Too intimidated ?

[Gaeta]

Darling you are no fool. Ask him. Ask him to talk to you about it. You will then get an idea of all sorts of things...

 

How he still feels about his ex wife

If she is actually an ex wife

How he dealt with it all

What he is looking for in the future

etc etc...

 

OH I asked all that already.

 

She wants nothing to do with him, he cheated on her. He explained the context and why he did it, they went to counseling etc. He says he regrets his behavior and he got older and more mature since. They divorced 5 years ago.

 

After this conversation he told me I came across as very open minded (cause I did not shed any judgment on him) but he felt I was being cautious and had very pointy questions, and it was ok with him, he would answer anything.

[Toodaloo]

OH I asked all that already.

 

She wants nothing to do with him, he cheated on her. He explained the context and why he did it, they went to counseling etc. He says he regrets his behavior and he got older and more mature since. They divorced 5 years ago.

 

After this conversation he told me I came across as very open minded (cause I did not shed any judgment on him) but he felt I was being cautious and had very pointy questions, and it was ok with him, he would answer anything.

 

Well that was honest!

 

I actually like that he was quite so truthful... even if I don't like what he did...

[jen1447]

I want to be cautious. I met a man once and he told me he was living here in Montreal but from NY and his work called for a lot of traveling back and forth to NY. Turns out he was living in NY and traveling here.

 

I checked this current man. He seems to be who he is. The one picture I see his hands he has a wedding band. No date on picture.

 

I think I should be able to PM in a day or two. If you want, hit me up that way and I'll see what I can do to help.

[Carm]

I don't understand something.

 

 

It's been what 2 dates? Why are so invested in a man that you had two dates with?

 

 

I would just go with the flow...take him at face value and if you have a reason to doubt what he says then maybe look into things.

 

 

IMO, after 2 dates with a man, I wouldn't be in investigative mode.

[Gaeta]

I don't understand something.

 

 

It's been what 2 dates? Why are so invested in a man that you had two dates with?

 

 

I would just go with the flow...take him at face value and if you have a reason to doubt what he says then maybe look into things.

 

 

IMO, after 2 dates with a man, I wouldn't be in investigative mode.

 

 

I am not sure where you read I was invested. I am being cautious.

 

He wants a 3rd date tonight. He deleted his profile, he's smitten...and for once I have no intention of running away. What you see here is me being cautious, not being invested.

[BluEyeL]

I am not sure where you read I was invested. I am being cautious.

 

He wants a 3rd date tonight. He deleted his profile, he's smitten...and for once I have no intention of running away. What you see here is me being cautious, not being invested.

He deleted his profile??

[GemmaUK]

I have had several GF's in the past be intimidated or express intimidation. I get it. The way i've handled it has been with mixed results. I think I probably handled it the best with my current GF and soulmate. I wish I had written this down but I said something like: I am flattered and honestly it makes me happy to hear that you think so highly of me. But what I want you to know is that these areas of my life are where I put my focus. I've tried to excel at them. But I'm not looking at someone to be my match in these areas - if I did I would date coworkers and colleagues. If anything, I want to share them with someone like you, not compete. And as I guy who has done much in those areas, I also know that it doesn't all come down to skill or work. There is a great deal of fortune and luck involved too!

 

 

Mrin, I absolutely love this!

That is thoughtful, empathetic of how she is feeling, kind, self depreciating, shows you have worked hard but also have been lucky as well so you don't overrate yourself.

Beautifully put sir! :

 

 

 

 

Gaeta, give it time, it's way early days. You will get to know what is the truth and what might be an exaggeration or a lie - white or black.

 

 

Go in with the attitude that you are a successful woman yourself. It is tougher for women to become execs you know..and you were born on a milk farm. Ever thought 'look at where I am now?'

 

 

Go with the flow..

 

 

Do keep aware of things like 'smitten' though and whether it is just that (which is OK} or whether he tries to be a little bit too pushy (eg: ILY's within a week - you know what I mean).

 

 

Is he planning dates?

[Gaeta]

He deleted his profile??

 

Yeah, he told me over lunch yesterday. He met 5 women then me. He said the other ladies were nice but no chemistry and not really what he was searching for. He said he likes me very much and wants to concentrate on me.

