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After the affair are "normal relationships boring?

jlola

By jlola,
in The Other Man / Woman

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jennie-jennie

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
Well, isn't that what an A is for most people- an escape, a fantasy? I guess it depends upon how much of the fantasy you want to buy into. Maybe some AP are more fantastical than others?

 

Do you know there is a rumor on LS that your marriage is indeed a fantasy? That you aren't married at all?

 

We really have no proof that anyone is telling the truth here. I know more about my MM than I do about any one of you. So it is more reasonable I trust him than anyone on LS.

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bentnotbroken

bentnotbroken

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That's the thing though... of course anyone with common sense will assume that. But first of all, no one, (or at least very few of us) actually chose to begin an affair. And second, when you're sucked into the affair with false promises and stories about how horrible their home life is, you have no reason not to believe that WS and BS are sleeping together.

 

I believed it. He looked right into my eyes and said, "We have no slept together in months", and I bought it. Sure enough, after an accidental confrontation with his wife, she confirmed that yes, they have in fact had relations more than once. Not often, but maybe 3 times too many for me.

 

I know better now. But I'm just saying, when you're caught up in it, you'll believe ANYTHING. And it sucks :(

 

As for demanding that they don't sleep with their partners, I've done that as well. But only because I wanted to be absolutely sure before getting physical with him that I was going to be his only one for safety reasons. Yes... DELUSIONAL, I know. But again, I had no reason not to believe him at the time :/

:eek:

 

If no of you chose to be in an affair...why are were you in one? No one picked anyone up and placed them in the middle of chaos.

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pureinheart

pureinheart

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You are saying that your MM has only had sex with his wife ONCE throughout your whole 5 year affair? :confused: OK..

 

It is possible. I am not sure exactly how long, although exDM did not have sex with his W for over 3 years...

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pureinheart

pureinheart

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I said this earlier or on another thread..If one chooses to have an affair with a MM or MW, it should be assumed that they have sex with their spouses too. I don't think an OW or OM has a right to demand or tell their MM or MW to stop sleeping with their spouses. Just my opinion.

 

Because we weren't having sex, I fully expected and never brought up the subject (because I didn't want to hear the answer)...but found out later from his kids and indirectly from his W that they had not had sex for a couple of years. Later I asked ExDM this and he said after our EA started he quit having sex with his wife.

 

Some R aren't all about sex. I am proof.

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jthorne

jthorne

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Do you know there is a rumor on LS that your marriage is indeed a fantasy? That you aren't married at all?

Well, I suppose my marriage is a fantasy compared to some others that I've read of. Should that bother me?:lmao:
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pureinheart

pureinheart

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Do you know there is a rumor on LS that your marriage is indeed a fantasy? That you aren't married at all?

 

We really have no proof that anyone is telling the truth here. I know more about my MM than I do about any one of you. So it is more reasonable I trust him than anyone on LS.

 

I heard that one too, and then some.

 

Second bold...everybody lies...I don't trip real hard because I understand people, I don't like it when they lie, although I'm definitely not above reproach sooooo...

 

If I know the person well, or can see body language/facial expressions I can see a lie a mile away. Hearing tones also is a dead give-away. I caught my H cheating on me 3K mi away based on tones and intuition.

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xxoo

xxoo

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Is this telling perhaps? Telling that some people are more sensitive towards infidelity than others? I look past the infidelity and see the relationship. Perhaps others get stuck?

 

Yes, absolutely some people are more sensitive toward infidelity than others! Forget your current relationship, Jennie. I struggle to understand how you remained "in love" with your ex, who cheated on you repeatedly, and took him back happily repeatedly. That's completely beyond me; obviously we are different. To me, infidelity speaks volumes about the relationship--and I'm not interested in being in a relationship with someone who would knowingly betray me. I'm just not.

 

But, for me, it isn't that I feel stuck. I feel free. Free to leave if I'm not being treated with the basic decency of mutually agreed upon sexual fidelity.

 

Actually, coming back to the topic of the thread, there is a cycle of abuse that might play here. After the infidelity, there is a "honeymoon period" were they are trying to make it up to you and prove you are the one they want after all. "Normal" relationships don't have the big ups and downs of affairs, abusive relationship, life with a cheater. There is a common theme to be sure....

