How often do women settle for someone they aren't attracted to

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think a huge % of those that get married in their 30s do. Those that get married in their 20s mostly don't.

[Weezy1973]

I think a huge % of those that get married in their 30s do. Those that get married in their 20s mostly don't.

 

Yet those that get married in their 20s are for more likely to get divorced than those that get married in their 30s and beyond.

 

And I doubt the percentage is remotely huge.

[ascendotum]

Yet those that get married in their 20s are for more likely to get divorced than those that get married in their 30s and beyond.

 

And I doubt the percentage is remotely huge.

 

Those that get married young do it for love (most cases), though they may not be making the best long term choices. They tend to have many single options to choose from and no time constraints. Also people change over the years, and what they wanted out of a gf/bf when young could well not be the same in over a decades time. Also their partner may change and lose their sex appeal or new life events put stress on the relationship for the first time in their lives. Personally I don't think its natural to be monogamous with just one partner for life.

 

People marrying later in life do tend to make better long term choices I think plus they have matured in outlook and learnt from past mistakes. Some people (more so women) over the years will have built up bigger check off lists than they had when young. Many still want the lust from their earlier relationships though, and its harder to find in your 30s as many of the attractive good quality life & personality catches are not single anymore or make the most of their options as they are well sort after. Many will have to compromise or lower their expectations but can still try make the best of it in the relationship. They wont necessarily split up, because they hate being single or being back on the singles market older with even less prospects (unless they get a nice $ exit payout). Its really hard to say how big the % because its something people are not going blab about (only the bffs or anonymous surveys will know)

Edited April 4, 2015 by ascendotum

[calvincline47]

I understand having trouble seeing signs of attraction before dating. But when dating, especially seriously dating, it should be quite obvious if she's sexually attracted. If she's climbing your leg and flushed and her heart is racing, she's attracted! If she seems more interested in "giving" sex than "getting" sex, she may be into you for reasons other than genuine attraction.

 

Whoops.

 

Good point. For some reason, I saw your response and forgot what the thread was about.

[Leigh 87]

Women like me don't care if we have kids or not.

 

So at age 28 I don't even care if I have to wait another ten years before I find both passion and intense attraction, WITH a highly compatible mate.

 

Some women are happy to wait for maximum attraction and sexual chemistry. With the right man of course. And before you lament that all the " hot" men are taken by my age, I DON'T WANT Hot. The men I fall the hardest for are NEVER " hot".

 

So yeah. Women like me never settle for men we aren't attracted to.

 

Other women who want kids and a family unit, tend to settle by early 30's once try assume that " love isn't like a fairy tale" meaning, they come to the conclusion that the man they end up with doesn't need to be one of the men who made them weak at the knees. Or have them butterflie. Or who they were just INTO.

 

Here's to child free ladies who refuse to settle for less than white hot passion attraction and the whole package! With average Joe's mind you, we ain't usually waiting for a hottie.

[Revolver]

IMO It's pretty obvious to see how women act around guys they are truly sexually attracted to. You can only "fake" it for so long so I'm trying to figure a "settle guy" wouldn't know. Unless he's a moron

[Anela]

Women like me don't care if we have kids or not.

 

So at age 28 I don't even care if I have to wait another ten years before I find both passion and intense attraction, WITH a highly compatible mate.

 

Some women are happy to wait for maximum attraction and sexual chemistry. With the right man of course. And before you lament that all the " hot" men are taken by my age, I DON'T WANT Hot. The men I fall the hardest for are NEVER " hot".

 

So yeah. Women like me never settle for men we aren't attracted to.

 

Other women who want kids and a family unit, tend to settle by early 30's once try assume that " love isn't like a fairy tale" meaning, they come to the conclusion that the man they end up with doesn't need to be one of the men who made them weak at the knees. Or have them butterflie. Or who they were just INTO.

 

Here's to child free ladies who refuse to settle for less than white hot passion attraction and the whole package! With average Joe's mind you, we ain't usually waiting for a hottie.

 

I hadn't decided to be child-free, and I've never settled. I also want to be attracted to a man so much, that I consider him to be a hottie. I would hope that the feeling would be mutual.

[Anela]

Like a few others have said the settling seems to occur after 30, though I did see a bunch of overweight men & women I knew get engaged just before 30, and I suspected both or some of the guys anyway (from convos I had with them), were wishing someone sexier was going to come along, but were scared to get past 30 single. Most of them have had good marriages though.

