My faith in women is somewhat restored

[Pyro]

Okay? So what, there's a golden rule that if more than one woman cheats on you, you're the problem? It doesn't matter how bad the relationships are, there is no justification to cheating. But yes, currently this guy is now the very thing that he hates.

 

My point is that his friend should not sit back and cry out victim, while instead he should do some soul searching and figure out what it is that he has done that has driven these women away.

 

Again I am still placing blame on the cheaters here but at the same time he should ask himself what exactly drove the women to cheating.

[Woggle]

My point is that his friend should not sit back and cry out victim, while instead he should do some soul searching and figure out what it is that he has done that has driven these women away.

 

Again I am still placing blame on the cheaters here but at the same time he should ask himself what exactly drove the women to cheating.

 

He did nothing to drive then to it. Why is it always assumed that men always did something to deserve the way we are treated in a relationship? This is the kind of stuff that makes men like me so bitter. We see good men getting crapped on and the women are still nade out to be the victim.

[Pyro]

He did nothing to drive then to it. Why is it always assumed that men always did something to deserve the way we are treated in a relationship? This is the kind of stuff that makes men like me so bitter. We see good men getting crapped on and the women are still nade out to be the victim.

 

If you would actually read my comment you would see that I did not refer to anyone being the victim in that situation. My question applies to both men and women who have been cheated on multiple times.

 

I will describe it again, but you have selective listening so you may not read all of this.

 

All I said was for when someone (your friend is the example) has been cheated on numerous times, instead of just sitting there and saying to himself "there is absolutely nothing wrong with me" he should think to himself:

 

"hmm I have been cheated on three times. Even though I will never give these cheating scums another chance I do wonder if I am giving off a bad vibe or if it is something else that seems to be pushing women away from me"

 

It may just be a bad coincidence or he just attracts some bad women but yes Woggle that would involve opening up and most likely admitting that some change needs to be made which would bruise a fragile or stubborn ego so I don't see you agreeing with this.

Edited September 7, 2010 by Pyro

[Nikki Sahagin]

Woggle instead of focusing on situations where men are the victims and women are the evil doers, how about focusing on situations where women are the victims? The greatest way to overcome hatred or fear of anyone, is to see things from their side.

 

Think about women that are sexually abused, physically abused, cheated on, trafficked for sex, forced into prostitution. I don't really understand how in the world, you see that men are treated WORSE by women. My point is, that as a woman I could sit down and focus on all the horrible stories I read; another footballer cheated on his wife, a girl was kept in the basement of her home and abused by her father, women are brought into the UK as sex slaves, and deduce that all men are evil.

 

The truth is, evil is in all people and women and men have the capacity to do the cruellest things to each other. But ignoring that some women have gone through terrible pain themselves, is living in a world where you only see what you want to and I think for you, seeing what some women have gone through, would be very beneficial for you to see through the other side, to meet others who you perceive are evil or powerful, who were just as innocent and powerless in their situations as you were in yours.

 

Also, about your friend who searches for married women. Even if he had a high success rate in a bar, that wouldn't mean much to me. I doubt just walking around on the street in normal situations he picked up any girl he wanted. Its decidedly easier to pick up someone in a bar or club than it is in a normal situation. At least they were wearing there weddings rings, I know people, male and female, who take there's off. Hanging around with a cheater will surely make you more paranoid though right? If he had successfully picked up a woman, what would you have felt? Your fear/hatred/distrust of women would have gone back round again right?

 

Deep down, do you want to be proven wrong or right?

Do you want to believe that not all women will hurt you, or does that feel like a lie and make you feel vulnerable?

Is it easier to believe all women will hurt you?

[Woggle]

People in general tend to notice things more when they are the target or they know they could be a target. Since the day I was born I have been abused by a woman at some point in my life or the other until my divorce and now that all that is over there is a lot of anger left behind.

 

I do want to be proven wrong but it seems that often I see something that proves me right.

[InceptorsRule]

You are right that I was not the wingman. I was just observing and that is what I usually do. This guy is smooth as hell with single women but he could not get a woman to cheat and he was specifically looking for wedding rings.

