Girl I am dating for almost a year is getting back with her ... husband.

[Snakechammah]

There is only so far you can bring the horse to the water... if the horse refuses to drink it, there is nothing you can do.

 

If you are not receptive to advice and continue to do things your way, then you deserve the torture you are placing on yourself. A lot of the posters have given you great advice but you turned a deaf ear. Perhaps, it is embedded in your natal chart, perhaps you are still in denial.

 

Remember, you are responsible for your own destiny. You can only blame yourself for the mess you are in now. There is only so much sympathy one can give out. But in this case, what you need is a slap in the face for you to wake the hell up.

[SomeGeekGuy]

You guys are right. It was stupid of me to ever walk by there.

 

Though what pisses me off is that she left me supposedly to get back with her husband, asked for some distance to mend her relationship with him and a few weeks later I see her with a completely different dude.

 

What the actual f-.

 

How come she didn't even consider contacting me? How long has she been with this guy? Is she still dating dudes even though she is still married?

 

I really want some f-ing answers! And I think that after being strung along for almost a year and being so nice to her I deserve some answers!

[muzik_lvr]

Whatever "answers" you receive are just going to cause you more hurt and pain, and prolong your healing process. If I were you, I would go complete NC, plan to never see her, forget about her, and move on with your life.

[wilsonx]

Yup, shes going to date other dudes.

[Squishy_Belle]

You guys are right. It was stupid of me to ever walk by there.

 

Though what pisses me off is that she left me supposedly to get back with her husband, asked for some distance to mend her relationship with him and a few weeks later I see her with a completely different dude.

 

What the actual f-.

 

How come she didn't even consider contacting me? How long has she been with this guy? Is she still dating dudes even though she is still married?

 

I really want some f-ing answers! And I think that after being strung along for almost a year and being so nice to her I deserve some answers!

 

You do, but do you actually think she is going to be honest with you? She doesn't seem to care enough to contact you so i doubt she will even care to explain herself.

 

Cut her out fo your life! She really isn't worth it

[SomeGeekGuy]

I am so sad about all of this.

 

Almost a year together, sharing some of the greatest moments of my life with her and doing the best I could to be a good friend and a good boyfriend. I was hoping to see where this could go.

 

I feel like such a fool and a failure. I feel betrayed and I don't think I'll ever trust another woman again.

 

I'm a broken man now.

[Squishy_Belle]

I am so sad about all of this.

 

Almost a year together, sharing some of the greatest moments of my life with her and doing the best I could to be a good friend and a good boyfriend. I was hoping to see where this could go.

 

I feel like such a fool and a failure. I feel betrayed and I don't think I'll ever trust another woman again.

 

I'm a broken man now.

 

*big squishy hugs* YOU are not a failure! It's sad but it is a part of life. No matter how hard you try some people just don't appreciate what they have or don't even see what they have right in front of them.

 

I know there is nothing i can say or do to make you feel better because i've been there many times before but you need to realise what SHE did to you..She left you to fix things with her hubby and has now been seing other guys!! What kind of a person does that make her?? Do you really want to be with someone like that? No matter what you feel for her do you not think you deserve better??

[wilsonx]

 

I know there is nothing i can say or do to make you feel better because i've been there many times before but you need to realise what SHE did to you..She left you to fix things with her hubby and has now been seing other guys!! What kind of a person does that make her?? Do you really want to be with someone like that? No matter what you feel for her do you not think you deserve better??

 

A person in GIGS does this, rebounds, then dates, then goes back to the person they originally left.

 

You just drew the short straw this time, youve lived with it for a year, now you see the pattern and hopefully wont let it happen again

[SomeGeekGuy]

A person in GIGS does this, rebounds, then dates, then goes back to the person they originally left.

 

What's GIGS?

[SomeGeekGuy]

A person in GIGS does this, rebounds, then dates, then goes back to the person they originally left.

 

You just drew the short straw this time, youve lived with it for a year, now you see the pattern and hopefully wont let it happen again

 

*big squishy hugs* YOU are not a failure! It's sad but it is a part of life. No matter how hard you try some people just don't appreciate what they have or don't even see what they have right in front of them.

