Author 18Years2Late Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 You're still romanticizing what you had two decades ago. It obviously didn't work out for a reason, you tried to recreate it by intruding on someone else's marriage and it didn't work out again. You didn't make good decisions 18 years ago and here you are 18 years later . . . STILL making bad decisions. A train wreck essentially. You don't seem to have a desire to work on your marriage, so get out of it. Don't you think you deserve to be happy? You're pretty much setting yourself up for another affair if you remain married. Nope...I only had an A d/t the person I had the A with...and now that I'm no longer romantisizing him/the A...I can promise you it will never happen again...and it would have never happened under any other circumstances...he found me...it was a mistake/bad decision on both our parts...but I'm far from a "train wreck" thank you...but thanks for getting back to what/who this thread was supposed to be about anyway... Believe me...I work on my M 24 hrs a day/7 days a week...how/why do you think I'm still here???...if/when it becomes too much to bear...if/when my kids are negatively affected...I'm out...not a minute sooner...I'm not going to fix what's not broken (in my kid's eyes) and risk breaking it for my selfish need to be "happy"???...then what happens when I'm still not "happy"???...then I destroyed my kids lives for nothing???...no thanks...I'm happy enough in the right now...my needs became 2nd when I decided to have 3 children with someone I shouldn't have...that's my fault...not theirs...just like xMM's A with me was his fault...not his W's and definitely not his kids...unfortunately there was no protection for them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 The reason why your kids are not affected is because you have suffered no Dday on your part. If that were the case, you wouldn't have such a "happy" household - trust me. It would be a lot more like your exMM's household. Instead of bashing the wife, you should be grateful she hasn't blown up your own household by telling your husband, your employer, your co-workers, your relatives, friends and neighbors . . . AND your children. It could be a lot worse believe it or not. So you should be sucking it up, stop whining on a cheater's message board about it and be happy she didn't REALLY go all out on you. Oh she tried...and I am very thankful she failed...I don't think she knows that she failed though...but xMM does...he hasn't told her to my knowledge...he's really tried to protect me thru this whole mess and has never been one bit mean or ugly...I'm not sure why but I'm thankful...and just in case...I've convinced them both that I'm separated and almost D...so that she would think it's pointless to continue to try to expose...sick I know...but I do what I have to do...it's working so far...if it stops working one day...I'll deal with that too...I'm not stupid...I realize that could happen...xMM and I still have a way to communicate but ONLY if it's needed...if he needs to warn me about something...like she has boarded a plane bound for where I live...we haven't used it yet thankfully...and we would never use it for any other reason...and no that's not how she's found my contact info again... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Maybe...maybe not... :laugh: Gaslighting does not guarantee safety. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Hi 18!!!! me again...... Your M sounds like xMM's marriage...he is there for his children! And that I have to respect him for...He says he married the wrong person, but he has an obligation to those kids..He lives in a cordial environment and they are parents raising children. Period the end! He will not put his kids through a divorce for his own happiness. His happiness comes second to those kids. And I know he loves his W.... (and he won't give up half of what he worked for, his words) They might not have the romantic kind of love that should be in a marriage but his kids don't care or see that! They know Mommy and Daddy.... I hope the BS doesn't make problems for you! Ok so you made a mistake and so did he...the kids SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY... I am so very thrilled that his W did not find out about our A.... (I stopped it because I could not take the lying to his W and me...Would not want to have hurt his kids and YES she would have used them to her advantage. Personally, I think you are doing the right thing and staying for your kids, and so did my xMM! Hang in there!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 :laugh: Gaslighting does not guarantee safety. I agree... Link to post Share on other sites
sad puppy Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 The reason why your kids are not affected is because you have suffered no Dday on your part. If that were the case, you wouldn't have such a "happy" household - trust me. It would be a lot more like your exMM's household. Instead of bashing the wife, you should be grateful she hasn't blown up your own household by telling your husband, your employer, your co-workers, your relatives, friends and neighbors . . . AND your children. It could be a lot worse believe it or not. So you should be sucking it up, stop whining on a cheater's message board about it and be happy she didn't REALLY go all out on you. Wow - I see some anger and bitterness that has not been resolved here. Alice, instead of bashing other people about being on the "cheater's message board", maybe you should mosy on over to the Infidelity forum, where you can share your misery. We are here to try and support 18 and her decision to move on with her life. Affairs are quite difficult for