I Don't like my husband's son

[UpwardForward]

My children are 14 and 16, they are the most beautiful, smartest, sweetest, most respectful kids I've ever met. Our son seems to tolerate my husbands child, but our daughter feels the same way I do. We've never had the problems with them that we do with him. The only person who likes him is my husband who spoils him, never disciplines him, and lets him get away with everything.

 

I love my husband and children equally, and have always prided myself on being a fantastic wife and mother. Who would do anything for her family.

 

I'd never would leave this woman alone with my man, who knows what she might try to get him to do.

 

 

He knows exactly how I feel about this kid.

 

Perhaps one of the reasons your H gives this child so much space, is that he considers the little boy the victim, and also in accepting the responsibility for the child being here.

 

You speak of 'love' in your posts - yet 'love' is not so restrictive. Either you have it - or you don't.

 

IMO, This child is not your husband's or hers. He came From God - Through the parents (and yes, intercourse does cause this).

 

I think it would be helpful for you to remember what an innocent little victim he is.

 

It's alright to tell him how to act in your home i.e. to learn responsibility, etc.

[climbergirl]

My children are 14 and 16, they are the most beautiful, smartest, sweetest, most respectful kids I've ever met. Our son seems to tolerate my husbands child, but our daughter feels the same way I do. We've never had the problems with them that we do with him. The only person who likes him is my husband who spoils him, never disciplines him, and lets him get away with everything.

 

I love my husband and children equally, and have always prided myself on being a fantastic wife and mother. Who would do anything for her family.

 

I'd never would leave this woman alone with my man, who knows what she might try to get him to do.

 

 

He knows exactly how I feel about this kid.

 

If you think he's a problem now when he's actually trying to get you to like him, just wait until he gives up. Then you'll really have problems.

[whichwayisup]

5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it.

 

This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever.

 

When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves.

 

Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother.

 

My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it.

 

What should I do?

 

You have to accept his son or divorce. You can't punish that innocent child because of the circumstances of how he came into this world. I feel bad for the child, he was just trying to bond with you, be himself and you were cruel to him..Maybe you don't like kids in general, but you can't treat them like crap.

[pink_sugar]

For some reason I assumed you didn't have any children of your own...I can understand why now. You refuse to understand the child had nothing to do with this. You know I felt this way towards my cousin when I was....11? I had an abusive childhood and hated that the kid was a spoiled brat and got everything he wanted while my brother and I were blamed for everything. However, I was ELEVEN! He is a bit stuck up now (he's almost 16 and I'm 23). I've grown up and realized he was just a kid with no choice of whom his parents were at the time. I am assuming your children are the children of your current husband as well? I am assuming they live with you. If so, it's your H who's torn your family apart, not the child. Love is blind, but facts are facts. You are looking for somewhere else to place the blame. If you cannot separate yourself from him or learn to accept this child, the situation will only get worse.

[Shelly72]

Yes he is the father of my chIldren, and he is a fantastic father to them. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum, his son or me.

 

I'm just not ready for this to be over...

[turnera]

5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it.

 

This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever.

 

When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves.

 

Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother.

 

My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it.

 

What should I do?

What should you do? First, divorce your husband so his son doesn't grow up mentally disturbed because of you. Second, get some therapy to deal with you ability to treat a CHILD like that just because of your unresolved anger at your husband.

[turnera]

I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life.

This child ruined your life.

 

You can't be serious.

[turnera]

our daughter feels the same way I do.

That's because girls turn out just like their moms.

 

Great, she's going to be cold-hearted and selfish, too. Good job.

[Woggle]

I feel really bad for this kids to be born of this entire situation. What a sad childhood he has. This is why people should think twice about cheating.

[Shelly72]

This child ruined your life.

 

You can't be serious.

Why is that hard to believe? Without this this child my husband would have no reason to contact her. She wouldn't know where I live, and I would've never had to see her.

 

This child is a constant reminder to both my kids and myself that maybe my husband did love us as much as we thought.

[anne1707]

Why is that hard to believe? Without this this child my husband would have no reason to contact her. She wouldn't know where I live, and I would've never had to see her.

 

This child is a constant reminder to both my kids and myself that maybe my husband did love us as much as we thought.

 

The boy did not ask to be conceived. If anybody is innocent in this whole mess, it is him.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes he is the father of my chIldren, and he is a fantastic father to them. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum, his son or me.

 

I'm just not ready for this to be over...

