2sunny Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life. Where did your H say he stayed last night? Where is he now? Have you verified where he is? Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it. This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever. When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves. Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother. My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it. What should I do? I have no clue why such a boring thread topic yields over 100 replies. I'm not going to be apart of it after this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life. You keep skipping over the hard questions that need answers! Why are you ALLOWING him to disrespect you this way? You don't think of yourself enough to deserve decency from your man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life.Ever consider that your husband might have narcissistic personality disorder? The reason I mention this is from what you've told us, he's an extremely selfish man who's unafraid to pick favourites amongst his three children, preferring a son who "looks" just like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. This statement is laughable for its phoniness.The title of your thread is "I don't like my husband's son." You don't even treat him like a family member. You go on to refer to your 4-year old stepson as "a brat" and describe repeatedly in your posts how much you hate him, even referring to him as an "it." What kind of mother starts an online thread about how much she hates her 4 year old step son, and sarcastically states that her husband knows she's not her step son's babysitter? You even brag that your own children hate him as much as you do, because of your influence on them (no doubt). C'mon! Who are you trying to con here? You seriously need to consider therapy for yourself and your family if you want this situation to resolve safely for everyone involved. Edited July 1, 2012 by writergal 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life. Why would you want him to come home? He's a cheating douchebag. The only thing I would expect out of this guy is other children with other women later on. DO your self a favor and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... You emotionally abused him and you admitted to it. You refered to him as an 'it'. You mention with glee how your daughter dislikes him, it felt as if you were validated by it. I know psychological abuse, i had 2 grandparents that fit nicely in that cathegory of messed up ppl. You might not have been like this, but you certainly are doing it to this kid now. I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life. This is what is a lesson to your daughter, and son. ----- OP, i don't know if your husband in as a narcissist [it's certainly possible judging by how he acts], but you are equally damaging to your children. You hurt the innocent with impunity. Maybe you deserve eachother, you and your husband ... it's too bad, because those 3 kids certainly don't deserve this.l Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Change the locks on the house and move money to your name only. You need to show him that you mean business and make him responsible for his actions. I can't believe this sort of advice is being chucked around. Honestly, it disgusts me. They have 3 children to consider! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 No, she has 2 children to consider. He has three children to consider, but also a sassy and savvy mistress who's taking a law degree. let's say that again. A Law Degree. This needs to be done properly, legally and sensibly. Gut reactions driven by emotions are always a bad, bad idea. But really bad. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I've never abused his son, I've never called him names to his face, I've never laid a hand on him. I'd die for him in a split second. We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... I have no idea if he finds her more attractive than me. She is really pretty though I will admit it, and his son is beautiful. He looks exactly like my husband... He just puts me off because of how he came into my life. So, now that your husband has left and you're scared he won't come back, you backtrack and say you weren't that bad to his kid. Look, I know that you're in a bad situation. But you are acting solely out of emotion, not logic. And in the meantime, this child is getting HUGE conflicting messages all over the place from everyone in his life. You are harming his psychological well-being, whether you 'say things to his face' or not. Having a woman pull him off her lap and say 'never do that again' is enough to screw him up for life. I have a friend whose mom joked once when she was about 5, said 'if you don't act nice I'm gonna take you back and get another kid who listens to me.' The mom doesn't even remember saying that, but that ONE STATEMENT, which took less than 30 seconds of this friend's life, changed the course of my friend's life forever. It completely changed who she was - that fear, that thought that an adult would withhold love. Please try to be adult about this. If you have issues with your husband - and you should as he's being a jerk - WORK IT OUT WITH YOUR HUSBAND - don't transfer your anger onto an innocent child. Show your husband that you can grow up and handle this as an adult who will know her own boundaries but will also support her husband. Give him a REASON to choose you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 We talked today and he was short with me. I just want him to come home... Why? You should pack his sh-t and have it messengered to her house? Stand up for yourself and stop being so desperate for this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shelly72 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 I do feel like I deserve my husband, he's done for me than anyone else in my life. I couldn't ever even begin to thank him, he saved me from a physically abusive home when I was 17 and probably saved me from being killed. He has his faults just like anyone else does, but he has always been supportive and helpful to me, my children, and even my family. he knows he's attractive, and everyone we know loves him. So he could have some narcissism. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I do feel like I deserve my husband, he's done for me than anyone else in my life. I couldn't ever even begin to thank him, he saved me from a physically abusive home when I was 17 and probably saved me from being killed. Shelly72, he didn't save you - you've just jumped from one problem to the next... the person whom you thought was your rescuer, is just using the fact that as a victim, you don't seem capable of realising that 'much better' exists, and he's being EQUALLY ABUSIVE. Listen carefully: He has totally taken advantage of you. He knew when he met you that you were vulnerable, and has exploited that now. no man who truly cares for his wife 100% would ever have an affair, have a child, and then flaunt both child and mistress under her nose, and call her stupid. He has his faults just like anyone else does, but he has always been supportive and helpful to me, my children, and even my family. Faults are one thing: screwing outside the marriage, making a child then favouring him over his other children is not 'a fault'. It's indecent, abusive bullying, and it's intolerable by anyone if they have half a mind to see it.... he knows he's attractive, and everyone we know loves him. So he could have some narcissism. This is the first time, in either thread, that you have finally admitted he may have a defect. Holy cow, I'm just so sorry it's taken you this long.