Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 maybe she won't let you go because by keeping you in her life, she can 100% blame you for her husband cheating. Once you are gone, she'll be alone with the fact that her husband cheated on her, that she can't simply blame it all on you , and she'll have to deal with that. it's really hard to get to that point...she'll have to face the fact that the man who says he loves her could do something that could hurt her so very much. As long as you are still around somehow, either on your own or because she has contacted you, she can put off facing that fact. she's probably very angry and very very, very hurt. I know she is... Thanks for your understanding and your insight Sprouts...it's appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know it's her...100%...I'm not changing my phone #...I have a blocking service...eventually I'll have every phone # in the US blocked...or eventually she'll stop...hopefully the later... Can I just ask why you won't change your number? Every single time she contacts you with 'another' number and you have to block it, exMM and his wife get to you...They are in your thoughts, upsetting you, bugging you, almost making you want to get an RO against them (her).. ALL of it can stop immediately if you change your number. Then you can get on with your life and know that you won't hear from her again. Also, please consider telling your husband because as you said your exMM would only contact you if his wife was gonna show up to your place with a gun? That is very scary and is this something HE thinks could happen, think she's capable of getting a gun and going to you? IF this actually is the case then you NEED to tell your husband and go to the cops, especially if she HAS a gun for real. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yes, because if BS was going to travel (long distance no less) with a gun to find 18, the BS is surely going to tell her husband what's she's planning. Are u here to help anyone or are u just here to project your anger and hurt onto others who have never hurt you?...r u having fun yet? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Are u here to help anyone or are u just here to project your anger and hurt onto others who have never hurt you?...r u having fun yet? Ignore .. Ignore .. Ignore.. Focus on those who are trying to help you.. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 if you are concerned about her coming after you with a weapon, then that's a very serious issue... has she made that specific threat? do you feel she's serious? if so, maybe taking some further steps to protect yourself and your family are in order. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 and she is "forcing" me to remain in their lives at her own hand Actually she isn't. It's your resistance to changing your number. If you change your number - POOF! She's gone from your life. Sure it'll be a pain the in ass for a while to send out your new number to your contacts etc, but in the long run it'll be well worth it. Please think about this!! You can make his wife stop... Take control here and change your number. (LOL I am repeating myself eh) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 if you are concerned about her coming after you with a weapon, then that's a very serious issue... has she made that specific threat? do you feel she's serious? if so, maybe taking some further steps to protect yourself and your family are in order. Or, is exMM playing this up? Did he tell you that she has a gun or might be considering getting one? do they own one? As much as alice isn't too helpful, she did make a good point. If exMM's wife IS going to come after you with a gun, she probably isn't going to run her plan by him.. If anything, he should be scared too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 So...I got the answer to my question I asked waaaay back...she contacts you because you didn't change your number (and you have a super secret way your MM can contact...in an "emergency") 12 pages of posts...all trying to help you (well, most) 180 posts And all because you won't change your number? Seriously? smh All of this...and this is just the online portion and not the time and energy you put into this IRL... because you refuse to change your number? Clearly, you value the number more than, well, your sanity. Its not a choice I would make. In fact, you are choosing this. Yes, you. You choose this drama. Over and over again. You can hardly blame the BS when you already KNOW she is "unhinged". If reason won't work then you take action to prevent it. Reasonable steps by you have NOT worked and there is no reason to think they will. Time for YOU to take action: Like changing your number and killing ALL means of contact. You refuse. You make your choice. You suffer your consequences. Since she has proven - repeatedly I might add - incapable of change, then YOU must change. You refuse to take those steps. Any wonder why nothing has changed? The answer is simple: Change your number and kill any and all means of contact. Why do you refuse to give yourself the gift of sanity? Of peace of mind? Boggles my mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 She likes knowing the BS is in distress and struggling with reconciliation. Yep you're right...I spend all day laughing at the hurt I've caused her...in fact I lay awake at night thinking of new ways I can inflict more pain... There...satisfied? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 You don't think it, you know it. That is why you've convinced her you're getting divorced and you won't change your number. I've already explained my rationale for telling that lie... I told xMM that while we were still in contact thinking it would help him get off the fence...stupid I know...but I would have followed thru at that time... I told only her that since NC for the reason I already gave...I'm sure she hasn't told him...why would she?...and I don't care if she did or she didn't...I don't care if he's "free"...he burned this bridge long ago... Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 So...I got the answer to my question I asked waaaay back...she contacts you because you didn't change your number (and you have a super secret way your MM can contact...in an "emergency") 12 pages of posts...all trying to help you (well, most) 180 posts And all because you won't change your number? Seriously? smh All of this...and this is just the online portion and not the time and energy you put into this IRL... because you refuse to change your number? Clearly, you value the number more than, well, your sanity. Its not a choice I would make. In fact, you are choosing this. Yes, you. You choose this drama. Over and over again. You can hardly blame the BS when you already KNOW she is "unhinged". If reason won't work then you take action to prevent it. Reasonable steps by you have NOT worked and there is no reason to think they will. Time for YOU to take action: Like changing your number and killing ALL means of contact. You refuse. You make your choice. You suffer your consequences. Since she has proven - repeatedly I might add - incapable of change, then YOU must change. You refuse to take those steps. Any wonder why nothing has changed? The answer is simple: Change your number and kill any and all means of contact. Why do you refuse to give yourself the gift of sanity? Of peace of mind? Boggles my mind. Great post! I too cannot believe how long 18 yrs has been stringing us along with her tales of this BW finding her no matter what steps she takes to avoid it. Post after post about how she has done simply everything to put a stop to the contact and somehow that sneaky stalking BW manages to contact her anyways. LOL. However does she do this? What amazing powers is BW utilizing to be able to contact 18 over and over again? She must have incredible sleuthing abilities right? Oh wait...BW can just pick up any phone and dial 18 yrs number because 18 yrs has some sort of weird attachment to digits on a telephone and couldn't possibly part with her number. And what is up with the secret means of contact you have set up with MM just in case his wife is on her way to you with a gun (lol...you are such a drama lama). Why do you need a secret contact when it turns out he can just call you on the phone since you have never changed your number? If you dont' take calls from his phone he could just do what his wife does and call you from an unknown number. I think you like her contact. I think the BW is your window by which you can still peer into MMs life and marriage. As long as she is calling you and asking you questions you can tell yourself that life must suck for her and the MM and that makes you feel better. If you sever that contact for good then you will never know what's going on with them and their marriage. I also think you do like the drama. I think evertime she makes contact with you it puts a little spark of excitement into your day. You add to the drama by making up stories of divorce and creating unneccesary secret contacts by which the MM can contact you when his wife comes after you with a gun. Drama drama drama, created and fed by you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yep you're right...I spend all day laughing at the hurt I've caused her...in fact I lay awake at night thinking of new ways I can inflict more pain... There...satisfied? You deflect the point by warping it to try to make it sound ridiculous, but it's not. I don't think you sit around thoughtfully considering it - "laughing" as you say - or consciously making plans. But this all feeds something in you - fuels a need - that outweighs your protestations of inconvenience and irritation. Thus, you string things along - just enough to keep the stew simmering. The "secret means", the maintenance of the crazy-making deceptions, keeping your number through it all... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I think you like her contact. I think the BW is your window by which you can still peer into MMs life and marriage. As long as she is calling you and asking you questions you can tell yourself that life must suck for her and the MM and that makes you feel better. If you sever that contact for good then you will never know what's going on with them and their marriage. I also think you do like the drama. I think evertime she makes contact with you it puts a little spark of excitement into your day. You add to the drama by making up stories of divorce and creating unneccesary secret contacts by which the MM can contact you when his wife comes after you with a gun. Drama drama drama, created and fed by you. This!!!! This is exactly what all this comes across as. But its not just the W she wants to think is miserable. It would make sense to extend it to MM as well. As in, as long as the W is still looking for answers she MUST be making MM miserable and longing to run back to 18. I've seen some warped logic in my days. And many OP want folks to believe that they don't intend to make life miserable for the W or MM when they don't get what they want? THIS is much more "unhinged" than the W is supposedly being. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 18, Why have you not told your H about the affair, and how unhappy you are in your marriage? If you don't love him anymore, why not divorce him?(whether there is a MM waiting or not) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Prime Vera Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 In message 165 on this thread you state, "I don't think I ever said my H knows and if I did it was a mistake or a typo...my H does not know..." In message # 56 on your BS Problems thread page 4 you clearly state that your husband knows of your affair. Look for yourself. Why the discrepancy in your stories? Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I'm not trying to win anything... Overcoming denial is the first step to recovery. I already lost... at my own choosing... If you lost you wouldn't continue to post. Stop posting... kill this thread. Let it lie. Someone who has lost doesn't make plans for a game that's at it's end. I forfitted...and I'm ok with that...the only thing I want to win is silence from BS... No you did not forfeit. You have said you plan to get together with him in the future I recall. You plan on waiting for your children to be raised and then let your husband go. Did I read that wrong? That's not a forfeit... that sounds like a game strategy to me. Seriously if it's over kill the thread. No more talk about this BS. She is in your past and that is where you will leave her. What do you say??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 so if mm doesn't 'know' his wife is on her way to your home with a gun, and he can't warn you through the super secret method you and he concocted, and she shows up, and your h and kids are at home, and you're not....who gets hurt here? your h and kids!!! you know she is struggling; and then you pop off with you are getting a divorce, which makes her even further wonder if you and her h are in contact. she wonders if you are divorcing so you can be with her h. she doesn't know about the super secret method you and he have arranged for contact, which is a good thing i guess since it would probably upset her even more to know you and he made arrangements to be in touch. it was all fun and games while you and her h were having an affair. but now, since you aren't sleeping with him anymore, you want her to leave you alone. you didn't think of that when you were in bed with him. you didn't think of how annoying she could be when you were in the midst of the affair. and i agree with jwl, you implied for pages and pages you had done everything in your power to make sure she can't contact you, yet you didn't do the one easy thing; change your phone number. is this so mm still has a way to contact you, you know, the super secret communication in case of her going bonkers? i am wondering if he is cheating again and since she knows you are available for having an affair, she thinks it is you. and what does she say when "she" calls from all these various numbers? does she leave a voicemail? does she send a text? i don't know of any person who repeatedly calls someone else and hangs up all the time. you sure it isn't mm? how can you be so sure? we have seen on here how ow call the mm after the affair ends just to hear his voice on his voicemail. maybe mm is doing that with you? did the wife ever respond to your email with questions? if not, i wonder why, since you said she has been asking you questions all the time and you have not answered, and now, you tell her to ask away and you get crickets? hmmm.... I gave her 7 days to submit the questions...that doesn't expire until Saturday night...hearing crickets from her is not unusual for 7-14 days...then she starts up again for 2 days... My phone is not the super secret method of communication... For the 20th time...I told her I was separated BECAUSE she was trying to tell my H...so I told her I didn't have one...I had no idea at the time that it would b detrimental to her sanity/recovery to do that...I promise you I never thought of that...until you all brought it up here...this is my 1st (and last) A experience...I'm certainly not an expert and was only doing what I thought would help me at the time...hindsight is 20/20... I have told her in no uncertain terms that regardless if I'm single or not...I don't want her H...she even texted/called one day a few weeks ago to tell me she was leaving him and I could have him...I spent an hour talking her out of it...I really don't think she's concerned at all that xMM and I will get together again...at least not from my POV...I think that she's really angry and hurt...I don't think they are doing what they need to to work on their M (no MC)...xMM is a rug sweeper and an extreme conflict avoider (remember I know him well from many many years together)...so she's taking out that hurt and anger on me instead of her H...bc she knows that her contacting me used to hurt me in the past...now she knows it makes me angry...so in a way she's "paying me back" I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 If she is as crazy as you say ,even IF you had told her you were separating she would have still contacted your husband. I know many would have. If for anything to verify the information he knows and perhaps he could bring more clarity to the situation. You keep saying she is crazy and messed up. But honestly, she has never called your husband, never tried to email him NADA!! I would have thought if she was so vindictive and she wanted to get back at you ,she would have spoken to your husband and made sure he had enough ammunition to use against you in the divorce. Made sure to rile him up real good. But she certainly seems to respect your relationship with husband and kids,much more than you did hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Overcoming denial is the first step to recovery. If you lost you wouldn't continue to post. Stop posting... kill this thread. Let it lie. Someone who has lost doesn't make plans for a game that's at it's end. No you did not forfeit. You have said you plan to get together with him in the future I recall. You plan on waiting for your children to be raised and then let your husband go. Did I read that wrong? That's not a forfeit... that sounds like a game strategy to me. Seriously if it's over kill the thread. No more talk about this BS. She is in your past and that is where you will leave her. What do you say??? I do plan to D my H...I will never ever accept xMM back in my life...Ever...not tomorrow...not next week...not next year...not in 10 years...never... You're right...I'll stop posting...I had already been considering it anyway...it's really not very welcoming around here anymore at all...and I feel like all I do lately is defend myself against things that people wrongly assume about me...LS was something I really needed to get thru the times when I was hurting so bad...but it's time for me to go now...like I said in another thread...the pain of staying is outweighing the pain of leaving...I'm not in pain anymore but u know what I mean...good luck to everyone... