getting out of an affair

[pheonixrisen]

I'm sorry and it is fine if you do not want to share, but I am curious, how did you find out?

 

Op sorry taking over your thread for this post ..but here goes

 

The morning started just like any other day ..made breakfast, talked about random thing with h..hugged and kissed as he left for work...

 

I was thinking for a few day to reconnect with some old friends from high school on fb ..except I don't have an account the last I was on my h fb account was 8 months ago (it's normal for us to be on each other emails or social media , we kept things open )

 

I could not log in ...I did not think anything of it except he must have forgotten to give me the new password ...so I did not want to disturb him at work ....i thought i would create a new password and inform him when i speak with him next...so I logged into his email changed fb password and logged on into his account

 

There was nothing there ...but all family and friends had been unfriended...I did not focus on it either ...I went ahead and found my friends send them msgs ...I was about to log off when my attention fell on the friends list on the left side of the page where a name caught my eye....I heard of her in a general discussion almost a year ago when I had asked my h how a work deal had happened and he said his friends fiance offered assistance ...(except the girl was not someone's fiance she was a single woman ) ...but somehow when I saw the name the conversation with my h from a year ago flashed in my head

 

I casually clicked on her name ...and then bam in an instant my world was crumbling all around me ...For their on her timeline for everyone to see is a pic of her and my h and caption read ...In a R since ....18 months 17 days to the day I was looking at it ...I went to albums there were total 7 pics of them together ...not intimate just casual outing pictures ...I saved them all picked up the phone ..and msged my h ..I want a divorce..It was then the tears started rolling ..I put my phone down and went to pack my bags.

 

its 3 years since dday we are in R and it's going good for us ..We just had a baby.

Edited February 26, 2015 by pheonixrisen
error corrected

[Mr. Lucky]

And DO NOT tell your wife. Why hurt her if you don't have to. Just commit 100% to your wife today and hope for the best.

 

I'm tired of the "tell your spouse they need to know...." Um, no they don't. Why permanently damage and scar someone if you can avoid it. Don't compound being a lousy spouse by rubbing it in. Just don't cross the line anymore. Run from this train wreck

 

I'm sure I've infuriated about 95% of the people on this thread. I respect your opinion but don't agree. I hope your respect mine

 

So we can do anything to our spouse and behind their back as long as they don't find out? My spouse is a decade younger than I, might as well spend our retirement savings on escorts and blow. I'll be dead when she realizes it so, in your world, no consequence for me.

 

It's the cheating and lying that will "permanently damage and scar someone". The telling is just setting the record straight...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

Op sorry taking over your thread for this post ..but here goes

 

The morning started just like any other day ..made breakfast, talked about random thing with h..hugged and kissed as he left for work...

 

I was thinking for a few day to reconnect with some old friends from high school on fb ..except I don't have an account the last I was on my h fb account was 8 months ago (it's normal for us to be on each other emails or social media , we kept things open )

 

I could not log in ...I did not think anything of it except he must have forgotten to give me the new password ...so I did not want to disturb him at work ....i thought i would create a new password and inform him when i speak with him next...so I logged into his email changed fb password and logged on into his account

 

There was nothing there ...but all family and friends had been unfriended...I did not focus on it either ...I went ahead and found my friends send them msgs ...I was about to log off when my attention fell on the friends list on the left side of the page where a name caught my eye....I heard of her in a general discussion almost a year ago when I had asked my h how a work deal had happened and he said his friends fiance offered assistance ...(except the girl was not someone's fiance she was a single woman ) ...but somehow when I saw the name the conversation with my h from a year ago flashed in my head

 

I casually clicked on her name ...and then bam in an instant my world was crumbling all around me ...For their on her timeline for everyone to see is a pic of her and my h and caption read ...In a R since ....18 months 17 days to the day I was looking at it ...I went to albums there were total 7 pics of them together ...not intimate just casual outing pictures ...I saved them all picked up the phone ..and msged my h ..I want a divorce..It was then the tears started rolling ..I put my phone down and went to pack my bags.

 

its 3 years since dday we are in R and it's going good for us ..We just had a baby.

 

Shocking for you to find out like that.

Did she actually know he was married? If she did, it was a bit brazen of her.

I am glad R is going well for you. Congratulations on the baby.

[WhiteOrchid]

OP, the reason everyone is telling to you tell your wife is because nothing throws cold water on the fantasy of an affair than exposure. Nothing can make you truly realize what is important in life until you are about to lose it. You say you want to end this - that is honestly the best chance you have to do so (and fix your marriage in the process).

