irin Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 its not the child that gets on your nerves, is what he reminds you of. what he represents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I understand how you must feel with this constant reminder of your husband's infidelity. That's why I divorced the ex since I couldn't stand to be with him ever again. But this child is innocent. Your husband is also being very cruel to leave the child with you. The child is his responsibility if you can't bear to care for him. I strongly encourage you to discuss this with your husband and tell him how you feel about the child, without the child being around. Don't scar the innocent. That said, the mother of the child is also just as selfish as your husband. She chose to engage with a married man. Your husband chose to cheat, thus stepping outside of his matrimonial boundaries. Push back on the two selfish individuals. The child's not your responsibility. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Be prepared for him to choose his son. I think it's so wrong to put such an ultimatum on someone. You should have dealt with this five years ago when the baby was first born. I second this one. It's not like he can abandon the child. He'll always be legally and financially responsible for him forever. It would be different if the child was given up for adoption or if your H actually used some protection. It's too late for him to choose now. This decision, if there was any decision for him to make would have had to been made years ago. Next time you think about it being the child's fault, REMEMBER HOW HE CAME TO BE. It was that that brought him into this world and what you need to come to terms with or divorce. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 If he and the other woman are exchanging kisses when she drops off their son, whom you gate, I think if you give him that ultimatum...you will lose. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Originally Posted by Shelly72 My husband usually does watch him, but this time he had to go get some work done on his truck so he left it with me. He knows I'm not the babysitter. I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life Your HUSBAND ruined your life, not this innocent child. And please don't refer to his son as "it." That's absolutely diguisting to call a human being that, let alone a child. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 He's not a good Dad at all! He ruined his whole life for his family by screwing another woman and getting her pregnant twice! THAT will never be a good Dad from my perspective. Your idea of a good husband and father is way off base. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Your teenage children WILL be profoundly affected by their Dads actions and choices (cheating). He is their example of what a man/husband is. You staying with him represents that a wife/mother should stay while tolerating UNACCEPTABLE behavior - all the while being resentful and angry. Neither is a good example in being a parent. You shouldn't be tolerating the way he participates. He's still looking like the cheater he's been. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 (I bet he's still having sex with her too....) Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I'm sure he is too... Otherwise she wouldn't feel so cozy as to touch, hug and kiss him. Because he allows it - means its their usual way of interacting. You just weren't supposed to notice it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I disagree. I frankly think he doesn't give a damn whether she notices or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 I sat him down and told him how I felt. I told him how I feel about his son, and told him to make a choice. He told me I was crazy and stupid, and he couldn't believe me. He told me his son is his favorite because he reminds him of himself when he was little. He told me he couldn't be in the same house with me tonight. He stormed out, he won't answer my calls or my texts. I'm sure he's with her right now. So now I'm sitting alone in my house, I really don't want to lose him, I truly love him. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 i never thought i'd hear myself say "We told you so." Shelley, get a grip. This was on the cards and has been glaringly obvious. you just gave him the perfect way out. Now? Don't let him back in. don't whatever you do, ever let him back in again. But you will. because you don't know how else to react.... You have to find it within yourself to become hardened to this, and to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I sat him down and told him how I felt. I told him how I feel about his son, and told him to make a choice. He told me I was crazy and stupid, and he couldn't believe me. He told me his son is his favorite because he reminds him of himself when he was little. He told me he couldn't be in the same house with me tonight. He stormed out, he won't answer my calls or my texts. I'm sure he's with her right now. So now I'm sitting alone in my house, I really don't want to lose him, I truly love him. Shelly, please don't think we don't have sympathy for your predicament, because I'm pretty sure most of us who've posted, do. But how do you feel about what you've read? Are you able to see the difference between your feelings for this lad as a product of your husband's infidelity, versus an innocent little boy who's been born in to a bit of a crappy mess? You'd never allow anyone in the world to treat YOUR kids the way you're treating him. I know you're upset, but your husband has a right to be upset too. Be frank - is this situation something you can work on yourself? With the right support and framework could you ever find it in yourself to show that boy love and show your kids how parenting should be done? Because if you think that can never happen then perhaps there IS no moving forward, regardless of how much you love your husband. