Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 The urge to contact him is strong. Resist!
Kamille Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 The urge to contact him is strong. Resist! Why? What good would that do?
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Why? What good would that do? addiction brain: it will make you feel better. it will give you something to look forward to if he agrees to see you tomorrow. I still haven't caved, just a few more hours before I go to sleep. I can make it.
Hot Carl Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 There is obviously no benefit in being addicted to him. If you need a healthy addiction, I would be happy to give you something to get hooked on.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Instead of contacting him, this: Scott, you suck. You have a dwarf body: normal sized torso with big head and stubby limbs. You talk like you stepped out of Mountain Dew commercial, everything is "chill," "rad" or "wicked." Your tattoos are stupid. Your brother is an ass. You can't spell, you can't write, you can't say anything intelligent. At the age of 22, you still wear a metal choker you bought at a bike shop in the 6th grade. You have little feet. You say "hello" in a stupid way when you answer the phone. You think hockey is an amazing sport. You never say anything remotely funny. You have an overly furry butt. You suck at sex. You don't exercise. You eat everything. You move like a defective robot. You never question authority. Your mom sends you packages of twizzlers and other goodies in the mail like you're at sleepaway camp. You have blank eyes. You don't think. You never talk at social gatherings because you have nothing to say. When you participate in class you sound like an idiot. Oh, and I found this journal entry I wrote during the pregnancy: I really hope it's just the pregnancy, but I'm worried that it's not. I mean would it really have such a radical effect on my feelings for him? Its so bad that I feel mild disgust when I'm around him, and sometimes almost feel like vomiting. Everything about the way he looks is grossing me out -- things I never really noticed before -- his thick, wet lips. I noticed last night that his eyes look like they belong on some blind, deep sea creature. I know this all sounds very strange, but I'm actually kind of repulsed by him. I feel no attraction, and it takes a lot to push down my disgust and annoyance when he tries to touch me.
threebyfate Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You think hockey is an amazing sport.Ahem, it's the best sport in teh world!
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Ahem, it's the best sport in teh world! Sorry! ------------------
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 3rd day of NC. I'm going to post on here instead when I feel like contacting him. The urge is really strong right now because I'm having a stressful day. It's hard to fight against your heart, because it feels like you're hurting yourself (even though a logical part of you says the opposite).
sunshinegirl Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 3rd day of NC. I'm going to post on here instead when I feel like contacting him. The urge is really strong right now because I'm having a stressful day. It's hard to fight against your heart, because it feels like you're hurting yourself (even though a logical part of you says the opposite). Good - come here first! Whenever you think "I have an urge to contact him," rephrase it to "I have an urge to hurt myself" and perhaps that shift in thinking will help you resist, and instead do something to support and love yourself.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Good - come here first! Whenever you think "I have an urge to contact him," rephrase it to "I have an urge to hurt myself" and perhaps that shift in thinking will help you resist, and instead do something to support and love yourself. Great idea! I you guys!
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 3rd day of NC. I thought you saw him yesterday, asked him to meet you to put a file on your computer? In any event, seems like you're doing better. Keep it up.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 I thought you saw him yesterday, asked him to meet you to put a file on your computer? In any event, seems like you're doing better. Keep it up. Yeah, but I'm not counting that as contact because I kept it to a bare minimum and it was unavoidable.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 the thing that's been getting me down since we last really spoke on Monday night is kind of stupid. It's the fact that he told me he's reconciling an old friendship. He's been friends with this guy for awhile, but according to Scott the guy always used him and acted extremely selfish (standing him up multiple times, etc.). When we were together Scott told me he had no intention of speaking to the guy again after this guy stood him up yet again. And now they've made up, but he's unwilling to give us another chance, even though I treated him well when we were together? WTF.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 And now they've made up, but he's unwilling to give us another chance, even though I treated him well when we were together? WTF. many people like to be treated bad
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Again, no it wasn't. How could I have avoided it? The file was too big to fit on a flash drive or upload to the internet.
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 How could I have avoided it? The file was too big to fit on a flash drive or upload to the internet. How can that be?? You didn't have to see him, period.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 How can that be?? You didn't have to see him, period. Because it was a huge video file on his external hard drive.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 I just spoke to my best friend on the phone. He knows me better than anybody, and when I told him I was feeling weak he told me that I'm incredibly strong, the strongest person he knows...because I've been through so much in my life and grappled with major issues that would have crippled other people, but I've been persistent throughout. This made me feel a lot better.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 (edited) OK, I'm presently experiencing a bit of schadenfreude. There's this all-university art competition that Scott and I both applied for by submitting our videos. Only a select few videos are picked to be juried by people from outside the university (which happens later). Originally I was thinking about not even submitting mine because I thought it wasn't good enough and I thought he'd blow me away and I'd end up feeling sh&jty. I've never entered a competition and barely had the nerve to do it. Throughout our relationship I'd felt inferior to him talent-wise. I just checked the list and mine got in, while his didn't. I'm sure he saw my name on the list. Why is this ultra satisfying? Edited May 7, 2010 by shadowplay
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Because it was a huge video file on his external hard drive. But HOW can that be? You can fit tens, if not hundreds, of videos on an external hard drive.
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 But HOW can that be? You can fit tens, if not hundreds, of videos on an external hard drive. What I mean is the video is too big for his flash drive, so he couldn't have just dropped off the flash drive for me to pick up.
Star Gazer Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 What I mean is the video is too big for his flash drive, so he couldn't have just dropped off the flash drive for me to pick up. Still... I'm holding a flash drive with 8 full length HD quality movied on my flash drive for my trip to Hawaii (for my notebook computer). So I can't quite understand how the file was so huge that it couldn't fit on a flash or external hard drive. Either would have allowed you not to see him.
melodymatters Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 OK, I'm presently experiencing a bit of schadenfreude. There's this all-university art competition that Scott and I both applied for by submitting our videos. Only a select few videos are picked to be juried by people from outside the university (which happens later). Originally I was thinking about not even submitting mine because I thought it wasn't good enough and I thought he'd blow me away and I'd end up feeling sh&jty. I've never entered a competition and barely had the nerve to do it. Throughout our relationship I'd felt inferior to him talent-wise. I just checked the list and mine got in, while his didn't. I'm sure he saw my name on the list. Why is this ultra satisfying? WHY is this ultra satisfying ???? DUH, you KNOW why, cause you're better than that nancy boy in every way, and now he gets to rub his nose in it ! Relish this feeling, roll around in it, and let it comfort you when you feel the cravings for fag flesh and fresh humiliation !
Author shadowplay Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Still... I'm holding a flash drive with 8 full length HD quality movied on my flash drive for my trip to Hawaii (for my notebook computer). So I can't quite understand how the file was so huge that it couldn't fit on a flash or external hard drive. Either would have allowed you not to see him. It was two hours of raw footage shot in HD, so huge. It would have fit on an external, not a flash. I don't see any easy way of doing the transfer from his bulky hard drive without seeing him in person. What was he going to do, leave it on my porch?
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