Girl I am dating for almost a year is getting back with her ... husband.

[hinatticus]

Just remember.... There are people in this world way worse off than you! Some people have never loved or been loved. Some people don't have food or shelter. Some people can't walk, talk, see or hear. Some people live in fear of dying.

Be grateful for what you do have.

 

And dude, stop the pity party and do something. I read your posts and it makes feel better about my situation. Im glad im not feeling the way you do. For that I thank you. My ex left me because of me. Our child isn't even two yet! Being a single father was the last thing I ever wanted. BUT I am grateful I get to clean up his dirty diapers and get to witness his tantrums in the store when I'm by myself. Get my drift? Sh*t happens!

 

I'm not trying to be rude, but the world(your ex) owes you nothing and life isn't going to be fair.

 

Take sh*t like a man and get help and listen to sound advice!

 

Stop thinking about her!

Stop walking by her place!

Stop everything that reminds you of her(tv shows, gifts etc)

 

Start looking at yourself from the outside

Start trying to better yourself

Start reading self help books, online articles

Start researching all the wrong in the world so you can be grateful you aren't living with one arm, no legs, blind in one eye, deaf, fear of being murdered in your sleep, etc.

 

I want to see your next post being something positive. Everybody here does!

Now go and do something good for yourself and tell us about it!

 

Good luck

[SomeGeekGuy]

 

Stop thinking about her!

Stop walking by her place!

Stop everything that reminds you of her(tv shows, gifts etc)

 

 

I will stop walking by her place. I know it's only hurting me.

 

But I can't stop thinking about her because, like I said before, everything that makes me who I am, every tv show, movie, event, music or whatever, that have been a part of my life was something that she was into as well and that we deeply shared together. So every time I watch Futurama or some sci-fi show like Firefly or old childhood cartoons and memories, heck even breakfast cereal, I can't help but think of her.

 

I realized some childhood dreams with her, like in the last comicon here I got to sit in an exact replica of the Back to the Future Delorean! We both went bat**** crazy over it. When we went to New York, I visited the actual Ghostbusters fire station where they shot the film with her. I cannot think of anyone else with whom I could've shared this as intensely as I have with her.

 

That is why this whole thing is hurting so much. She was like my best friend. All my actual friends that I've known since I was a kid are now in a couple, recently bought a house somewhere in the burbs, are pregnant or whatever.

 

I'm gonna try to either get out of town this long Canada day weekend or invite someone over from Ottawa where I lived for a couple of years and made good friends.

 

 

I want to see your next post being something positive. Everybody here does!

Now go and do something good for yourself and tell us about it!

 

 

Ok well, I can't say this is a positive post. I feel heart broken and shattered to the very soul. I can't wait to see my therapist on Friday. She usually gives good advice and can reset me every time.

 

I read every single word of this thread and feel so very sad for you.

 

You are wrong about many things. YES, people here on LS do understand how you feel. Their experience with heartache has a different story but many(like I did in 2009) know what gut wrenching despair feels like.

 

I thought I was going to die every day. My tears turned my eyes blood red, I didn't eat for days on end, didn't sleep for more than minutes every several hours, and couldn't see a way out of my misery.

 

Today, I am dating a wonderful man and I have LS members to thank for that. Many told me that after I took a long break, went NC from my toxic ex, and find my self esteem, I would be ready to find real love. It found me when I least expected it and I can 101% say that I can't imagine or wish to go back with my ex! And at the time, I thought he was the sun and the moon!

 

YOU WILL get over her and find your happiness again. But you have to stop trying to think of these hairbrained ways of contacting her. Walking by her apartment is hurting you. Looking at her blogs is hurting you. Trying to contact her is hurting you, Looking at her Facebook is hurting you...etc.

 

What positives are you getting out of doing any of that? Has she contacted you first? And if so, what has she said that gave you the notion she is interested in having you back in her life?

 

She hasn't forgotten you. She knows you exist but she doesn't want what you want. Not lovers. Not friends. It's a terribly hard and sad pill to swallow but many gave you tough love and pointed out the facts already.