all those involved. However, continuously stepping in here and bashing someone is not helpful and truly just exhibits your high level of anger and unhappiness about your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Hi 18!!!! me again...... Your M sounds like xMM's marriage...he is there for his children! And that I have to respect him for...He says he married the wrong person, but he has an obligation to those kids..He lives in a cordial environment and they are parents raising children. Period the end! He will not put his kids through a divorce for his own happiness. His happiness comes second to those kids. And I know he loves his W.... (and he won't give up half of what he worked for, his words) They might not have the romantic kind of love that should be in a marriage but his kids don't care or see that! They know Mommy and Daddy.... I hope the BS doesn't make problems for you! Ok so you made a mistake and so did he...the kids SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY... I am so very thrilled that his W did not find out about our A.... (I stopped it because I could not take the lying to his W and me...Would not want to have hurt his kids and YES she would have used them to her advantage. Personally, I think you are doing the right thing and staying for your kids, and so did my xMM! Hang in there!!!!!! Hey LIL4N...Are u M too?... Yeah...my xMM is staying in an ok M for his kids too...well it was an ok M...the reason I broke it off is bc he lied about it...he said the usual...just give me time...I'm on my way out...I only want to b with you...he had no reason to do that (lie about it) bc I wasn't pressuring him at all...as I too was M and would also need "some time"...the plan was to be together eventually not tomorrow...although at the time if he'd have said tomorrow...it would have been tomorrow...he had no reason to lie...and I have a low bull shyte tolerance...especially when no bull shyte is needed... One thing I struggle with is that I'm fairly certain xMM still thinks he's coming back one day when he's ready...on one hand I'm like BULL SHYTE!!...as if I'm going to b yours when it's convenient?...but on the other hand how can I fault him for something I'm doing as well?...but then I remember even though I'm doing the same thing he's doing NOW...I would have then said "how high" if he said "jump"...I would have left my H...it's obvious that he would not have...even though I never asked...and I've also seen what a weak coward he is since dday...how he scrambled to covered his a$$ at my expense...and I remember how completely devoid of empathy he was at the time post dday...and that helps me get stronger to resist him if he does try to come back... Edited February 26, 2012 by 18Years2Late Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 LIL, You and several other OW mentioned the MM didn't want to give up half of what he worked for in a divorce. I'm not sure where you live, but where I live, half of all mothers work full time jobs, and contribute equally to the marriage.(others part time) Even if they briefly take a maternity leave when a baby is born, they usually return to work soon after. And in the few cases of a SAHM, the decision for this way of life was agreed upon by BOTH spouses, for the benefit of their children. Most all states here in the US are no fault states, it is the law that all assets earned during a marriage are split 50/50. You and several other OW seem to imply that the BW is stealing money/assets that are not rightfully hers. Can you or others comment on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 LIL, You and several other OW mentioned the MM didn't want to give up half of what he worked for in a divorce. I'm not sure where you live, but where I live, half of all mothers work full time jobs, and contribute equally to the marriage.(others part time) Even if they briefly take a maternity leave when a baby is born, they usually return to work soon after. And in the few cases of a SAHM, the decision for this way of life was agreed upon by BOTH spouses, for the benefit of their children. Most all states here in the US are no fault states, it is the law that all assets earned during a marriage are split 50/50. You and several other OW seem to imply that the BW is stealing money/assets that are not rightfully hers. Can you or others comment on this? Did I miss something?...she was simply stating the words that came out of his mouth...not that he was right or wrong...or that she believed those words... Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hey LIL4N...Are u M too?... Yeah...my xMM is staying in an ok M for his kids too...well it was an ok M...the reason I broke it off is bc he lied about it...he said the usual...just give me time...I'm on my way out...I only want to b with you...he had no reason to do that (lie about it) bc I wasn't pressuring him at all...as I too was M and would also need "some time"...the plan was to be together eventually not tomorrow...although at the time if he'd have said tomorrow...it would have been tomorrow...he had no reason to lie...and I have a low bull shyte tolerance...especially when no bull shyte is needed... One thing I struggle with is that I'm fairly certain xMM still thinks he's coming back one day when he's ready...on one hand I'm like BULL SHYTE!!...as if I'm going to b yours when it's convenient?...but on the other hand how can I fault him for something I'm doing as well?...but then I remember even though I'm doing the same thing he's doing NOW...I would have then said "how high" if he said "jump"...I would have left my H...it's obvious that he would not have...even though I never asked...and I've also seen what a weak coward he is since dday...how he scrambled