 

You may have all the best intentions in the world, saying you will just stop cold turkey and just magically go back to being a loving, faithful husband, but it just doesn't happen that way. Your internal issues and the problems with your marriage will continue to go unaddressed, and the cycle will continue, ultimately causing you to reconnect with your current AP or find another.

 

On some level you seem to know your AP has a lot of faults and that it would be a disaster if you were ever really together as a couple, but the fog of the affair has convinced you that it is "love." It's easy to have a great time and connect with someone when there is literally no outside stress - when you are together your sole purpose is to make each other feel good. You can show the best sides of yourselves, be whoever you want to be. It's a bubble away from the real world, and is completely intoxicating. And the more time you spend with this "perfect" AP, the worse your wife looks in your eyes. That's when "I love you but I'm not in love with you" happens. Your wife can never compete with this. And you begin to fantasize about what you are missing in life - not realizing that if your AP was to actually become your wife the same old ugly problems would rear their head.

 

The reason you probably don't feel guilt with regard to cheating on your wife is because in your mind you have your own justifications for why you found it necessary to cheat on her. You are probably have resentments toward her for the disappointments in your marriage and how your life turned out. And you blame her for it somewhat in your mind. Also, since you feel like the affair actually caused your marriage to get better - you said you are now "treating her like a queen," this arrangement is actually benefiting her and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

 

And now that this has gone on awhile and she hasn't found out about it and seemingly has no suspicions, you get more confident that everything is going to work out just fine, you can have your cake and eat it too.

 

The truth is that marriage is hard work. When the infatuation stage ends and real life intrudes, it can seem tempting to go elsewhere to fill that need instead of working on the relationship you already have. Say your marriage is 75% good and 25% is lacking (hypothetical percentages). Sure, there are lots of good things in your marriage but you are obsessed with that 25% you don't have, and instead of trying to fix that missing 25% with your spouse, you find that missing 25% in your AP (sex, excitement, infatuation, etc.). Now you feel great, because all your needs are being met. You are ecstatic about that 25% - it is the best thing in your life right now. It seems like the most important thing ever. Well how great is that 25% when it is all by itself (i.e., your wife finds out and takes the 75% with her)? All you are left with is a great lay who also happens to be a serial, toxic, narcissistic cheater Likely, you would be pining for the boring life you threw away with your family. The old saying is you don't know what you got til it's gone.

 

If you TRULY want to end this, the best way is to come clean with your wife and confront the issues in your marriage head on. Will she leave you? Maybe, maybe not. But there is a good chance she won't - especially if you are the one coming clean. But if you continue on this course you are on, she will likely find out on her own - and all bets are off. On the chance she doesn't, you will continue to live a life of deception for the rest of your life, because once the floodgates of cheating and getting your needs met elsewhere than your marriage are opened, it is very hard to close them back up.

 

Would this conversation with your wife be the hardest thing you've ever done? Of course. But in order for your marriage to have a chance and for this affair to be killed (and to make it less likely you cheat in the future), it's necessary.

[Rainbowlove]

OP, the reason everyone is telling to you tell your wife is because nothing throws cold water on the fantasy of an affair than exposure. Nothing can make you truly realize what is important in life until you are about to lose it. You say you want to end this - that is honestly the best chance you have to do so (and fix your marriage in the process).

 

You may have all the best intentions in the world, saying you will just stop cold turkey and just magically go back to being a loving, faithful husband, but it just doesn't happen that way. Your internal issues and the problems with your marriage will continue to go unaddressed, and the cycle will continue, ultimately causing you to reconnect with your current AP or find another.

 

On some level you seem to know your AP has a lot of faults and that it would be a disaster if you were ever really together as a couple, but the fog of the affair has convinced you that it is "love." It's easy to have a great time and connect with someone when there is literally no outside stress - when you are together your sole purpose is to make each other feel good. You can show the best sides of yourselves, be whoever you want to be. It's a bubble away from the real world, and is completely intoxicating. And the more time you spend with this "perfect" AP, the worse your wife looks in your eyes. That's when "I love you but I'm not in love with you" happens. Your wife can never compete with this. And you begin to fantasize about what you are missing in life - not realizing that if your AP was to actually become your wife the same old ugly problems would rear their head.