 

That is what I have been looking for. A man that knows what he wants.

[pteromom]

Just wade in slowly.

 

Honestly his background and worldliness doesn't concern me nearly as much as the fact that he admitted to cheating on his ex wife.

 

It's possible he really has matured and learned.

 

It's also possible that he knows exactly what to say to keep you dating him.

 

So just go slowly, and you'll learn who he is. He just might be wonderful.

 

Pay attention to all his relationships as you get to know him. His relationships with his family, friends, etc. Are his friends nice family guys, or are they pigs? If the latter, the possibility of him being a pig himself goes up.

 

But for now, all you need to do is go on another date. One step at a time.

[Gaeta]

Go in with the attitude that you are a successful woman yourself. It is tougher for women to become execs you know..and you were born on a milk farm. Ever thought 'look at where I am now?'

 

I did mention I was raised in a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere. He said wow you must be very handy lol. I thought that was funny, and yes I'm very handy lol

 

Do keep aware of things like 'smitten' though and whether it is just that (which is OK} or whether he tries to be a little bit too pushy (eg: ILY's within a week - you know what I mean).

 

 

Is he planning dates?

 

I doubt he is out of touch-smitten. He told me he needs a good year dating before introducing someone to family.

 

Yes he plans dates. He wants to see me all the time and he offers public dates, no insinuation of coming to my place like most previous men did.

[Carm]

I want to be cautious. I met a man once and he told me he was living here in Montreal but from NY and his work called for a lot of traveling back and forth to NY. Turns out he was living in NY and traveling here.

 

I checked this current man. He seems to be who he is. The one picture I see his hands he has a wedding band. No date on picture.

 

I realize there is a difference between being cautious and being investigative but the bolded bit above seems like you are looking into things.

 

 

I've dated many men over the years and I don't take anything they say serious...this man is smitten? That's a flag to me. Any man that was ever smitten with me is no longer in the picture, either because he jumped to the next woman who caught his eye OR he wanted an instant relationship. Deleted his profile and smitten? ....would raise my eyebrows on these two things alone.

 

 

I hope it works for you but wouldn't you rather figure out if this man is the right person for you rather than his flowery words to you when he knows so little about you.

[Ruby Slippers]

I hope it works for you but wouldn't you rather figure out if this man is the right person for you rather than his flowery words to you when he knows so little about you.

Totally agree. I hope he's sincere, but I have to agree that 95% of guys on dating sites are completely full of crap, and it doesn't take long at all for them to reveal their true colors. Time is the only real test of a person's intentions.

[Gaeta]

So we had our 3rd date last night. He talked about his wealth and how he moved here to get away from the elite life style and live a simpler life. He talked about how smart he is, his mind is in over-drive all the time so he needs to meditate. He says when I visit his place I will see he lives very simply, only with the basic, he even left his car back in PA......I'm raising one eyebrow now.

[gaius]

So we had our 3rd date last night. He talked about his wealth and how he moved here to get away from the elite life style and live a simpler life. He talked about how smart he is, his mind is in over-drive all the time so he needs to meditate. He says when I visit his place I will see he lives very simply, only with the basic, he even left his car back in PA......I'm raising one eyebrow now.

Ahahaha. You should probably at least have a car if you want to pretend to be Mr. Important Moneybags.

 

Sorry Gaeta, but at least you sniffed that one out.

[katiegrl]

Gaeta, need I remind you of what they say about men who come on so strong and fast as he is?

 

They tend to disappear just as fast!

 

I mean come on, we all know you are awesome, but you have had two dates, and in his mind you're "the one" and he has deleted his profile?

 

Slow down....or more importantly slow HIM down.

 

Don't believe everything he "tells" you (about you being "the one"and all that shyt). Frankly, I would be running for the hills if a man came on to me like that. Total red flag that he is a huge fantasizer!

 

Words mean shyt, take time to get to know him, have him get to know you, before believing such declarations.

 

Pay attention to actions, and that includes him coming on super fast and strong....as that is also a huge red flag.

 

Haven't you learned all this already?

[kendahke]

I had 2 dates with a new gentleman. A brunch on Sunday and a long lunch today. He is a lovely man and I really enjoy his company. He told me today he deleted his profile to concentrate only on me. I happened to put mine on invisible a couple of days ago.

