Emme Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 But apparently she is resourceful enough to find you and contact you despite all your mighty efforts to keep her from doing so? That's all I keep thinking about. How in the world is this woman keeping contact. How in the world is the woman finding out her email address. Change your name to Mickey Mouse. Change your phone number and only have a few people know it. I just don't get it. *gets munchos* Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Because the attention is like a drug. That's why there was an affair to begin with. That's why she's with a dependent husband who would shudder and cry if she went. The attention is a drug and like most users, they get used to a certain level of a drug and need more. The affair was fun for awhile, now having the wife after her and still risking her own m is a thrill. It's like having the ultimate control over the emotions and fate of many people. If she brought it all out in the open, it would crash right down and she would have no one paying attention to her except her divorce attorney. Its sick. Very very sick. Then she comes on here like a "victim of her self-induced circumstance" where its "other peoples fault" and "I am doing this for my children" SICK. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) DOT, I figured the "attention" part on this board. She does return when drama starts again. That I can understand. I don't get wanting a married woman's attention. The last thing I would want is the BS attention. Women are better cheaters in the sense that we can do maintenance and handle damage control very well. I feel like she is refusing to do her maintenance and damage control. I understand what your saying about the need... but for me mentally, why would you want it? That's the part that has me SMH. Get a new dick if you are bored. Look for attention elsewhere. I enjoy contributing a solution to a problem or just voicing my opinion. Many on here have given that and then some. Now it's time for her to pick and choose the road she wishes to take. Reason being it's getting ugly. The saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" is what's happening. People are turning their backs on her and it's really sad. 18, It's time to make a decision. Edited February 28, 2012 by Emme 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Ahhhhh... She better let him go. She has a marriage and children to be concerned with. It's ok to love someone. I can understand still loving him. What I hope she's not doing is putting this man at the top of her priority list. Her marriage and children should be at the top and he should be number 5-6, since she can't let go. I don't know the ages of the children or his for that matter but if the waiting game is being played... she doesn't know if she'll still love him or if he will want her when the time comes. She needs to live in the present. Not in the past or the future. It seems a lot of members have helped her. They have helped to a point and now she is at a stand still. It's time for her to seek professional help. I commend those that have tried. You did good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 O.K., seriously... this my last post on any of your threads, since you seem get a rise out of them. I just had to laugh at this: Oh, man. It seriously gave me a chuckle, even in the midst of my troubles. You should seriously consider taking your act on the road. And by the way, I do have compassion. I only display it for people who deserve it. If you re-read all your posts, you'll realize you really don't. I mean seriously... you're still lying. You're lying to your husband about your true feelings toward him; you're lying to the BS about your so-called "impending" divorce; and most of all, you're lying to yourself about what you truely want out of life. The life you're currently living is a farce, and you know it! What you're practicing is "self-preservation." If you can't see that, you're more delusional than I thought. Toodles! I think it is only self=preservation to a point. I think the real motive of the lying is to fuel the drama and keep her xMM wondering; this allows 18 to keep her pride (I broke up with him and am keeping NC) by continuing to deceive, to 18's benefit, the BS. In other words, the drama continues and it fuels the fantasy that someday, he may return to that wonderful woman, his one true love, 18. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 But apparently she is resourceful enough to find you and contact you despite all your mighty efforts to keep her from doing so? Really? You are playing a game with her. And on some level you are enjoying it. Yes! Because it is a way to keep the affair fantasy and all the residual drama alive and to the forefront! She IS STILL protecting her xMM by keeping his secrets and lying to his BS in the hopes he will return to her. There is NO other reason to lie or omit to this wife. 18, you are avoiding conflict, omitting truths, lying about other information, and you sound strangely smug and superior about all of it; like you are both smarter and better than this woman seeking info. Like you NEED to prove how wrong he was in NOT choosing you, the BETTER woman; and now you want him convinced that you are divorcing, but how stupid she is not to check that in public records. YOU are so not over this; no where near to what caused it; and you still SO MISS the affair. How sad and lonely is that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 Since I've blocked every phone # BS has previously used to call/text me...she is now using numerous other people's phones to contact me...she has even called with phones with area codes for several states FAR away from her state of residence...I sometimes wonder if she's just asking perfect strangers to use their phone???... So last night I took the advice of someone here and I unblocked her phone # and texted her...I said she had 7 days to ask me any question she has ever wanted to know about me and/or the A...then I gave her a fake email to send it too...then I said I had 7 days to answer and send it back with the understanding that if she ever contacted me in any way, by any method, I would proceed with a RO for harassment... She never said yes or no so we'll see what happens...I'll let you all know how it goes...hopefully it works... Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Um... Good luck. Let the countdown begin. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I wanted to know with all the deal breakers I mentioned in the letter, why does the dumpee matter? I don't get it. You can't understand it, it seems, but it does, to her. Others have explained why. So last night I took the advice of someone here and I unblocked her phone # and texted her...I said she had 7 days to ask me any question she has ever wanted to know about me and/or the A...then I gave her a fake email to send it too... I'm hoping you meant a "temporary" EMail and not a "fake" email... ...then I said I had 7 days to answer and send it back with the understanding that if she ever contacted me in any way, by any method, I would proceed with a RO for harassment... So are you going to hold up your end and answer honestly if she asks you: (1) Are you divorcing? and (2) Who was the dumper? Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 18, now that you have unblocked her number and invited her to contact you, I seriously doubt whether a RO would be considered as you have invited her to contact you, it would suggest that her 'stalking' is not that much of a problem, an inconvinience maybe, but RO's are usually given in extreme cases and not while you might be pissed off that the BS is able to get in touch with you, it doesn't sound that you find it all that trumatic it's like inviting a burglar into your house and then reporting them for robbery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 When are you going to tell her you're dropping the imaginary divorce and "working" on your marriage? I'm not...there's no imaginary D and I'm not working on my M...I will D one day...just not tomorrow... I don't think she'll ask me that...she's never said anything about it before...I'll cross that bridge if she actually sends a list of questions...I doubt she will...I will answer the dumper question btw... Seren: I unblocked her # to send her one message and I blocked it again...I can't send her a text either when I have her blocked and I didn't want to "reply" to texts on the stranger's phones she was using...I've still got plenty to support a harassment claim trust me... Whatever...maybe it will work maybe not...but what she's doing right now ain't working for me either...and I think she spends more time thinking about what random text she wants to send me next than she spends dealing with her WH... Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 18years... I think I may be the person who gave you that advice ( or maybe not)...whatever the case, I hope it works for both you and you ex's spouse. You have given her one final opportunity to have her questions asked, and given her time to prepare them so she's not "put on the spot". You say you'll answer them honestly, and also set your boundaries by letting her know that this is her last opportunity to contact you before you seek a restraining order. Hopefully, this will put an end to the whole thing once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
Angelina527 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 totally agree. the courts are full of real and actual claims of stalking and harassment and since you (18) have no idea if it is actually the wife calling, the courts don't need to be clogged down. and since you obviously didn't change your cell phone number, again, the courts will tell you to get a new number if phone calls bother you. ro's are for people who are in danger, not ow playing games with a bs. and fyi, many courts do not have their marriage/divorce records online. a person would need to go to the court house to request those records in my area/state. none of it is online. its called privacy. maybe she isn't really interested in your imaginary divorce and if you think she is stupid, you have misjudged her since you are the one all up in arms over her contacting you. change your phone number. give it to friends only. put your fb to private. its really not that hard. It always frustrates me when I hear of people wanting to get restraining orders over phone calls. Those are for people like me whose ex held a gun to my head or beat me black and blue with a belt. Not for some phone calls when the person hasn't even changed her number. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I have to agree with the others.. She hasn't threatened your life. Hasn't said she's going to hunt you down, shoot you, kill you, beat you up etc.. She hasn't even attempted to contact your husband or anybody else in your family, or your workplace. Fact that you still have the same number and haven't changed it so NEITHER of them can contact you by phone, also goes against your favour. Yeah I'm sure it's a pain in the ass to be harrassed and bugged by his wife, but in all honesty - How do you know 100% for sure it's her and not HIM? Or maybe it's both of them. Need to ask, what's the one way of contact you and exMM still have? Why would you need to talk/contact eachother? Anyway, I doubt very much this will go to court, if anything the cops will suggest you change your home and cell number, create a new email address/ facebook etc and change settings so nobody can find you on fb, or maybe friends of friends can.. Either way I do think you need to let your husband know what is going on. All of it - Because you really don't know if exMM or his wife will spill the beans. I wouldn't bank on his wife believing all that you've told her.. She could be in stealth mode right now and just waiting for the right time to contact your husband. And, if you are going to put an RO on someone, pretty sure the courts and cops will ask about your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 And how is she going to contact you at a fake email address? More game playing. I wondered this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 And how is she going to contact you at a fake email address? More game playing. It's a real email address...just one a created for this purpose only...geez...y'all are always assuming I'm up to no good...I'd like to NOT play her games...I'm NOT the drama whore in this mess...I'd like no drama...I walked away from the drama...I tried to anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 It's a real email address...just one a created for this purpose only...geez...y'all are always assuming I'm up to no good...I'd like to NOT play her games...I'm NOT the drama whore in this mess...I'd like no drama...I walked away from the drama...I tried to anyway... 