 

I know there is nothing i can say or do to make you feel better because i've been there many times before but you need to realise what SHE did to you..She left you to fix things with her hubby and has now been seing other guys!! What kind of a person does that make her?? Do you really want to be with someone like that? No matter what you feel for her do you not think you deserve better??

 

Thanks Squishy_Belle.

 

You know I think I also feel bad now for seeing her in that light. I always thought positively of her and now, I am just severely disappointed in her. And it makes everything we did together seem even more like a lie and an illusion, which hurts like hell because I thought she had feelings for me.

[Squishy_Belle]

Thanks Squishy_Belle.

 

You know I think I also feel bad now for seeing her in that light. I always thought positively of her and now, I am just severely disappointed in her. And it makes everything we did together seem even more like a lie and an illusion, which hurts like hell because I thought she had feelings for me.

 

I hear ya! I think your also holding on to memories. I always use to look back and think how did this happen and what about the good times, he was such a good person. Now after all the hurt and pain he put me through and the more i realise how much of an asshat he is i can see things clearer now. He never was what i thought he was, i was just blinded by love. Don't get my wrong there were good times but he was never the person i use to tell myself he was.

[2sunny]

You guys are right. It was stupid of me to ever walk by there.

 

Though what pisses me off is that she left me supposedly to get back with her husband, asked for some distance to mend her relationship with him and a few weeks later I see her with a completely different dude.

 

What the actual f-.

 

How come she didn't even consider contacting me? How long has she been with this guy? Is she still dating dudes even though she is still married?

 

I really want some f-ing answers! And I think that after being strung along for almost a year and being so nice to her I deserve some answers!

 

You have your answer! Her not contacting you says it all, know that for sure!

 

She knows she's in trouble IF her husband finds out its you - that's why she won't!

 

He's expecting she will see you again - so she moves on to her next VICTIM.

 

Don't allow it to EVER be YOU again!

 

Don't look back - she's poison! Move forward!

[SomeGeekGuy]

Well...

 

I guess this is it. All my hopes of even just being friends are shot down.

 

I just wish she had told me the truth instead, that she believed that our relationship was getting too serious, that this is not what she wanted to get into and that we should stop. I would have understood and it would have prevented me from torturing myself over questions and assumptions and ideas.

 

If anyone reads this whole thread and is on the cheating side, know this: At least be honest with the person you're cheating with. Cheating is wrong and someone will always end up getting hurt. If you're going to cheat, it means you're not happy with your relationship and you should end it before engaging yourself in another relationship. But if you're going to do it anyway, at least find a consensual partner.

 

Now, I have no choice but to move on.

[2sunny]

Well...

 

I guess this is it. All my hopes of even just being friends are shot down.

 

I just wish she had told me the truth instead, that she believed that our relationship was getting too serious, that this is not what she wanted to get into and that we should stop. I would have understood and it would have prevented me from torturing myself over questions and assumptions and ideas.

 

If anyone reads this whole thread and is on the cheating side, know this: At least be honest with the person you're cheating with. Cheating is wrong and someone will always end up getting hurt. If you're going to cheat, it means you're not happy with your relationship and you should end it before engaging yourself in another relationship. But if you're going to do it anyway, at least find a consensual partner.

 

Now, I have no choice but to move on.

 

You can learn what NOT to do anymore - THAT is useful! You can share YOUR experience here with people who don't see it yet... That helps in moving forward! Never look back - only move forward!

[SomeGeekGuy]

Man, I can't stop thinking about her. I dreamt about her last night again and it messed up my mood completely today.

 

I checked out her facebook profile in the morning and I saw that she wasn't friends with her husband anymore. My only guess is they got divorced.

 

So the guy I saw at her place was probably a new guy she met to move on or whatever. Who knows. All I know is it really got me mad to see that.

 

There hasn't been a day I didn't wish things went back the way they were.

 

I don't know how I'm gonna live my life without what I had with her before. It's been two months and I'm still in a heavy depression.

 

God help me.

[SomeGeekGuy]

You know what? I'm going to call her.

