nofool4u Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I know and the poor little thing probably sensed that Shelly doesn't like him and that may have been his little way of trying to befriend her. I feel sorry for the boy. I can just imagine this 5 year old wanting to be loved only to be pushed away, and he probably looked up when she told him not to do that and he probably saw a scowl on her face. Talk about a child feelings like he couldn't matter less to an adult. If she keeps treating him like this, if she thinks she doesn't like him now, wait til he grows up and remembers all the times she was a complete B to him. He'll remember the way she treated him, I guarantee it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 we may never know the outcome... every time i come back here, no shelley Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life. No, your husband and his side piece of ass did. This kid is innocent 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 We've decided to give it another try. His son won't be coming over as much, and she can't hang around here anymore. He wants to keep helping her until she's done with school but after that it's over. He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 We've decided to give it another try. His son won't be coming over as much, and she can't hang around here anymore. He wants to keep helping her until she's done with school but after that it's over. He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. Helping her how exactly??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 By help, I certainly hope that doesn't mean financially. Why did you post here, Shelly, if ultimately you're just going to ignore all the advice given to you. Nothing will change. Your feelings about the child won't change and your husband will continue to manipulate you. If he was really over with her, he would have stayed in a motel for a night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Yeah, and I've got some land down in timbuktoo I'd like you to buy, if you believe that one! He tore it up! How could you Shelly? Don't forget that this sh-t will come back 4-fold on you for depriving that baby of his father. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) We've decided to give it another try. His son won't be coming over as much, and she can't hang around here anymore. He wants to keep helping her until she's done with school but after that it's over. He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. What are you going to do about your step-son? Just ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist? You have yet to address how or if you plan to work on your relationship with your step-son. Or was this thread just to vent about how much you hate a completely innocent child so that you would get marital advice? I'm shocked that most of the posters have side-stepped the fact that this thread is about your declared hatred for your step-son. Everyone whose posted has been quick to give you marital advice but only a few posters and myself have stuck with the matter at hand; your hatred for a small child. How you or anyone else can dismiss that is beyond me. And I feel sorry for the children in your marriage, including your step-son. It's quite obvious you really DONT care about your step-son, but only care about keeping your husband. And you've ignored every poster's advice here. So you wasted people's time - and yours since you just came here to vent. I think the only person who can stand up against you and get through to you is a therapist at this point. Edited July 3, 2012 by writergal 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I'm shocked that most of the posters have side-stepped the fact that this thread is about your declared hatred for your step-son. Everyone whose posted has been quick to give you marital advice but only a few posters and myself have stuck with the matter at hand; your hatred for a small child. The answer to that is simple. The child stems from an affair, which ties directly to the marital relationship. Nothing can be resolved if she doesn't deal with the fact that it's her husband who has caused this indirect hatred towards the child because of his affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 We've decided to give it another try. His son won't be coming over as much, and she can't hang around here anymore. He wants to keep helping her until she's done with school but after that it's over. He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. Oh I'm sure something happened! Sex happened! Pull your head out of the sand! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 The helping thing. If financially and the money is to support the child, his child, then it shouldn't be stopping regardless of her situation. The lad is his responsibility. If financially and the money is NOT for the boy then I don't see why Shelly is cool with that, temporary or not. If the help is child care there should absolutely be no expiration on that and he's a stinking dad if he can give up caring for his son at a later date. If the help is emotional then Shelly needs to accept that there's an ongoing relationship between her H and this woman and it's unlikely to fade away. I really don't know what planet Shelly is on or why the boy being around less should be a resolution. I really feel for that kid and dread to think what he's going to think of as 'normal' as he grows up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Just helping her with their son. While he's around I'm going to try to be better towards him. Ive been thinking about if my kids were in the same situation and it's not right. He's supposed to come over tomorrow so I'm going to make an effort to have a better relationship with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I really don't know what planet Shelly is on or why the boy being around less should be a resolution. I really feel for that kid and dread to think what he's going to think of as 'normal' as he grows up Shelly's clearly operating on another plane of thought. She starts her thread off declaring hatred towards her step-son because he's the product of an affair, then later contradicts herself stating that she'd die for him and that she loves him, then later again contradicts herself referring to him as being an "it" and stating bluntly that she really don't care about him and hates him. I guarantee you this poor little boy knows that Shelly hates him (and she's most likely omitted more information that would confirm the abuse he's received, whether it be emotional, verbal, physical or all three). And I agree that "out of sight, out of mind" trick Shelly's playing on herself is not going to improve her dysfunctional relationship with her husband. Running away from problems doesn't solve them. Facing them head-on, dealing