She's back...

[herenow]

I would be interested in the answer myself. Unless 18 answers that question, one can only assume it was he who dumped her. I say that because it seems like she has a whole lot of anger herself. If she (18) dumped the MM, it would be so easy to just tell the BW the truth. If the MM dumped 18, then I can see how that fact would be a bit harder to admit to the BW.

 

As I said previously, if the MM dumped 18, the BW could then assume he is staying with her because that is where he wants to be. Maybe 18 does not want the BW to have that knowledge. Maybe 18 would rather have the BW believe that the MM would prefer to be with 18.

 

The way I read her post, it seems like 18 would take some joy in telling the BW that she dumped the MM. The only reason I can think of that she won't answer the question is because she (18) was the one who was dumped.

 

So, please tell us the truth 18. Were you dumped? Or, if you dumped him, why so much anger?

[Spark1111]

18, you took him back three times. What do you think he told his wife at every dday?

 

What did he tell you?

 

You are so angry now, and I understand that. She is angry too.

 

Neither one of you were told the truth about anything during those three ddays, I believe.

 

Neither one.

 

So I think she knows that you weren't playing card games for a year and a half; I think she knows (well, I did) that all sorts of future talk and terms of endearment were exchanged regularly.

 

But I agree with the posters that a lot of her hate and vitriol just may be the way he painted YOU when he got home and found how crazy she was; how serious about kicking him to the curb she was.

 

Did you ever look at it that way? Did you ever stop to think her early enraged phone calls was that she so wanted to believe he was telling the truth, and that meant he threw you under the bus big time.

 

Now that the smoke has cleared and she's a little more rational, she has a very rational question: Who broke up with who?

 

Because I don't think she believes ANYTHING he has said since he's been home.

 

And as long as you continue to ignore her, which is your perogative, she will always wonder if ANYTHING he has said since he's been home has been true.

 

Aren't you curious what he has said about you? I would've loved to enlighten the OW in my sitch but she didn't return my calls.

 

It was much easier to believe he went home for the kids, and she too directed a lot of rage at me when we spoke, finally. Hell, I'm the fBS who said go get her. Doubt he EVER told her that.

 

But you seem smarter than that. I would return her call and I would have a question or two or three for her too.

 

But that's me. I like things out in the open...done with and closed for good.

[2sunny]

Why so much anger? You know why - she's still handing him too much power...

 

If he didn't still hold power over her = she would feel neutral...

[MissBee]

Ok so those of you that have follow my story will get this...the psycho B$@@"h has found a way to contact me again...she is OBSESSED with getting me to tell her if I broke it off with xMM or if he broke it off with me...and I just don't get why that matters at this point...and I'm not going to tell her... I'm hoping you all will shed some light on it for me...so I wrote this last night but didn't send it...just venting...I would never send it but I was feeling down yesterday and she caught me at a bad time...So here it is...

 

So I need get something straight in my weak and feeble mind bc it just doesn't compute...try to follow me here. It might get confusing.

 

The fact the HE willingly stuck his d**k into another woman's p***y many, many times on several different occasions AND professed his undying love for and future commitment to another woman for almost 1-1/2 years, including (but not limited to) 2 time periods after he got caught the 1st, 2nd AND 3rd time, is 100% ok and acceptable to you *BUT* (stay with me) only as long as he was the dumper and not the dumpee...EVEN THOUGH if we pretend for a second he was the dumper, he ONLY dumped after being caught by you and in grave danger of losing full-time life with his kids. Well, aren't u glad u caught him??? Wow...good save...

 

Did I miss anything??? Am I following your logic appropriately??? Cause I'm having trouble digesting that myself and I really don't give a shyte. He's not my problem anymore. Are you hearing yourself??? Does any of that make sense to you??? Why the f**k does the dumpee matter to you??? I mean to me that's an extremely INSIGNIFICANT piece of information in my eyes. Anything I have to say to you should be extremely insignificant to you in that grand scheme of things I so eloquently outlined for you above. What do you think???

 

Just make a god dam decision already woman. I'm sooooooooo god damned tired of dealing with your random psycho crap. This is sooooooooo ridiculous and getting you no where. Make a f**kin decision with all the info you have right now, today. What I say or don't say makes NO DIFFERENCE!!!!!

 

Thoughts?