Honey. it was over the moment she spread her legs and he dived in dick first....his behaviour with his son, and the way he treats her now, is proof positive. Trust me, once she's graduated, he is out of there like hot schytt off a shovel...

 

Why is that hard to believe? Without this this child my husband would have no reason to contact her. She wouldn't know where I live, and I would've never had to see her.

 

This child is a constant reminder to both my kids and myself that maybe my husband did love us as much as we thought.

I take it you mean ..."did not love us as much as we thought."

 

sinking in at last, is it? It's about bloody time...

[MuscleCarFan]

My husband usually does watch him, but this time he had to go get some work done on his truck so he left it with me. He knows I'm not the babysitter.

 

I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life.

 

No, that would be your husband who willingly slept with another woman that isn't you. This child cannot help how he was conceived.

[LoveAnimals]

Shelly, you are still clearly very angry at your husband, and rightfully so. I understand your feelings, but his son is not going to go away and never will. Do you want to spend the rest of your life full of anger and resentment? You are still relatively young (39?) if i were you i would divorce that loser of a "husband" you have and rediscover a new life..with someone else. Best of luck to you.

[turnera]

Why is that hard to believe? Without this this child my husband would have no reason to contact her. She wouldn't know where I live, and I would've never had to see her.

 

This child is a constant reminder to both my kids and myself that maybe my husband did love us as much as we thought.

But the CHILD ruined your life?

 

YOUR HUSBAND ruined your life.

[bentnotbroken]

My children are 14 and 16, they are the most beautiful, smartest, sweetest, most respectful kids I've ever met. Our son seems to tolerate my husbands child, but our daughter feels the same way I do. We've never had the problems with them that we do with him. The only person who likes him is my husband who spoils him, never disciplines him, and lets him get away with everything.

 

I love my husband and children equally, and have always prided myself on being a fantastic wife and mother. Who would do anything for her family.

 

I'd never would leave this woman alone with my man, who knows what she might try to get him to do.

 

 

He knows exactly how I feel about this kid.

 

 

This post you should read over and over again. Your children are following your example and learning how to be cruel to a 4 year old. That should make you proud. Our children don't just learn the things we intentionally teach but they also learn those things that we project onto others. They see our body language, hear our words "hate", "IT" "brat". I don't understand how you pride yourself on being a mother while showing them how to treat innocent children.

 

I get that you are hurt, angry, afraid....those are normal reactions. Treating a child like it has the plague is not normal or mature. If you could not deal with the fact that a child came from infidelity(I could not have), a divorce would have been fair to all 3 children. You aren't just twisting this little boy's sense of security and emotional health. You are doing the same thing to your own children. Do you think that what they are watching won't make a lasting impression? In a sense you are saying to them that if they ever disappoint your wrath maybe something they can't deal with.

 

I would suspect your husband over compensates with the child to try to make up for the treatment he receives from the rest of the family. Why not show your family what a great wife and mother you can be by doing right by this child or leaving all together. Be pissed at your husband but that child is off limits. How would you feel if your children were treated that way by another adult?

[pink_sugar]

I feel really bad for this kids to be born of this entire situation. What a sad childhood he has. This is why people should think twice about cheating.

 

Not only that, but especially not using any protection during the act.

[writergal]

Question: Why aren't you ALL attending family therapy? That would solve a lot of problems like the family blending issue with your step-son and two biological children. It would also be a neutral place where you can confront your husband and your step-son's mother about the affair (a session for adults, not for the children to attend).

 

Honestly, raging here in an online forum will only fuel your fire more because so far you haven't accepted any advice that posters have offered, but posted defensive responses instead. So you're not really here for advice, just for venting.

 

And people's helpful posts seem to fuel your rage like throwing oil on an open flame.

 

You need to take practical steps to resolve your misdirected rage at your 4 year old step-son who is just an innocent victim and pawn between you, your husband and your step-son's mother.

 

Consider doing family therapy sessions. It will provide a safe, neutral environment with a licensed marriage and family therapist who can keep you and everyone else in check.

 

It's pretty clear that you need serious therapy anyway. I'm surprised your city's family social services hasn't sent over a social worker to your home to observe your parenting skills. The way you refer to your step-son as a brat, and your claims that you hate him makes me think you probably verbally and physically abuse him. You are not a good parent. Not by a long shot.