 

You are damaging YOURSELF. Your ex isn't doing anything to you now. If she is not contacting you, then she is not causing your present pain. You own that and must do something before it destroys you.

 

The best chance and I mean the BEST chance at true love with anybody..ex or new woman...is to let your ex go completely. Go NC now. Stop damaging your mind and heart further. Be a man of integrity. Your great sweet heart seems so very kind, warm, trusting, and beautiful. Share it with someone who WANTS it. You will be ready for that equally dear heart one day but you are pushing that time further down the road if you continue torturing yourself with your ex's personal life.

 

You CAN do this. Try it for a week. NO CONTACT by email, call, text, Facebook, Twitter, passing by her place of work-home-friends-hangout, etc. Just lay low. Talk more with your therapist about any feelings you have. Come on LS to vent. You will be able to start rationalizing this whole mess little by little. Know you are worth a happy life.

 

Thank you. I will try my best. I think what hurts me the most is finding out that she got divorced and didn't bother to contact me afterwards and just a few days after that happened, she's already getting banged by another dude.

 

After making love to her so passionately in bed it's just the worst kind of image I can have in my head and it's what hurt me the most.

[VeveCakes]

buddy, you really need to pull yourself together.

 

Stop cyber stalking her also, obsessing over her blogs etc.

 

No matter what, things will never go back to how they are. Even if she called you and you hung out again, do you really think you would happy knowing what she did to you in the past?

 

Move ON! Delete her number, her e-mail address...STOP going by her place.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I'm having a hard time. I wanted to go on a trip to see some friends in a nearby town but they're all going away for the long weekend.

 

I feel left out and alone.

 

I still miss my ex a lot. I keep thinking that because I told her I was going to give her space, I should be the one to contact her back and let her know I still want to keep in touch.

 

I just want her to acknowledge me.

 

I'm really starting to miss the sex too... It was so damn good with her. She had an open mind and we were passionate and naughty with each other. God damn, I'm never gonna find anyone like this again.

Edited June 29, 2012 by SomeGeekGuy
added another detail

[KatZee]

I've been lurking for a while here, and yes, I have read this thread from post one. What I need to come out and say before anything is that 2Sunny has given you some SOLID insight and you need to pay attention to that.

 

When someone says what you don't want to hear you break down and try to justify her behavior and try to rationalize that we don't know her or your "unique" situation. What you need to know is this, yes, we are all individuals but on a fundamental level, we are all virtually the same. There are very specific character flaws, personality disorders, and types of behaviors that get repeated time and time again by millions of people. Human psychology isn't unique in any aspect. The characters will change but the story remains the same.

 

1. This woman used you for her own selfish pleasure. Period. She saw a kind and decent guy; she was bored; on the outs with her husband; she wanted to escape from whatever her reality was.

 

2. She's a compulsive liar. Instead of being forthright and being honest that it was getting too serious, she strung you along, continued playing this little fantasy life, and hid her true intentions. Even as she was ending it she was lying. She wanted to remain friendly, she cared so much, etc etc. lies. Believe me. A person who behaves this way is emotionally disconnected as 2Sunny said.

 

3. She's a cheater. Going to be BRUTALLY honest right here. She was sleepin with you. She was sleeping with her husband. I am willing to bet you any amount of money there were others.

 

4. The second you no longer served a purpose (escape from reality, a good time, a great friend, sex) she left. Again, people who are able to do this lack empathy, they do not connect to people the way you and I do.

 

Please, please do some research into BPD, narcissism, and sociopathic behavior. I think you will find you relate very strongly to how those people act and how she acted with you. All three of the above types of people are predators. And the kind, insecure, caring, trusting individuals are their most favorite prey. That is you to a T. Check out: Lovefraud.com -- sociopaths, psychopaths, antisocials, con artists, bigamists

 

You need to get her off the pedestal you have her on. Immediately. You keep dwelling on the past and what she said and how great she was and all the things you've done and your blog and how you want to show her the world and want to show her this blog you have for her; and you're now becoming obsessive and torturing yourself.