 

Neither of us talked to each other for over a month now. We both have no idea of what's going on with each other. I will never be sure of how she is doing or how she feels if I don't contact her.

 

I have no idea where this is going to go, but I have to be sure that she does want to stay in touch with me or not.

 

All I know is that everyday I see things and do things or think up stuff that I want to share with her because I know that of all the people I know in my life, she's the only one who would truly appreciate and understand what I am talking about or what I want to show her.

 

Just last week, there was a fringe festival in town. It's a festival for indie artists where they play indie music, have visual arts galleries and plays in theatres and stand up shows and what have you. All indie. I know that she is totally into this stuff and she would certainly have appreciated that I tell her about it.

 

A couple of days ago, I saw something in an antique shop, a retro sci-fi toy gun, which happened to be a Buck Rogers atomic blaster. She loves Buck Rogers! That would've made a cool gift for her, or she would have loved to know about it to go check it out.

 

You see what I mean?

 

Whenever I come across those things I feel a terrible void in my life. I want to share my life with someone and she was the perfect candidate. She may not have been a soul-mate, but by god she was surely a best friend. We had in common almost everything that made me who I am. I feel soul-less since she's been gone because no one gets what I talk about in this stupid French province, kingdom of everything corny and kitsch. Not even my best friends whom I've known since my childhood.

 

I've tried to seek other people on those dating websites but the more I look, the more hopeless I feel because I can't find anyone with whom I share common interests who are just as interesting as she was.

 

At this point I don't even care about the truth of what happened. In fact, I don't care about anything in my life anymore, except to be in contact with her.

 

I have got to talk to her.

[2sunny]

You keep DOING the same things that cause harm to yourself - YOU will never get focused on getting to a new place of being happy.

 

Keep doing same - keep getting same. Very predictable outcome.

 

Start CHANGING EVERYTHING!

 

I wouldn't call her - but that's just me.

 

You want to be second or third inline for this gal- YOU are signing up for that by reaching out to her.

[StarsOnFire]

You know what? I'm going to call her.

 

Neither of us talked to each other for over a month now. We both have no idea of what's going on with each other. I will never be sure of how she is doing or how she feels if I don't contact her.

 

I have no idea where this is going to go, but I have to be sure that she does want to stay in touch with me or not.

 

All I know is that everyday I see things and do things or think up stuff that I want to share with her because I know that of all the people I know in my life, she's the only one who would truly appreciate and understand what I am talking about or what I want to show her.

 

Just last week, there was a fringe festival in town. It's a festival for indie artists where they play indie music, have visual arts galleries and plays in theatres and stand up shows and what have you. All indie. I know that she is totally into this stuff and she would certainly have appreciated that I tell her about it.

 

A couple of days ago, I saw something in an antique shop, a retro sci-fi toy gun, which happened to be a Buck Rogers atomic blaster. She loves Buck Rogers! That would've made a cool gift for her, or she would have loved to know about it to go check it out.

 

You see what I mean?

 

Whenever I come across those things I feel a terrible void in my life. I want to share my life with someone and she was the perfect candidate. She may not have been a soul-mate, but by god she was surely a best friend. We had in common almost everything that made me who I am. I feel soul-less since she's been gone because no one gets what I talk about in this stupid French province, kingdom of everything corny and kitsch. Not even my best friends whom I've known since my childhood.

 

I've tried to seek other people on those dating websites but the more I look, the more hopeless I feel because I can't find anyone with whom I share common interests who are just as interesting as she was.

 

At this point I don't even care about the truth of what happened. In fact, I don't care about anything in my life anymore, except to be in contact with her.

 

I have got to talk to her.

 

Oh dear. Do you even see what you've become since being in this relationship? Not to be harsh but you sound pathetic. If she wanted to contact you, she would. You said you're not the type of person to sleep with a married woman, well guess who she turned you into? Someone who slept with a married woman! She's walked all over you and let's be honest, probably doesn't even think about you anymore. Your obsessive behavior is honestly slightly scary. You're stalking her dude.

