I wish women would just tell the truth when they are not interested.

[somedude81]

I think you are going to have much better luck with dating/woman in general once you are in the work force and have left these "college girl" fantasies behind you.

We have all told you in the past that your success rate is massively restricted due to your age preference and you focusing all of your efforts there. You might want those 19-24 year olds... but they don't want you. Plain and simple.

There are hundreds of woman in their late 20's who want a BF just like you. But you choose to ignore them as options because it's not your ideal.

 

The bold is what I don't believe.

 

So I raise my preferred age range and suddenly all the women want me. Really?

 

I'm not ignoring them at all. I don't even know where to find them.

 

I understand how this negative attitude has arisen in you after your failures, but until you widen your scope on what actually IS available to you, you will always have bad odds.

 

From my point of view, no women have been available to me. So I just naturally went for the women that were around me hoping to get lucky.

 

Either way, I'm not even trying to pursue women right now because there are too many things going on in my life right now.

 

I just wish I could have gone on one date with busy girl, and the fact that she replies to my messages is just frustrating. It just feels wrong that things are ending like this. Once again I'm absolutely powerless and nothing I do matters.

[joystickd]

If a guy is interested in a girl and she knows it and says they can just be friends, that doesn't mean that now they are going to become actual friends (unless they were already). That is just a nice way of saying that she will be polite to him and be fine chatting casually with him when they find themselves together in social situations. Not that she is actually going to be going to the mall or lunch or out to see a movie like with true friends.

 

I think as a guy if a woman says that then he shouldn't be casually chatting. He just go on until he finds someone interested. I don't knock it but I'm for true friendships not a BS situation like that. It's counterproductive for a guy especially one just starting out but that's just my opinion

[Million.to.1]

The bold is what I don't believe.

 

So I raise my preferred age range and suddenly all the women want me. Really?

 

 

Bahahahaha! The fact that you go from one extreme to the other in your replies like that just makes me think you are baiting. Just stop it. It's a waste of your energy.

 

No SD. Obviously, not ALL the woman will suddenly want you. But your odds will be better with single woman who are actively seeking what you are.

 

 

That said, I think it's great you are focusing on the other things in your life right now.

 

But a part of me wishes I could stop having breakthroughs and learning life lessons, and instead just have things go right.

 

As for this statement... :lmao:

 

Who on earth gets that luxury? Everyone deals with having to accept things beyond their control.

You should never stop wanting to have breakthroughs. I know they are usually born from negative experiences, but those happen to everyone. Life is really just one big lesson after another. The quicker you have the breakthrough from one, the quicker you can move on to the next. That's how you gotta see it cause there is always going to be one. Accept it.

[Danda]

OP have you genuinely considered the possibility that you keep going after unavailable and/or uninterested women as some like, subconscious self-sabotage thing?

 

I'm reading these past few posts in here and if I am understanding this correctly, lady told you that she doesn't have time for dating and is too busy, and then you kept trying to pursue her? Why? I know you said you think she is super ideal or whatever, but if you are seriously bashing your head against a brick wall in emotional angst and turmoil, over a gal just because you think she's hot and has the same favorite breakfast cereal, Idunno even know what to tell you.

 

Then you're all like, "No women want me, I don't stand a chance with anyone, blah blah blah." No the unavailable younger women that you get obsessively infatuated with from a distance don't want you. Not trying to be hard on ya here but straight up dude, you are just self-sabotaging as far as I can tell.

[somedude81]

Bahahahaha! The fact that you go from one extreme to the other in your replies like that just makes me think you are baiting. Just stop it. It's a waste of your energy.

 

I'm not trying to bait.

 

I was just pointing out that you are suggesting that I will have much more success in dating if I go after older women and change nothing else.

 

No SD. Obviously, not ALL the woman will suddenly want you. But your odds will be better with single woman who are actively seeking what you are.

 

And are older women seeking different things than younger women?

 

 

 

That said, I think it's great you are focusing on the other things in your life right now.

 

Eh thank, I don't really have a choice though.