 

Step back for a second: go back from page one and re-read all of these posts. Then remember the sight of her with yet another man in her apartment. She's not out thinking of you. Or dwelling on you. Or feeling sad for the loss of you. So what are you really trying to accomplish here by trying to remain a "reminder" in her life? Believe me she doesn't care. All three listed personality disorders above are people who lack empathy for others. There is always a hidden agenda and these people are master manipulators, liars, cheaters and they are always out to do whatever they want with no regard for anyone else. They craft elaborate lies and believe me they've perfected the art of acting like they love or care for someone. Read that site and realize she is not unique. She has something fundamentally wrong with her and you need to stop.

 

Read the post from GEE as well. That was the most important reply on here and one you would be wise to print out and read when you feel yourself falling backwards. Happiness is from within not provided by someone else. Please continue your therapy and look to start going more often if possible. I see a lot of red flags with your mental state and your behavior.

[KatZee]

You also need to cut it out with the pity party you continue throwing yourself. "I won't find someone as great as her" "the sex was so passionate I'll never have that again." "I'm 30 and all the good ones are taken." "I'm so bitter and I'll never trust again."

 

JUST STOP.

 

People were coddling you in the beginning but now it's tough love time. That's the type of woman you want? Really? You have such insecurity and such a lack of love for yourself that you think she's the best you can do? For real? A woman who's lied from day one? Who threw you out like trash? Who had and has absolutely no regard for you or your feelings?

 

You're better than this. You need to start loving yourself.

[KatZee]

Oh and PS: do not contact her. Believe me if she wanted you she'd be reaching out. And yes, I know your story because your story is mine. I also believed I was "unique" and that because I told him I was going NC that I needed to reopen the door. I made that mistake. I did. And that's when I realized what he truly was.

[Appleness]

Hi SomeGeekGuy,

 

Look, as a geeky girl myself, I know how hard it is to find someone who we think mirrors us, our interests, and our same interests. It's rare and when we think we've found that person, we hold on for dear life. We go out of our way to show them how special they are in hopes that they understand. But sometimes, they won't know until you're gone or you realize that maybe they just didn't or couldn't return hose same feelings. You feel like the whole time you spent with them was just a lie. I'm coming out of a 8 year relationship myself (10 weeks since break up, LC for about 6 weeks). I thought we like all the same things too. But leaving made me realize several things. I too had very little friends but only because I distanced myself from them while spending all my time and energy on him. I felt guilty about buying nice things for myself because I used money on the house we lived in together. It totally backfired at me and in the end, made me realize that I deserved better than him. The things that you do for her (offer to help her stay in Canada, buying her stuff, etc.) makes you a very considerate person and trust me, EVERYONE loves that in a friend.

 

Please, do yourself a favor and think of yourself for now. I lost a lot of weight after my breakup too (about 10% of my body weight in 2 weeks) but you need to eat. Start small (like energy bars, something with lots of calories but they don't require a lot of chewing) and work your way up to more healthy things. You may not realize it but bad nutrition messes up your body and makes you feel depressed or can interfere with your sleep cycle.

 

We're rooting for you! Stay strong! Here in the US, geek have a bad name for being weaklings and wimps. It's okay to be a sensitive guy but show that to someone who appreciates YOU and not someone who thinks "oh well, he's NICE but he'll always just be waiting around like a lovesick puppy." (This was by the way, an exact quote from one of my best friends telling me to snap out of it.)

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hi Appleness,

 

Thank you for your kind words. I got a feeling you really do understand. I really like what your wrote.

 

Hey, I weighed myself yesterday and I lost 15lbs! I haven't weighed that much since I was 21! And I look damn fine too! I'm actually gonna try to keep my weight the way it is.

 

I've been trying to distract myself by doing activities even though I don't feel like it sometimes.

 

Today, for Canada day, my sis, her boyfriend, her bf's little sis and a little cousin and I went to Ottawa to celebrate. We had a damn good time. It really felt good.

 

I got some new eyeglases that are way more in style now and I bought a bunch of clothes to look a little bit more trendy. So that's helping me boost my confidence a bit.

 

I think I'm slowly getting over it all.

[Appleness]

 

I'm proud of you! Keep up the good work!

[SomeGeekGuy]

I'm having a bit of a rough time today.