to covered his a$$ at my expense...and I remember how completely devoid of empathy he was at the time post dday...and that helps me get stronger to resist him if he does try to come back... No 18.. I am not married...divorced!!! And HAPPY TO BE!!!!!:D:D:D Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Your M sounds like xMM's marriage...he is there for his children! And that I have to respect him for...He says he married the wrong person, but he has an obligation to those kids..He lives in a cordial environment and they are parents raising children. Period the end! If it really were "period the end", that would be a highly respectable position. But then he wouldn't be involving OW, and risking really hurting his wife (and yes, his kids) if it all blows up. Not to mention risking the OW's heart, if he really cares for her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 LIL, You and several other OW mentioned the MM didn't want to give up half of what he worked for in a divorce. I'm not sure where you live, but where I live, half of all mothers work full time jobs, and contribute equally to the marriage.(others part time) Even if they briefly take a maternity leave when a baby is born, they usually return to work soon after. And in the few cases of a SAHM, the decision for this way of life was agreed upon by BOTH spouses, for the benefit of their children. Most all states here in the US are no fault states, it is the law that all assets earned during a marriage are split 50/50. You and several other OW seem to imply that the BW is stealing money/assets that are not rightfully hers. Can you or others comment on this? Hi BB!!!! Like I stated HE said he DOESN'T WANT TO give up half of what he as worked so hard for. W does not work, never did......But she is raising his children while he travels all over the world...and for that if they ever did divorce...SHE SHOULD GET HALF!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hi BB!!!! Like I stated HE said he DOESN'T WANT TO give up half of what he as worked so hard for. W does not work, never did......But she is raising his children while he travels all over the world...and for that if they ever did divorce...SHE SHOULD GET HALF!!!!!!!!! Depending on the state...she can get more than half if she can prove he insisted she stay home and raise the children. Worked out well for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Depending on the state...she can get more than half if she can prove he insisted she stay home and raise the children. Worked out well for me. Yes, bent... That was their deal...he works and makes all the money and she stays home and raises the children! don't know the laws in his state...don't care! Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 If it really were "period the end", that would be a highly respectable position. But then he wouldn't be involving OW, and risking really hurting his wife (and yes, his kids) if it all blows up. Not to mention risking the OW's heart, if he really cares for her.... xxoo, As I stated before, it has been over for some time...and W never found out. OW heart is just fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Don't really care if he cares or not....I am happy to be out of something so destructive!!! Love Love... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 Yes, bent... That was their deal...he works and makes all the money and she stays home and raises the children! don't know the laws in his state...don't care! That would only be in an "equitable distribution" state...not in a "community property" (i.e. 50/50) state...IMHO I don't know why every state is not ED...it's only fair that both parties get to continue their same lifestyle post D...but I guess that's not always possible...someone always loses... Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 That would only be in an "equitable distribution" state...not in a "community property" (i.e. 50/50) state...IMHO I don't know why every state is not ED...it's only fair that both parties get to continue their same lifestyle post D...but I guess that's not always possible...someone always loses... Hi 18!!!!! Neither one would lose regarding the money side...Because he makes bucket loads....They would both have MORE THAN ENOUGH if they decided to split! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 Hi 18!!!!! Neither one would lose regarding the money side...Because he makes bucket loads....They would both have MORE THAN ENOUGH if they decided to split! That's weird...I was sure I quoted Bent's post...oh well...good to see u too LIL4N... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) Ok so those of you that have follow my story will get this...the psycho B$@@"h has found a way to contact me again...she is OBSESSED with getting me to tell her if I broke it off with xMM or if he broke it off with me...and I just don't get why that matters at this point...and I'm not going to tell her... I'm hoping you all will shed some light on it for me...so I wrote this last night but didn't send it...just venting...I would never send it but I was feeling down yesterday and she caught me at a bad time...So here it is... So I need get something straight in my weak and feeble mind bc it just doesn't compute...try to follow me here. It might get confusing. The fact the HE willingly stuck his d**k into another woman's p***y many, many times on several different occasions AND professed his undying love for and future commitment to another woman for almost 1-1/2 years, including (but not limited to) 2 time periods after he got caught the 1st, 2nd AND 3rd time, is 100% ok and acceptable to you *BUT* (stay with me) only as long as he was the dumper and not the dumpee...EVEN THOUGH if we