with the consequences, taking responsibility, making changes....that's how a problem gets solved. Family therapy. At the very least should be something Shelly agrees to do with her husband, children (step-son included) and her husband's girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Just helping her with their son. While he's around I'm going to try to be better towards him. Ive been thinking about if my kids were in the same situation and it's not right. He's supposed to come over tomorrow so I'm going to make an effort to have a better relationship with him. Shelly, is he going to give up being a dad when her situation changes? Do you think that's right? If he leaves you one day would you consider it right for him to give up being a dad to the kids YOU and he share? Don't think you would. For heaven's sake Shelly, please please let a professional therapist help you and your husband through this. Without that I've a feeling things will only get worse, worse, worse in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I am glad you are talking something from this, Shelly. If you really want to be with your husband, you will need to do more than just tolerate his son. My husband's stepfather was like this all his life and needless to say they don't get along. If you really love your husband, you will need to eventually accept him and love his son like your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Shelly's clearly operating on another plane of thought. She starts her thread off declaring hatred towards her step-son because he's the product of an affair, then later contradicts herself stating that she'd die for him and that she loves him, then later again contradicts herself referring to him as being an "it" and stating bluntly that she really don't care about him and hates him. I guarantee you this poor little boy knows that Shelly hates him (and she's most likely omitted more information that would confirm the abuse he's received, whether it be emotional, verbal, physical or all three). And I agree that "out of sight, out of mind" trick Shelly's playing on herself is not going to improve her dysfunctional relationship with her husband. Running away from problems doesn't solve them. Facing them head-on, dealing with the consequences, taking responsibility, making changes....that's how a problem gets solved. Family therapy. At the very least should be something Shelly agrees to do with her husband, children (step-son included) and her husband's girlfriend. When I say I love him and would die for him I'm talking about my husband Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 When I say I love him and would die for him I'm talking about my husband Why did you even start this thread Shelly? What do you want? Advice about your step-son, or advice about your husband? And how can you lack empathy for your step-son who is young and innocent in all of this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 For heaven's sake Shelly, please please let a professional therapist help you and your husband through this. Without that I've a feeling things will only get worse, worse, worse in the long run. Putting much too much importance on so-called therapists. People do manage to get through problems without running to psychologists. ('Heaven' having nothing to do with it.) Shelly, sounds as if you are working in the right direction, in considering your husband's and his son's needs, before yours - at this time. As I have mentioned before, it seems to be a matter of if you wish to keep your marriage together - or not. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Get into family counseling ASAP if you expect a different outcome to what has already happened. Do the same things.....get the same result. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Shelly you remind me of step-father as my wife, pink_sugar, has mentioned. He has always net tolerated me and now (surprise surprise!) we don't get along! I think he is a total douchebag has never treated me like family. This child will grow up feeling the exact same way if you can't get past the way you feel about him. He is innocent and done nothing to you. Get counseling because you need it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Just helping her with their son. While he's around I'm going to try to be better towards him. Ive been thinking about if my kids were in the same situation and it's not right. He's supposed to come over tomorrow so I'm going to make an effort to have a better relationship with him. As I mentioned before, I think you are on the right track Shelly. Step one, in knowing he is the innocent one. And then coming to love him. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. Shelly, no offense, but REALLY? Nothing happened? HOW DESPERATE ARE YOU to keep this man? Is it worth selling your soul? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Therapy can help, but it's really what you make of it. My H's mom spent several years in therapy and it definitely hasn't helped her improve as a person. She has and is still playing the victim all her life and has never tried to be a better mother, that's for sure. Therapy won't cure you alone, you have to work on improving yourself in the process and it will be very beneficial to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 We've decided to give it another try. His son won't be coming over as much, and she can't hang around here anymore. He wants to keep helping her until she's done with school but after that it's over. He did spend the night at her house, but nothing happened. Your husband is legally responsible for his child and therefore has to pay child support until his son turns 18. How do you know nothing happened? Are you taking his word at face value because that is an obvious lie. I bet he got a nice blowjob while staying there. Stop being so gullible. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Just helping her with their son. While he's around I'm going to try to be better towards him. Ive been thinking about if my kids were in the same situation and it's not right. He's supposed to come over tomorrow so I'm going to make an effort to have a better relationship with him. I do hope you mean this. Always keep in mind that boy is NOT the issue here. He is innocent and shouldn't be punished by you because your husband has a wandering penis. Yes, imagine someone hating your own children. Let's say you and your H do divorce and the OW would be step mom to your kids and she HATED your kids, treated them and felt towards them how you are to her son. Never say never because that could be the out come in the future since it seems they still have a little something happening under your nose. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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