mind maybe driving up to meet her (coffee, etc). but my main question is am i the one who should initiate the text? or should i continue to wait for her? and if so should i stick to coffee during the day or suggest something later on at night for a drink. No, don't contact her at all. As you told someone in another thread she is just trying to keep you around until she gets back with her other ex or someone new. Keep moving forward. I can't believe you even want to entertain this. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionalMess Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Change your mindset. She is not girlfriend material so forget that, she already lost your trust, end of that chapter, however... She is looking to hookup with you. If you want a F buddy, she will be that for you. She does not want commitment either so.... Can you handle that? Remove all expectations of a relationship and hookup on your terms. If you can change your mindset, it's in your face right now buddy. Take it or leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Change your mindset. She is not girlfriend material so forget that, she already lost your trust, end of that chapter, however... She is looking to hookup with you. If you want a F buddy, she will be that for you. She does not want commitment either so.... Can you handle that? Remove all expectations of a relationship and hookup on your terms. If you can change your mindset, it's in your face right now buddy. Take it or leave it. I don't know if she even wants that. That being said, that's the mindset he needs to get into it. However, I don't see him magically snapping his fingers and getting into that mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
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