 

As for this statement... :lmao:

 

Who on earth gets that luxury? Everyone deals with having to accept things beyond their control.

You should never stop wanting to have breakthroughs. I know they are usually born from negative experiences, but those happen to everyone. Life is really just one big lesson after another. The quicker you have the breakthrough from one, the quicker you can move on to the next. That's how you gotta see it cause there is always going to be one. Accept it.

 

Though some people actually have a victory in their life instead of failing and learning a lesson. For me it's just constant failure and I learn something on the side. It's tiring being in this cycle.

[somedude81]

OP have you genuinely considered the possibility that you keep going after unavailable and/or uninterested women as some like, subconscious self-sabotage thing?

 

Not at all.

 

I go after women that I like. I was very attracted to this girl and I really enjoyed her personality. I had a crush on her long before I learned that she wasn't interested.

 

I'm reading these past few posts in here and if I am understanding this correctly, lady told you that she doesn't have time for dating and is too busy, and then you kept trying to pursue her? Why? I know you said you think she is super ideal or whatever,

 

You answered your own question. She's my ideal woman; why would I not pursue her? The last girl I liked as much as this one was my ex and that was over a year ago. I don't know how long it will be till I meet a girl who has everything she does.

 

 

Then you're all like, "No women want me, I don't stand a chance with anyone, blah blah blah." No the unavailable younger women that you get obsessively infatuated with from a distance don't want you. Not trying to be hard on ya here but straight up dude, you are just self-sabotaging as far as I can tell.

 

My age and that I go after younger women is a point that many people bring up. Though nobody seems to realize that once a upon a time I wasn't going after younger women. I was going after women my own age. And guess what; they liked me less back then than they do now.

 

I'm not trying to self-sabotage. I'm just trying to for women that I see as people I would like to be in a relationship with.

[xxoo]

And are older women seeking different things than younger women? .

 

Yes, because they've gone through their own breakthroughs and have learned their own life lessons. Almost everyone is seeking different things at 30 than at 20.

[somedude81]

Yes, because they've gone through their own breakthroughs and have learned their own life lessons. Almost everyone is seeking different things at 30 than at 20.

 

That makes sense.

 

Though which age would be seeking the same things I am?

[xxoo]

That makes sense.

 

Though which age would be seeking the same things I am?

 

Someone old enough to have been through some hardships and know how tough life can be out in the real world.

 

Someone who has also reached 30 without a lot of luck in love, maybe. That's not so uncommon.

[Million.to.1]

 

Though which age would be seeking the same things I am?

 

That depends on what you are seeking.

I think that you subconsciously go after young woman (aside from your attraction to them) because you feel that you don't have what most men your age have to offer. Most other men of your age have more going on in their lives as far as career, friends, money etc go. You've been at college a long time and you are a bit behind in that department, it's true. You assume though that younger woman aren' going to care about these things as much, so therefore you have a chance.

The opposite is true though.

 

College girls aren't looking for LTR's really. Unless someone AMAZING turns up.. they aren't in a hurry to settle down. They have plenty of time to find Mr right and they also probably have unrealistic expectations of men and their ideal. We all do when we are young.

 

As woman get older and gain experience in the dating world.. all those ideals change. Someone who really wanted to date the leather jacket wearing popluar jock with the floppy hair when they were 20, dated those types of guys and found they were selfish, cheaters, commitment phobe or whatever, now at 28, would probably love to date a guy who would take them salsa dancing and pay them attention.

 

It's just an example, but anyway.

 

You have things to offer. Just not to young girls.

[somedude81]

Someone old enough to have been through some hardships and know how tough life can be out in the real world.

 

Someone who has also reached 30 without a lot of luck in love, maybe. That's not so uncommon.

 

What's most important to me is that I want to date a woman who wants to get married and possibly have kids, but is in no real rush to do so.

 

That significantly restricts the age of women I can pursue. I also wouldn't want to date a woman who has already been married. Odds are that rules out any women in their 30's.

 

Ideally I'd want to have 4-5 years of it being just me and her.