pretend for a second he was the dumper, he ONLY dumped after being caught by you and in grave danger of losing full-time life with his kids. Well, aren't u glad u caught him??? Wow...good save... Did I miss anything??? Am I following your logic appropriately??? Cause I'm having trouble digesting that myself and I really don't give a shyte. He's not my problem anymore. Are you hearing yourself??? Does any of that make sense to you??? Why the f**k does the dumpee matter to you??? I mean to me that's an extremely INSIGNIFICANT piece of information in my eyes. Anything I have to say to you should be extremely insignificant to you in that grand scheme of things I so eloquently outlined for you above. What do you think??? Just make a god dam decision already woman. I'm sooooooooo god damned tired of dealing with your random psycho crap. This is sooooooooo ridiculous and getting you no where. Make a f**kin decision with all the info you have right now, today. What I say or don't say makes NO DIFFERENCE!!!!! Thoughts? Personally, I would avoid people like this like the plague. For lack of a better word it is pathetic because she already knows what the truth is, so I'm not understanding the helplessness and supposed lack of knowledge. I would consider researching the stalking laws in your area and take that avenue if needed...you don't have to deal with this at all BTW... It sounds to me like you have unfortunately gotten messed up with extremely drama based people. Avoid these types like the plague...(((((((hugs))))))), you got my thoughts and prayers BTW , and I really hope things get better... Edited February 27, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 If the wife is literally stalking you, why has she not looked into your false claims that you are going through a divorce? Why has she not called your husband and spoken with him. I don't know, but as desperate as she sounds, she is certainly taking your word for everything easily and not fact checking. Also, the fact you told her you are going through a divorce would have any BS panicking as it may be an indication you will pursue husband now that you are single. She apparently is not looking to destroy your life, because if she was, she certainly has to ammunition to do it. She could have copied emails, copied phone records,recorded you admitting to the affair and send it all off to your husband. This woman is not as bad as you make her seem. She seems respectful enough to keep your family out of the drama. That shows a sense of respect and sanity. Perhaps you should respect that! I am a very respectful and loyal person. But I am a firm believer in doing onto others as they have done to me. If I were the bs I would have left cheating husband. But I would also have sent your husband any evidence I had of your affair and made sure I spoke to him personally. The fact someone intrudes into my life without invite, tells me they should not be too upset when I do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I thought this was odd as well. I think convincing them she's getting divorced is more for the exMM's benefit. Like 18 is secretly hoping he leaves his wife this time if he thinks she's making moves towards being free. Sorta like giving him an unspoken message: "See xMM . . . if I can do it, you can do it too. Remember how we're supposed to eventually be together? We can still make our dreams come true." If 18 had told the BS she was working on her marriage, the BS would probably leave her alone and not feel so threatened. Instead, it sounds like 18 wants to be discovered. I've never heard of a stalked OW trying to convince the BS she is getting divorced. The OW who really wants to be rid of the exMM convinces him and the BS that she is working on saving her marriage. Doing that ensures that ALL doors are closed. 18 is leaving the door WIDE OPEN by implying she will be available. If exMM thinks she's working on her marriage, he may just leave her alone for good. I don't think she wants him to leave her alone for good. and I think the wife senses this and it is making her crazy! Three ddays and now you are claiming to be divorcing your H, which is another lie? Why would you do that? What is the GAIN for that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 If the wife is literally stalking you, why has she not looked into your false claims that you are going through a divorce? Why has she not called your husband and spoken with him. I don't know, but as desperate as she sounds, she is certainly taking your word for everything easily and not fact checking. Also, the fact you told her you are going through a divorce would have any BS panicking as it may be an indication you will pursue husband now that you are single. She apparently is not looking to destroy your life, because if she was, she certainly has to ammunition to do it. She could have copied emails, copied phone records,recorded you admitting to the affair and send it all off to your husband. This woman is not as bad as you make her seem. She seems respectful enough to keep your family out of the drama. That shows a sense of respect and sanity. Perhaps you should respect that! I am a very respectful and loyal person. But I am a firm believer in doing onto others as they have done to me. If I were the bs I would have left cheating husband. But I would also have sent your husband any evidence I had of your affair and made sure I spoke to him personally. The fact someone intrudes into my life without invite, tells me they should not be too upset when I do the same. She has NO evidence whatsoever...xMM destroyed it all...the only reason she knows anything at all is bc I admitted it...all she has is circumstantial...this it what she knew prior to me admitting: 1-she found an old FB message in xMM's deleted messages...yes he's a dumba$$...it was a generic "friendly" message from early on...nothing incriminating...no ILY's... 2-xMM found out that his best friend from childhood thru college lived in my city (far from where any of us grew up)...he took a trip to "visit his friend"... 