 

I don't know why but I keep having the feeling I should contact her for some reason. I feel very frustrated by the fact that she hasn't contacted me for so long. I would've thought that if she did have feelings for me she would have contacted me at some point and tried to get back in touch or something.

 

Now that summer is here. I've been thinking about the time we spent together last summer wandering around town. I miss that a lot. I really miss her company still, after all this time. Especially her sense of humour. I've been doing my best not to think about her and do my own thing, but it's tough when practically everything reminds me of her.

 

And the image I have of that guy in her apartment, cooking with her, has stabbed me at my very soul.

 

I've been thinking of doing something. She gave me a bunch of little gifts during our relationship. One of which is a little plush toy of a character of a game I have on my cell phone that she really liked. It's a little plush monster. She gave it to me just a week before she announced her husband came over. I thought I'd put it in a box and send it back to her with a letter saying I'm handing over custody to her because her reminds me to much of her and what happened.

 

She also gave me a t-shirt of the Flight of the Conchords. We used to sing their songs and quote the tv show all the time when we hung out. We also visited the place where they shot the tv show in New York. They were our thing. You know? We always have "a thing" with someone and we were just big Flight of the Conchord geeks. Now, I can't even thing of anything related to them without feeling ultra-nostalgic, let alone keep a t-shirt of them that she gave to me. It's something that's really dear to me, but I don't know if I should just give it back to her and tell her in the letter exactly what I just said.

 

I don't know. It's all pretty pointless and childish. I think I just want to strike a chord in her and make her realise how good a thing we had and make her realize she'll never have it as good with anybody else again. Just to see if she'll have any regret or any reaction at all. Because, so far I feel like I'm the only one who had any. I feel sorry about how the circumstances turned out because of her shenanigans and I am really mad at her.

 

She had a tough life and was deceived many times by people she loved and maybe sex is her way of coping with her problems and anxiety. But, she needs to realize that what she did was just hurting everyone around her.

 

Anyway, those are just my thoughts right now. I'm not really going to act on them, but I would welcome what you guys think.

 

Also, I'm meeting a girl this weekend and I fear I may have nothing to really talk about after being so absorbed by this story. It's not really a "date" date, we are just going to hang out to keep each other company but we made it clear there wouldn't be any expectations. It's really just to hang out.

 

Any help is appreciated.

[hinatticus]

Don't send anything! Don't write any letters. I have a son with my ex, Everytime I look at him I think of her. Helping with her pregnancy, being there for the birth of our child, helping with middle of the night crying, I mean everything about him reminds me of her.

 

Get a grip man. You're falling apart. I know things will remind you of her, but don't do anything pathetic. At this point feel angry at her. I wish I could feel angry at my ex. Instead I'm angry at myself for f*cking up. It's way easier being angry at the ex. Do it for a while then forgive her in your mind and move on.

 

Flirt with this new girl. There is no such thing as only one person for you. There are billions of people on this planet. Be grateful you have a "date" with another girl. I wish I had your problems sometimes. I can't just bring some random girl into my sons life. You on the other hand can do whatever the heck you please.

 

Go and have fun with this girl while I clean up dirty diapers!

[SomeGeekGuy]

Don't send anything! Don't write any letters. I have a son with my ex, Everytime I look at him I think of her. Helping with her pregnancy, being there for the birth of our child, helping with middle of the night crying, I mean everything about him reminds me of her.

 

Get a grip man. You're falling apart. I know things will remind you of her, but don't do anything pathetic. At this point feel angry at her. I wish I could feel angry at my ex. Instead I'm angry at myself for f*cking up. It's way easier being angry at the ex. Do it for a while then forgive her in your mind and move on.

 

Flirt with this new girl. There is no such thing as only one person for you. There are billions of people on this planet. Be grateful you have a "date" with another girl. I wish I had your problems sometimes. I can't just bring some random girl into my sons life. You on the other hand can do whatever the heck you please.

 

Go and have fun with this girl while I clean up dirty diapers!

 

Oh man, you're right.

 

I'm really sorry for you, pal. It must be really hard.

 

I don't know what comes over me sometimes.

