carhill Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I am sorry but you speak of loyalty and at the same time a man's desire for variety. Huge contradiction don't you think ?Within the context of an intimate relationship, loyalty should always trump variety, and that goes for both partners, IMO. That said, recognizing the differences in the male and female psyche is instructive as to how and why such cognitive measures should be taken. A question I've asked myself is why I have <not> gone to such a club..... well, two reasons mainly. I'm not that interested in drinking for the sake of drinking and my male social circle tends to drink at each others houses, not in bars/clubs, and I prefer sexual stimulation to be with someone I'm in a relationship with. There's just no draw for me. Other than when these threads come up, I don't even think about it, and never have. That said, in my post, I opine about most men, and especially those who do like the draw of such clubs. Understanding their psychology, since they are otherwise apparently attractive to women, seems to be the discussion here.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Can you not read? when did she blame strippers? She blames her man a man SHE TRUSTED a man she was totally cool with him going to strippers and open about it, yet he betrayed he trust anyway. Yeah I can, and I quoted her post where she stated she's now anti-strip club. It shouldn't even be the case. She should be anti-her man, he's the sole reason for any of those insecure/jealous/hurt feelings she has. Well not the sole reason, but he sure did amplify them by alot by being a dick. Point is, its all on him, the strip clubs had zero to do with it. I can motor boat some chick with big tits anywhere if I wanted to, I can get some pussy in the parking lot at my College if I want. I can go out to Chilis with my homeboys, meet some bangin chick, hit it off with her, and **** her in the bathroom if I wanted to. Are you going to limit where your BF can and can't go because he can get ****ed anywhere, he can commit infidelity anywhere. Stop acting like a Strip Club is the sole reason you'd not be able to trust your BF, your lack of trust was there from the get go, your insecurities? Yup, those to. You being mildly possessive and controlling? Yup that to. Next time you land a SO in case this one doesn't work out for you, tell him your apt to changing his nature and controlling what he does. And FYI MissConduct a close platonic friend is someone you know on a personal level, someone you can relate to on an emotional level. A stripper is anonymous ass and tits infront of your face for 2 hours. "I love and trust my boyfriend with all my heart!:love::love: BUT I FORBID HIM TO GO TO A STRIP CLUB, IF HE DOES HE'S A CHEATING BASTARD!" How much sense does that make? It doesn't make any at all. For you to sit here and say you trust your BF/fiance/husband/whatever but you're convinced he'd cheat on you at a strip club if he went is pure insecurity and lack of trust. Look in the mirror for more answers. Strip clubs aren't the problem at all, its your own damn insecurity.
MissConduct Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Yeah I can, and I quoted her post where she stated she's now anti-strip club. It shouldn't even be the case. She should be anti-her man, he's the sole reason for any of those insecure/jealous/hurt feelings she has. Well not the sole reason, but he sure did amplify them by alot by being a dick. Point is, its all on him, the strip clubs had zero to do with it. You missed the point though, she had no problem with stripjoints until he lied to her. Now, because of his lies she sees something wrong with them. She is not blaming the strip joint, she is blaming her husband, but because if him now she cannot trust what he does at stripjpoints therefore she is no longer "cool" with the clubs. What the clubs have to do with it is that she questions what goes on in there that her husband felt compelled to have to lie to her! Get it? And FYI MissConduct a close platonic friend is someone you know on a personal level, someone you can relate to on an emotional level. A stripper is anonymous ass and tits infront of your face for 2 hours. Great you answered the question, well... sort of. But thanks for that! The question wasn't "are you ok with your g/f going out on a date with a close platonic friend?" the question was "are you ok with your g/f going out with some guy on a platonic date?" big difference. In my example he is a stranger and there is no emotional or sexual connection made with him before the date. See the difference between what you said and what I asked? What you described is just getting together with a male friend, and I do hope you are cool with that, as I am in the reverse! Men need sex to give up sex, and women need emotional connection to give up sex so essentially it is the EXACT same thing to compare the two scenarios they are both potentially putting the person at danger to have some form of sexual contact with another human being. In one the man could potentially give her something emotionally to make her want to have sex with him, in the other scenario the woman at the strip joint could also give him something to potentially want to make him have sex with her. So if your woman is supposed to trust that you are going to control yourself at the club, you should trust that your woman is also going to control herself sitting across some duded for 2hrs of chatting and drinks.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 A stripper is anonymous ass and tits infront of your face for 2 hours. And yet your dedication and loyatly to said stripper and the right to view said stripper says alot. Within the context of an intimate relationship, loyalty should always trump variety, and that goes for both partners, IMO. That said, recognizing the differences in the male and female psyche is instructive as to how and why such cognitive measures should be taken. Not entirely sure what you mean here and would request you explain it further before I jump to conclusions about what I think you are saying.