 

 

I guess my response is...why don't you just tell her?

 

I would. If she continues harassing me after that I'd ignore, but if all she wants me to do is say who ended it, I'd tell her. It's not that big of a deal, but it is to her, but if it doesn't matter to you, then why not tell her? I think it adds fuel to the fire as you have something she wants (this info) and you're choosing not to answer....but then getting worked up that she is still asking and then you'd rather write some whole email throwing his transgressions in her face rather than say who ended it.

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself 18.....do you also get something out of this drama? Are you still upset at him and also her by extension so feel like this is one way of having power, by not choosing to tell her this, but still getting caught up in it anyway?

 

As you delineated....her husband chose to do this and I am sure she is hurt and wants some type of answer and maybe he isn't forthcoming so maybe she is hoping you will say something about it. You certainly do not have to, but to me, if I am trying to put it behind me, I'd answer her truthfully about what she wants to know, that would purge me so I can move forward and maybe she'd move forward too.

[18Years2Late]

I know I don't know the whole story, so I'm going with what you have posted.

 

Being betrayed makes one more than slightly nuts.........didn't you feel betrayed when you got thrown under the bus? So with that said, I don't see why you can't answer I suggest you answer her question, tell her you are NC with him, then tell her that you do not want to be contacted by her or him ever again or else.........(.what ever your consequences are.)

 

I realize you are venting, but damn........you are self righteous and very angry at her. It's ironic that you are putting it on her and reminding her that she should take it up with him and should be angry at him, but h e l l o, why the hell are you so angry at his wife??? Because you think she kept him from you?

 

I'm not self-righteous or angry (at her) for what I did...if I was I would have hit send instead of posting here...I'm agry that she refuses to leave me alone at 6+ months post dday...

 

I've answer every question she's asked me with 100% honesty foe 6 months...I wont answer this one...if xMM wants his M...and at 6+ months post dday I want him to have what he wants and b happy...why would I do that to him at this point?...she said if I was the dumper that would b the final straw...I already have enough quilt thank you...

 

I wanted to know with all the deal breakers I mentioned in the letter, why does the dumpee matter? I don't get it.

[MissBee]

I'm not self-righteous or angry (at her) for what I did...if I was I would have hit send instead of posting here...I'm agry that she refuses to leave me alone at 6+ months post dday...

 

I've answer every question she's asked me with 100% honesty foe 6 months...I wont answer this one...if xMM wants his M...and at 6+ months post dday I want him to have what he wants and b happy...why would I do that to him at this point?...she said if I was the dumper that would b the final straw...I already have enough quilt thank you...

 

I wanted to know with all the deal breakers I mentioned in the letter, why does the dumpee matter? I don't get it.

 

Do what to him? 18...his marriage is not going to be happy on any account. As clearly, 6 months later his wife does not believe him and why would you care if a liar was having a happy marriage or not? It seems very strange of you to be trying to "protect" the MM by not telling his wife the truth....

 

You'd feel better if he was in his "supposed happy" marriage of lies HIS choices are ending his marriage...not yours to tell the truth. That is HIS fall out for cheating. Feeling guilty for that doesn't make sense IMO. I have no idea how you can believe it is not ALL his fault why things are ending for him.

[18Years2Late]

Did you end it or did he?

 

I ended it...but he told her he did...

[xxoo]

I wanted to know with all the deal breakers I mentioned in the letter, why does the dumpee matter? I don't get it.

 

Because it means, to her, that he would still be cheating on her, if you would have let him.

 

And she is probably right.

 

And she knows it in her gut (but he's denying it, desperate to stay married).

 

You'd be doing her a great favor if you told her what she needs to know. Of course, you don't owe her any favors.

[18Years2Late]

That's what I was thinking. Why not just be an adult and accept her role in the whole thing? Maybe she should send the email as is. It might help the BS to know how bitter and jealous the fOW is over being dumped.

 

The answer to the email makes it pretty obvious that she was the dumpee. And pretty hard. The answer give says far more about the fOW as a person than a simple "he dumped me" would.

 

It'll also show the BS exactly what kind of woman her husband screws around with. Might help her make her decision whether she wants to stay with that kind of man.