18, You love drama. I'm giving you the Memo. Don't say you didn't get it... I am handing it to you in your hand. Now if you choose not to read it, that's on you. You have not walked away from this drama. You are on a time-out. Yes, a time-out. You have not ended the game or forfeited. You can call it what you wish. Your words and your plans say it all. You are in this game... and you are in it to win. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 18, in one of your past threads you said your h knows of the affair, in this one you have said he doesn't, which is it, lass? The drama is fueling every move you make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 18, in one of your past threads you said your h knows of the affair, in this one you have said he doesn't, which is it, lass? The drama is fueling every move you make. I don't think I ever said my H knows and if I did it was a mistake or a typo...my H does not know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 You convinced your xMM that you were going to be a free woman AND he has a way to contact you. Your motives are crystal clear. He has a way to contact me only in case BS is on her way here with a weapon...he's had this way to contact me for 8 months and he's never used it...neither have I... I'm not trying to win anything...I already lost...at my own choosing...I forfitted...and I'm ok with that...the only thing I want to win is silence from BS... Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 you may have answered this question already, and if you have, please forgive me for asking again... does your ex know that his wife has been having a lot of trouble dealing with the aftermath of his/your affair? If not, maybe he should, as it sounds as if she is still in a lot of pain and he needs to help her find some way of moving past it. If he wants to remain in his marriage, then she needs his help and support to move past the affair, and for that to happen, he needs to know how bad things have gotten. Maybe if she can, then she'd be a happier person and less likely to bother you. Right now, she sounds like a very sad lady, and that's no way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 you may have answered this question already, and if you have, please forgive me for asking again... does your ex know that his wife has been having a lot of trouble dealing with the aftermath of his/your affair? If not, maybe he should, as it sounds as if she is still in a lot of pain and he needs to help her find some way of moving past it. If he wants to remain in his marriage, then she needs his help and support to move past the affair, and for that to happen, he needs to know how bad things have gotten. Maybe if she can, then she'd be a happier person and less likely to bother you. Right now, she sounds like a very sad lady, and that's no way to live. That's a good question...I have no idea...I don't talk to him...I guess if she confronts him with something I've said he knows...I wonderif that's why she's started using various people's phones know?...maybe she told him she stopped...and she doesn't want it on their bill?... She is sad...and more I think she's conflicted about which way to go...and it's making her crazy...I don't mean that negatively...I mean most of her texts are random and don't make sense...her thoughts are all over the place...one night last week I was actually concerned for her well-being and she was using a phone from another state so I thought about contacting xMM to tell him...but I didn't... I do know that her continued contact with me is the worst thing she can do right now...I've tried to explain that to her...u see how far that got me... Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I don't think I ever said my H knows and if I did it was a mistake or a typo...my H does not know... 'Tis a life I need to get reading old posts. BS Problems page 4 Maybe the wife has been gaslighted for so long she just craves the truth and isn't getting it. It's enough to drive a soul mad. The what if she tells your h will drive you mad, too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18Years2Late Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 again, how do you know it is her? and if you don't like it, change your phone number. it really, really isn't hard. 1 phone call to the provider and presto, new number and she can't contact you. I know it's her...100%...I'm not changing my phone #...I have a blocking service...eventually I'll have every phone # in the US blocked...or eventually she'll stop...hopefully the later... I know most everyone here lately for some reason thinks I'm scum and won't believe this but I want her to stop for her...if xMM and her want to b M...I want them to do just that...and contacting me is not helping the cause...I don't want to cause anymore problems for them...I really don't...and she is "forcing" me to remain in their lives at her own hand...I want to go away...I really do...she won't let me...and I don't get it...why won't she let me go?...if she can't forgive xMM and move forward that's her choice...but eventually she'll need to let one or both of us go... Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know it's her...100%...I'm not changing my phone #...I have a blocking service...eventually I'll have every phone # in the US blocked...or eventually she'll stop...hopefully the later... I know most everyone here lately for some reason thinks I'm scum and won't believe this but I want her to stop for her...if xMM and her want to b M...I want them to do just that...and contacting me is not helping the cause...I don't want to cause anymore problems for them...I really don't...and she is "forcing" me to remain in their lives at her own hand...I want to go away...I really do...she won't let me...and I don't get it...why won't she let me go?...if she can't forgive xMM and move forward that's her choice...but eventually she'll need to let one or both of us go... maybe she won't let you go because by keeping you in her life, she can 100% blame you for her husband cheating. Once you are gone, she'll be alone with the fact that her husband cheated on her, that she can't simply blame it all on you , and she'll have to deal with that. it's really hard to get to that point...she'll have to face the fact that the man who says he loves her could do something that could hurt her so very much. As long as you are still around somehow, either on your own or because she has contacted you, she can put off facing that fact. she's probably very angry and very very, very hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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