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I know you're upset, but your husband has a right to be upset too.Why does her husband have the right to be upset too? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Why does her husband have the right to be upset too? Because he loves the boy and she's cruel about/to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Because he loves the boy and she's cruel about/to him.Do you know she's being cruel to the boy or was Shelly72 expressing her hidden feelings on LS? As far as loving the boy, if Shelly is being cruel to the boy, why would this "wonderful" father leave the boy with her? Logic doesn't add up. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 He's not a good Dad at all! He ruined his whole life for his family by screwing another woman and getting her pregnant twice! THAT will never be a good Dad from my perspective. Your idea of a good husband and father is way off base. He got her pregnant twice? Am I missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Because he loves the boy and she's cruel about/to him. Yeah, but it's been established that the boy is not the real problem. and her husband, the cheating bag of tripe, has been using her. Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I sat him down and told him how I felt. I told him how I feel about his son, and told him to make a choice. He told me I was crazy and stupid, and he couldn't believe me. He told me his son is his favorite because he reminds him of himself when he was little. He told me he couldn't be in the same house with me tonight. He stormed out, he won't answer my calls or my texts. I'm sure he's with her right now. So now I'm sitting alone in my house, I really don't want to lose him, I truly love him. File for divorce. He kisses this other broad when she drops off her/his son. Obviously he went straight to her. He wants his cake and eat it too. This is why I believe in dual-income families. If one of you gets screwed over (like in this instance), you can divorce the other person and still be self sufficient. I doubt this marriage can be salvaged. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Why does her husband have the right to be upset too? He only has the right to be upset with the fact that she's asking him to choose between her and his son. I'll give him that, nothing else. The guy obviously can't just abandon his child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 The guy should never have made a child in the first place and it' patently obvious he's abandoned Shelley. she's angry? Damn right she is. Her focus is completely wrong, but her anger is completely justified. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I sat him down and told him how I felt. I told him how I feel about his son, and told him to make a choice. He told me I was crazy and stupid, and he couldn't believe me. He told me his son is his favorite because he reminds him of himself when he was little. He told me he couldn't be in the same house with me tonight. He stormed out, he won't answer my calls or my texts. I'm sure he's with her right now. So now I'm sitting alone in my house, I really don't want to lose him, I truly love him. Of course he's most likely with her. Where else is he going to stay? A motel? I get you love him, but he's cheated on you, had a baby with this woman and something is still obviously going on five years later. You will have to have to accept it, otherwise you will continue to be hurt and miserable. You have a choice not to put up with it a moment longer. This guy has no shame. If he breaks up his family, he has himself to live with. Please don't give him the gratitude a moment longer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 He only has the right to be upset with the fact that she's asking him to choose between her and his son. I'll give him that, nothing else. The guy obviously can't just abandon his child.I'm not convinced he has a right to be upset about anything. This situation was one of his own making. If he was really a decent man, the situation would never have happened in the first place. If he was half a man and even part of a father, he would have had more respect for Shelly's feeling and found a way not to inflict the child onto her, while still remaining the father. As it stands, he's shoved the infidelity into Shelly's face regularly by forcing the child onto her. And now, he's having a tantrum over her rejection of the child. Hello? He's a jack-ass. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 He got her pregnant twice? Am I missing something? No they just have one son... Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I'm not convinced he has a right to be upset about anything. This situation was one of his own making. If he was really a decent man, the situation would never have happened in the first place. If he was half a man and even part of a father, he would have had more respect for Shelly's feeling and found a way not to inflict the child onto her, while still remaining the father. As it stands, he's shoved the infidelity into Shelly's face regularly by forcing the child onto her. And now, he's having a tantrum over her rejection of the child. Hello? He's a jack-ass. I'm not defending his behaviour, but... They reconciled, Shelly knew the lad would be a factor. There's a lot of issues that need addressing, but she can't use the boy's existence against her H for the rest of their days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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