 

Dude if you were there to offer him ANY degree of encouragement/support then yes you were his "wingman."

 

You were either wingman or you were c*ck-blocking and it doesn't really sound like you were there to do the latter task.

 

Actually strike that last. Maybe the reason he kept failing is that you WERE c*ck-blocking, maybe subconsciously.

Edited September 7, 2010 by InceptorsRule

[Nikki Sahagin]

People in general tend to notice things more when they are the target or they know they could be a target. Since the day I was born I have been abused by a woman at some point in my life or the other until my divorce and now that all that is over there is a lot of anger left behind.

 

I do want to be proven wrong but it seems that often I see something that proves me right.

 

So, I'm serious, why not help out at a woman's shelter or something and see things from the other side of the fence? I think this might really help you. You'll meet other people who have been abused since they were born, but by men. It may teach you some perspective. No-one's discounting what you've been through but not all women are abusers. A terrible pattern is that sometimes the abused is unconsciously drawn to other abusers or it might even be bad luck that leads you to another abused situation, but sometimes the abused person cannot see that they are unconsciously chasing abuse somehow. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy, we tend to find what we believe we are looking for. If all you believe in is that women are bad, that is all you will 'see' and therefore all you will go on believing. You are the only one that can break the cycle.

[SteveC80]

Thats not the typical place women are straying these days

 

If i was a married Man the person id fear most is the smooth talking co worker youre wifes good friends with and always talks about whos got a thing for your wife

 

Think about it she spends as much time during the week with this guy as you,women are emotional creatures and if some new guy gets into her heart and she thinks shes now found her new soulmate youre done

 

Id worry much more about that then some random doosh bag trying to bring her home

[Woggle]

Somebody like me should not be at a woman's shelter but I do realize there are women that go through hell as well. It is funny that I never had much anger while the abuse from my mother and ex was going on but as soon as I finally had some peace I am just full of rage and I can't seem to stop it.

[Mary3]

Somebody like me should not be at a woman's shelter but I do realize there are women that go through hell as well. It is funny that I never had much anger while the abuse from my mother and ex was going on but as soon as I finally had some peace I am just full of rage and I can't seem to stop it.

 

I notice you either start threads about women or join in but never really let any advice sink in.

 

This seems to be the second half of your abuse.

 

The first part you already suffered from and the second part is to lament with 12,000 threads about how women are evil cheating _____'s

 

It's like " Let me join this forum and pour out my pain " I feel like at this point after seeing your posts for 5 years that I sure can't help you ...

 

Hopefully you are getting some from the outside...

[Woggle]

I am not even sure if I can be helped. Sometimes I feel it is either this or be a doormat and I choose the lesser of two evils. I know that is sad and pathetic but that is all I know.

[Pyro]

I am not even sure if I can be helped. Sometimes I feel it is either this or be a doormat and I choose the lesser of two evils. I know that is sad and pathetic but that is all I know.

 

At this point you have four choices:

 

1. be a man and open up to your wife

 

2. Be a man and divorce her and make yourself truly happy

 

3. Be a man and actually go to counseling

 

4. Continue to live in the sad state that you are in now.

[Woggle]

At this point you have four choices:

 

1. be a man and open up to your wife

 

2. Be a man and divorce her and make yourself truly happy

 

3. Be a man and actually go to counseling

 

4. Continue to live in the sad state that you are in now.

 

I am already doing three and I can tell he is getting frustrated with me. Show me a way to give up this mentality without becoming a doormat like my father was and I will be the first in line. I refuse to end up like him and so many other men I know though.

[Pyro]

I am already doing three and I can tell he is getting frustrated with me. Show me a way to give up this mentality without becoming a doormat like my father was and I will be the first in line. I refuse to end up like him and so many other men I know though.

 

and there you go again believeing that life is just black and white with nothing in between. A doormat and hiding feelings are not the only two options in life.

 

You rarely listen to anyones advice so there really is no point to try and help you.