 

Meeting someone good IS REALLY HARD. My friends don't really have girl-friends they can introduce me to. And when they do they're really not what I'm looking for. And those online dating things are trash. Most girls on there are just looking for a fling or a **** friend and want to date multiple guys at once. It's like there are as many girl players as guy players nowadays.

[hinatticus]

I didn't mean to sound like a d*ck. sorry if I did. I totally feel your pain tho. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with this girl. I got complacent and focused on my son too much neglecting her in the process. Add my anger and it's no wonder why she left me. The painful part is we are on friendly terms and I have no clue what to do. I'm stuck in this limbo land. She seems clear she doesn't want to reconcile, she doesn't have a new man yet and it's been 4 months, but we hang out sometimes(with our son tho) and she's nice to me now. Tells me to have a great day when I go to work and we text back and forth sometimes. I know those things sound trivial but it's a far cry from how she was towards me in the beginning of the break up. I have absolutely no closure. Not that I deserve it.

 

You have complete closure so seriously have fun being single. I was single for like 3 years at one point and it was great!

 

I'm just as weird as you man. I'm 33 years old and still watch anime and play video games! Although since she left I find it harder to enjoy myself. I've spent the last 4 months reading and going to counseling for my anger. How fun is that! We used to play rockband together! I found myself playing that game by myself a few weeks ago and it just wasn't the same. Believe me, I f*cking miss her and it's heartache every time I leave her from dropping my son off. I just keep telling myself there are people way worse off than me and I should be grateful for whatever I have.

 

You will get through this.

Edited July 5, 2012 by hinatticus

[macardent]

I read every single word of this thread. I cried, this was me a month ago.

 

Sir, I think I know what YOUR problem is. You are a GEEK, I am too. I always do this.

 

Turn stalkish, trying to find where things went wrong, how can I fix things?

 

We are used to finding that error in our code. We bring that stuff to our relationships and see if we missed something like a semicolon or something.

 

The fact that she left you for her husband and the fact that you are so heartbroken to find out she has a new love toy to play with is because you are thinking why didn't she pick me? Why this other guy. (I am not saying you have no self respect and that you'd rather be played than be alone but its that weird feeling inside)

 

And I think the reason we get attached to these kinda women is because we are shy people and these kind of women know that if we are shy with them we'd be shy with every other girl and would never cheat on them and stuff so they won't get hurt so they do everything to please us and make us fall in love with them. But they leave because they been hurt so much in their past relationships that they are used to it, they don't feel loved or something if they are not hurt. They like being treated like ****.

 

And Its OVER! Know it! she is so guilty inside about what she did to you that she can never ever look u in the eye.

 

Just my opinion. I am only 23 but Been through that stuff twice in life. And listen to WilsonX if I listened to him I wouldn't be in this much pain right now. I hate my self for loving, begging, caring about a girl who doesn't have self respect for herself. And would throw away such a good relationship for nothing.

Edited July 5, 2012 by macardent

[SomeGeekGuy]

The fact that she left you for her husband and the fact that you are so heartbroken to find out she has a new love toy to play with is because you are thinking why didn't she pick me? Why this other guy. (I am not saying you have no self respect and that you'd rather be played than be alone but its that weird feeling inside)

 

This! This is it, man. Right on the button. Except, I kinda know. Initially, it was because I didn't want to move to Atlanta with her. And, I respected her wishes to go back to her husband to be happy since she wouldn't be with me in the end. I don't know how much of this was a bullshi* lie, but I'll never know anyway. I wasn't shy when I met her. I was pretty damn confident and excited to meet someone new after 5 painful years with the same person.

 

My only wish is that she had given me the one chance in the end to go further for another couple of years and let me get used to the idea of actually going to Atlanta. I'm sure I would've loved it too. I'm way into hip hop, soul, funk and all sorts of black music. And Atlanta is one of the best sources for that. It also looks like a big city but with a small town feel because other than the city center, there are several little communities around with each their own little thing. There are a lot of great little places to hang out with good food and drinks and the people there seem to be very much into locally grown or locally made food. There's the Dragon*Con down there which looks amazing too!