 

I'm not bitter, angry, jealous, self-righteous, or mad bc she kept me from my man...I DON'T WANT HIM...I WANT HER TO KERP HIM...therefore, I will not answer the question...I do not respond to her anymore, about anything, for any reason, by any method...instead I post here (mistake #2) and then listen yo what a mean selfish horrible person i am...I think I'm doing the honorable thing by not answering the question...do you think that will HELP anyones situation...his, hers, or mine?...I DID NOT send the email...I WAS NOT DUMPED...I DUMPED HIM...

 

I hope that clears it up for some of you...

[18Years2Late]

I totally agree with what you said.

 

I wonder though, how much can she trust 18's reply.

Say 18 said "oh yeah, I dumped him and he went running to you" - would she really believe that, or would she think "hmmm, that hussy is tryina ruin things more between us!!"

 

YES 100% she would say that...another reason why it doesn't matter...

 

She doesn't believe what he says (rightfully do)...but she also doesn't believe the only person that has given her any of the information she has...ME...

 

I think (thru talking to her) that she would like to leave him and is looking for a reason...but they have kids...and she said she's scared of being 50 and single...BUT...she has said numerous times that she will not leave him bc she knows he will run to ME and she told him he can leave her for anyone BUT ME...so she will not leave him...regardless of anything I could tell her...and she will think/say exactly what u said above..."your just trying to get me to leave him"...so...there's no use for me answering anymore question...if she wants to stay for her kids and so "I can't have him"...and he wants to stay for the kids...I WANT THEM TO DO THAT...I don't want to be the "straw"...

[Lostinlife4now]

I'm not bitter, angry, jealous, self-righteous, or mad bc she kept me from my man...I DON'T WANT HIM...I WANT HER TO KERP HIM...therefore, I will not answer the question...I do not respond to her anymore, about anything, for any reason, by any method...instead I post here (mistake #2) and then listen yo what a mean selfish horrible person i am...I think I'm doing the honorable thing by not answering the question...do you think that will HELP anyones situation...his, hers, or mine?...I DID NOT send the email...I WAS NOT DUMPED...I DUMPED HIM...

 

I hope that clears it up for some of you...

 

First of all 18....you ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON....let's get that straight right off the bat...OK? And I agree with you W wants to know if you have dumped him or vice versa...but what for???? She took him back...she should leave it be....She should concentrate on getting her and her H into MC and not worrying about all the little details. She decided to give her M another chance..In my opinion W should cleanse herself and so should her H and so should you! Everyone needs to start on a clean page, a blank slate...It does no one any good to keep rehashing and harboring so much hatred! Understand? I am not getting on your shyte or hers, or WS, but everyone needs to MOVE ALONG. The stress of all this is going to give someone a dam stroke. IT'S OVER AND DONE WITH!!!

 

And now let's ignore the W...no e-mails, no phone calls, as you had stated in your previous posts she already knows everything! I think it is becoming a bit obsessive in her head. Maybe she needs some IC.

 

That's why in my situation I stopped the A before there was a D-Day...I could not and did not want to deal with any thing from the BS.. (I could not continue in the A because I was sick and tired of MM lying to her and me)... I would have been thrown under the bus anyway, then run over 100 times till I bled out. I was lucky that she didn't find out. He is her's to deal with! And look your xMM is still lying to his wife...He was the dumper...so sad!!!

 

Ignorance is bliss. Relax and just let all this go! I am here for you if need be!

[TigerCub]

YES 100% she would say that...another reason why it doesn't matter...

 

She doesn't believe what he says (rightfully do)...but she also doesn't believe the only person that has given her any of the information she has...ME...

 

I think (thru talking to her) that she would like to leave him and is looking for a reason...but they have kids...and she said she's scared of being 50 and single...BUT...she has said numerous times that she will not leave him bc she knows he will run to ME and she told him he can leave her for anyone BUT ME...so she will not leave him...regardless of anything I could tell her...and she will think/say exactly what u said above..."your just trying to get me to leave him"...so...there's no use for me answering anymore question...if she wants to stay for her kids and so "I can't have him"...and he wants to stay for the kids...I WANT THEM TO DO THAT...I don't want to be the "straw"...

 

If that's the case, then I totally can see why you wouldn't want to answer her question.

 

I think most posters here were of the opinion of "Either reply with a straight answer or don't reply at all" - and that's completely up to you. Whatever your response would have been isn't the be all end all if the above is how she feels with regards to her M and her husband.

