After the affair are "normal relationships boring?

[jennie-jennie]

I can whole heartedly agree to the second part of your message. That said, I certainly never knew to be looking for it while I was still happy in a relationship There has to be a catalyst for even considering the idea. So, instead you are saying your MM was perfectly happy but still felt the need to step outside of his marriage? I would hope not for your sake. If he is the type to go snooping around for something else despite being "happy" in his relationships that puts your days at being numbered as well.

 

At the time my MM reconnected with me, he was going through an inner crisis/change. I really don't feel the need to start discussing this here. Just know that I have the answers.

[whichwayisup]

Just know that I have the answers.

 

JJ, didn't you mention that your MM has had sex with his wife, you asked and he told you, it upset you deeply and he promised you he'd never have sex with his wife again? Didn't mean to hurt you? How do you know 100% for sure he isn't still having sex with his wife? You two have a long distance thing going on, there's no way of 'checking' in on him that way unless you're a fly on his wall. Plus you do say his marriage is good, and he's a family man, his wife is happy, so why wouldn't she be having sex with her husband?

[hoping2heal]

JJ, didn't you mention that your MM has had sex with his wife, you asked and he told you, it upset you deeply and he promised you he'd never have sex with his wife again? Didn't mean to hurt you? How do you know 100% for sure he isn't still having sex with his wife? You two have a long distance thing going on, there's no way of 'checking' in on him that way unless you're a fly on his wall. Plus you do say his marriage is good, and he's a family man, his wife is happy, so why wouldn't she be having sex with her husband?

 

He lies to his W about JJ as to not "hurt" her, JJ has also implied they've been in this A for years. He knows JJ will be upset about sex with the W, what do you think he tells her? No happy wife is not getting sex for years and there are still more years ahead.

[WTFBBQ]

JJ, didn't you mention that your MM has had sex with his wife, you asked and he told you, it upset you deeply and he promised you he'd never have sex with his wife again? Didn't mean to hurt you? How do you know 100% for sure he isn't still having sex with his wife? You two have a long distance thing going on, there's no way of 'checking' in on him that way unless you're a fly on his wall. Plus you do say his marriage is good, and he's a family man, his wife is happy, so why wouldn't she be having sex with her husband?

If you figure that out, you'll know how a man can fake erectile dysfunction. Maybe not much to erect.

[OWoman]

You ever consider the possibility that some of your trust issues stemmed from the affair that happened in your family? I believe it is certainly possible that children could feel indifferent or a sense of "respect" for their father once he leaves the M instead of continuing an A, but that does not mean that there can't be harm done as a result.

 

H2H, just briefly so as not to t/j - damage was indeed done - but from the M, not from the A. I was already out of the house, and M myself, when my father M his OW and I found out about the A. Prior to that, I knew only that "something" had changed for my father during those last couple of years, but not what, and given that that change was very positive (for us), I was just happy to have experienced it.

 

I have had plenty of "normal" Rs in my life too - but given my other demands and priorities (my kids, my career, friends, family, etc) the neediness of a FTR didn't suit me, so I chose As. Not because of a "constant exit" - I can exit any R at any time it suits me - but because they, like me, would have all their other needs met elsewhere in their lives and wouldn't be looking to me to meet those where I had no interest to do so. I chose As not because my life was too empty, but because it was too full.

[OWoman]

If you figure that out, you'll know how a man can fake erectile dysfunction. Maybe not much to erect.

 

ED can also be situational / psychological. It's not always physical in origin.

[jennie-jennie]

JJ, didn't you mention that your MM has had sex with his wife, you asked and he told you, it upset you deeply and he promised you he'd never have sex with his wife again? Didn't mean to hurt you? How do you know 100% for sure he isn't still having sex with his wife? You two have a long distance thing going on, there's no way of 'checking' in on him that way unless you're a fly on his wall. Plus you do say his marriage is good, and he's a family man, his wife is happy, so why wouldn't she be having sex with her husband?

 

He lies to his W about JJ as to not "hurt" her, JJ has also implied they've been in this A for years. He knows JJ will be upset about sex with the W, what do you think he tells her? No happy wife is not getting sex for years and there are still more years ahead.

 

Also, he lives with his wife, and in the same country.

 

If you figure that out, you'll know how a man can fake erectile dysfunction. Maybe not much to erect.

 

I think this is a good time to quote a post by OWoman:

 

This thread is not about me. It's about

whether "normal" relationships are boring after the affair.

 

If you're that fascinated with me, I'd suggest you look up the answers I've already given countless times to those questions instead of t/jing other threads.

[donnamaybe]

Well if you managed to pull that out of thin air how about explaining this. Why would she expect to get the truth out of the BW? No disrespect to spark or slagging her off whatsoever. She'd been through 2 and a half years without asking the questions so why would you think they mattered then. Remember it's not just the BS that grows and moves on.