 

The neighbourhoods seem all covered in trees everywhere which is beautiful. Real estate is low because of the downturn and there's very high demand for technical people like me in the IT field. I would never have run out of a job.

 

Anyway, you know what? Her freakin' loss. I loved her so much and I would've done anything for her. She was the most amazing woman I had ever met while we had our relationship. I admired her for everything she did and I loved her for who she was and I adored every inch of her body. She showered me with compliments all the time and made me feel so good about myself and my appearance, I felt like I could take on the whole world. And this is why I hurt so much.

 

But, it's her own damn fault. I hope she enjoys the dicking she's getting out of her new douchebag boy toy because that's all she's ever gonna get out of him, unlike me who went above and beyond to make her happy in every single way while she stays here. I'd like to see this new a-hole throw her a surprise f-ing Valentine's day dinner like I did or think about spending time together at a fancy Scandinavian spa for a romantic relaxing evening in the mountains as a Christmas gift.

 

F*** all that sh*t. I am so mad.

 

Hinnaticus, I feel really sorry for you. Don't worry, I don't think you're a dick. I don't know what happened between you and your ex, but I can't imagine how painful it must be every time you see her. At least you have the satisfaction o knowing she's not with someone else yet. My advice to you is to try to find new circles of friends. I went on reddit and asked where I can meet geek girls and they basically sent me a whole bunch of places and groups in town where people meet up for games and activities and stuff. I'm going to eventually check it out and try to make new friends because the ones I have are all living their new suburban life with kids and baby parties. I can't meet someone when everyone at a god damn party is married with kids! So I'm off to seek new people and see what happens. Plus, it'll get my mind off my ex.

 

MacArdent, I've been through hell with this crap. I'm not out yet. But, damn it I see some light and I'm crawling towards it as best I can. So hang on, brother. Get therapy if you can, maybe if you have insurance of some kind it might cover it. Some therapists offer free or discounted counselling if you inquire about it. Go out with friends as much as possible. You're still pretty young. Young enough that not all your friends have a family and are all settled down. Go out and do stuff, whatever it is, just do stuff to make your mind think of something else. I walked for hours, you do your own thing.

 

I'm off to go around town again and scope out some of those geek places.

 

keep posting in here if you feel like it. I know I will whenever I feel down.

Edited July 5, 2012 by SomeGeekGuy
censored word.

[hinatticus]

There you go man! Get a little angry. Just don't stay that way. I made that mistake.

[SomeGeekGuy]

My therapist today told me the same thing. It's okay to be angry. In time we learn to forgive and we can move on.

 

I will always be mad at her though. I feel like I was played and nothing can change that except if she ever decides to give me the real truth about her side of the story.

[Appleness]

Hi SomeGeekGuy,

 

Sorry you've been having some bad days. I had a bit of a rough patch myself. I think it's harder for the guys because aside from places like here, you don't really have a good support system where you can just vent to random friends and they can easily understand and empathize. I guess in this respect, it's a lot easier to be a girl.

 

As far as finding a girlfriend, IMHO I think you should slow down. The hardest thing to do in these situations is to do nothing and work on yourself. You mentioned that you were losing weight and you felt good about it. That's excellent. I think you should keep up with the fitness part and make in consistent (at least 4-5 times a week work outs). You meet lots of people at gyms. Nice people. Healthy people. People who are also in the mindset of bettering themselves. It really helps. Trust me, I'm doing it now.

 

How about taking some classes to develop more hobbies? If you were okay buying stuff for her, why not buy yourself a nice camera and learn photography? Or maybe you're eating lots of carry-out? Maybe you should enroll in a cooking class. Women like a smart guy who is a good cook . Or perhaps even try to see if you have local anime or movie clubs.

 

For centuries, people thought the universe revolved around the earth and it took one man to speak up and prove that the earth actually revolves around the sun. We all will have our rough days and that's why we're here on LS. Some people respond with tough love that's good but I think that a sympathetic ear doesn't hurt either. You're a good guy. Don't let this change you.

 

P.S. If you're also wondering why some women are so heartless, it mostly because they've also been hurt in the past too. I was reading Homebrew's guide on G.I.G.S. this morning. (I think this is why my ex broke up with me.) The man knows what he's talking but read what some of the other responses are and you'll see that some men feel that all women are sad, mean, twisted, and not worthy of being treated like a proper person. Knowing that there are people out there who want to date. THAT scares me.