[PhoenixRise]

18yrs

 

None of us know the BS in your situation. We don't know what she is normally like. We don't know how she felt about her husband and marriage before dday. We don't know anything about her.

 

But I do know that 6 months past dday is nothing.

 

I do know that it is completely normal for her to be still angry, confused, and possibly still riding the crazy train just 6 months past dday.

 

 

You and MM 1 1/2 year affair have made her question her entire reality for the entirety of their marriage. AND put in jeopardy the future she thought she was building.

 

I am not surprised she is still desperate for answers. She needs/wants to make sure the ground under her feet is solid again.

 

Really, 6 months is nothing.

 

Now I am not saying that you owe her anything. Not saying you should answer her question (clearly, you don't want to). Not even saying you should just put up with the contact from her.

 

Just saying 6 months past dday, her reaction is normal. Doesn't make her a Bi+@#. She is just a woman whose world blew up and who is now trying to clean up the mess.

 

 

I really hope you and she both find some peace.

[jwi71]

She doesn't believe what he says (rightfully do)...but she also doesn't believe the only person that has given her any of the information she has...ME...

 

Well 18, she doesn't believe you because she would be a fool to do so. Look what you did each of the previous times - she's learned. If your accountant embezzled from you three times, each time swearing it was the last, how much credibility would that accountant have?

 

She's also desperate and must be going throw some pure hell.

 

I'm curious how she managed to contact you. Did you close every method of contact? Or just a few? And if so, why leave any open?

 

I think (thru talking to her) that she would like to leave him and is looking for a reason...but they have kids...and she said she's scared of being 50 and single...BUT...she has said numerous times that she will not leave him bc she knows he will run to ME and she told him he can leave her for anyone BUT ME...so she will not leave him...regardless of anything I could tell her...and she will think/say exactly what u said above..."your just trying to get me to leave him"...so...there's no use for me answering anymore question...if she wants to stay for her kids and so "I can't have him"...and he wants to stay for the kids...I WANT THEM TO DO THAT...I don't want to be the "straw"...

 

Such drama and she chooses to deliver it to your door. Why? Who cares...she can is all that matters. And, I have to admit, there is no small irony in the role-reversal - I can imagine her thinking the exact same things about you during your A (why wont she just go away) that you think now.

 

Once again I shall beat my mantra...what ACTIONS can YOU take to END it.

 

1) Answer her question.

You are correct in your belief that the answer itself her does not matter - she won't believe it either way. However, refusing to answer gives all the more reason to keep hammering at you FOR the answer. I'd answer - but regardless she'll keep coming at you. Why? Well, she can...and I'm sure she gets some pleasure at tormenting you as you did her (and still do actually).

 

2) New everything

Phone, email, address, FB, all of it....block her from contacting you. I said this before in your earlier thread. And its relevance is dependent upon how she found you this time.

 

3) Ignore her

No answer at all ever to anything. Like my earlier reply to you it does mean you will get the odd question/demand/threat now and again. However, you are not emotionally stable to do this. She still controls you. Strip that power from her INTERNALLY (aka IC).

 

4) Move to Swaziland.

'nuff said

 

5) Meet her.

Tell her you will met her in a public place (her local Police Station should do nicely) and you will answer any question. And she should have a list of questions ready. You answer honestly. No matter what. Then tell her if she ever contacts you again you will bring hell to her front door for all HER world to see.

 

NOw let me invalidate options 1,2,4, and 5.

 

Option 1 won't because you blew any all credibility with her when you resumed the A each of the previous two times.

 

Option 2 should work. But a determined woman will still find you as she just demonstrated.

 

Option 3 should work just fine. IC. To build up inner strength. TO face these demons. So that when she DOES try to reach you, she is as insignificant as a fly and you aren't going online to find help to cope. Learn it yourself. And it takes time and hard work.

 

Option 4 won't work because Swaziland svcks.

 

Option 5 fails for the same reason 1 does.

 

Well, that was easy. Option 3 it is.

 

Serious, find an IC. Heal yourself. Gather your strength. De-claw this woman internally. You can do it. I did it. My now xWW doesn't bother me at all - and yes, she still pulls crap to get my goat after what, 5 years now? Its actually kinda sad.