 

The reason you probably don't feel guilt with regard to cheating on your wife is because in your mind you have your own justifications for why you found it necessary to cheat on her. You are probably have resentments toward her for the disappointments in your marriage and how your life turned out. And you blame her for it somewhat in your mind. Also, since you feel like the affair actually caused your marriage to get better - you said you are now "treating her like a queen," this arrangement is actually benefiting her and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

 

And now that this has gone on awhile and she hasn't found out about it and seemingly has no suspicions, you get more confident that everything is going to work out just fine, you can have your cake and eat it too.

 

The truth is that marriage is hard work. When the infatuation stage ends and real life intrudes, it can seem tempting to go elsewhere to fill that need instead of working on the relationship you already have. Say your marriage is 75% good and 25% is lacking (hypothetical percentages). Sure, there are lots of good things in your marriage but you are obsessed with that 25% you don't have, and instead of trying to fix that missing 25% with your spouse, you find that missing 25% in your AP (sex, excitement, infatuation, etc.). Now you feel great, because all your needs are being met. You are ecstatic about that 25% - it is the best thing in your life right now. It seems like the most important thing ever. Well how great is that 25% when it is all by itself (i.e., your wife finds out and takes the 75% with her)? All you are left with is a great lay who also happens to be a serial, toxic, narcissistic cheater Likely, you would be pining for the boring life you threw away with your family. The old saying is you don't know what you got til it's gone.

 

If you TRULY want to end this, the best way is to come clean with your wife and confront the issues in your marriage head on. Will she leave you? Maybe, maybe not. But there is a good chance she won't - especially if you are the one coming clean. But if you continue on this course you are on, she will likely find out on her own - and all bets are off. On the chance she doesn't, you will continue to live a life of deception for the rest of your life, because once the floodgates of cheating and getting your needs met elsewhere than your marriage are opened, it is very hard to close them back up.

 

Would this conversation with your wife be the hardest thing you've ever done? Of course. But in order for your marriage to have a chance and for this affair to be killed (and to make it less likely you cheat in the future), it's necessary.

 

This is perfect. Very accurate and well said.

 

Thanks for putting this out there.

 

Hopefully, OP pays attention to your post. It might be the best I've read yet.

[beach]

You've ruined the marriage by living the lies within your marriage. You've now brought your M to a place of deceit.

 

You've made it a farce further by not being authentic with your wife. By being extra nice to her because you're cheating is not nice. Overcompensating that way may be what gets you caught.

 

I mean seriously, what wife wants to find out your husband has been super nice and great because he's been screwing another woman who happens to be a total selfish brat?

 

The longer you keep pretending and lying - the more likely you'll get caught.

 

I hope you'll end the affair. I also hope you'll get help to become a real man who stops pretending, lying and overcompensating.

 

A real marriage far outweighs one that seems perfect but is all based on pretending and lies. You've made your M a farce - and you have evidence you get what you give. Your poor wife - not knowing - save her the pain of finding out and end the affair.

 

I hope you will.

[No Limit]

Get tested for STDs. I hope your kids were born prior to your affair; if you have anything and infected your wife while pregnant they must be treated as soon as possible.

[troubled soul]

OP, the reason everyone is telling to you tell your wife is because nothing throws cold water on the fantasy of an affair than exposure. Nothing can make you truly realize what is important in life until you are about to lose it. You say you want to end this - that is honestly the best chance you have to do so (and fix your marriage in the process).

 

You may have all the best intentions in the world, saying you will just stop cold turkey and just magically go back to being a loving, faithful husband, but it just doesn't happen that way. Your internal issues and the problems with your marriage will continue to go unaddressed, and the cycle will continue, ultimately causing you to reconnect with your current AP or find another.

 

On some level you seem to know your AP has a lot of faults and that it would be a disaster if you were ever really together as a couple, but the fog of the affair has convinced you that it is "love." It's easy to have a great time and connect with someone when there is literally no outside stress - when you are together your sole purpose is to make each other feel good. You can show the best sides of yourselves, be whoever you want to be. It's a bubble away from the real world, and is completely intoxicating. And the more time you spend with this "perfect" AP, the worse your wife looks in your eyes. That's when "I love you but I'm not in love with you" happens. Your wife can never compete with this. And you begin to fantasize about what you are missing in life - not realizing that if your AP was to actually become your wife the same old ugly problems would rear their head.

