Too intimidated ?

[writergal]

Well there ya go...

 

Case closed.

 

Plus, he'd be detained 24 hours or more after he self-admitted and wouldn't have time to chat with you Gaeta, as he'd be forced to attend group and individual therapy sessions, and be evaluated by doctors who would have to approve his release. It's not just a simple check-in/check-out process at a psychiatric clinic. Not even at a treatment center. You lose your access to the outside world immediately, and your access to the outside world is under surveillance and controlled once inside. You can't just chit chat with anyone at anytime while you're a patient in a clinic. That doesn't happen.

[writergal]

I wondered about this, but didn't wanna say anything since I have no idea how clinics are run.

 

My natural instinct, though, is that in any kind of clinic/rehab type place, phones would be on lockdown. Access to the outside world could be way too triggering.

 

Yep. Phones inside psych wards are limited to the patients and you have to get written access permission to use them. My cousin works inside a psych ward for young adults and they have to ask permission ahead of time to call their parents. Then my cousin escorts them to a small room with a phone, gives them a time limit, and they are left alone to make the phone call.

[writergal]

Not quite like that katie

 

Last sunday he called to tell me he felt down and told me ahout his depression. Talked about lunch for Tuesday.

 

Tuesday l had not heard from him at all and l text. He replied he is not doing well apologized, said he has been sleeping since Friday and said he will call Wednesday or Thursday.

 

Friday comes and nothing from him. I text him and that's when he told me he was in a clinic and will call as soon as he feels better.

 

He can't text you or call you from inside a psych ward, Gaeta. That's just not possible. He lied to you.

[Gaeta]

He can't text you or call you from inside a psych ward, Gaeta. That's just not possible. He lied to you.

 

Does it have to be a psych ward? Can't he have checked in a private clinic or something? I texted him at 11h30 am and he replied 15 minutes later. Yes it does sound unusual ...

[Gaeta]

I just read his text to my daughter who's with me today. She says I may be interpreting this wrong. His words are: I am hanging in there I am in the clinic but I am fine, I will call you as soon as I am doing better.

 

She feels I am misinterpreting I am in the clinic. It could mean he was at the doctor's office while I texted him.

[writergal]

I just read his text to my daughter who's with me today. She says I may be interpreting this wrong. His words are: I am hanging in there I am in the clinic but I am fine, I will call you as soon as I am doing better.

 

She feels I am misinterpreting I am in the clinic. It could mean he was at the doctor's office while I texted him.

 

It's possible "clinic" means that he's at his psychiatrist's office. But that is odd that he would say he will call you when he's doing better. That's what I hate about texting. If the person won't call you, you can't possibly know if what they text you is the truth, especially when they are being vague aka "the clinic."

 

He sounds like too much trouble Gaeta. You deserve better quality than this guy, don't you think? You can do better. You have done better.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

He could be in IOP. I do not believe they take cell phones away.

 

I have a friend dealing with this right now. He is trying to break up with his GF who has chronic depression with suicidal tendencies. He didn't know this until four months in and he had already fallen in love. She is manipulating the hell out of him threatening suicide every time they argue.

 

Write this one off.

[writergal]

He could be in IOP. I do not believe they take cell phones away.

 

I have a friend dealing with this right now. He is trying to break up with his GF who has chronic depression with suicidal tendencies. He didn't know this until four months in and he had already fallen in love. She is manipulating the hell out of him threatening suicide every time they argue.

 

Write this one off.

 

IOP - Intensive Outpatient Program. They have those here. I have to agree with Pumpkin that you need to write this guy off. He's more trouble than he's worth as you are still complete strangers to each other.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

I also think it's weird that after four dates, he'd reveal his mental health status to you.

 

I mean, it works out in your favor, but that's a personal topic you'd only share with people you've developed an established and trusted relationship with, someone who would have your back, not someone you'd spent less than a week with. I would think.

[Gaeta]

He sounds like too much trouble Gaeta. You deserve better quality than this guy, don't you think? You can do better. You have done better.

 

Just for the sake of argument, depending what we would consider better, this man has treated me with a lot of consideration, took me out on real dates, did not make any sexual innuendos, kept himself off line. It's a lot more then majority of men I met.

[katiegrl]

I also think it's weird that after four dates, he'd reveal his mental health status to you.

