How often do women settle for someone they aren't attracted to

[hotpotato]

A lot of husbands will never turn their wife on the way the bad boys of her past turned her on. They see a side of her he will never see.

 

And? Most men wont be turned on by their wives the way they would be by Kate Upton or some other young, hot thang.

[xxoo]

A lot of husbands will never turn their wife on the way the bad boys of her past turned her on. They see a side of her he will never see.

 

And? Most men wont be turned on by their wives the way they would be by Kate Upton or some other young, hot thang.

 

Great sex and intense arousal is not limited to people with hot exteriors!

 

Great sex starts with the brain. People who understand this don't worry about things like "settling", though. You know great sex with you have it.

[elaine567]

And? Most men wont be turned on by their wives the way they would be by Kate Upton or some other young, hot thang.

 

Exactly,

I think this male pre-occupation with "bad boys in the past" is just another stick to bash women with.

 

For men.

What about all those "hot sluts in the past"?

 

So, you didn't date "hot sluts in the past", did you?

 

Some information, many women have never, ever dated "bad boys" either.

[PrettyEmily77]

I've not read the whole thread but to answer the OP, I know of at least 2 of my friends who admitted to me that they have 'settled' for guys that they don't find physically attractive so much but they wanted safe guys who would look after them well. This doesn't mean these guys are made of money, but they are really good guys who treat them like princesses.

 

 

Both of these friends were treated badly by the guys they were with before their husbands (i.e. they were cheated on or abused in some way) so they chose guys they felt wouldn't do that to them.

 

 

One of them in particular was with a very good looking guy who always had a harem of girls to choose from whether or not he was single, and he made good use of his good looks whenever he wanted. This made my friend, who is herself an absolute stunner, scared of repeating the same mistake and so she chose her current guy based on other stuff, like the fact he is a genuinely nice guy who wouldn't hurt a fly. He's not totally unattractive and he does have a lot of other qualities, but my friend explicitly said to me she knows he's not a looker but at least he treats her well. They both seem happy with the situation though, from what I can tell: her because she feels safe, him because he scored a stunner.

 

 

I'm sure it's not an uncommon situation, and I'm also sure that men do it too. After a while, some people would rather feel safe than be on heat all the time. It's fine if everyone finds what they want, and it could be that for these people sex isn't the main thing.

 

 

I've almost done it myself, as in started a relationship with a guy I thought was really nice but who didn't do it for me physically. I couldn't do it in the end because I still want to be able to lust after my guy and I really wouldn't like the idea that I guy would 'settle' for me just because I would make him feel safe and I have a nice personality.

[fireflywy]

i never once told you how you think. I simply stated what i think based on my experiences with women.

 

I think they're focusing on the exact issue. Not all women are entitled princesses, but a good number of them are. You're not the ones dating/marrying them...we are.

 

Not only that, our society has become far too gynocentric. A man can't even express legitimate complaints about women without being branded a misogynist. It's ridiculous.

 

I will never marry again. Never. I will protect myself, my money, and my assets, by refusing to sign a bad contract. You may accuse me of having a bad attitude. That is your opinion, and you would be entitled to it. But my house was literally cleaned out by a cheating wife who got the majority of time with my daughter and $400/month from me in child support who told me she settled for me. this is men's reality in today's world. I am literally the poster child for this thread. Is it any wonder men view women with distrust and skepticism?

 

I am in no way saying that you are lumped into that category, so you have no justification to take offense to that statement. But this is a very real threat to men today. And men who choose to no longer participate are ridiculed. I reached the point long ago where i said, "okay. Ridicule me all you want. It's not going to change my mind, and i simply don't care what you think."

 

i'm grateful that you are able to recognize that there are bad women out there. And i'm really grateful you can recognize that feminism has done a number on young men in our society today (seriously, don't even get me freakin started). But talk is cheap; would you take action against it?

 

m.g.t.o.w.

[calvincline47]

Marriage and men's health - Harvard Health

 

Stay single, die younger, say scientists - Telegraph

 

There's a couple of articles that cite actual research. A lot of research. And recent research. Health outcomes are better across the board (I.e. at all ages) and benefits are better for men than for women.

 

I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall here. You are really not understanding what I'm saying.