 

The thing is I am intimidated by his education, social status, professional success. In short he works on world wide research projects that has him travel around the world. His work is presented to leaders of different countries and published in renown journals. He also owns businesses and franchises, he has houses in Europe and in the US. His father was a wealthy man involved in politics, etc.

 

I am like a fish out of the water. He told me at first what he liked the most about me was my self confidence. Oh my! it took such a hit today! He just texted me I inspire him and he adores my demeanor. What demeanor? the one where my jaw is hanging open lol

 

Aarrrgg! anyone felt like before and can share some wisdom?

 

Hi five, Gaeta!

 

Don't change a thing about yourself--keep being you. He likes it!

[katiegrl]

So we had our 3rd date last night. He talked about his wealth and how he moved here to get away from the elite life style and live a simpler life. He talked about how smart he is, his mind is in over-drive all the time so he needs to meditate. He says when I visit his place I will see he lives very simply, only with the basic, he even left his car back in PA......**I'm raising one eyebrow now***.

 

Phew! I was getting a little worried there for a sec.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, need I remind you of what they say about men who come on so strong and fast as he is?

 

They tend to disappear just as fast!

 

I mean come on, we all know you are awesome, but you have had two dates, and in his mind you're "the one" and he has deleted his profile?

 

Slow down....or more importantly slow HIM down.

 

Don't believe everything he "tells" you (about you being "the one"and all that shyt). Frankly, I would be running for the hills if a man came on to me like that. Total red flag that he is a huge fantasizer!

 

Words mean shyt, take time to get to know him, have him get to know you, before believing such declarations.

 

Pay attention to actions, and that includes him coming on super fast and strong....as that is also a huge red flag.

 

Haven't you learned all this already?

 

It's like you're saying and it's not at the same time.

 

* We had 3 dates but they were all short dates no more than 2.5 hrs.

 

* We touch base on text during the say but we don't text back and forth

 

* Yes he deleted his profile because he wants to concentrate on me, he did not say I was 'the one'. More like he likes everything about me so far so why being on there. Lets concentrate on me. He was very clear that he is in 'getting to know me'. He also added he needs a good 1 year dating before introducing family. He is still has his feet on the ground.

 

* He takes me on public dates, no sexual innuendos what so ever, romantic short kissing at the end of date, nothing else. He told me last night he wants to 'take his time to get to know me before getting there', no jumping in bed.

 

* I am confirming I am not emotionally invested. If he goes poof he goes poof. My concern is more is he really who he says!

[katiegrl]

Yeah, he told me over lunch yesterday. He met 5 women then me. He said the other ladies were nice but no chemistry and not really what he was searching for. He said he likes me very much and wants to concentrate on me.

 

That is what I have been looking for. A man that knows what he wants.

 

^^This is the post that prompted my last post. My point was that he could have told those other women the exact same thing...you just don't know, it's too soon to tell. But you "seem" to have fallen for it hook, line and sinker...regardless.

 

I don't mean to sound like a downer.. and I am glad you clarified that you are taking it slow.

 

Good luck!

[gaius]

You could have all kinds of fun with this guy. Ask him for one of his papers the president read and watch him squirm. Card him and see what happens. Tell him a friend of yours is looking for a car and maybe he could make a deal for the one he "left in pa".

 

My grandmother hung out with a dude for a while a few years back, he was always high energy and into everything. And he always had this younger woman he was apparently dating that nobody ever saw. Would behave with my grandmother like he was into her but never made a move. I got the vibe he was a 70 something year old virgin.

[Gaeta]

He just invited me to date #4, tomorrow. This time it's a home invitation..........

[katiegrl]

He just invited me to date #4, tomorrow. This time it's a home invitation..........

 

Will he be cooking?

[Gaeta]

Will he be cooking?

 

He offered we go shop for food together then cook ourselves dinner. He did not mention his place or my place lol. I have a feeling he was thinking of using my pots and pans.

[Toodaloo]

He offered we go shop for food together then cook ourselves dinner. He did not mention his place or my place lol. I have a feeling he was thinking of using my pots and pans.

 

Well he may not have any if he is "minimalist"...

[katiegrl]

Well he may not have any if he is "minimalist"...

 

That or he is too embarrassed to have you actually see where he lives.....