[xxoo]

What's most important to me is that I want to date a woman who wants to get married and possibly have kids, but is in no real rush to do so.

 

That significantly restricts the age of women I can pursue. I also wouldn't want to date a woman who has already been married. Odds are that rules out any women in their 30's.

 

Ideally I'd want to have 4-5 years of it being just me and her.

 

Many never-married women your age are likely going to feel the same way.

[spanishchick00]

Because telling someone, "I'm not interested, leave me alone," is such an ugly thing to say to someone. So, people look for the easy way out by coming up with all kinds of excuses. Dropping hints does not equal being a mind reader. I only told one guy I wasn't interested in him and that he should stop wasting his time. Some can take subtle hints, some guys that really, really like a girl are really persistence will not give up, they will keep trying and trying to win her over regardless of the woman's excuses.

[Million.to.1]

 

I was just pointing out that you are suggesting that I will have much more success in dating if I go after older women and change nothing else.

 

I never said "change nothing else". Stop twisting it. You have many things you could/should change SD that would help with your success with woman. Plenty of people have gone over what they are in other threads.

 

Anyway, focusing on Job finding/ interviews/ new appartments whatever, and not dating is what you said you are doing and I think that's a step in the right direction for now.

[somedude81]

Many never-married women your age are likely going to feel the same way.

 

Honestly, I don't believe that there are that many childless never-married women my age.

 

Also, a woman in her early 30's is past her prime childbirthing years. Let me put it this way. If I meet a woman my age now, and start dating her right away, and we are together for 4 years before we have kids, that would put us at 37 years old. Honestly that seems really old for a woman to have her first child and I can't imagine the possible complications.

[somedude81]

Because telling someone, "I'm not interested, leave me alone," is such an ugly thing to say to someone. So, people look for the easy way out by coming up with all kinds of excuses.

 

That's why there are much easier ways to say it.

 

"somedude, you're a sweet guy but you aren't what I'm looking for right now. Sorry "

 

That's it. Once I heard that I would never try to pursue her again.

 

Dropping hints does not equal being a mind reader. I only told one guy I wasn't interested in him and that he should stop wasting his time. Some can take subtle hints, some guys that really, really like a girl are really persistence will not give up, they will keep trying and trying to win her over regardless of the woman's excuses.

 

A lot of guys don't take subtle hints. They don't work on me and I really prefer women to be blunt and honest.

 

At least I understand the fade from women where they just stop responding. At that point I know to give up and move on. But when a woman doesn't do the fade or tell me that she wants nothing to do with me, I get confused and also develop some false hope. Even now I want to message this girl and continue the conversation we were having. But deep down I know it's fruitless.

[xxoo]

Honestly, I don't believe that there are that many childless never-married women my age.

 

Also, a woman in her early 30's is past her prime childbirthing years. Let me put it this way. If I meet a woman my age now, and start dating her right away, and we are together for 4 years before we have kids, that would put us at 37 years old. Honestly that seems really old for a woman to have her first child and I can't imagine the possible complications.

 

It's getting up there for a man, too. So if you're that worried about the age-related risks, maybe you've missed your chance.

 

The reality is many, many couples are having healthy babies in late 30s and beyond.

 

But worrying about babies is borrowing trouble. There are many possible solutions to that problem should you come to it. Potential babies seems like a really poor reason for you to keep focusing on women of an inappropriate age group of women.

[somedude81]

It's getting up there for a man, too. So if you're that worried about the age-related risks, maybe you've missed your chance.

 

The reality is many, many couples are having healthy babies in late 30s and beyond.

 

But worrying about babies is borrowing trouble. There are many possible solutions to that problem should you come to it. Potential babies seems like a really poor reason for you to keep focusing on women of an inappropriate age group of women.

 

Yes, I'm getting old to. And I really think that having two older parents can lead to a lot of trouble down the line.

 

Even if I wasn't looking at kids, I really don't believe there are that many women out there who are my age and have never been married and don't have kids.

[xxoo]

Even if I wasn't looking at kids, I really don't believe there are that many women out there who are my age and have never been married and don't have kids.