 

Please re-read my previous posts.

[calvincline47]

Why do guys value the immature preferences of 20 year old women over the preferences of a mature woman?

 

Younger women are in their prime reproductive age. By the time women mature (and start dating nice, average looking men), they are usually advanced maternal age and can no longer have children.

 

Not sure why this is so difficult to understand for some women.

[calvincline47]

Because to a lot of men a woman's sexual past matters.

 

Yup, a woman's sexual past certainly matters.

[calvincline47]

A woman with a crazy past wouldn't be for me. It's everyones right to do what they want, but I have the personal right to not want to be with a woman with a crazy sexual past. We all have our own individual standards.

 

Go abroad. Women overseas in non-feminist countries care far more about men's issues than women at home (who are only focused on their own issues and view men as utilities).

 

Also, you can speak the truth whenever you want and not be criticized for it.

[calvincline47]

Maybe in their 20s. I did, in my 20s. That's what the other females talked about here. We have a skewed vision of what matters when we're younger.

 

I couldn't care less today. I have a Hollywood star look guy messaging me this week and asked for a date, and another cute guy who I have an amazing emotional and intellectual connection. Who do you think I'm giving priority to? If it's not clear, I told the hot guy I'm busy this week and seeing the other guy.

 

ps: I meant *amazes

 

Yes, women care about physical looks over all else when they are in their prime reproductive age.

 

Who cares about how they feel about things after that?

 

When women are less desired, then they become attracted to less desirable men. That sounds like settling to me....

[xxoo]

Younger women are in their prime reproductive age. By the time women mature (and start dating nice, average looking men), they are usually advanced maternal age and can no longer have children.

 

Not sure why this is so difficult to understand for some women.

 

Men aren't having babies with 20 year old women. Both men and women want to wait until closer to 30, or beyond, to have babies.

 

So again, why are the preferences of a 20 year old valued more than the preferences of a more mature woman? Even in the individual, her past preferences at 20 are judged as "more valid" than her mature preferences as 30. That seems silly to me.

[elaine567]

Men aren't having babies with 20 year old women. Both men and women want to wait until closer to 30, or beyond, to have babies.

 

So again, why are the preferences of a 20 year old valued more than the preferences of a more mature woman? Even in the individual, her past preferences at 20 are judged as "more valid" than her mature preferences as 30. That seems silly to me.

 

Women can have healthy babies naturally well into their 40s (becoming a lot commoner) and even into their 50s.

[calvincline47]

Women can have healthy babies naturally well into their 40s (becoming a lot commoner) and even into their 50s.

 

First, "commoner" isn't a word. Well, not in the way you're using it.

 

Second, no you are wrong. 35+ is considered advanced maternal age. After age 30, women's fertility decreases by 3-5%. In vitro fertilization only results in pregnancy for one third of women that attempt it. That doesn't even account for the birth defects that are connected to advanced maternal age (which are not connected to advanced paternal age).

 

Sure, SOME women can give birth in their 40s and 50s, but this is definitely not the norm.

 

You've been sold a bill of goods by feminism. Feminism does not override biology. Sorry.

[elaine567]

First, "commoner" isn't a word. Well, not in the way you're using it.

 

Second, no you are wrong. 35+ is considered advanced maternal age. After age 30, women's fertility decreases by 3-5%. In vitro fertilization only results in pregnancy for one third of women that attempt it. That doesn't even account for the birth defects that are connected to advanced maternal age (which are not connected to advanced paternal age).

 

Sure, SOME women can give birth in their 40s and 50s, but this is definitely not the norm.

 

You've been sold a bill of goods by feminism. Feminism does not override biology. Sorry.

 

Stop the condescension, no-one said ALL women.

 

I am sorry to inform you, that advanced paternal age is associated with issues and the advice is now for men to have children before 45 to avoid them. Autism, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder in offspring have been linked to older fathers >45yrs.

Fertility reduces from 30 onwards in the male. After adjusting for female age, conception during a 12-month period was 30% less likely for men over age 40 years as compared with men younger than age 30 years.

 

"Ageing has a significant impact on male sexual function, sperm parameters, and fertility. These changes contribute to decreased fecundability, increased time to conception, and increased miscarriage rates...Studies have consistently shown that increasing male age is associated with an increased time to pregnancy and decreased pregnancy rates."

