thefooloftheyear Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) Huh?! How is that keeping him at arms length?! Easy.... Just throwing the guy a bone to keep him continuing to blow wind up her skirt......Seems like just when this guy is at the end of his frustration rope, she'll capitulate and bang him..Im sure she is doing it with the proverbial clothespin on her nose and blinders on her eyes, but does it because she is such a weak and desperate loser....This ridiculousness has been going on for a year now, despite the fact that I have been begging the guy to stop feeding into this nonsense.. SD....Im sure you have seen the movie "Forrest Gump", no? Remember how he followed Jenny around like a puppy dog and she blew him off, never seen him as a relationship partner, never returned his letters, etc...then...when she was down in the dumps and without any options, he takes her in and she finally gives in and gives him a piece..then...decides to marry him after she is terminally ill....great...what a sport... Its a fictional story, sure, but this stuff goes on in real life all the time...Just position yourself to not participate in that garbage. TFY Edited October 26, 2014 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 That would remove so much headache that people have to deal with. Also when people go out of their way to think of a convincing excuse about why they can't get together, it makes it really hard for people to tell when a person actually has a valid reason. I've had a few people be very blunt with me that they weren't interested and I greatly appreciated that. I actually thanked them because it was such a relief to hear that from a person instead of getting the usual runaround. FIFY men do it, too. Blunt honesty is always my favorite from people. It's saved some friendships out of failed dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 If it's not a yes (which includes immediately suggesting an alternative time/date) then it's a no It really is as simple as that SD. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 That would remove so much headache that guys have to deal with. Also when women go out of their way to think of a convincing excuse about why they can't get together, it makes it really hard for guys to tell when a woman actually has a valid reason. I've had a few women be very blunt with me that they weren't interested and I greatly appreciated that. I actually thanked them because it was such a relief to hear that from a woman instead of getting the usual runaround. Look, while I appreciate when people are blunt, I'm also bright enough to understand hints of disinterest. Actually, I just actively assume disinterest as a default. It's a much better way to go through life. You never have to worry about being disappointed if you assume no one wants to date you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Look, while I appreciate when people are blunt, I'm also bright enough to understand hints of disinterest. Actually, I just actively assume disinterest as a default. It's a much better way to go through life. You never have to worry about being disappointed if you assume no one wants to date you. When I asked my first gf out, in my mind I had already relegated that she would reject me, so I wasn't getting my hopes up. When she said yes...I was outright shocked. And the rest, well, is history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Look, while I appreciate when people are blunt, I'm also bright enough to understand hints of disinterest. Actually, I just actively assume disinterest as a default. It's a much better way to go through life. You never have to worry about being disappointed if you assume no one wants to date you. Maybe I'm just optimistic? I have hope? I don't want to give up at the first sign that a girl isn't in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) Maybe I'm just optimistic? I have hope? I don't want to give up at the first sign that a girl isn't in love with me. It might have been just a slip and if it is apologies in advance, but the way you worded that speaks volumes... People on the street just dont just "fall in love" with a potential suitor....It can happen, but its ridiculously rare, Hollywood fairtytale garbage..About the best you can hope for is mutual interest....That type of stuff (real love)comes way after..... Sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse....hence the huge letdowns...Stop doing that.... TFY Edited October 27, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm fond of directness. I'm a logical and quite literal person, so subtleties can be lost on me. Clear and concise is best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Subtleties belong in food recipes, not where dating and communication are concerned. I agree with you Phoe. Clear and concise communication is best. It saves time, spares feelings, and prevents dating disasters (being stood up, last minute cancellations, BAD dates,etc.). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 It might have been just a slip and if it is apologies in advance, but the way you worded that speaks volumes... People on the street just dont just "fall in love" with a potential suitor....It can happen, but its ridiculously rare, Hollywood fairtytale garbage..About the best you can hope for is mutual interest....That type of stuff (real love)comes way after..... Sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse....hence the huge letdowns...Stop doing that.... TFY You misunderstood. People are telling me to give up on girls if they aren't 100% interested in me right away. That's not realistic as I don't expect women to fall in love with me the first time we talk. Hell, I fall for girls very quickly and yet I still take some time to decide if I like a girl or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 being stood up, last minute cancellations, BAD dates,etc Yeah but that is just so rude. I mean, I'm one of those, I suppose, "obnoxious" types who goes for subtlety because of reasons I wrote down in my post on the first page of this thread. However, I would NEVER stand someone up, cancel last minute, etc. That is just disgusting, ill-mannered behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm a fan of being direct, but kind. My stock response generally goes something like, 'No, I'm sorry. But thank you for asking. I'm very flattered. Better luck next time.' I usually accompany that with a big smile. Because it is flattering when someone asks you out. And it doesn't hurt to be appreciative of the the effort they've made to do so. Haven't had a bad reaction yet, and I've used it many, many times. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 You misunderstood. People are telling me to give up on girls if they aren't 100% interested in me right away. That's not realistic as I don't expect women to fall in love with me the first time we talk. Hell, I fall for girls very quickly and yet I still take some time to decide if I like a girl or not. Fair enough..... But I gotta tell ya, you will know when they are into you, and you should know when they arent....The signs are pretty clear...Dont get sucked into the one's that are just playing games with you...Recognize it and move on...If nothing else, being aloof and not caring about it will make you look stronger.