 

Good luck.

[spice4life]

I'm not bitter, angry, jealous, self-righteous, or mad bc she kept me from my man...I DON'T WANT HIM...I WANT HER TO KERP HIM...therefore, I will not answer the question...I do not respond to her anymore, about anything, for any reason, by any method...instead I post here (mistake #2) and then listen yo what a mean selfish horrible person i am...I think I'm doing the honorable thing by not answering the question...do you think that will HELP anyones situation...his, hers, or mine?...I DID NOT send the email...I WAS NOT DUMPED...I DUMPED HIM...

 

I hope that clears it up for some of you...

 

I remember your story 18years2late and I completely agree that you SHOULD NOT answer her. After all of the trouble you went through so she couldn't contact you, I think you should ignore and leave it to them to figure out. You are out of the picture, already answered a lot of her questions and then followed everyones advice to change your contact info, so now it's up to them to solve. You did your part...you removed youself from their marriage. Leave it at that and block her. If she stalks you again, file a restraining order...period.

 

Did everyone forget that she kept stalking you to get a rise out of you so "she" could feel better? It's not up to you now to solve "her" issues with her husband; it's time for her to leave YOU alone and deal with the marital problems in MC or IC. It's not your problem anymore.

 

I would be angry too if I went through the hassle to change my contact information only to have her stalk me again. I know there are a lot of BS's here, but there comes a point in time, after answering tons of her questions, that she neds to focus her efforts toward her husband. 18years is out of it now....this BS needs to use other methods to deal with her situation.

[18Years2Late]

I do have to ask 18, if he left his wife (either by his own choice or if he was kicked out) would you take him back? Start fresh? Just curious..

 

5 months ago...I would have said yes...

 

3 months ago...maybe

 

Today...I really want to tell you 100% No...but what I can say is 85-90% No...and I 100% don't want him to come back and give me the option of succumbing to that 10-15%...so I'd like for her to keep him from doing that...a little while longer so I can get 10-15% stronger...bc he's good at finding my weakness...

[spice4life]

5 months ago...I would have said yes...

 

3 months ago...maybe

 

Today...I really want to tell you 100% No...but what I can say is 85-90% No...and I 100% don't want him to come back and give me the option of succumbing to that 10-15%...so I'd like for her to keep him from doing that...a little while longer so I can get 10-15% stronger...bc he's good at finding my weakness...

 

Good for you for focusing on your own healing and protecting yourself so you don't get caught back in his web. Stay strong and get through that last 10-15% at all cost! This is precisely why you SHOULD NOT respond to her email. It will set back your healing and you're doing so well! Stay focused on the end game and let them sort out their own dysfunctional crap! You're out of it now and that's where you should stay. Who cares who dumped who when the real issue is that she is married to a cheater. That's on her to figure out now. Stay out of it for good.

[jlola]

so why did you keep taking him back after the ddays? do you honestly think he told her the truth about any of it? do you think he told you the truth about anything? both you and the wife are the 'losers' here because both of you trusted and loved a complete schmuck.

 

you are protecting him still. you won't answer this last question of hers. how did she contact you if you really did get new email/cell/etc? how often have you been in contact with her husband since the last split? you do have a lot of anger at her; if you can't see that, there is nothing we can do to help you see it. you 'venting' response was vile, crude and if actually sent, meant to hurt.

 

i know so many ow refuse to see how they played a part of gas lighting another person. i know you all love to throw the "i wasn't married to her" line or the "its not my job to tell her anything". while it may not be your job to tell her, it would be considerate and compassionate for you to do it because she has been lied to repeatedly by her husband and i am sure he is doing everything in his power to convince her that you are the psycho nut who won't go away. he has probably told her that he dumped you but you won't go away.

 

 

 

if you were done with him, you would be 100% done right now; not still wavering. maybe she has good reason to think if he left, he would end up on your doorstep and back in your bed. she may want to make sure you are not involved with her child? she may want to make sure she has all the information before making a decision. she has been lied to and betrayed for a long time; can you blame her for wanting true answers? do you know how much she had to hate contacting you?

 

AMEN!!!! I do find it somewhat odd to chastise the wife for taking him back. But admit you are not sure you would not do the same. The wife has children and intertwined life with him. Yet, he was taken back 3x.