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Wait, so she said she was going to leave him and she CALLED YOU and YOU ANSWERED? This is getting more convoluted and while I'm sorry that you feel attacked and that you have to defend yourself, I can't help but feel that too much of this story is starting to contradict itself. How in the world does someone "figure out how to contact" you when you will answer the phone when called? And how in the world do you complain about this contact when you willingly spend time on the phone talking them out of something? That wasn't a short phone call, I'm sure. 18, your story has holes in it bigger than what's in the Ozone Layer. I think you should stop trying to explain away these inconsistencies, because it only reveals more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I do plan to D my H...I will never ever accept xMM back in my life...Ever...not tomorrow...not next week...not next year...not in 10 years...never... I don't recall all the bold. Not one bit... but then again I don't read everything in a thread. If my eyes catch it, it stays in memory. I recall the plan I stated. You're right...I'll stop posting...I had already been considering it anyway...it's really not very welcoming around here anymore at all...and I feel like all I do lately is defend myself against things that people wrongly assume about me... I am actually a little hurt by this and I'm not the sensitive type. I contribute because I care. Look at all the love you are getting. There are people writing essays to help you.... essays... 14 pages of love and that's just this thread not counting the others. You're one lucky woman. LS was something I really needed to get thru the times when I was hurting so bad...but it's time for me to go now...like I said in another thread...the pain of staying is outweighing the pain of leaving...I'm not in pain anymore but u know what I mean...good luck to everyone... I wish you the best 18. You will be missed. No matter what though I'm sure there are people here who want to help and will if you ever need it. Good luck to yah. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 i didnt read this whole entire thread. dont know what the wind up is/was. all i know was your letter would cause more hurt. i dont care how crazy u think she is. maybe she needs closure. its up to her and God to forgive him for what he did. not you. if you want to forgive him or not for your own personal troubles...then fine...thats up to you. but she is a separate person and has separate business and an agenda with him of her own. tell her without being hurtful about it. just yes, i dumped him, or no he dumped me. dont put all gray areas in there. why not be decent and human. really who are you to judge her? sometimes the good decent help we try to give other ..comes back to us ten fold in life. sometimes it feels like no good deed goes unpunished. but in the end..i think we need to leave this earth knowing well...we tried to do the right thing. good luck 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 i didnt read this whole entire thread. dont know what the wind up is/was. all i know was your letter would cause more hurt. i dont care how crazy u think she is. maybe she needs closure. its up to her and God to forgive him for what he did. not you. if you want to forgive him or not for your own personal troubles...then fine...thats up to you. but she is a separate person and has separate business and an agenda with him of her own. tell her without being hurtful about it. just yes, i dumped him, or no he dumped me. dont put all gray areas in there. why not be decent and human. really who are you to judge her? sometimes the good decent help we try to give other ..comes back to us ten fold in life. sometimes it feels like no good deed goes unpunished. but in the end..i think we need to leave this earth knowing well...we tried to do the right thing. good luck I really like this. Your advice is very christian and decent, Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I do plan to D my H...I will never ever accept xMM back in my life...Ever...not tomorrow...not next week...not next year...not in 10 years...never... You're right...I'll stop posting...I had already been considering it anyway...it's really not very welcoming around here anymore at all...and I feel like all I do lately is defend myself against things that people wrongly assume about me...LS was something I really needed to get thru the times when I was hurting so bad...but it's time for me to go now...like I said in another thread...the pain of staying is outweighing the pain of leaving...I'm not in pain anymore but u know what I mean...good luck to everyone... I hope you decide to stay. Just ignore the comments that you find aren't helpful -Don't even acknowledge them. Focus on advice given by those who ARE trying to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I really like this. Your advice is very christian and decent, It seems like this poster was inexplicably struck by lightning in the middle of trying to finish his sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
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