 

PLEASE take a breather from her. Concentrate on you. Seriously, it's not about jumping into another relationship. Thank God you HAVEN'T found another girl yet because you haven't moved on. You need to clear your head. Can you go on a vacation or something? Get out of that area? You need to get away dude, and it seems like you will only allow that to happen if you're physically away from it all. Do you have friends you can go visit? Or road trip with?

 

If you call her you're just going to get hurt. But if that's what you need to stop stalking her, then go ahead and do it. But then for the love of God, focus on moving on. Of course it will be hard at first and you'll think you'll never find someone like her (which I don't even want to get into why she's desirable...I for one know I'm too good to date someone who would lie to me the way she lied to you. I hope you find this self-esteem soon too buddy), but it will all be okay after you let time pass and let yourself move on. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. And this chick is not going to bring that to you, I'm sorry.

 

I hope you find your peace & happiness soon because you can't keep acting like this. Good luck my friend.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I know I sound like a complete stalker. I feel embarrassed about it too. I'm not dangerous though. I mostly walked by her place because I just missed her. When I saw her the first time I just went bat **** crazy because it was the first time I ever saw her in a month. The second time was because I saw a man in her place and that threw me completely off, especially since I didn't have any news from her, I didn't know what was going on. If I had news from her then I wouldn't act in this way.

 

I don't have any friends to go on a road trip with. I can't take a vacation, not until August. I've already taken a breather by cutting contact with her for a solid month now.

 

Nobody really understands how I feel. Like I said, I have a connection with that person that I never had with anyone before. We have a lot in common and there's just so much I want to share with her because she's the only one who really gets it.

 

I don't necessarily want to date her, just be a friend and stay in touch.

Edited June 26, 2012 by SomeGeekGuy
one more thing

[StarsOnFire]

I know I sound like a complete stalker. I feel embarrassed about it too. I'm not dangerous though. I mostly walked by her place because I just missed her. When I saw her the first time I just went bat **** crazy because it was the first time I ever saw her in a month. The second time was because I saw a man in her place and that threw me completely off, especially since I didn't have any news from her, I didn't know what was going on. If I had news from her then I wouldn't act in this way.

 

I don't have any friends to go on a road trip with. I can't take a vacation, not until August. I've already taken a breather by cutting contact with her for a solid month now.

 

Nobody really understands how I feel. Like I said, I have a connection with that person that I never had with anyone before. We have a lot in common and there's just so much I want to share with her because she's the only one who really gets it.

 

I don't necessarily want to date her, just be a friend and stay in touch.

 

I know you think no one understands, but we do. My last boyfriend, I thought he was the one. I would do anything to stay with him, I thought we could get thru anything. And when we broke up I thought I'd NEVER find someone like him, he is such a unique person, and we fit so well together at times. I just assumed I'd be alone for the rest of my life, wasn't trying to be dramatic, I just honestly never felt like I'd click with someone the way I clicked with him. But then, as I'm sure you see where I"m going with this, I ended up meeting the guy I'm seeing now. And he's amazing, and even BETTER than my ex, we have a connection I never even KNEW existed. It's crazy, because I was where you are. I thought my ex was the one. The only.

 

I hope you see that there are so many people out there in the world, people who DESERVE you in their life. You sound like you're into really fun and interesting things, all the indie stuff that you're into, there's so many beautiful people into that as well. You should absolutely go to that indie festival and meet more people like you! If you focus on your hobbies and inspirations you will end up surrounding yourself with people who share your same passions!

 

You deserve friends who want to be in your life, who treat you with respect and who are there for you no matter what. I'm sorry, I obviously don't know your ex, but she doesn't sound like she respects you or wants you in her life anymore. Just trying to be a tiny voice of reason here, I'd hate to see you hurt again and again by her rejections.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I'm sorry, I obviously don't know your ex, but she doesn't sound like she respects you or wants you in her life anymore.

 

When she broke up with me, she insisted to stay in touch. I told her it was crazy at first but she really really insisted.

 

It's only when I bawled over the phone and talked about her being my soul mate that she told me she felt really bad and hurt to see me this way because she cared about me and she was really sorry. She never meant this kind of thing to happen. I have a hunch she's not getting in touch because she's afraid to hurt me some more.