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hi SomeGeekGuy,

 

Sorry you've been having some bad days. I had a bit of a rough patch myself. I think it's harder for the guys because aside from places like here, you don't really have a good support system where you can just vent to random friends and they can easily understand and empathize. I guess in this respect, it's a lot easier to be a girl.

 

Yes, I feel that way too. Guys may appear to have a hard shell, but we're all soft and mushy inside, really. My guy friends haven't been much help as they are all busy with their own thing and their own life. And they've all been in a couple for a long time and I guess they don't really know what it feels like to be in my position at my age. I'm at a point where I want someone with experience who will know what being in a relationship is like and who knows how to take care of themselves and their partner. And I want someone with a good job because I have ambition and in order to realize these ambitions, I need someone with a good successful career.

 

As far as finding a girlfriend, IMHO I think you should slow down. The hardest thing to do in these situations is to do nothing and work on yourself. You mentioned that you were losing weight and you felt good about it. That's excellent. I think you should keep up with the fitness part and make in consistent (at least 4-5 times a week work outs). You meet lots of people at gyms. Nice people. Healthy people. People who are also in the mindset of bettering themselves. It really helps. Trust me, I'm doing it now.

 

Yeah I have thought about that. I have started to regain my appetite, but with my lifestyle that's not very good. I should try to hit the gym, but I just hate going there so much. It's really not my scene. I was thinking maybe riding my bike again. I enjoy that a lot and my legs need the exercise.

 

How about taking some classes to develop more hobbies? If you were okay buying stuff for her, why not buy yourself a nice camera and learn photography? Or maybe you're eating lots of carry-out? Maybe you should enroll in a cooking class. Women like a smart guy who is a good cook . Or perhaps even try to see if you have local anime or movie clubs.

 

I have been walking around my city a lot and taking pictures with my cell phone and posting them on a blog I started about walking around town. They're not super awesome looking, sometimes a bit grainy when it's dark, but they do the job. I've been lagging behind lately as I've been sleeping more. My insomnia moments were when I wrote all my articles.

 

Funny enough, I also started a blog about cooking for one. I put up my recipes on there with the list of ingredients along with the steps and pictures of each step. I've had good comments about that too. I am a good cook. I used to love cooking for my ex. I just liked showing off my skills because that's probably the only one good skill I have that's actually tangible. Meaning, it has nothing to do with computers and software and people can actually see and understand what I'm doing.

 

I'd like to learn an instrument too. I've started to like old acoustic blues lately. I never liked it before, but that's because I never really knew what it meant to have the blues. Seriously. I am surprised myself at this.

 

For centuries, people thought the universe revolved around the earth and it took one man to speak up and prove that the earth actually revolves around the sun. We all will have our rough days and that's why we're here on LS. Some people respond with tough love that's good but I think that a sympathetic ear doesn't hurt either. You're a good guy. Don't let this change you.

 

Well, I'm afraid it has. I feel very unhappy with my life and I don't feel like the happy funny person I used to be. I was in love and I was happy with that woman and my life before this whole B-S happened. I find it hard to talk about other topics as this whole story has been consuming me for so long. Even this morning, I woke up thinking about my ex and I was wishing so, so hard that I was back at her place and hanging out with her like we used to.

 

P.S. If you're also wondering why some women are so heartless, it mostly because they've also been hurt in the past too. I was reading Homebrew's guide on G.I.G.S. this morning. (I think this is why my ex broke up with me.) The man knows what he's talking but read what some of the other responses are and you'll see that some men feel that all women are sad, mean, twisted, and not worthy of being treated like a proper person. Knowing that there are people out there who want to date. THAT scares me.

 

I know. And I have a feeling that's why my ex acted that way and it's also why I kind of forgive her to a certain degree. The reason so many men are so bitter about women is because women hurt them at their one soft spot like no other person can. Louis C.K. had a funny way to put it: http://i.imgur.com/Tw5hl.jpg

[SomeGeekGuy]

She wiil be contacting you when she get's into a fight or disagreement with her husband. Please don't go back, because when they make up again you will be like dog **** to her. Just close her off the books. You guys are not right for each other.