[calvincline47]

Stop the condescension, no-one said ALL women.

 

I am sorry to inform you, that advanced paternal age is associated with issues and the advice is now for men to have children before 45 to avoid them. Autism, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder in offspring have been linked to older fathers >45yrs.

Fertility reduces from 30 onwards in the male. After adjusting for female age, conception during a 12-month period was 30% less likely for men over age 40 years as compared with men younger than age 30 years.

 

"Ageing has a significant impact on male sexual function, sperm parameters, and fertility. These changes contribute to decreased fecundability, increased time to conception, and increased miscarriage rates...Studies have consistently shown that increasing male age is associated with an increased time to pregnancy and decreased pregnancy rates."

 

Nope wrong.

 

Oocyte ageing and epigenetics

 

Demographic and medical consequences of the postponement of parenthood

 

Effect of female age on the diagnostic categories of infertility

 

The fertility myth: Israeli students' knowledge regarding age-related fertility decline and late pregnancies in an era of assisted reproduction technology (this study demonstrates the media's role in perpetuating the myth of older age pregnancies)

 

Here's one on paternal risk of autism:

http://www.nature.com/mp/journal/v16/n12/full/mp2010121a.html

 

So, as you can see, age in men (generally greater than 50) CAN potentially cause things like autism in their children. However, men are fertile well into later life. Women develop risks for abnormal children after age 35 and many are unable to have children at all (which makes sense because anyone that knows even basic biology knows that women get just one set of eggs for their entire life, whereas men develop new sperm every 30-60 days).

 

Again, sorry, but biology beats (incorrect) societal beliefs.

[elaine567]

Nope wrong.

 

What did I write that is wrong?

 

Are you really saying -

Increased paternal age doesn't affect fertility negatively??

Increased paternal age is not associated with autism, schizophrenia and bipolar??

Increased paternal age does not result in an increased risk of miscarriage and still birth??

 

I think if you do some reading you will find it is true.

Increasing paternal age is also being linked with more and more genetic disease too, as we are able to research it more thoroughly.

Why wouldn't it be true?

We age, our bodies age, our capability for reproduction reduces, it is not gender specific.

[calvincline47]

What did I write that is wrong?

 

Are you really saying -

Increased paternal age doesn't affect fertility negatively??

Increased paternal age is not associated with autism, schizophrenia and bipolar??

Increased paternal age does not result in an increased risk of miscarriage and still birth??

 

I think if you do some reading you will find it is true.

Increasing paternal age is also being linked with more and more genetic disease too, as we are able to research it more thoroughly.

Why wouldn't it be true?

We age, our bodies age, our capability for reproduction reduces, it is not gender specific.

 

Did you look at the studies that I cited at all?

[Anela]

Did you look at the studies that I cited at all?

 

Why do you feel the need to push this so much?

[Price2Play]

I was almost the "settle guy" in my last RL. I'm decent looking, athletic so attraction was not an issue. I've seen it too OP but who cares don't do it if you are not attracted.

 

She was 34, no kids, ok career but started hating it.

 

RL started out great but went down hill pretty fast. She came clean with alot of her past emotional trauma etc. Her 20's just sounded like 1 big party, 2 LTRs with 1 ex chump still pining for her years later. Wth?! Just ignore him & he will stop contacting you!? Nope she loved the attention, I guess the attention I gave her wasn't enough? Red flag! She grilled the sh*t out of me too if I was still talking to exs when we met. I wasn't, go figure she was....smh.

 

It seemed like it was always an uphill battle with her. Constant validation (not needy), occasionaly reciprocated, princess entitlement, narcissistic. Red flag! At times it felt like she was sabotaging the RL, almost like she wanted me to dump her? Yes, I know woman want a challenge blah blah. Sex was quality but low libido for her, probably due to anti-depress meds. I didn't find out she was on those until she had me hooked, 3mo in? Way too many highs & lows.

 

She was on the fast track, started to mention how much she loves diamonds, hint, hint, hint. I now can't see an ex-party girl turning into a settle down marriage/family type. I'm sure their are exceptions to the rule but I didn't want to test that theory out.