 

I just want to get in touch to see how she's doing and share stuff and stories with her.

 

Man, I swear I've never felt so f-ing empty and alone in my whole life. And it's been 2 months since she left me, and one month since I told her I was gonna give her space so she wouldn't have to deal with me crying over the phone all the time and she could focus on her own problems.

 

I really do think that she would love to hear from me. But I scared a little of getting rejected.

 

This is such a hard trial for me.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I haven't contacted her... yet.

 

I was thinking of texting her tonight.

 

I am so sad. I don't know what to do with myself.

 

A lot of people are telling me I will find someone else, but I have doubts about it.

 

You see, I live in Quebec. The French province of Canada. But I was brought up as a kid with American media and culture, and video games. Eventually I became your typical geek, into Star Wars and science fiction and computers and what not. Initially a shy guy, I later became a clown and loved to make people laugh by making a fool of myself. I also developed an interest in cooking. I started making good meals, mostly mid-eastern and Indian. I also enjoy walking around and trying out restaurants and different foods.

 

That girl I met was simply the most interesting girl I've ever met in my life. Everything that makes me who I am we had in common. She knew exactly what I was talking about when I was referring childhood movies or cartoons or tv shows or whatever. We had the same taste in music during our teenage years and we had the same DVD tv series collection. We understood each other's jokes and she played along with my foolishness, even in public. Our connection even went so much further than just cultural similarities. There was just so much more, but I can't explain it. It's as if we knew each other all our lives.

 

She also had a knack for art and decorating. Her place looked amazingly colourful and nice with big picture frames everywhere for posters of her favourite bands and pieces of comic book style art. She was super creative in that department. Her cooking skills were off the chain! She made a whole thanksgiving turkey dinner by herself for American Thanksgiving and her turkey was simply the best I've ever had. She had this recipe where she lets the turkey marinate over night in brine and stuff and it came out super juicy and flavourful. Then she used to rest to make this incredible turkey vegetable soup and turkey pot pie. She also spent a lot of time canning vegetables and fruits like pickled green beans, sweet and spicy cinnamon plums, canned peaches, all from scratch.

 

Hanging out with her was never a dull moment. We never had one single fight or argument about anything. The relationship just went with the flow.

 

She introduced me to a TV show that I had heard about before and that became our thing. In the TV show they sing a lot (it's not Glee) and we learned the songs by heart and we sang them together. When we went to New York together we went and visited the locations from the TV show in person. I felt that this was one of our most intimate moment. A moment of happiness you could only share with someone who is really really close to you.

 

To top it all off, she was gorgeous. One of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. All I can say is that I've never seen another woman as beautiful as she was. She simply had every single feature I've ever looked for. She was a busty curvy girl with straight hair, super smooth hairless pale skin, the most perfect smile and last but not least, her beautiful big eyes that charmed me and melted my heart whenever she looked at me.

 

I will not find anyone else like her here. I'm stuck in this hell hole province never to find a perfect match like I had with her.

 

I'm starting to feel so hopeless it's like I don't want to live anymore. After almost a year of such intense pleasure and happiness, I cannot believe I will ever find anyone else who will ever make me as happy as I was with her. Every time I've fallen in love with a girl she always went for some other guy. And those guys weren't even half as good as I am. It's just the story of my life repeating itself.

 

Looking back, I think had the circumstances been different, I would have moved with her to Atlanta, leaving everything behind, just to be finally be happy. Finally.

 

I guess I'm not meant to be happy after all. I had found the most perfect soul-mate and she had to be from some far away place and married. And now she's not even contacting me anymore. It's not fair. I've always been a good person and done my best to make every one around me happy and worked hard to have a good future. But, what the hell does it all mean if I can't have my one true love as a part of my life. I really hate my life. I hate it all.

[SomeGeekGuy]

I'm sorry people.

 

I had a moment of despair. I'll be okay.

[Snakechammah]

Being a fan of Just for Gags (the show), I would LOVE to date a Canadian guy. If it's any indication, Canadians seems nice2 than people elsewhere. I've met other random Canadians in other countries and they all seem genuinely nice. Everytime someone asks about my dream guy I would reply, "A Canadian Cop".