3-xMM took a trip to our home state for visiting family and going to college football game... So...she found the old FB message...looked at my FB page...saw where I now live...and assumed he came to see me although she had no proof of that whatsoever...then she assumed that I must have also been with him the 2nd time as well...and if not for me she would still be living with those assumptions... Before I came clean, she did send a letter to my H which I intercepted...all it was "I think your W was with my H on these 2 occasions...call me let's talk".. She's got nothing but what I gave her and she's not resourceful enough to tape a phone conversation...or to know that D filings is public record...but I destroyed nothing...and she knows that...and she wants it...I will never give it to her...she's has the truth I gave her...the rest is between her and hubby... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 I thought this was odd as well. I think convincing them she's getting divorced is more for the exMM's benefit. Like 18 is secretly hoping he leaves his wife this time if he thinks she's making moves towards being free. Sorta like giving him an unspoken message: "See xMM . . . if I can do it, you can do it too. Remember how we're supposed to eventually be together? We can still make our dreams come true." If 18 had told the BS she was working on her marriage, the BS would probably leave her alone and not feel so threatened. Instead, it sounds like 18 wants to be discovered. I've never heard of a stalked OW trying to convince the BS she is getting divorced. The OW who really wants to be rid of the exMM convinces him and the BS that she is working on saving her marriage. Doing that ensures that ALL doors are closed. 18 is leaving the door WIDE OPEN by implying she will be available. If exMM thinks she's working on her marriage, he may just leave her alone for good. I don't think she wants him to leave her alone for good. She doesn't feel threatened by my fake "D"...and I only told her that...bc obviously I'm not speaking to xMM...when I said I told them both...I just assumed she was sharing all our communication with him...but you're right...I'm sure she is withholding that info from xMM...and that's fine with me...my intention was not to "show" him it could b done...at all...I don't want him...and if she doesn't know that by now...I'm sorry...I've made it 100% clear... Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) O.K., seriously... this my last post on any of your threads, since you seem get a rise out of them. I just had to laugh at this: the only thing u are trying to understand is why your W has more b@lls than u do and how u could have possibly lost so much dipping your stick into someone you felt nothing more for than a peice of dog shyte on the side of the road...this is the wrong forum for u...do they have one where you van go learn about compassion? Oh, man. It seriously gave me a chuckle, even in the midst of my troubles. You should seriously consider taking your act on the road. And by the way, I do have compassion. I only display it for people who deserve it. If you re-read all your posts, you'll realize you really don't. I mean seriously... you're still lying. You're lying to your husband about your true feelings toward him; you're lying to the BS about your so-called "impending" divorce; and most of all, you're lying to yourself about what you truely want out of life. The life you're currently living is a farce, and you know it! What you're practicing is "self-preservation." If you can't see that, you're more delusional than I thought. Toodles! Edited February 28, 2012 by despicableME 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 She has NO evidence whatsoever...xMM destroyed it all...the only reason she knows anything at all is bc I admitted it...all she has is circumstantial...this it what she knew prior to me admitting: 1-she found an old FB message in xMM's deleted messages...yes he's a dumba$$...it was a generic "friendly" message from early on...nothing incriminating...no ILY's... 2-xMM found out that his best friend from childhood thru college lived in my city (far from where any of us grew up)...he took a trip to "visit his friend"... 3-xMM took a trip to our home state for visiting family and going to college football game... So...she found the old FB message...looked at my FB page...saw where I now live...and assumed he came to see me although she had no proof of that whatsoever...then she assumed that I must have also been with him the 2nd time as well...and if not for me she would still be living with those assumptions... Before I came clean, she did send a letter to my H which I intercepted...all it was "I think your W was with my H on these 2 occasions...call me let's talk".. She's got nothing but what I gave her and she's not resourceful enough to tape a phone conversation...or to know that D filings is public record...but I destroyed nothing...and she knows that...and she wants it...I will never give it to her...she's has the truth I gave her...the rest is between her and hubby... But apparently she is resourceful enough to find you and contact you despite all your mighty efforts to keep her from doing so? Really? You are playing a game with her. And on some level you are enjoying it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
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