 

If he is frustrated with you then you are not putting any effort into making yourself better. You could start by staying away from here or other message boards where you will read about guys getting cheated on.

[Mary3]

I am already doing three and I can tell he is getting frustrated with me. Show me a way to give up this mentality without becoming a doormat like my father was and I will be the first in line. I refuse to end up like him and so many other men I know though.

 

Wow, what a different perspective. You say your dad was a doormat .

 

My dad was very bossy , dominating , ran the money , did the groceries and was a tyrant to us kids.

 

My mom was the quiet one. ( I did not know until years later she was sick had serious heart disease and being with my dad worked for her in the sense he could take care of her )

 

I know FEW men doormats ! Seriously. I can't think of one. My dad was like Archie Bunker except he did show my mom some affection.

 

To me a man doormat is one who lets his wife run all over the top of him , extreme cases she does cheat , spends all his money , and he puts up with it.

 

Let me give you a true example. ( just thought about this one )

 

Man was like 20 years older than his pretty wife. She ran HUGE debt up. Like $ 70,000 in Credit Cards. She was doing a ton of stuff she shouldn't and she was doing the nails / spa / shopping / fancy everything / trips each week.

 

He totally was like " We will work through this . I love her "

 

I thought Boot her Bu**t to the Curb ! ( Sounds harsh , they may get some counseling but she felt so entitled and clueless how she was destroying this guys credit ).

 

She had more than one spending problem.

 

Totally did not understand finances.

 

I think their marriage is doomed OR he will feel eternally blessed to have this pretty young girl and he will stay forever....go figure...

Edited September 7, 2010 by Mary3

[Woggle]

I do hide feelings from my wife because I am afraid she will lose attraction for me if I show vulnerability. I grew getting beaten if I even shed a tear and I was called less than a man for crying at a friend's funeral so forgive if opening up to her is a huge step I am afraid to take.

[meerkat stew]

how about focusing on situations where women are the victims? The greatest way to overcome hatred or fear of anyone, is to see things from their side.

 

Think about women that are sexually abused, physically abused, cheated on, trafficked for sex, forced into prostitution. I don't really understand how in the world, you see that men are treated WORSE by women. My point is, that as a woman I could sit down and focus on all the horrible stories I read; another footballer cheated on his wife, a girl was kept in the basement of her home and abused by her father, women are brought into the UK as sex slaves, and deduce that all men are evil.

 

You are making the mistake that the media and politics are accurate mirrors of the real world, they are far from it.

 

Moreover, why focus on the victimization culture of modern women? The entire leftist media already does that in its efforts to polarize the sexes and paint all men as if we consist of the lowest common denominator of our gender. Women get no such negative media/political treatment, the opposite in fact, and most of the seemingly bitter male backlash seen here and elsewhere is due to that simple fact.

[Woggle]

Wow, what a different perspective. You say your dad was a doormat .

 

My dad was very bossy , dominating , ran the money , did the groceries and was a tyrant to us kids.

 

My mom was the quiet one. ( I did not know until years later she was sick had serious heart disease and being with my dad worked for her in the sense he could take care of her )

 

I know FEW men doormats ! Seriously. I can't think of one. My dad was like Archie Bunker except he did show my mom some affection.

 

To me a man doormat is one who lets his wife run all over the top of him , extreme cases she does cheat , spends all his money , and he puts up with it.

 

Let me give you a true example. ( just thought about this one )

 

Man was like 20 years older than his pretty wife. She ran HUGE debt up. Like $ 70,000 in Credit Cards. She was doing a ton of stuff she shouldn't and she was doing the nails / spa / shopping / fancy everything / trips each week.

 

He totally was like " We will work through this . I love her "

 

I thought Boot her Bu**t to the Curb ! ( Sounds harsh , they may get some counseling but she felt so entitled and clueless how she was destroying this guys credit ).

 

She had more than one spending problem.

 

Totally did not understand finances.

 

I think their marriage is doomed OR he will feel eternally blessed to have this pretty young girl and he will stay forever....go figure...