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Remember that this clear communication is a two way street. How clear are you when you are asking a woman out that it is a date, and not a friends-type thing? It isn't fair to expect women assume that a guy is always interested in dating, but also expect her to clearly communicate when she is not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Remember that this clear communication is a two way street. How clear are you when you are asking a woman out that it is a date, and not a friends-type thing? It isn't fair to expect women assume that a guy is always interested in dating, but also expect her to clearly communicate when she is not. While I agree with you, most savvy women know that if a heterosexual guy is hanging around and asking for lunch meetings, phone #, etc, that they arent looking for a female wing-person, a drinking buddy, or someone to give them a hand moving... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Remember that this clear communication is a two way street. How clear are you when you are asking a woman out that it is a date, and not a friends-type thing? It isn't fair to expect women assume that a guy is always interested in dating, but also expect her to clearly communicate when she is not. At the early stage for the first meet up, I'm just looking for somebody to hang out with. After that I'd decide if I want to date them. Of course I want to have sex with every girl I invite to do something with but that is something I obviously shouldn't say and girls should just understand. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 While I agree with you, most savvy women know that if a heterosexual guy is hanging around and asking for lunch meetings, phone #, etc, that they arent looking for a female wing-person, a drinking buddy, or someone to give them a hand moving... TFY Yeah, probably starting at about age 9 or 10 these days. They know, probably before the guy knows. Red herring. More importantly, that clear communication puts the guy out on the limb and the woman with the chain saw. It's a nice place to be.....if you're a woman. Whenever I heard that chain saw start up, boy I never moved so fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) While I agree with you, most savvy women know that if a heterosexual guy is hanging around and asking for lunch meetings, phone #, etc, that they arent looking for a female wing-person, a drinking buddy, or someone to give them a hand moving... TFY Sure, but most savvy men also probably know that if a woman isn't saying yes or offering to reschedule if she can't, then she's not interested. I think the point here is that direct communication really should be a two-way street, and also maybe that you get back what you put out there. I understand that the opportunity to reject appears to give women the power, but if what the OP wants is a direct "NO" then I think he has to put up, too. And to many women a direct "NO" does not actually feel like a powerful place to be, FWIW. That's why it's so difficult; most people actually do not get off on hurting somebody else's feelings. But if you ask for a flat yes or no, you will receive. Edited October 27, 2014 by serial muse 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sure, but most savvy men also probably know that if a woman isn't saying yes or offering to reschedule if she can't, then she's not interested. I think the point here is that direct communication really should be a two-way street, and also maybe that you get back what you put out there. I understand that the opportunity to reject appears to give women the power, but if what the OP wants is a direct "NO" then I think he has to put up, too. And to many women a direct "NO" does not actually feel like a powerful place to be, FWIW. That's why it's so difficult; most people actually do not get off on hurting somebody else's feelings. But if you ask for a flat yes or no, you will receive. No argument.... I did mention that to the OP...If he is uncertain, and isnt keen to the signals and body language, then maybe the best course of action is to flat out ask...Just dont act like a dick when/if she drops you on your head... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think the point here is that direct communication really should be a two-way street, and also maybe that you get back what you put out there. Exactly. A woman can only respond to the directness of the question asked, whether she is 90% sure he means it as a date or not. For example: I'm a fan of being direct, but kind. My stock response generally goes something like, 'No, I'm sorry. But thank you for asking. I'm very flattered. Better luck next time.' I love that response from SolG, and it was what prompted my post about being clear in asking for a date (rather than a friends thing), because it may feel presumptuous to answer that way if a guy were beating around the bush and not clearly asking her on a date. But it's a great response if he has clearly asked. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sure, but most savvy men also probably know that if a woman isn't saying yes or offering to reschedule if she can't, then she's not interested. I think the point here is that direct communication really should be a two-way street, and also maybe that you get back what you put out there. I understand that the opportunity to reject appears to give women the power, but if what the OP wants is a direct "NO" then I think he has to put up, too. And to many women a direct "NO" does not actually feel like a powerful place to be, FWIW. That's why it's so difficult; most people actually do not get off on hurting somebody else's feelings. But if you ask for a flat yes or no, you will receive. Really well put. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Of course I want to have sex with every girl I invite to do something with but that is something I obviously shouldn't say and girls should just understand. This is a very slippery slope, to suggest that women should just automatically assume that men interacting with them want to have sex with them. That's true for you, but not for all men. The men who are friends with me and do stuff with me don't want to have sex with me. I know this. How big headed would it be too assume they did, especially when that would be a wrong assumption! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 How big headed would it be too assume they did, especially when that would be a wrong assumption! Exactly. Guys can say, "She should have known. Every tween girl knows." But the truth is that a woman won't presume that so boldly if he doesn't state it so boldly. It's putting the burden of boldness on the woman, when you were not willing to be that bold yourself. Ask wishy-washy, get wishy-washy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 This is a very slippery slope, to suggest that women should just automatically assume that men interacting with them want to have sex with them. That's true for you, but not for all men. The men who are friends with me and do stuff with me don't want to have sex with me. I know this. How big headed would it be too assume they did, especially when that would be a wrong assumption! If a guy is not an established friend of yours and he wants to spend time alone with you, it's because he is interested in you. Either he wants to date you or just have sex. Very few straight men are looking to make strictly platonic female friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 If a guy is not an established friend of yours and he wants to spend time alone with you, it's because he is interested in you. Either he wants to date you or just have sex. Very few straight men are looking to make strictly platonic female friends. But women do have male friends we don't want to sleep with, for a variety of reasons. Why is it the woman's responsibility to understand your unstated motives and state her position on dating you? Link to post Share on other sites
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