Woggle Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Way to set the bar low there. Why not find a woman who views you as BETTER than the guys from the past? Because every happily married woman I know views their husband that way, no matter what kind of crazy past they may have had. A lot of husbands will never turn their wife on the way the bad boys of her past turned her on. They see a side of her he will never see. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Way to set the bar low there. Why not find a woman who views you as BETTER than the guys from the past? Because every happily married woman I know views their husband that way, no matter what kind of crazy past they may have had. Or a woman who is not comparing people to each other. You know not that many people actually marry their first loves, I guess the people they marry are all "settle people"? Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Sorry but you really are stuck in your fear, stuff sometimes falls apart but no matter how much you need to tell yourself this, it is rarely because women "settled." In all the divorces I know of personally that is not the reason in even one of them. I bet it does happen. Just like sometimes men "trade up" as some of you guys like to call it . Or even "settled" themselves and later found the "real deal" and left. Women are not worse human beings than men are why do you feel so determined to tell yourself that??? Some people are good and some aren't, stop acting like such a victim because you happen to be a guy for heaven's sake!! Well, the topic at hand is about women settling for men. Of course men likely do it too, but how often do you hear of men settling? I always hear the man rather stay single than to be with someone their not attracted to. Unless the guy is deemed as unattractive than he's not going to settle for a woman he doesn't find physically attractive. A lot of women when it comes to serious relationships can seem to look past physical attraction a lot as long as the guy has a great personality. A lot of men don't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Am I the only one who sees the irony here? hm ... am I dense?? I don't get the irony. Please explicate for me!! Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 A lot of husbands will never turn their wife on the way the bad boys of her past turned her on. They see a side of her he will never see. Strong this. This is why knowing about a womans past matters. Seriously what guy wants to be in that position? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 As for respect it should be given based on a person's actions and character and not their gender. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 hm ... am I dense?? I don't get the irony. Please explicate for me!! Not gonna fall for it. You know precisely what I'm talking about. Besides, this is not the thread in which to have this discussion. If you want to debate, feel free to PM me. My bad for the thread jack. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 ............... Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 As for respect it should be given based on a person's actions and character and not their gender. Precisely. But this isn't how our gynocentric society works today, even though it should. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Respect is earned, not given. Some women earn it, some don't. That's interesting! Personally I tend to approach others with respect and only lose it when they earned my disrespect, isn't this usually the way it is?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 This is some extreme sh*t. Is the nice guy bad boy thing really that black and white? How many women bang some tatted, good looking ganger, then go marry some ugly ass computer nerd? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 That's interesting! Personally I tend to approach others with respect and only lose it when they earned my disrespect, isn't this usually the way it is?? For me, not entirely. I may show someone common courtesy, but that doesn't mean I respect them. I've also learned that humans are selfish and vindictive, so I don't blindly trust or respect others unless they give me good cause to do so. I approach others with common courtesy. Respect is earned after the fact through their positive actions. This is how I operate, so if you operate differently, more power to you. I'm not interested in debating why you behave the way you do, nor am I interested in trying to change it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I show everybody basic decency and respect until they prove otherwise no matter what gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or class or whatever they are but the deeper kind of respect where I really trust somebody and hold them in high regard has to be earned. That happens through their actions and character and not any trait they are born with. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 All marriages I know where the woman left were not about a guy not turning them on... it was about the guy stop investing emotionally in the relationship and not taking care of her emotional needs. Women are not that oriented to be turned on physically... we get turned on mentally first. It amazed me the majority of guys don't get it. A lot of husbands will never turn their wife on the way the bad boys of her past turned her on. They see a side of her he will never see. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Women are not that oriented to be turned on physically... we get turned on mentally first. It amazed me the majority of guys don't get it. This is wrong. I wasn't born yesterday and I know women love a hot guy as much as men love an attractive woman. I have seen how women act when a hunk is in the room. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 No she doesn't. I don't know either. Uh? Not gonna fall for it. You know precisely what I'm talking about. Besides, this is not the thread in which to have this discussion. If you want to debate, feel free to PM me. My bad for the thread jack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Maybe in their 20s. I did, in my 20s. That's what the other females talked about here. We have a skewed vision of what matters when we're younger. I couldn't care less today. I have a Hollywood star look guy messaging me this week and asked for a date, and another cute guy who I have an amazing emotional and intellectual connection. Who do you think I'm giving priority to? If it's not clear, I told the hot guy I'm busy this week and seeing the other guy. ps: I meant *amazes This is wrong. I wasn't born yesterday and I know women love a hot guy as much as men love an attractive woman. I have seen how women act when a hunk is in the room. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 All marriages I know where the woman left were not about a guy not turning them on... it was about the guy stop investing emotionally in the relationship and not taking care of her emotional needs. Women are not that oriented to be turned on physically... we get turned on mentally first. It amazed me the majority of guys don't get it. Your emotional needs are your responsibility. I don't look to my GF, whom I love dearly, to meet my emotional needs. I fulfill them on my own. Here's the flip side of that argument. My xWW complained about emotional needs also. I'll admit, I checked out of my marriage. But I checked out because it was all about her; what she wanted, what she felt she was entitled to, and anything I wanted was tossed aside. When she cheated, that was the ultimate wake up call for me, but not in the way you think. I learned then that it was never my responsibility to make her happy, it was her responsibility. I was doomed to fail from the start. As such, it's my responsibility to make myself happy...not my xWW's, nor my GF's. That responsibility lies with me alone. I flat out told this to my GF. She knows this is my view. Her happiness is her responsibility. I accept no obligation in that regard. This entire concept of "emotional needs" is pure nonsense. If you have emotional needs, learn to meet them on your own. Don't look to a man to do it for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Your emotional needs are your responsibility. I don't look to my GF, whom I love dearly, to meet my emotional needs. I fulfill them on my own. Here's the flip side of that argument. My xWW complained about emotional needs also. I'll admit, I checked out of my marriage. But I checked out because it was all about her; what she wanted, what she felt she was entitled to, and anything I wanted was tossed aside. When she cheated, that was the ultimate wake up call for me, but not in the way you think. I learned then that it was never my responsibility to make her happy, it was her responsibility. I was doomed to fail from the start. As such, it's my responsibility to make myself happy...not my xWW's, nor my GF's. That responsibility lies with me alone. I flat out told this to my GF. She knows this is my view. Her happiness is her responsibility. I accept no obligation in that regard. This entire concept of "emotional needs" is pure nonsense. If you have emotional needs, learn to meet them on your own. Don't look to a man to do it for you. Sounds like she didn't meet your emotional needs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I understand where you're coming from, ideally we should be happy before we meet a partner and the toll for our happiness shouldn't lie 100% on a partner. Also it should not be a one way street where a marriage is all about one person. Understandable you checked out. Still, some men check out for no good reason other than being selfish or thinking they already are married so why make the effort to be the good partner they were before getting married? Then when the woman is unhappy and wants out, they think she's an evil crazy person or that she is not physically attracted anymore as many said here, because she "settled". It takes effort from both sides to make things work. And I do expect my partner to meet some of my emotional needs. Not all my emotional needs in life, but part of them yes. I don't see anything wrong with that. Good for you your girlfriend is fine with you stating you will not - that's very rare for a woman. Your emotional needs are your responsibility. I don't look to my GF, whom I love dearly, to meet my emotional needs. I fulfill them on my own. Here's the flip side of that argument. My xWW complained about emotional needs also. I'll admit, I checked out of my marriage. But I checked out because it was all about her; what she wanted, what she felt she was entitled to, and anything I wanted was tossed aside. When she cheated, that was the ultimate wake up call for me, but not in the way you think. I learned then that it was never my responsibility to make her happy, it was her responsibility. I was doomed to fail from the start. As such, it's my responsibility to make myself happy...not my xWW's, nor my GF's. That responsibility lies with me alone. I flat out told this to my GF. She knows this is my view. Her happiness is her responsibility. I accept no obligation in that regard. This entire concept of "emotional needs" is pure nonsense. If you have emotional needs, learn to meet them on your own. Don't look to a man to do it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Maybe in their 20s. I did, in my 20s. That's what the other females talked about here. We have a skewed vision of what matters when we're younger. I couldn't care less today. I have a Hollywood star look guy messaging me this week and asked for a date, and another cute guy who I have an amazing emotional and intellectual connection. Who do you think I'm giving priority to? If it's not clear, I told the hot guy I'm busy this week and seeing the other guy. ps: I meant *amazes It matters in the 30s and 40s. The issue is that some but certainly not all women have their own version of a Madonna/whore complex. They can't view a stable and faithful guy who treats her well as also being somebody who gets her wet and knocks her socks off. There is a strict separation between hot lover and husband material but they know logically that if they want to have a family they need to pick husband material. The problem is he never really turns her on like the players and after a few years or maybe sure she can't take it anymore and needs passion again. The key to marital happiness for a man is finding a woman who doesn't have this separation in her head and is fully capable of having hot lover and faithful husband exist in the same man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I understand where you're coming from, ideally we should be happy before we meet a partner and the toll for our happiness shouldn't lie 100% on a partner. Also it should not be a one way street where a marriage is all about one person. Understandable you checked out. Still, some men check out for no good reason other than being selfish or thinking they already are married so why make the effort to be the good partner they were before getting married? Then when the woman is unhappy and wants out, they think she's an evil crazy person or that she is not physically attracted anymore as many said here, because she "settled". It takes effort from both sides to make things work. And I do expect my partner to meet some of my emotional needs. Not all my emotional needs in life, but part of them yes. I don't see anything wrong with that. Good for you your girlfriend is fine with you stating you will not - that's very rare for a woman. May i ask what you mean by emotional needs? Are you talking about affection or watching chick flicks, gossiping, doing things you like doing but he doesn't? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Men are guilty of the same thing. They want a s*** in bed but go for a good woman for marriage. Hopefully they'll get both. It matters in the 30s and 40s. The issue is that some but certainly not all women have their own version of a Madonna/whore complex. They can't view a stable and faithful guy who treats her well as also being somebody who gets her wet and knocks her socks off. There is a strict separation between hot lover and husband material but they know logically that if they want to have a family they need to pick husband material. The problem is he never really turns her on like the players and after a few years or maybe sure she can't take it anymore and needs passion again. The key to marital happiness for a man is finding a woman who doesn't have this separation in her head and is fully capable of having hot lover and faithful husband exist in the same man. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Sounds like she didn't meet your emotional needs. On the surface, yes. But I think the real issue lies with me for looking to her to fulfill my emotional needs in the first place. Had I already been mentally healthy in the first place, I never would have married her. I would have recognized her for what she was: a succubus looking for validation. When she stopped getting validation from me, she found another guy to do it. That kind of person makes for the worst sort of partner, yet I didn't see it. Actually, that's not true...I did see it, I just ignored it and hoped she would change. Why? Because I was looking to her for validation, instead of finding it within myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Men are guilty of the same thing. They want a s*** in bed but go for a good woman for marriage. Hopefully they'll get both. True but I would never judge a woman for avoiding men like this like the plague while men are accused of slut shaming if we want to avoid these women. No self respecting person should ever willingly be used as a prop in a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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