 

One of my earliest memories is my mother being off of work that day and she was watching something on tv that got her angry at men even though my father had nothing whatsoever to do with it. He comes home and he gets boiling water and dishes thrown at him plus gets screamed at with the nastiest tone I have ever heard. and I was sitting there watching her abuse him on every level and all he does is apologize for making her angry. All of this over something he didn't even do. I am determined to never end up like him.

[meerkat stew]

At this point you have four choices:

 

1. be a man and open up to your wife

 

2. Be a man and divorce her and make yourself truly happy

 

3. Be a man and actually go to counseling

 

4. Continue to live in the sad state that you are in now.

 

5. Stop taking random condemnations and ridiculous suggestions (1,2) from people on the internet seriously, and work with the status quo, which other than the bad attitude about women, doesn't sound like that "sad a state" at all. Sounds like a fairly pleasant life actually.

[Pyro]

5. Stop taking random condemnations and ridiculous suggestions (1,2) from people on the internet seriously, and work with the status quo, which other than the bad attitude about women, doesn't sound like that "sad a state" at all. Sounds like a fairly pleasant life actually.

 

so hiding your true feelings/self from your SO is pleasant?

[Mary3]

One of my earliest memories is my mother being off of work that day and she was watching something on tv that got her angry at men even though my father had nothing whatsoever to do with it. He comes home and he gets boiling water and dishes thrown at him plus gets screamed at with the nastiest tone I have ever heard. and I was sitting there watching her abuse him on every level and all he does is apologize for making her angry. All of this over something he didn't even do. I am determined to never end up like him.

 

Your mom sounded mentally disturbed to be throwing boiling water at your dad. If she was mentally ill , was there another family member that could have intervened ?

 

Your dad may have been part of the problem. He was not strong enough to get out . So he stayed and you were thrown into the nightmare.

 

You witnessed this stuff and it stuck .

 

If your dad were stronger he would have put her bu** on the front porch , locked the door and never let her inside again.

 

Sounds like Battered Mens Syndrome similar to - battered womens syndrome.

 

But for all cases, its crucial that someone remove you from the house and talk your dad into leaving until your mom got help.

 

Thats how most battered women survive. They usually have a friend help remove them from the home. They go to a shelter.

 

Not sure there is a battered mens shelter. ( I am sure by now there must be one ).

 

So many abused kids , families , its really sad...

[Woggle]

I don't know if she was mentally but she hated men with a passion and took delight in abusing my father and then later on me. She used to have feminist meetings where they talked about putting men in concentration camps right in front of me. My father was indeed a doormat and he just sat there and took it and watched when she would abuse me. That is why I have a fierce determination not to end up like him.

 

They don't have too many shelters for men but I know a woman's shelter around me recently helped a man who was nearly killed by his ex wife. I guess seeing that should make me realize that not all women or even all feminists are anti-male but when I get in my moods I don't think straight.

[InceptorsRule]

Sounds like Battered Mens Syndrome

 

No not battered--par boiled.

[Mary3]

I don't know if she was mentally but she hated men with a passion and took delight in abusing my father and then later on me. She used to have feminist meetings where they talked about putting men in concentration camps right in front of me. My father was indeed a doormat and he just sat there and took it and watched when she would abuse me. That is why I have a fierce determination not to end up like him.

 

They don't have too many shelters for men but I know a woman's shelter around me recently helped a man who was nearly killed by his ex wife. I guess seeing that should make me realize that not all women or even all feminists are anti-male but when I get in my moods I don't think straight.

 

Don't you think thats not normal ? : Mom + Boiling Water on Dad + Dad takes it and says nothing ? .

 

What is really sick is your dad watched your mom abuse you and neither of them cared enough to have it stop .

 

Some kids get great parents and some kids get parents that should not have kids...I always thought my dad should not have had kids...

[Woggle]

My father has looked me in the eye and apologized so I do forgive him but my mother still thinks of herself as the victim and considers herself a strong feminist because of it. She was horribly abused by her father and refuses to be victim to any man so she became an abuser herself.