 

The reason you probably don't feel guilt with regard to cheating on your wife is because in your mind you have your own justifications for why you found it necessary to cheat on her. You are probably have resentments toward her for the disappointments in your marriage and how your life turned out. And you blame her for it somewhat in your mind. Also, since you feel like the affair actually caused your marriage to get better - you said you are now "treating her like a queen," this arrangement is actually benefiting her and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

 

And now that this has gone on awhile and she hasn't found out about it and seemingly has no suspicions, you get more confident that everything is going to work out just fine, you can have your cake and eat it too.

 

The truth is that marriage is hard work. When the infatuation stage ends and real life intrudes, it can seem tempting to go elsewhere to fill that need instead of working on the relationship you already have. Say your marriage is 75% good and 25% is lacking (hypothetical percentages). Sure, there are lots of good things in your marriage but you are obsessed with that 25% you don't have, and instead of trying to fix that missing 25% with your spouse, you find that missing 25% in your AP (sex, excitement, infatuation, etc.). Now you feel great, because all your needs are being met. You are ecstatic about that 25% - it is the best thing in your life right now. It seems like the most important thing ever. Well how great is that 25% when it is all by itself (i.e., your wife finds out and takes the 75% with her)? All you are left with is a great lay who also happens to be a serial, toxic, narcissistic cheater Likely, you would be pining for the boring life you threw away with your family. The old saying is you don't know what you got til it's gone.

 

If you TRULY want to end this, the best way is to come clean with your wife and confront the issues in your marriage head on. Will she leave you? Maybe, maybe not. But there is a good chance she won't - especially if you are the one coming clean. But if you continue on this course you are on, she will likely find out on her own - and all bets are off. On the chance she doesn't, you will continue to live a life of deception for the rest of your life, because once the floodgates of cheating and getting your needs met elsewhere than your marriage are opened, it is very hard to close them back up.

 

Would this conversation with your wife be the hardest thing you've ever done? Of course. But in order for your marriage to have a chance and for this affair to be killed (and to make it less likely you cheat in the future), it's necessary.

 

 

Thanks for your insight. The 75/25 example is pure gold. And your comment that we would be a disaster as a real couple is totally right. We would be a disaster. Hell, even as an affair couple, if we go away for a night or two together, she does things that tick me off. For example, she wouldn't even hold hands on our last trip walking down a dark, icy sidewalk. She just doesn't like to do it. Even though she knows I like it. So my point being that even in the bliss of an affair, we don't really work very well!

[jackslife]

The sex is bloody great though isn't it!?

 

And however much you love your wife, it will never be as great and dirty and nasty as it is with the OW. You don't really want the OW, you know that, but you hate the thought of not having her again?

 

If you end the affair, your wife never finds out and life is good, will you still hanker for that dirty sex on the side?

 

You know there is no magic answer to your questions that you aren't aware of.

 

1. Keep the affair going until one of you has enough and ends it.

 

2. you end it now

 

3. You either tell or don't tell your wife.

 

Just be aware you are risking everything. You have gotten away with it so far because your wife trusts you, it is making you over confident and makes you think you won't get caught. Every time you see the other woman you tossed a coin and it came up heads. Every text, every passionate encounter, every phone call, you tossed and it came up heads. That's an amazing run of luck and it may continue for a while. But don't kid yourself that it won't come up tails one day. And then the s**t will truly hit the fan.

 

If life is good with your wife and you've had an affair and got away with it, then do yourself a favour. Finish the affair now. Tell your wife or not it's up to you. I'm not an advocate of telling but that's just me. But you still have a chance to get out while the goings good and your luck is holding.

[troubled soul]

You don't really want the OW, you know that, but you hate the thought of not having her again?

 

 

 

 

I really like this point that you make. It makes me think. Might be true. Maybe I really and just too selfish to think I'll never have her again if I let her go.

Edited February 27, 2015 by troubled soul

[aliveagain]

I really like this point that you make. It makes me think. Might be true. Maybe I really and just too selfish to think I'll never have her again if I let her go.

 

And as your point to the sex. Honestly, my wife is far more adventurous in bed than this woman is. It's probably just the "different" that makes it so much fun. My wife has always been on sexual overdrive, even after over a decade of marriage. And she says no to practically nothing. So I know I'm a lucky guy in the sex department.

 

There's your answer, have an open marriage. Imagine how excited your wife will be when you tell her she can enjoy some strange di*k. Are you ok sharing her with other men?

[jackslife]

My wife has always been on sexual overdrive, even after over a decade of marriage. And she says no to practically nothing. So I know I'm a lucky guy in the sex department.