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Some of us do live our lives in remembrance of the good times - or what a good husband/father he was. Living with a cheater can put a betrayed spouse in a state of oppression - unless you choose to go along with the program. You can't change anyone - just yourself, your circumstances. - Your choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I do feel like I deserve my husband, he's done for me than anyone else in my life. I couldn't ever even begin to thank him, he saved me from a physically abusive home when I was 17 and probably saved me from being killed. He has his faults just like anyone else does, but he has always been supportive and helpful to me, my children, and even my family. he knows he's attractive, and everyone we know loves him. So he could have some narcissism. So when you agreed to be with him, was it under the pretenses that he was allowed to screw anyone he wanted? That he 'saved' you so now you owe it to him to be his servant for the rest of your life? That's what you are, you know. The one who replaced his mom so he could go live his life however he wants. If you keep letting him do whatever he wants, pretty soon he'll be bringing this other woman - or some OTHER woman he's probably screwing - home to live with you two. After all, you let him do whatever he wants. And look. Now that you actually say something to him, he dumps you like a dirty dishrag. NOW, you're too much trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I do feel like I deserve my husband, he's done for me than anyone else in my life. I couldn't ever even begin to thank him, he saved me from a physically abusive home when I was 17 and probably saved me from being killed. He has his faults just like anyone else does, but he has always been supportive and helpful to me, my children, and even my family. he knows he's attractive, and everyone we know loves him. So he could have some narcissism. Okay so he saved you when you were 17 and HOW MANY YEARS AGO WAS THAT???? Those days are over when you were young and innocent. Why doesn't he treat the woman you've become as well as he treated that 17 year old girl? You are a different person now. Are your children his kids as well or is the little boy his only biological child? Shelly you are looking for any sorry excuse you can find to hold on to this man while he is across town sleeping with another woman. You may as well accept his son because at the pace you're going you and the OW will be SISTER WIVES living under the same roof pretty soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Be honest with yourself. You want him so the OW can't have him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Does your ex's wife have to babysit your child? Are you still on intimate terms with your ex? Is your ex favouring your child over his own children? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I actually haven't had my baby yet, but when I do I won't allow this to happen. I'm younger than both of his children so I'm not sure that favoring will take place if he even ever watches our baby at all. I don't understand Shelly, why wouldn't you embrace the fact this child may love you? I would think it would make your husband happy you made the effort to welcome his son. Maybe he cries because he has to be left with you! Something tells me this little boy isn't the "brat" he's been made out to be. I don't agree with the way she treats this child, but I would give less than a damn about what would make my husband happy at this point. He has what right to expect anything from her? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Shelley has 2 threads going... and it makes for distressing reading. Basically, she's feisty and opinionated here, but in truth, is a doormat/victim for her husband to walk all over, while he continues to entertain his mistress, and favours this child above his own children with Shelley.... Shelley claims her H 'rescued' her from an abusive background, but in fact, perpetuated that atmosphere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it. This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever. When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves. Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother. My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it. What should I do? Get a divorce. Its one thing to be angry with your husband, but if you can't see that this is an innocent child, then there is something wrong with you. For gods sake, the kid came into the room you were at and was just wanting a little affection. I realize this is a son born out of an affair, but christ, are you that unfeeling? You basically took a child looking for some affection and pushed him away. Do you despise the kid because he was born out of an affair? Or do you just not like kids that aren't your own? Either way, this isn't the kid's fault. Maybe he wanted attention from you because he perceived you to be somewhat different from his mother a thought you were compassionate. Bet he learns real quick not to look to you for anything. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I sat him down and told him how I felt. I told him how I feel about his son, and told him to make a choice. He told me I was crazy and stupid, and he couldn't believe me. He told me his son is his favorite because he reminds him of himself when he was little. He told me he couldn't be in the same house with me tonight. He stormed out, he won't answer my calls or my texts. I'm sure he's with her right now. So now I'm sitting alone in my house, I really don't want to lose him, I truly love him. Hi Shelly, I find it really weird that he didn't sense your, shall I say hatred, for the little guy. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I do feel like I deserve my husband, he's done for me than anyone else in my life. I couldn't ever even begin to thank him, he saved me from a physically abusive home when I was 17 and probably saved me from being killed. He has his faults just like anyone else does, but he has always been supportive and helpful to me, my children, and even my family. he knows he's attractive, and everyone we know loves him. So he could have some narcissism. I'm not assuming anything here, although want to ask, could you be emotionally dependant on your husband? Are your kids not his children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Narcissistic egotists with a mistress on the side don't give a damn about the doormat's feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Get a divorce. Its one thing to be angry with your husband, but if you can't see that this is an innocent child, then there is something wrong with you. For gods sake, the kid came into the room you were at and was just wanting a little affection. I realize this is a son born out of an affair, but christ, are you that unfeeling? You basically took a child looking for some affection and pushed him away. Do you despise the kid because he was born out of an affair? Or do you just not like kids that aren't your own? Either way, this isn't the kid's fault. Maybe he wanted attention from you because he perceived you to be somewhat different from his mother a thought you were compassionate. Bet he learns real quick not to look to you for anything. I know and the poor little thing probably sensed that Shelly doesn't like him and that may have been his little way of trying to befriend her. I feel sorry for the boy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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