 

If a 36 yrs old woman settles for the nice safe caring provider guy, its not really a case of having to spend her whole life with him. Her peak health & beauty & fun loving years were the last 20 which she enjoyed with a bunch of other bfs,flings, fwbs or ons and kid free (if she had none). Really the majority of the future relationship for them is going to be spent in middle and old age, were devotion and ability to provide a comfy life counts far more than lust/desire. While a number of women & men here just hate the thought of settling I think a lot of people in their 30s get desperate and pragmatic and do. Maturing is a factor when it comes to women choosing a a safe bet good provider guy in their 30s (and they dated totally different up till then) but I don't totally buy it in many cases.

 

With what you list its not a one way street either if she is marrying a nice caring slightly desperate guy. He will be taking care of her when you're sick, or trying to please her when she is moody, also trying to create a good home, working fulltime while she becomes a SAHM or even winds down her work hrs, he provides a nice house & possessions, and takes her out and away for holidays. An independent well paid career woman, might not care about the $ side of things or be desperate to be a couple to give her life more meaning, but lots of other less accomplished women do.

 

Oh, come on. Why the assumption that a woman is past it in any way, at the age of 36?

[calvincline47]

Oh, come on. Why the assumption that a woman is past it in any way, at the age of 36?

 

Advanced maternal age.

[autumnnight]

Advanced maternal age.

 

A woman may be getting nearer to the end of her "procreation period," but I assure you none of the other good stuff has passed. In fact, some of it is just getting good

[calvincline47]

A woman may be getting nearer to the end of her "procreation period," but I assure you none of the other good stuff has passed. In fact, some of it is just getting good

 

Who cares about the other stuff if she can't give birth?

 

What's the purpose of being with a woman if not for having children?

[Anela]

Advanced maternal age.

 

Psh.

 

...........

[Anela]

Who cares about the other stuff if she can't give birth?

 

What's the purpose of being with a woman if not for having children?

 

Okay, you aren't being serious. Good to know.

[calvincline47]

Okay, you aren't being serious. Good to know.

 

I am serious.

 

What does a woman really bring to the table besides her ability to reproduce (especially in today's world)?

[Weezy1973]

I am serious.

 

What does a woman really bring to the table besides her ability to reproduce (especially in today's world)?

 

If you don't think being in a relationship brings anything else to the table, well, stay single. Get off LoveShack. Live your life without a woman in it.

 

Of course, studies show, over and over again, that married men have much, much better outcomes than single men. But do what you want. Be the exception to the rule.

[carhill]

Fortunately, as men are living longer lives now it's a bit less of an issue but women, especially those who never knew life otherwise if married young and for life, once widowed might 'settle' for a man because, historically, finding a man who was alive was hard to do. Additionally, at an advanced age, typical physical attraction stuff was also at an advanced age and, well, varied in its pleasing nature. Still, desire for companionship could overrule the wrinkles and sags of old age and things settled in for the twilight years. As men live longer, approaching the average lifespans of women, I see this as less of an issue. A positive side effect is that men, if living longer, often do so because of being healthier, and that can translate into aspects of physical attractiveness.

 

Personally, I still think married men of my generation have the edge in longevity, in general, but IMO things aren't so clear for the younger generations. Relationship dynamics have changed a good deal over the past few decades and it's entirely possible we'll see more men living into old age alone and healthy. I recently lost a male friend who, nearly 80, had lived alone as long as I knew him and he said a decade or more prior to that. Towards the end, his 50-something son was taking care of him at home. To me, that's a marked change... an old man living alone and a son being a caregiver. Time marches on.

[calvincline47]

If you don't think being in a relationship brings anything else to the table, well, stay single. Get off LoveShack. Live your life without a woman in it.

 

Of course, studies show, over and over again, that married men have much, much better outcomes than single men. But do what you want. Be the exception to the rule.

 

And on whom are these studies being done?

 

Generally, on people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. These couples were alive and married pre-women's rights and pre-sexual revolution. That makes a HUGE difference.

 

My prediction is that the mortality rates will even out among men and women, as well as among single and married men. Married men, in general, no longer of the pleasant life of going to work, coming home, and being taken care of by their faithful stay-at-home wives.

 

So, these results, like most situations involving gender since the 1970s will likely change drastically once the studies are able to catch up with the times (as the current young generations age).