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donnamaybe

donnamaybe

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I can't compare my R to an A, but I can tell you it is nothing that could be called "boring," though it is quite normal.

 

After work my man is meeting me at one of our favorite hangouts. Friday night, after all. Even after 5 1/2 years, I still get excited at the thought of seeing him. :love:

 

And I don't have to wonder what he's been up to while I wasn't looking. ;)

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jennie-jennie

jennie-jennie

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I can't compare my R to an A, but I can tell you it is nothing that could be called "boring," though it is quite normal.

 

After work my man is meeting me at one of our favorite hangouts. Friday night, after all. Even after 5 1/2 years, I still get excited at the thought of seeing him. :love:

And I don't have to wonder what he's been up to while I wasn't looking. ;)

 

Because you trust him, just like I trust my MM. ;)

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donnamaybe

donnamaybe

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Because you trust him, just like I trust my MM. ;)

But my guy has never cheated. He lives integrity with every breath in his body. Yours? Not so much.

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jennie-jennie

jennie-jennie

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But my guy has never cheated. He lives integrity with every breath in his body. Yours? Not so much.

 

Are you sure? That's what my MM's wife believes too. ;)

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donnamaybe

donnamaybe

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Are you sure? That's what my MM's wife believes too. ;)
Absolutely sure. Just the fact that your MM's BS married him in the first place tells me she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. ;)
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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Are you sure? That's what my MM's wife believes too. ;)

 

Just like now you believe your MM isn't ever sleeping with his wife........ I'm just sayin'...

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jthorne

jthorne

Posted
Posted (edited)
I can't compare my R to an A, but I can tell you it is nothing that could be called "boring," though it is quite normal.

 

After work my man is meeting me at one of our favorite hangouts. Friday night, after all. Even after 5 1/2 years, I still get excited at the thought of seeing him. :love:

 

And I don't have to wonder what he's been up to while I wasn't looking. ;)

I agree. My H usually works 12-15 hour days, and also hangs with the guys one night a week. I don't wonder where he's been or what he's been up to if he's 15 minutes late getting home.

 

Second bold...everybody lies...I don't trip real hard because I understand people, I don't like it when they lie, although I'm definitely not above reproach sooooo...

You know, Pure, you've brought this up more than once, and it always gives me pause for a couple of reasons. One, unless you are excluding yourself from "everybody", then how can you be "Pureinheart" and still lie? More importantly, I think most people believe that people are generally honest, with a few out there that aren't. I choose to surround myself with people that will tell me the truth, even if that truth hurts. Your experience seems to be different. From your statement, your perspective is obviously different from others. I was wondering why. Edited by jthorne
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controlledchaos

controlledchaos

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i hadn't planned on posting to this thread, but the whole " my MM isn't having sex with his wife" part really got me thinking.

 

HOW would you really know that? unless you point blank asked her. you know what you know because he tells you. and because he's NOT an honest person to begin with ( he is cheating, so you know he's not honest) how do you know he isn't fabricating what he's telling you as well.

 

i used to believe people. took them at their word. however i have learned just how dishonest people can be. i will never make the mistake of blindly trusting someone ever again. people will tell you what they want you to hear, especially if they are selfish. we believe. we see the good in people. but we also see only what they want us to see.

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jennie-jennie

jennie-jennie

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Just like now you believe your MM isn't ever sleeping with his wife........ I'm just sayin'...

 

But he never let on to her that he did anything wrong. Me - he has told plenty of stuff. To her - he is a saint.

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jennie-jennie

jennie-jennie

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I agree. My H usually works 12-15 hour days, and also hangs with the guys one night a week. I don't wonder where he's been or what he's been up to if he's 15 minutes late getting home.

 

Wow, that must be hard on you. You hardly ever get to see him. :(

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bentnotbroken

bentnotbroken

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IDK. JThorne's kinda spunky. I doubt she lets him sleep THAT much. :o

 

Spunky hell... I think she's a freak. :laugh:

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