 

I mean, it works out in your favor, but that's a personal topic you'd only share with people you've developed an established and trusted relationship with, someone who would have your back, not someone you'd spent less than a week with. I would think.

 

Made the same point earlier and completely agree.

 

Gaeta, please stop making excuses/justifying all this.

 

So many red flags!!!

[Gaeta]

I also think it's weird that after four dates, he'd reveal his mental health status to you.

 

I mean, it works out in your favor, but that's a personal topic you'd only share with people you've developed an established and trusted relationship with, someone who would have your back, not someone you'd spent less than a week with. I would think.

 

He didn't have much choice. We had dates planned and he did not feel the strength to attend. I am sure he didn't planned on telling this early but he got hit with it so might as well let me know now than pretending he's busy.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

He didn't have much choice. We had dates planned and he did not feel the strength to attend. I am sure he didn't planned on telling this early but he got hit with it so might as well let me know now than pretending he's busy.

 

TMI, in my opinion. One doesn't have to share everything. Bad boundaries.

 

A simple "I was detained…will explain later" will suffice.

 

You could keep seeing him and see what comes of it…you're in the driver's seat.

[Gaeta]

On the bright side, I don't feel intimidated anymore.

[katiegrl]

Just for the sake of argument, depending what we would consider better, this man has treated me with a lot of consideration, took me out on real dates, did not make any sexual innuendos, kept himself off line. It's a lot more then majority of men I met.

 

So what? If he's a liar, which certainly appears to be the case, then all that means nothing!

 

Gaeta, you are an attractive woman, there WILL be others who will treat you with the same respect and consideration. Who won't have depression OR be lying about having depression!

 

You gotta believe that!

[Gaeta]

TMI, in my opinion. One doesn't have to share everything. Bad boundaries.

 

A simple "I was detained…will explain later" will suffice.

 

You could keep seeing him and see what comes of it…you're in the driver's seat.

 

That would have worked for skipping one date, not skipping one month of dates. These things need to be shared early. Last night my daughter had a first date with a man and he told her during that first date he is bi-polar type 2. You disclose these things early this way you come across as honest and open about who you are.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

That would have worked for skipping one date, not skipping one month of dates. These things need to be shared early. Last night my daughter had a first date with a man and he told her during that first date he is bi-polar type 2. You disclose these things early this way you come across as honest and open about who you are.

 

I wasn't aware there was a month's worth of dates planned.

 

And I disagree. It's no one's business whether you're bi-polar on the first date. If there's no chemistry to begin with, or no second date planned, why reveal intimate details of yourself? Some ppl don't know what bi-polar is and will be quick to make an unfair judgment without really getting to know the person for who they really are. Timing is everything.

[Gaeta]

So what? If he's a liar, which certainly appears to be the case, then all that means nothing!

 

Gaeta, you are an attractive woman, there WILL be others who will treat you with the same respect and consideration. Who won't have depression OR be lying about having depression!

 

You gotta believe that!

 

Katie I know you care and appreciate your input and support. Your feeling is he is a liar and he could be, I am not close to that idea but I have no real reasons to think he is a liar so far. When I google him he is who he says he is. He gave me his full name, I know where he works it's across my office, so I am not worried about him not being who he says he is. As for the depression story, the truth will come out soon. Again, I don't have anything tangible to conclude it's a fabricated story.

[writergal]

I've posted about this before here, but in college I dated a guy who was on meds for bipolar depression. He told me immediately, the day we met that he was bipolar. First red flag that I ignored. He was unemployed because he was maudlin 24/7, and so negative and his thinking so distorted, I questioned why I dated him in the first place.

 

Anyway, I broke up with him in person (as we did in the days before cellphones and video skype) and he didn't take it well. He stalked me at my apt. because he would always be there when I walked back from class or came back from one of my part-time jobs etc. I told him to stop doing that but he wouldn't. One day, he buzzed me early in the morning, begging me to let him come inside so that we could talk. Nuh-uh. No way. I told him no, that we were done and to leave me alone or I'd call the police. He refused to leave.

 

So I called the police. They came by, I threatened to file a complaint against him, but changed my mind. He left me alone after that and I never saw or heard from him again.