 

No she won't. Her husband divorced her. I'm pretty sure about that. She removed him and his family members from her facebook. And I also found out she was with another man just a few days after. She didn't waste any time. And she also cut contact with me altogether. If she really wanted to talk to me she would've by now.

 

And, I think we would've been right for each other, had the circumstances been different. We really had such a great chemistry. I am convinced we would've been perfect for each other.

[SomeGeekGuy]

Hi Guys,

 

I just wanted to give you an update.

 

I guess they say no news is good news right? I think it's the case with me.

 

I went to Ottawa this week and I got to hang out with old friends and co-workers I haven't seen in a while. I love these people. I had such a great time I totally forgot about my problems. I came back happy and in such a good mood.

 

I also had one friend come over to Montreal with me on my way back and she spent the weekend at my place. We hung out and totally geeked out. I had a lot of fun and it gave me hope.

 

I feel like a million bucks now.

 

I just hope I'll be able to find love sometime soon because I am missing it a whole lot in my life. I need a partner in crime with whom I can act crazy and joke around like I did with my friend.

 

So far, OKCupid has been nothing but a giant disappointment. A lot of the profiles on there are either the businessey serious types or polyamourous women who sleep around with a dozen guys at once. (Not kidding!)

 

The next thing will be to take up group activities of some kind I guess...

[SomeGeekGuy]

*Sigh...

 

I don't know what is wrong with me.

 

I dreamed about her again last night. In my dream I was happy to see her. We were hanging out the way we used to, but it lasted just a minute. I woke up very emotional.

 

Just now I went and took a peek at her facebook and saw that her husband is back in her friends list. I feel so stupid for even looking.

 

I don't get her though. And why am I still feeling upset over all this?!?!

 

I guess I feel a bit lonely today and that dream pulled me back a bit. And I don't know why but in my head I keep imagining us still being friends and stuff and thinking about imaginary situations with her.

 

God dammit....

[SomeGeekGuy]

I woke up crying today.

 

Feeling lonely as hell, even though I spent some good time yesterday with some friends.

 

Every single activity I do, I wish my ex was there to share the experience with. I really miss how we just understood each other and how we just got along like the best friends in the world. We got excited over the same things, shared the same interests and passion. I feel like I'm not getting that entirely out of my friends.

 

It's been over three months and not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of her, or how she did me wrong. This is the biggest disappointment in my life, the hardest moment I ever had to deal with so far. And, I'll be honest, I've had some thoughts of suicide because I feel like the happiness I had with her will never come back in my life. It doesn't matter if I have small moments of happiness with friends here and there, I always fall back into depression and it feels like nobody can help me.

 

Dating sites are hopeless. I can't find anyone who is remotely as perfect a match as my ex was. We were just at the same place in life. She had a nice home and knew how to take care of it which is also important to me, had a good job, we both loved to cook, we were just the same. Every one else I meet just seems like a bunch of deadbeats. They live in a messy home, don't have a stable job, don't know how to cook, couldn't care less about geeky **** and totally don't get my jokes.

 

It's just her own life experience that made her who she was that made her so perfect.

 

Why did she have to deceive me?!?! I never deserved something like this, for ****'s sake! It's not fair!

 

I'm sick of being alone. I feel like such a ****ing loser.

 

I'm sorry guys. I feel hopeless today.

[hinatticus]

Uh oh. I thought you were doing better man.

 

Just a question. Is this your first real love?

 

Try not to look for a perfect match. It doesn't exist. If your ex was a perfect match she'd still be with you. Try looking for someone who is emotionally mature and adaptable. Make yourself adaptable too. It's like looking for a dream home. Your first house will always be special, but other homes will be just as special. Even a mediocre house can turn into a dream home. A tweak here and a tweak there and then poof!, dream home!

 

And suicide is not an answer dude. You have friends right? Family? Somebody, anybody in your life that cares about you? Don't let them down man. Rise from these ashes.

 

Next post has to be positive!