 

Then get out now. As I said, I'm not a believer in the tell at all costs. If you have great sex, a great relationship and this OW is becoming a pain in the arse, you are really gaining nothing but risking everything.

 

To use another gambling analogy. You're in a game of poker and are about to go 'all in' when there's not a penny to be won on the table. Fold and walk away.

[No Limit]

Should you decide to tell your wife; do your APs husband the favor and inform him too, about EVERYTHING you know about his wife. No man deserves to be married to someone like her.

[Cali408]

Should you decide to tell your wife; do your APs husband the favor and inform him too, about EVERYTHING you know about his wife. No man deserves to be married to someone like her.

Wrong, he already knows she's a nightmare.

 

Other than this, you're getting great advice about the 75/25. You know she sucks. She pisses, you off, you're addicted to the thrill.

 

Been there had the dirtiest funnest sex with a hot chick who worshiped the ground I walked on. In real life, she was a disorganized, emotional mess of a nightmare. Not a bad person other than cheating, but just someone who would have driven me crazy

[truncated]

OP,

this isn't going to sound nice, but reading your story and posts, one thing jumps out at me more than anything else.

 

You are placing your kids physical and mental health at risk by cheating on their mother. You have no idea if and when your dirty laundry will be aired, and what do you think it's going to do to them when it does.

 

Think of it this way.

 

Imagine your ow decides she's going to tell your wife ( she sounds like a drama queen, so it's not out of the realm of posisbility that she could do this, throwing a temper tantrum like a spoiled child). What do you think that will do to your wife and your kids?

 

Just imagine yourself seeing the tears in their eyes and thinking" I did this to them because I wanted some sex on the side".

 

Will that be worth it?

[Rainbowlove]

OP,

this isn't going to sound nice, but reading your story and posts, one thing jumps out at me more than anything else.

 

You are placing your kids physical and mental health at risk by cheating on their mother. You have no idea if and when your dirty laundry will be aired, and what do you think it's going to do to them when it does.

 

Think of it this way.

 

Imagine your ow decides she's going to tell your wife ( she sounds like a drama queen, so it's not out of the realm of posisbility that she could do this, throwing a temper tantrum like a spoiled child). What do you think that will do to your wife and your kids?

 

Just imagine yourself seeing the tears in their eyes and thinking" I did this to them because I wanted some sex on the side".

 

Will that be worth it?

 

Take it a step further...

 

See yourself packing your bags, getting in your car, driving away from your house to go live in an apartment...and then seeing your kids every other weekend...part-time daddy.

 

Oh, and yeah, you'll have to explain why daddy and mommy no longer live together. Why you can't see you as much as you'd like to.

 

Then the child support payments and maybe alimony....

 

Selling the family home your kids love...they can go to new schools and make new friends...no worries about that...the SEX IS WORTH IT, right??

 

You are being a selfish fool.

[troubled soul]

Take it a step further...

 

See yourself packing your bags, getting in your car, driving away from your house to go live in an apartment...and then seeing your kids every other weekend...part-time daddy.

 

Oh, and yeah, you'll have to explain why daddy and mommy no longer live together. Why you can't see you as much as you'd like to.

 

Then the child support payments and maybe alimony....

 

Selling the family home your kids love...they can go to new schools and make new friends...no worries about that...the SEX IS WORTH IT, right??

 

You are being a selfish fool.

 

You're right. I am a selfish fool. An idiot.

 

You know what the strange thing is? Even if there were no sex, I'd still be compelled to continue doing this, even with all of her faults. Just to be with her. Even though it's basically emotional masochism. It's truly amazing what this affair process can do to a person's brain. I feel brainwashed in many ways because of it.

[Oberfeldwebel]

Thanks for pointing that out. I do indeed love my wife. She is a stay at home mom and she homeschools our kids. But my love for her is more like that of a daughter or sibling than a romantic type of love. But regardless, I want to be clear that I do love my wife. She tells me all the time how handsome I am, how much she appreciates me, etc. I feel like I've got a wife that's better to me than I deserve.

 

TS: I am sure that you care for her well being, but a marriage is suppose to be so much more. A wife is not your daughter, roommate, housekeeper or nanny. You know that is not love and your lack of honesty is disrespectful to her as your partner in life. I am not trying to suggest that you divorce your wife, but put in the effort to fix the relationship. The person you describe certainly sounds like she is worth the effort. Therefore I recommend the following:

 

1. Sit down and have a serious discussion with your wife and let her know the truth.

2. Open access to all media and devices.

3. Schedule counseling to allow each of you to air any differences in a secure environment and work towards repairing the damage.

