alexandria35 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Let's be clear. Saying "something" in anger is one thing. I get a BS threatening to D is the OM is still around, but threatening to abandon the kids? That takes a special kind of heinous to suggest that. The BS in my situation also said upon discovering the A "You're not sticking me with the kids". She was going to run off to NYC and live her dreams. As a mother, I can't imagine saying this. I just can't. Of course, that fantasy was short lived, because she realized that that was exactly what her H wanted - her to go away. Then she took up the tack of whining begging and manipulating. She even got together a prayer group to pray that he'd come home. She told him thAt she didn't even care that he didn't love her, he'd learn! There just are BS's that view their WS more like possessions than beloved partners. Maybe WW's H is one of them. Okay well I guess some people are just going to cling to the argument that saying something wrong is the exact same as doing something wrong. Clearly no amount of logical reasoning is going to make them let go of that bone. If your Divorced mans exwife said that she was going to leave the kids, did she do it? No she didn't because she didn't mean it either, but according to you she is a terrible person just because she said something mean to her lying deceiving ex husband. So if I told someone "I'm so broke and desperate for money I feel like I could rob a bank" that would make me a bank robber? Perhaps you would know that I'm not really capable of doing that but you would still declare me a heinous person for even speaking the words. Okay then...as long as your happy with that. I'm guessing everyone in your world knows they better be very very careful about letting their emotions get the best of them in front of you. If WW'S husband had told the children to their faces that he was going to abandon them if she left for the OM, then I could see calling him a bully, but he didn't. He didn't do anything to hurt those kids. And as I said before WW own words and backstory don't support the theory that her husband forced or manipulated her to stay in the marriage. She left him when she thought her OM was going to leave his wife or at least stay in the affair and then she went back to him when her OM ended things with her. Nobody forced her or manipulated her to do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Wheelwright I have read this thread with interest and my heart goes out to you. You have paid more than most for the A and it has come back to haunt you in every area of your life. Big hugs. People say things in anger but you have always seemed quite grounded and I cant imagine you would post a thread about it if you didnt think your H was serious about abandoning his children. As BB07 and others have said already, its wrong, there is no justification for it. Who was the victim who has a right to be angry is not the point. He is their father and he is not putting his children first. He is putting him first which I am guessing had something to do with why you had the A in the first place. WW if you are now employed you may want to think about leaving and suing for full custody and support. You dont need to be bullled and there is no call for that or to have your children used as pawns while you are still living in the same house. Thinking of you and hoping today is a better day. I feel like this is written from some alternate reality. You have to be kidding me. OMG now I see why these married men and married women get so screwed up. They have their others making comments to them such as this. YOU are seriously advising that she divorce him and sue for full custody, take away this man's kids, because out of anger he tried to hurt her knowing she was abandoned twice. He hit where she would hurt out of anger. WORDS WORDS WORDS not actions and you want her to divorce and take the kids over it. OMG seriously?????:rolleyes::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Alexandria, We don't know if be would have done it bc he scared WW enough to make her capitulate to his demand. But she seems awful sure that he was going to follow through on his word. Thats the difference -it wasn't just words, he would have actually done it. The bs in my case would have done it too until she realized that shed have more power if she stayed and used the kids as a bargaining chip. Not like she said that it wasn't something she actually meant. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I think until WW comes back and clears things up, maybe gives more details of what exactly has happened, said and how many times and if the threat was followed through or not, everybody seems to be jumping to conclusions, worst case senario. WE do not know if her H said it once out of anger or if it's a constant threat. Fact is, for WW to take away his own kids from him because of something he said to her after just finding out about her affair, is crazy. She hasn't said that he HAS taken off and left all of them. Everybody is putting their own spin on this and the real facts from WW are not known yet. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 We don't know if be would have done it bc he scared WW enough to make her capitulate to his demand. But she seems awful sure that he was going to follow through on his word. Thats the difference -it wasn't just words, he would have actually done it With her history of abandonment, ofcourse she's going to be scared. It still doesn't mean he's followed through on what he said (possibly just ONCE out of pure anger and hurt) he'd do. Everybody is jumping to conclusions here. I do hope WW comes back and speaks up for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Alexandria, We don't know if be would have done it bc he scared WW enough to make her capitulate to his demand. But she seems awful sure that he was going to follow through on his word. Thats the difference -it wasn't just words, he would have actually done it. The bs in my case would have done it too until she realized that shed have more power if she stayed and used the kids as a bargaining chip. Not like she said that it wasn't something she actually meant. Oh My God!! Would you go back and read her story. Read the very first thread she ever started. She did not capitulate to her husbands threat. She left him and was happily involved in her affair. She didn't care how her husband felt or what he said. She didn't care how her kids felt about leaving their father either. She just wanted her OM. Then her OM ended the affair and completely shut her down and that's when she went back to her husband. She was the one who upset her childrens lives by all the coming and going yet you seemed determined to paint her husband as a manipulative and undeserviing father. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Alexandria, We don't know if be would have done it bc he scared WW enough to make her capitulate to his demand. But she seems awful sure that he was going to follow through on his word. Thats the difference -it wasn't just words, he would have actually done it. The bs in my case would have done it too until she realized that shed have more power if she stayed and used the kids as a bargaining chip. Not like she said that it wasn't something she actually meant. Yes yes it is all the betrayed spouses fault. They are such monsters after finding out their spouse has been sleeping around that they actually want to talk about the welfare of the kids when they divorce. How dare they. How dare they not just trust the cheating, lying, sneaking around spouse that he will do just fine by the kids. How dare those monster betrayed spouses do this. Omg my head is seriously spinning that people think this way... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Legally divorced from her 2 years ago. Living by himself. I'm not with him bc he kept lying to me and violating my boundaries. Seems recurring issues he has with the women he is involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Yes yes it is all the betrayed spouses fault. They are such monsters after finding out their spouse has been sleeping around that they actually want to talk about the welfare of the kids when they divorce. How dare they. How dare they not just trust the cheating, lying, sneaking around spouse that he will do just fine by the kids. How dare those monster betrayed spouses do this. Omg my head is seriously spinning that people think this way... Why the smiley? He did exactly that - he was plenty willing to trust his w to care for the kids while he "discussed" abandoning them. If WW was such an awful terrible liar then why abandon kids and not protect them from her. Gimme a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Seems recurring issues he has with the women he is involved with. No doubt. I pity the next one. I should have known the second I realized he had "mommy didn't love me" issues. He treats his daughter like crap too. Just has a problem with women. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Can any of you imagine anything more horrific than being forced into having custody of your children after your spouse left you for something as benign as YOUR CHEATING? omg, I can't imagine. Let's be realistic here. Good parents who want their children would not feel 'bullied' into having full custody. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Can any of you imagine anything more horrific than being forced into having custody of your children after your spouse left you for something as benign as YOUR CHEATING? omg, I can't imagine. Let's be realistic here. Good parents who want their children would not feel 'bullied' into having full custody. Please! No one implied that. She wanted her kids, but she also didn't want their kids to lose their father. And why should they? Why should the kids get punished for the parents cheating? That's just so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 "You're taking the kids!" is a valuable threat to someone who wants...not to. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Please! No one implied that. She wanted her kids, but she also didn't want their kids to lose their father. And why should they? Why should the kids get punished for the parents cheating? That's just so wrong. Actually, it's biblical, lasting four generations. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 No doubt. I pity the next one. I should have known the second I realized he had "mommy didn't love me" issues. He treats his daughter like crap too. Just has a problem with women. Wonderful... Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 "You're taking the kids!" is a valuable threat to someone who wants...not to. But why would anyone, especially a bs, use this threat? Seriously, if you have to use their children as punishment for them, whT kind of person did you marry? yuck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Actually, it's biblical, lasting four generations. Yeah well, the bible also says shellfish is an abomination. Eat much seafood? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah well, the bible also says shellfish is an abomination. Eat much seafood? Quote, please. Are you seriously equating eating shrimp with defiling a marriage covenant? "I'm leaving you and the kids because you ate shellfish!" Ridonkulous. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Quote, please. Are you seriously equating eating shrimp with defiling a marriage covenant? "I'm leaving you and the kids because you ate shellfish!" Ridonkulous. Are you seriously saying four generations can and should be punished for a parents infidelity? Stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I saw the emails Donna. All of them. So what? You were messing with her husband. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 No doubt. I pity the next one. I should have known the second I realized he had "mommy didn't love me" issues. He treats his daughter like crap too. Just has a problem with women. BL, it is a blessing in disguise that you are done with him! Some people are just toxic like your xMM. Hopefully his xW will realize this one day too. I feel sorry for his daughter; I wonder if she will grow up to have "daddy issues." I hope not! Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 So what? You were messing with her husband. Period. Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything? Or is this just e usual part where I'm supposed to bow my head in shame bc I fell in love with a MM? not gonna happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenlady Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 BL, it is a blessing in disguise that you are done with him! Some people are just toxic like your xMM. Hopefully his xW will realize this one day too. I feel sorry for his daughter; I wonder if she will grow up to have "daddy issues." I hope not! UnfortunTely, I think the damage is done with his daughter. she really needs therapy, and I tried to get her in, but to no avail. As for his xw? I hope she finally stops being so obsessed with competing with me - I'm not in it anymore but she stills seems to need him back to feel like she "beat" me. She apparently printed out my online dating profile and took It to her therapist. I feel sorry for her. Her xh is so not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Are you seriously saying four generations can and should be punished for a parents infidelity? Stupid. I don't make the rules. He said, "What you did to me, I will do to your children," just the same as BH did here. It's not up to me, or the OP, to decide punishment. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything? Exactly. You proved my point. You're trying to justify messing with her husband to make her the bad woman, because you know you were in the wrong. Or is this just e usual part where I'm supposed to bow my head in shame bc I fell in love with a MM? not gonna happen. You didn't fall in love with him in the first place, and if it was "true love," why did he play you and disrespect you in the end? Link to post Share on other sites
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