 

He professed undying love? how can you believe a man you have seen lie so much. He was in the infatuation stage. Pretty soon if you ended up with him, you would have just opened a vacancy for another mistress.

 

As for the wife, tell her. Allow her to rest. You do not know how much heartache you have contributed to her family. He is probably such a master liar/manipulator she cannot tell his lies from the truth anymore. I agree, he is probably making it out that you were the crazy one who would not leave him alone.

[whichwayisup]

5 months ago...I would have said yes...

 

3 months ago...maybe

 

Today...I really want to tell you 100% No...but what I can say is 85-90% No...and I 100% don't want him to come back and give me the option of succumbing to that 10-15%...so I'd like for her to keep him from doing that...a little while longer so I can get 10-15% stronger...bc he's good at finding my weakness...

 

I like that you're being open and honest here.. The thing I'm scared about for you is the bolded part. Somehow you gotta close the heart, body, mind and soul off completely 100%, otherwise he'll find that tiny crack and find your weakness and manipulate you (again), so the only way to do that is to not only not reply to his BS but to stop thinking of her period. And him.

 

Don't react, don't do anything. Change numbers (home and cell if need be), change your email. Start a new facebook account and block them both or make yourself private to find on fb. Make it impossible for them both to contact you.

 

Stay strong. You can do this!! Not let him back in one bit.

[xxoo]

If you've gone to great measures to block her, and she goes to lengths to get around that and contact you--certainly don't respond. She knows you have tried to be unreachable. She should respect that.

 

That said, I can only imagine how this question burns inside her, feeling that her H isn't telling her the truth, and knowing that you are the ONLY person who could give her more information (even if she wouldn't necessarily believe you. She doesn't necessarily believe him, but still she asks him.)

 

You were in her life, against her wishes, for 18 months. Your actions had a huge impact on her life. While I sympathize with you, and wish you healing, it is difficult for me to see how her emailed questions for 6 months can compare in intrusiveness to you having an affair with her husband for 18 months.

 

But stay strong! I wouldn't wish her fate on you. I hope each month you feel stronger, and soon there is 0% chance you'd give this lying cheat a minute of your precious love and energy.

[spice4life]

so why did you keep taking him back after the ddays? do you honestly think he told her the truth about any of it? do you think he told you the truth about anything? both you and the wife are the 'losers' here because both of you trusted and loved a complete schmuck.

 

you are protecting him still. you won't answer this last question of hers. how did she contact you if you really did get new email/cell/etc? how often have you been in contact with her husband since the last split? you do have a lot of anger at her; if you can't see that, there is nothing we can do to help you see it. you 'venting' response was vile, crude and if actually sent, meant to hurt.

 

i know so many ow refuse to see how they played a part of gas lighting another person. i know you all love to throw the "i wasn't married to her" line or the "its not my job to tell her anything". while it may not be your job to tell her, it would be considerate and compassionate for you to do it because she has been lied to repeatedly by her husband and i am sure he is doing everything in his power to convince her that you are the psycho nut who won't go away. he has probably told her that he dumped you but you won't go away.

 

 

 

if you were done with him, you would be 100% done right now; not still wavering. maybe she has good reason to think if he left, he would end up on your doorstep and back in your bed. she may want to make sure you are not involved with her child? she may want to make sure she has all the information before making a decision. she has been lied to and betrayed for a long time; can you blame her for wanting true answers? do you know how much she had to hate contacting you?

 

the BS was contacting her every 3 weeks for 6 months and abusing her and 18years was honest with her and answered questions. So she finally had enough of the abuse the BS kept dishing out and did the right thing by blocking her and staying out of it for good. She is angry because this woman found a way to contact her again. She did her part already and now the BS needs to focus on dealing with the issues with her husband and a therapist if necessary. 18years is out of it now and has stayed NC. It's her xMM's job to handle his marriage now.

[18Years2Late]

so why did you keep taking him back after the ddays? do you honestly think he told her the truth about any of it? do you think he told you the truth about anything? both you and the wife are the 'losers' here because both of you trusted and loved a complete schmuck.

 

you are protecting him still. you won't answer this last question of hers. how did she contact you if you really did get new email/cell/etc? how often have you been in contact with her husband since the last split? you do have a lot of anger at her; if you can't see that, there is nothing we can do to help you see it. you 'venting' response was vile, crude and if actually sent, meant to hurt.