 

We had a blast together non-stop fun, traveling etc but it was probably the worst RL I've ever been in. It wasn't a bad break-up, yes feelings were hurt. She already had an old chump friend waiting in the wings so I imagine the transition was easy for her.

 

He wants to get married & have a family. Not only is he a rebound but he's the NEW settle guy. And he has a kid so she's got the instant family right there.

 

In all honesty I hope it works for her, hopefully he can make her happy cause I know I couldn't. It's sad cause it's a lost cause if your not happy with yourself you shouldn't rely on others to fill that void.

[elaine567]

Did you look at the studies that I cited at all?

 

Of course I did, but they are all about female ageing apart from one. No-one sensible would dispute that ageing in females affects fertility. I am sure it is very obvious to even the most primitive of societies.

Young females - many babies, old females - few babies.

 

I was answering your implied assertion that male age appears to have no effect, when it is becoming increasingly obvious increasing male age does have an effect on fertility and viable pregnancies, and it also causes disease in offspring.

[PrettyEmily77]

Younger women are in their prime reproductive age. By the time women mature (and start dating nice, average looking men), they are usually advanced maternal age and can no longer have children.

 

Not sure why this is so difficult to understand for some women.

 

That's a fact that I, as a 38yo single woman, am well aware of. Advances in medicine have made it a little easier, but the probabilities of having children after 40 are of about 3 to 5%. Some women will, but many women won't, there's no hiding from it.

 

 

It's also true that some women do settle, that some women are gold-diggers, that some women are after the top-tier guys, that some women are after money only just as it's true that some men will only want a woman will model looks, that some men will ditch their wives for a younger version, that some men still expect to be the main breadwinner, that some men will settle for being settled for, that some men will settle themselves, etc... At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other do though; all it takes is finding the right guy / girl for you!

 

 

I know I won't settle for less.

[Leigh 87]

I am serious.

 

What does a woman really bring to the table besides her ability to reproduce (especially in today's world)?

 

The ability to light up a man's life with her charm, intelligence, humour and various attributes?!

 

The ability to have a high flying career and donate large sums of money to altruistic pursuits??????

 

To help one or some of the MILLIONS of children who don't HAVE parents, to lead a loving and quality life via adoption or becoming a foster carer????!!!!!

[ascendotum]

IHe's not totally unattractive and he does have a lot of other qualities, but my friend explicitly said to me she knows he's not a looker but at least he treats her well. They both seem happy with the situation though, from what I can tell: her because she feels safe, him because he scored a stunner.

 

I'm sure it's not an uncommon situation, and I'm also sure that men do it too. After a while, some people would rather feel safe than be on heat all the time. It's fine if everyone finds what they want, and it could be that for .

 

I agree such scenarios are fine if both are totally happy with the relationship, then it does not matter so much what others looking on think. Either one of the 'settled for' couple though should not be treated any less better than the other had treated their past lovers/partners. The person 'settling' should be committed to their change in priorities and not feel resentful that they had to settle for less then they felt they deserved. It seems your friend was happy with her trade off and freely chose to trade of looks for security. She may not be as passionate for her less of a looker bf, but he might not realize that or if so be okay with that as his higher desire for her compensates. I guess your stunner of a friend's scenario is probably a preferred outcome for any settled for guy, as long as the status quo stays the same. The guys who get settled for really walk into the relationship at their own free will, but what can often happen is the love/nature of the woman slowly deteriorates over time as she resents him.

[Noirek]

I am serious.

 

What does a woman really bring to the table besides her ability to reproduce (especially in today's world)?

 

What does a man bring to the table besides his ability to fertilize (especially in today's world)?

[toolforgrowth]

What does a woman really bring to the table besides her ability to reproduce (especially in today's world)?

 

No more than what you expect of her.

 

If she doesn't live up to your expectations, end the relationship. Keep moving forward until you find one who does. And while I'll be the first to point out female flaws, I think it goes without saying that they do indeed have more to offer than being a brood mare. I expect my GF to be responsible, be a good parent, manage her money, contribute to the relationship (and household when she moves in), be faithful...I could easily go on. In a nutshell, I hold her to every standard to which I hold myself.

 

I am curious as to why the only standard to which you would hold a woman would be to give birth. Surely one would demand more than that from any individual?