 

That's silly. I attended two weddings last year, and both brides were 30 years old. First wedding for each. No kids.

[Eddy Street]

Yeah, and this line never fails to be the herald the great distancing act:

 

Yeah, we should definitely do something again

 

Usually said with lack of emotion and energy. When I hear it, I know I've been out-zoned.

[Million.to.1]

Honestly, I don't believe that there are that many childless never-married women my age.

 

I was one when I was 33.

 

Also, a woman in her early 30's is past her prime childbirthing years. Let me put it this way. If I meet a woman my age now, and start dating her right away, and we are together for 4 years before we have kids, that would put us at 37 years old. Honestly that seems really old for a woman to have her first child and I can't imagine the possible complications.

 

Having children in your mid thirties is common as anything.

 

dating girls of 27-32 still gives you enough time for all of that anyway.. but if you stick with pursuing way more unobtainable younger ones you'll miss that window. Then you'll be nearing 40 with even FEWER options.

[Anela]

 

 

 

 

My age and that I go after younger women is a point that many people bring up. Though nobody seems to realize that once a upon a time I wasn't going after younger women. I was going after women my own age. And guess what; they liked me less back then than they do now.

 

I'm not trying to self-sabotage. I'm just trying to for women that I see as people I would like to be in a relationship with.

 

Of course you weren't in college, and going for primary school girls. I really don't like "older women" being thrown around, like anyone over 25 might as well be ninety-years-old. Make that women over the age of 25. And, yeah: it would be nice to skip the bad, but I was always pretty mature, had a good head on my shoulders, and I still managed to not meet anyone. At least you aren't coming up on forty, and having women your own age say, "I prefer someone younger". *I* wanted to date, and then have a nice healthy, fun relationship, get married, and wait a good while before having children, as well. So much for that.

 

Honestly, I don't believe that there are that many childless never-married women my age.

 

Also, a woman in her early 30's is past her prime childbirthing years. Let me put it this way. If I meet a woman my age now, and start dating her right away, and we are together for 4 years before we have kids, that would put us at 37 years old. Honestly that seems really old for a woman to have her first child and I can't imagine the possible complications.

 

I've known women in their twenties who had problems conceiving - including one who went through a lot trying (with the help of a doctor). She wasn't successful. I have a friend who plans to have her first when she's 37, and said that all of the women in her family have had children around that age.

[GemmaUK]

Wow. Yup that is exactly what she is doing.

 

While I wish that she would just tell me that me that she doesn't want to do anything with me, that is something that comes across pretty harsh unless the words are chosen very carefully. And knowing her, she wouldn't say anything mean like that.

 

I wonder how many guys she's had to do this with. Probably dozens.

 

 

You may be surprised to hear that it probably isn't dozens at all as most men do listen when someone says they are 'too busy' or 'do not see you in that way'. As I said, it's only been a rare few men for me who have continued to persue me when I have said things such as Busy Girl did to you.

 

You could also do as Weezy suggested (and I suggested way back in this thread and take any ambiguity out by asking 'do you want to go on a date?' rather than asking if they would like to go out but not specify you see it as a date.

If you are ambiguous - as you are when asking - then a woman is likely not to want to assume you mean anything more than just meeting as friends.

[GemmaUK]

Honestly, I don't believe that there are that many childless never-married women my age.

 

 

Seeing as you will be heading for the workplace soon (I assume) I have just done a count up of women in my work place who are never marrieds with no children.

Out of a total of 45 female employees 21 of them have never been married and have no children.

17 of them are 27-35, the rest are older, the oldest is 52.

 

 

Work is not the place to look for a partner for obvious reasons but single women are out there.

 

 

These women are sassy, sexy and savvy though and have their lives together, have been working for years and doing degrees at the same time too some of them.

I actually wonder whether you might be better to find an older woman but one that likes you for you and has her life in order but doesn't expect you to.

[elaine567]

Women graduates wait until they hit 35 before having their first child | Daily Mail Online - Women graduates wait until they hit 35 before having their first child