 

So ANYWAY - back to your little pathetic problem.

 

If you keep harping day and night about her. Thinking about her - obsessing about her - while she's busy banging other dudes - all the advice in the world would fall on deaf ears.

 

A lot of posters have given excellent advice in the nicest possible way. I hope at least some of the words got absorbed by your brain... otherwise it's a lost cause.

 

All your whinings makes me want to smack you with a slipper and say "WAKE UP!" Man up. Seriously. Be a man. Women wants a man who can be firm and protective. Not a whiny little boy who cowers at every emotions he feels and cries every night thinking of a girl who made a loser outta him.

 

"She was fun. She was wonderful. She was gorgeous. Yadda yadda yadda." Fine. WE get it. It was Shangri-La. But it turned into a Freddy Krueger nightmare didn't it? And it STILL is. Listen dude. Your ShangriLa is OVER. That's a fact. You can never get it back. She doesn't want you. Read my words: SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU. Period.

 

BUT you can get Shangri-La with another girl. Someday. In Future. But right now, you're a hopeless case with that whiny pathetic self. So get out of the rut and START looking for a new girl to create the beautiful Shangri-LA that you know exist. BECAUSE IT CAN EXIST WITH ANOTHER PERSON - who possibly won't turn it into a Nightmare on Elms Street.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. "I hate my life, I hate my life" .... dude, if you hate your life, how the hell do you expect someone else to love it? Why should they love you when you hate you?

 

YOU GOTTA LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! You need counselling. Are there any professionals out there? See a shrink. See a fortune teller. Heck, go to church. See solace somewhere. Clear your head. Go to a spa. Get a massage. Go feed the pigeons. I dunno. Just do something tranquil.

 

Whatever it is you choose to do, CHOOSE TO BE WELL. Choose to HEAL. Choose to MOVE ON. Capiche?

Edited July 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LovelyDaze]

I read every single word of this thread and feel so very sad for you.

 

You are wrong about many things. YES, people here on LS do understand how you feel. Their experience with heartache has a different story but many(like I did in 2009) know what gut wrenching despair feels like.

 

I thought I was going to die every day. My tears turned my eyes blood red, I didn't eat for days on end, didn't sleep for more than minutes every several hours, and couldn't see a way out of my misery.

 

Today, I am dating a wonderful man and I have LS members to thank for that. Many told me that after I took a long break, went NC from my toxic ex, and find my self esteem, I would be ready to find real love. It found me when I least expected it and I can 101% say that I can't imagine or wish to go back with my ex! And at the time, I thought he was the sun and the moon!

 

YOU WILL get over her and find your happiness again. But you have to stop trying to think of these hairbrained ways of contacting her. Walking by her apartment is hurting you. Looking at her blogs is hurting you. Trying to contact her is hurting you, Looking at her Facebook is hurting you...etc.

 

What positives are you getting out of doing any of that? Has she contacted you first? And if so, what has she said that gave you the notion she is interested in having you back in her life?

 

She hasn't forgotten you. She knows you exist but she doesn't want what you want. Not lovers. Not friends. It's a terribly hard and sad pill to swallow but many gave you tough love and pointed out the facts already.

 

You are damaging YOURSELF. Your ex isn't doing anything to you now. If she is not contacting you, then she is not causing your present pain. You own that and must do something before it destroys you.

 

The best chance and I mean the BEST chance at true love with anybody..ex or new woman...is to let your ex go completely. Go NC now. Stop damaging your mind and heart further. Be a man of integrity. Your great sweet heart seems so very kind, warm, trusting, and beautiful. Share it with someone who WANTS it. You will be ready for that equally dear heart one day but you are pushing that time further down the road if you continue torturing yourself with your ex's personal life.

 

You CAN do this. Try it for a week. NO CONTACT by email, call, text, Facebook, Twitter, passing by her place of work-home-friends-hangout, etc. Just lay low. Talk more with your therapist about any feelings you have. Come on LS to vent. You will be able to start rationalizing this whole mess little by little. Know you are worth a happy life.

Edited June 28, 2012 by LovelyDaze