[jm2013]

You're right. I am a selfish fool. An idiot.

 

You know what the strange thing is? Even if there were no sex, I'd still be compelled to continue doing this, even with all of her faults. Just to be with her. Even though it's basically emotional masochism. It's truly amazing what this affair process can do to a person's brain. I feel brainwashed in many ways because of it.

 

Are you a clingy person? You come off clingy to me for some reason. Were you like that when you first started to date your wife? I am surprised with the information you know about your AP how you were able to develop such feelings for this woman. If it were me I would have just banged the hell out of her and left it at that. I'm not sure what you find in her that you thirst for to be honest. Maybe she's hot ok. But she sounds terrible in all of the other aspects you have pointed out. A terrible companion or somebody you could even trust. She sounds incredibly reckless and you're most likely going to be caught by her actions not yours.

[Rainbowlove]

You're right. I am a selfish fool. An idiot.

 

You know what the strange thing is? Even if there were no sex, I'd still be compelled to continue doing this, even with all of her faults. Just to be with her. Even though it's basically emotional masochism. It's truly amazing what this affair process can do to a person's brain. I feel brainwashed in many ways because of it.

 

Wait. You think it's amazing what the affair process can do to your brain now?

 

You ain't see nuthin yet, baby.

 

Wait until your wife finds out. Wait until you end it with OW. Wait until your're fighting to save your marriage and life. Wait until you have to say goodbye to your kids.

 

Wait until you are crying alone in your car wondering how it all way so horribly wrong in your life.

 

Wait until you get to the place of loathing yourself for destroying everyone you ever loved and knowing there's nothing you can do to undo what you did.

 

Just wait until the sh it hit the fan.

[troubled soul]

Are you a clingy person? You come off clingy to me for some reason. Were you like that when you first started to date your wife? I am surprised with the information you know about your AP how you were able to develop such feelings for this woman. If it were me I would have just banged the hell out of her and left it at that. I'm not sure what you find in her that you thirst for to be honest. Maybe she's hot ok. But she sounds terrible in all of the other aspects you have pointed out. A terrible companion or somebody you could even trust. She sounds incredibly reckless and you're most likely going to be caught by her actions not yours.

 

Interesting question. I'm not really a clingy person. I don't think. I've always been the one getting chased, not the chaser. I think the real truth came out a few posts back when someone said that I just didn't want to give her up because I was selfish and wanted to keep her for myself. I know that's a pathetic reason, but in searching my soul for the "why" of this situation, it's the closest realization I've had.

[troubled soul]

Wait. You think it's amazing what the affair process can do to your brain now?

 

You ain't see nuthin yet, baby.

 

Wait until your wife finds out. Wait until you end it with OW. Wait until your're fighting to save your marriage and life. Wait until you have to say goodbye to your kids.

 

Wait until you are crying alone in your car wondering how it all way so horribly wrong in your life.

 

Wait until you get to the place of loathing yourself for destroying everyone you ever loved and knowing there's nothing you can do to undo what you did.

 

Just wait until the sh it hit the fan.

 

Thanks for making that description so eerily tangible. It helps drive home the point to me. Maybe slightly dramatic in the "destroying everyone you ever loved". But I do get the point that lives would be permanently affected by me stupid actions.

[jm2013]

Interesting question. I'm not really a clingy person. I don't think. I've always been the one getting chased, not the chaser. I think the real truth came out a few posts back when someone said that I just didn't want to give her up because I was selfish and wanted to keep her for myself. I know that's a pathetic reason, but in searching my soul for the "why" of this situation, it's the closest realization I've had.

 

Out of curiosity would you be angry if your wife was sleeping with another man? Would that bother you? If so, why?

[Rainbowlove]

Maybe slightly dramatic in the "destroying everyone you ever loved".

 

 

Dramatic????

 

You are way in over your head and have NOT ONE CLUE.

 

God help your family.

[troubled soul]

Out of curiosity would you be angry if your wife was sleeping with another man? Would that bother you? If so, why?

 

 

I think if I caught her having an affair, I would almost certainly divorce her. I think it would probably haunt me too much for me to ever reconcile with her. I'm a pretty possessive person. I would feel like my property had been violated and it would be really tough for me to get over that.