 

The point of my story Gaeta, is to illustrate to you just how unstable people with bipolar depression are. Your date told you he had bipolar depression immediately to manipulate you emotionally. It's what they do in my opinion. I think mentally ill people play their mental illness card with people they view as being vulnerable and empathetic, so that they can psychologically manipulate the person.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

It's sad…but I have direct experience with this too.

 

They use the "depression" or suicide threat as carte blanche to get away with unacceptable behavior.

[Gaeta]

I wasn't aware there was a month's worth of dates planned.

 

And I disagree. It's no one's business whether you're bi-polar on the first date. If there's no chemistry to begin with, or no second date planned, why reveal intimate details of yourself? Some ppl don't know what bi-polar is and will be quick to make an unfair judgment without really getting to know the person for who they really are. Timing is everything.

 

You and I simply have different dating style. If someone is full of stigma and iz uneducated about depression might as well know now before they get attached. My daughter happened to have dated a man dealing with depression before and she is well educated on the matter. She was comfortable with him being BP type 2. Her deal breaker is type 1. I don't think she would have appreciated to be told 1-2 months down the road he's BP type 1.

[writergal]

It's sad…but I have direct experience with this too.

 

They use the "suicide" threat as carte blanche to get away with unacceptable behavior.

 

Oh yes, they do. Dated one of those types too and he had children from 3 different wives. Extracted myself from that guy after just a few dates. Was too much to cope with.

[Gaeta]

Ladies, that is exactly why I want to know what depression he is struggling with, what is his cycle, what is his history. It could be from bipolar to situational depression to atypical depression. There is a wide variety of depressions. I don't want to put everything in the same melt pot.

[katiegrl]

Katie I know you care and appreciate your input and support. Your feeling is he is a liar and he could be, I am not close to that idea but I have no real reasons to think he is a liar so far. When I google him he is who he says he is. He gave me his full name, I know where he works it's across my office, so I am not worried about him not being who he says he is.

 

**As for the depression story, the truth will come out soon. Again, I don't have anything tangible to conclude it's a fabricated story.**

 

Nothing tangible except him telling you he's in a clinic being treated for depression, and we now know they don't allow patients access to phones while being treated in a clinic.

 

Then there is the fact that he is so depressed, that he had to check himself into a clinic (allegedly), yet has the energy to answer text messages from a phone he's not even allowed to have, converse with you, and the presence of mind to tell you he will call you "when" he feels better.

 

Depressed people have NO idea "if" they ever WILL feel better! In fact to the contrary depressed people often feel worthless, like they're dying and their life is meaningless!

 

It's just not jiving Gaeta, but clearly you refuse to see it or accept it.. so there is no point in continuing trying to convince you.

 

Yes I do care (a lot), and for whatever it's worth, I do hope there is some plausible explanation for all this that makes some sense!

 

Because as of now, none of this makes any sense!

 

JMO of course....

Edited April 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[writergal]

Nothing tangible except him telling you he's in a clinic being treated for depression, and we now know they don't allow patients access to phones while being treated in a clinic.

 

Then there is the fact that he is so depressed, that he had to check himself into a clinic (allegedly), yet has the energy to answer text messages from a phone he's not even allowed to have, converse with you, and the presence of mind to tell you he will call you "when" he feels better.

 

Depressed people have NO idea "if" they ever WILL feel better! In fact to the contrary depressed people often feel like they're dying and their life is worthless!

 

It's just not jiving Gaeta, but clearly you refuse to see it or accept it.. so there is no point in continuing trying to convince you.

 

Yes I do care (a lot), and for whatever it's worth, I do hope there is some plausible explanation for all this that makes some sense!

 

Because as of now, none of this makes any sense!

 

JMO of course....

 

Agreed. And even if he was in an IOP - Intensive Outpatient Clinic, he would be scheduled with therapy sessions and doctor meetings and would not have much of an inclination to deal with romantic dates or relationships. That's why I find his whole story hard to swallow. None of it makes sense. He has poor interpersonal boundaries for telling you about his mental illness right away before he really knows you. Again, I base that on my personal experiences dating mentally ill men. I don't trust them, and for good reason. If dating a bP I or bP 2 doesn't phase you Gaeta, more power to you. It's just not a mental illness I want to deal with ever again. And I dated a guy with schizophrenia too.