[calvincline47]

Fortunately, as men are living longer lives now it's a bit less of an issue but women, especially those who never knew life otherwise if married young and for life, once widowed might 'settle' for a man because, historically, finding a man who was alive was hard to do. Additionally, at an advanced age, typical physical attraction stuff was also at an advanced age and, well, varied in its pleasing nature. Still, desire for companionship could overrule the wrinkles and sags of old age and things settled in for the twilight years. As men live longer, approaching the average lifespans of women, I see this as less of an issue. A positive side effect is that men, if living longer, often do so because of being healthier, and that can translate into aspects of physical attractiveness.

 

Personally, I still think married men of my generation have the edge in longevity, in general, but IMO things aren't so clear for the younger generations. Relationship dynamics have changed a good deal over the past few decades and it's entirely possible we'll see more men living into old age alone and healthy. I recently lost a male friend who, nearly 80, had lived alone as long as I knew him and he said a decade or more prior to that. Towards the end, his 50-something son was taking care of him at home. To me, that's a marked change... an old man living alone and a son being a caregiver. Time marches on.

 

Traditionally, men died younger due to hardships from work, drug abuse, and failure to take care of themselves (ie: not staying in shape, not going for regular doctors visits, etc).

 

With the changing of men's roles in relationships and life (men are less likely to remain stoic than in the past), I think you will see men equaling, if not outliving women completely.

[Weezy1973]

And on whom are these studies being done?

 

Generally, on people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. These couples were alive and married pre-women's rights and pre-sexual revolution. That makes a HUGE difference.

 

My prediction is that the mortality rates will even out among men and women, as well as among single and married men. Married men, in general, no longer of the pleasant life of going to work, coming home, and being taken care of by their faithful stay-at-home wives.

 

So, these results, like most situations involving gender since the 1970s will likely change drastically once the studies are able to catch up with the times (as the current young generations age).

 

 

So this is you, literally making things up. Use actual research; please. Here's what I think, listen to me doesn't fly. Ever. Research and facts do. You've produced none.

[calvincline47]

So this is you, literally making things up. Use actual research; please. Here's what I think, listen to me doesn't fly. Ever. Research and facts do. You've produced none.

 

That's my point. There has not been research done yet because the people that would be affected by the post-feminist and post-sexual revolution changes are not old enough to be studied yet (so, you actually don't have any research to support your argument either).

 

I was simply using logic.

[autumnnight]

That's my point. There has not been research done yet because the people that would be affected by the post-feminist and post-sexual revolution changes are not old enough to be studied yet (so, you actually don't have any research to support your argument either).

 

I was simply using logic.

 

Actually, you are using your bias.

[ascendotum]

Oh, come on. Why the assumption that a woman is past it in any way, at the age of 36?

 

I didn't say that. Some of the discussion had focused on women in mid 30s settling. I think many women in their early 30s don't necessarily have to or even in their mid-to late 30s if they looked after themselves. Though if lots of women take pride in looking their best and older men don't then they complain about the lack of quality men and consider that they will have to settle for less.

 

I have noticed around 36-38 band where women who had been having fwbs, strs, affairs or dating around, seem to start putting on weight or lose their youthful sex appeal and they then shift the type of guy they go for and want to now settle down. That's just a bit of a trend Ive seen, but of course there are going to be exceptions and women who were not living like that and dont change their priorities in a partner.

[Noirek]

I almost did once upon a time to please everyone. But if the thought of even hugging the guy caused my insides to revolt how could I ever be physical with him?

 

You may not find the person a 10 but surely there must be some attraction there. Or you can close your eyes and use your imagination I guess...

[calvincline47]

Actually, you are using your bias.

 

Okay, then. Explain the physiological mechanisms of why men in the past died before women....and why single men died before married men.

 

My explanation is because they didn't take care of themselves, had higher levels of stress, did not seek medical attention because they were too stoic, and worked in physically dangerous professions.

 

If you have other explanations, by all means, present them.

[Weezy1973]

Okay, then. Explain the physiological mechanisms of why men in the past died before women....and why single men died before married men.

 

My explanation is because they didn't take care of themselves, had higher levels of stress, did not seek medical attention because they were too stoic, and worked in physically dangerous professions.

 

If you have other explanations, by all means, present them.

 

Marriage and men's health - Harvard Health

 

Stay single, die younger, say scientists - Telegraph

 

There's a couple of articles that cite actual research. A lot of research. And recent research. Health outcomes are better across the board (I.e. at all ages) and benefits are better for men than for women.