 

So yes I guess it is tough to understand. Maybe I'm just being blond

Don't we ALL pull our personal opinions "out of thin air?" You are no exception.

[jennie-jennie]

JJ, didn't you mention that your MM has had sex with his wife, you asked and he told you, it upset you deeply and he promised you he'd never have sex with his wife again? Didn't mean to hurt you? How do you know 100% for sure he isn't still having sex with his wife? You two have a long distance thing going on, there's no way of 'checking' in on him that way unless you're a fly on his wall. Plus you do say his marriage is good, and he's a family man, his wife is happy, so why wouldn't she be having sex with her husband?

 

I must say I am curious as to why several posters on LS seem to have a harder time getting over my MM's one-time infidelity towards me than I had.

 

Is this telling perhaps? Telling that some people are more sensitive towards infidelity than others? I look past the infidelity and see the relationship. Perhaps others get stuck?

[jennie-jennie]

Don't we ALL pull our personal opinions "out of thin air?" You are no exception.

 

Some of us have experiences to base our opinions on. I for one have been the WS, BS and OW, so lots of experiences to draw from.

[donnamaybe]

Some of us have experiences to base our opinions on. I for one have been the WS, BS and OW, so lots of experiences to draw from.

Ah, here we go. The same old "if you haven't been a cheater, you won't know it's wrong" anthem.

[whichwayisup]

I must say I am curious as to why several posters on LS seem to have a harder time getting over my MM's one-time infidelity towards me than I had.

 

Is this telling perhaps? Telling that some people are more sensitive towards infidelity than others? I look past the infidelity and see the relationship. Perhaps others get stuck?

 

You are saying that your MM has only had sex with his wife ONCE throughout your whole 5 year affair? OK..

[bentnotbroken]

You are saying that your MM has only had sex with his wife ONCE throughout your whole 5 year affair? OK..

 

 

:lmao:I just spit coffee all over my screen. :lmao:

[worlybear]

Some of us have experiences to base our opinions on. I for one have been the WS, BS and OW, so lots of experiences to draw from.

All those experiences and you still haven't learnt anything?!!!

[donnamaybe]

You are saying that your MM has only had sex with his wife ONCE throughout your whole 5 year affair? OK..

If you want it bad enough, you can tell yourself to believe just about anything.

[jennie-jennie]

All those experiences and you still haven't learnt anything?!!!

 

Quite the contrary, my dear. I can look past the social norms and find my own truth.

[jennie-jennie]

You are saying that your MM has only had sex with his wife ONCE throughout your whole 5 year affair? OK..

 

No, not at all. We have only agreed on exclusivity since our NC period September last year.

[jennie-jennie]

Ah, here we go. The same old "if you haven't been a cheater, you won't know it's wrong" anthem.

 

Rather "If you haven't been a cheater, you won't know it can sometimes be right."

[bentnotbroken]

Rather "If you haven't been a cheater, you won't know it can sometimes be right."

 

 

If cheating is so right:rolleyes: that person you are so into would tell his wife so she get some "right" too. Since his actions say he knows it isn't right...he will continue to make punk moves and hide.

[jthorne]

I think this is a good time to quote a post by OWoman:

Quote:

Originally Posted by OWoman

This thread is not about me.

Maybe this wasn't really sincere or the poster rethought her statment.

[jthorne]

If cheating is so right:rolleyes: that person you are so into would tell his wife so she get some "right" too. Since his actions say he knows it isn't right...he will continue to make punk moves and hide.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking... that any BS would probably not agree that cheating is right.

 

I wonder how many OW would change their "cheating is right" tune should they actually get the MM exclusively. Or would they worry that MM might someday remember that "cheating is right" once, so why not try again?

[donnamaybe]

Rather "If you haven't been a cheater, you won't know it can sometimes be right."

So you enjoyed it, then, when YOUR H was stepping out on you?

[whichwayisup]

No, not at all. We have only agreed on exclusivity since our NC period September last year.

 

And you truly believe that since September he hasn't touched his wife in bed? Cuddled her, kissed her, made love to her? And won't ever again, in the future..on her bday, Christmas, New Years Eve, his bday, their wedding anniversary, on a family holiday.. Or any other time? JJ, I commend you for your faith in him, it's just one day don't be hurt or surprised that he's told you what you want to hear.

[Mme. Chaucer]

So you enjoyed it, then, when YOUR H was stepping out on you?

 

Donna, I think this poster hails from a culture where the "feelings" of a BS are not of any concern to anyone, since affairs are somehow culturally sanctioned. I get the idea that extramarital affairs are more honored in this culture than marriages, from reading her posts.

 

Where is this place?

[bentnotbroken]

So you enjoyed it, then, when YOUR H was stepping out on you?

 

 

Now let's be fair...she did say it is "sometimes" right. I think maybe that means it is right if she isn't on the receiving end. Correct me if I am wrong JJ.