[OhmeOhMy1001]

I whole heartedly agree that it is NOT the childs fault, however as unpopular as this will be I don't belive a child is intilted to ruin the life of several other people just because it exisits. I have seen WAY to many women get pregnant in a relationship to try and control a man. ( get him to stay, save a relationship, leave his wife, marry her, or for just basic control) Women using that child as bait and leverage is just as wrong as a man having nothing to do with a child he never planned on having. Women have the control to either have a child or not, far more so then men!

I also won't agree with the "Children come first" mentality. No a good stable home with loving family come first, not the WANTS of a child. many people blur that line and you end up with BRATS!

 

To the OP I'm sorry you have gone through this. Honestly I would make him choose it's either me or the kid and be prepared for what he will chose as it may not be you. He should still pay support but as far as being "dad" I would have none of it.. You and your children should not have to suffer for his mistake and yes the child was a mistake that the mother had more then 50% of responsibility in bringing into this world knowing the circumstances!

[bentnotbroken]

Question: Why aren't you ALL attending family therapy? That would solve a lot of problems like the family blending issue with your step-son and two biological children. It would also be a neutral place where you can confront your husband and your step-son's mother about the affair (a session for adults, not for the children to attend).

 

Honestly, raging here in an online forum will only fuel your fire more because so far you haven't accepted any advice that posters have offered, but posted defensive responses instead. So you're not really here for advice, just for venting.

 

And people's helpful posts seem to fuel your rage like throwing oil on an open flame.

 

You need to take practical steps to resolve your misdirected rage at your 4 year old step-son who is just an innocent victim and pawn between you, your husband and your step-son's mother.

 

Consider doing family therapy sessions. It will provide a safe, neutral environment with a licensed marriage and family therapist who can keep you and everyone else in check.

 

It's pretty clear that you need serious therapy anyway. I'm surprised your city's family social services hasn't sent over a social worker to your home to observe your parenting skills. The way you refer to your step-son as a brat, and your claims that you hate him makes me think you probably verbally and physically abuse him. You are not a good parent. Not by a long shot.

 

 

EXECELLENT! This child is being used as a battering ram by the three of you. I don't believe any child is a mistake but parents are surely jackwagons on many occassions. The child isn't the one who wants anything other than love. Children will respond to positive reinforcement or negative. He is responding to what he is receiving in your home.

[whichwayisup]

Yes he is the father of my chIldren, and he is a fantastic father to them. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum, his son or me.

 

I'm just not ready for this to be over...

 

Be prepared for him to choose his son. I think it's so wrong to put such an ultimatum on someone. You should have dealt with this five years ago when the baby was first born.

 

Why is that hard to believe? Without this this child my husband would have no reason to contact her. She wouldn't know where I live, and I would've never had to see her.

 

This child is a constant reminder to both my kids and myself that maybe my husband did love us as much as we thought.

 

Sure, this situation stinks. It isn't what you asked for, hoped for.. But suck it up and deal with it in a mature way. THIS IS HOW LIFE IS NOW. You can blame your husbands wandering penis for this!! But do NOT take it out on that innocent kid. Divorce your husband since you only see the bad here and you certainly don't seem to be making ANY effort to make this into a more positive situation. You *could* be a loving step parent, a friend to his son, but you're too hateful. Instead of encouraging your daughter to get to know her half sibling, you aren't. Monkey see, monkey do.. I'm sure your daughter is WELL AWARE of your hate-on for your H's son and she is siding with you because you are her mother.

[FryFish]

I love my husband and children equally, and have always prided myself on being a fantastic wife and mother. Who would do anything for her family.

Because of choices made by your husband, yourself and the childs mother, THIS CHILD IS A PART OF YOUR FAMILY! Treat him like it or remove yourself from the situation.

[UpwardForward]

Yes he is the father of my chIldren, and he is a fantastic father to them. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum, his son or me.

 

I'm just not ready for this to be over...

 

Probably when you have this child around, you think of the betrayal and rejection.

 

If you do not have it in you to learn to love your husband's son, you may have to separate. He probably loves his son very much.

[threebyfate]

My husband usually does watch him, but this time he had to go get some work done on his truck so he left it with me. He knows I'm not the babysitter.

 

I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life.

This is misplaced aggression. The child is innocent. Your husband's the problem.

[darkmoon]

the son won't always be a child; shelley, wait it out, but if it's an ultimatum, then the ult is the barometer of your...pain?...i'd be in pain that would come across as angry, but nobody is immune from being at the end of their tether

Edited June 29, 2012 by darkmoon