 

i know so many ow refuse to see how they played a part of gas lighting another person. i know you all love to throw the "i wasn't married to her" line or the "its not my job to tell her anything". while it may not be your job to tell her, it would be considerate and compassionate for you to do it because she has been lied to repeatedly by her husband and i am sure he is doing everything in his power to convince her that you are the psycho nut who won't go away. he has probably told her that he dumped you but you won't go away.

 

 

 

if you were done with him, you would be 100% done right now; not still wavering. maybe she has good reason to think if he left, he would end up on your doorstep and back in your bed. she may want to make sure you are not involved with her child? she may want to make sure she has all the information before making a decision. she has been lied to and betrayed for a long time; can you blame her for wanting true answers? do you know how much she had to hate contacting you?

 

If she hated contacting me she would stop perusing the internet for hours on end or hiring PI's or paying for one of the online people finder sites or whatever she's doing to find my new info...anyone persistent enough can find anything they want on the internet...next time your online...google your name and see what comes up...and what doesn't cone up for $14.95 someone will find it for you...try it...very frightening actually...no one is safe from persistence...

 

She gets great pleasure out of getting a rise out of me...so she doesn't get it anymore...

 

For the 100th time...I didn't send the email...I wrote it bc it was therapeutic for me...she pushes my buttons until I get angry...last night all of my buttons were pushed already before she tried to push another one...I'm normally not that vile or angry...and I've never said anything close to that to her ever...I do understand her pain...I can tell u will 100% certainty that I've been the grown up civil person in this mess...2 her face anyway...not her real face but by phone or email...

[18Years2Late]

AMEN!!!! I do find it somewhat odd to chastise the wife for taking him back. But admit you are not sure you would not do the same. The wife has children and intertwined life with him. Yet, he was taken back 3x.

 

He professed undying love? how can you believe a man you have seen lie so much. He was in the infatuation stage. Pretty soon if you ended up with him, you would have just opened a vacancy for another mistress.

 

As for the wife, tell her. Allow her to rest. You do not know how much heartache you have contributed to her family. He is probably such a master liar/manipulator she cannot tell his lies from the truth anymore. I agree, he is probably making it out that you were the crazy one who would not leave him alone.

 

I never said I believe (now) anything that came out of his mouth...I was simply stating the "facts" that those things came out of his mouth...

[18Years2Late]

the BS was contacting her every 3 weeks for 6 months and abusing her and 18years was honest with her and answered questions. So she finally had enough of the abuse the BS kept dishing out and did the right thing by blocking her and staying out of it for good. She is angry because this woman found a way to contact her again. She did her part already and now the BS needs to focus on dealing with the issues with her husband and a therapist if necessary. 18years is out of it now and has stayed NC. It's her xMM's job to handle his marriage now.

 

Thanks Spice! I'm glad someone remembers...

 

Thanks everyone else too...I truly appreciate all the replies...really...

 

I'm learning toward answering her...BUT...since she won't believe either answer I give...I'm thinking about lying to her...telling her he dumped me...because at the end of the day the only person I should be concerned about protecting is ME...and lying to her (for the first time) will protect me...and (LOL) maybe this time it really will be the last question...at least I can hope...Either way she will assume I'm lying...so either answer will b exactly the same result...

[whichwayisup]

Thanks Spice! I'm glad someone remembers...

 

Thanks everyone else too...I truly appreciate all the replies...really...

 

I'm learning toward answering her...BUT...since she won't believe either answer I give...I'm thinking about lying to her...telling her he dumped me...because at the end of the day the only person I should be concerned about protecting is ME...and lying to her (for the first time) will protect me...and (LOL) maybe this time it really will be the last question...at least I can hope...Either way she will assume I'm lying...so either answer will b exactly the same result...

 

No no no no no no no! Big HUGE mistake. It doesn't matter what she thinks, you have no control over her thoughts and trying to get her to see / hear your side of things. SHE doesn't want to.. She's PISSED at you and if you react and reply, you're giving her ALL the power and allowing this drama to stay in your life. What's the point? Please, think about this before you make a mistake. Stay in NC mode and try to let yourself heal. Forget her, forget him.