IrishCarBomb Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Please do IrishCarBomb. You got me! My hand-eye coordination clearly demonstrates my lack of literacy... oh the irony... While my typing is not flawless, I can appropriately read, interpret, and understand what is written. But once again, I don't know why I type this, because no matter how effectively I communicate what I mean, you just hear "Men are evil". It's like having a discussion with a broken record. Irish: So what are you upset about? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Well, ok, so why do you feel this way? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Yeah I know, but is there any reason you think I'm evil? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Jeez, I've been pretty reasonable with you, why again do you think I'm evil? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: C'mon, you honestly don't think that, do you? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Well, this is no longer productive... BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Jesus loves you... BR: Men are evil!!!
GorillaTheater Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Irish: So what are you upset about? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Well, ok, so why do you feel this way? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Yeah I know, but is there any reason you think I'm evil? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Jeez, I've been pretty reasonable with you, why again do you think I'm evil? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: C'mon, you honestly don't think that, do you? BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Well, this is no longer productive... BR: Men are evil!!! Irish: Jesus loves you... BR: Men are evil!!! My thoughts exactly. I tried to gently call her on that, but realized I was wasting my time. I blame my diabolical testostrone (gosh, I hope I spelled that right).
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Irish: Jesus loves you... BR: Men are evil!!! This is so wrong and yet...so funny.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 And yet your dedication and loyatly to said stripper and the right to view said stripper says alot. Not entirely sure what you mean here and would request you explain it further before I jump to conclusions about what I think you are saying. Why don't you just jump to conclusions anyways? That's what you do best. Talking to you is like ****ing the A: Drive on my PC.
You'reasian Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 One obvious thing that got missed here is that porn or no porn - most guys masturbate on a regular basis, even while in a relationship. So, the availability of porn basically doesn't change almost anything, just gives you something more to "work" with, in way of visual stimulation .. There's truth to this - but I'll say that a gf can pull it out of me enough times to where I barely think about self-pleasure once a week - at that Every guy I know to some extent has a wild mother****er inside of them that rather would go beat their opponents up, kill their own food, booze it up, and go through a lot of meaningless and dangerous sex and other dangerous activities. None of us do it, of course, because we know better. So a strip club is a pretty innoquous way to stage a minor insurgency against the soul crushing family-work routine. Even if it is once in a lifetime. . I support my buddies who feel the need to get out to the strip clubs now and then - although personally, I rarely frequent them. My solution for the above, usually involves playing with the woman I've got in creative ways where we can **** each other silly in ways that seem meaningless and dangerous, although it is actually safe since we're good to go. Having sex in spurts mixed with spending time apart is also a great way of keeping each other slightly wanting each other. The time apart is where you can really work out the intricacies of sexual and romantic communication - tease each other, lauging at each other, courting each other and wanting each other...badly
Jersey Shortie Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You got me! My hand-eye coordination clearly demonstrates my lack of literacy... oh the irony... While my typing is not flawless, I can appropriately read, interpret, and understand what is written. But once again, I don't know why I type this, because no matter how effectively I communicate what I mean, you just hear "Men are evil". It's like having a discussion with a broken record. Clearly you can not appropriately read or interpret what is written. I never said men were evil or insinuated anything like that. And I really think this over exploation of my comments is an attempt to deviate from the many good counter points you get brought up to you. And you are right, it is like having a discussing with a broken record. For both sides, not just me and not just you. Lets be fair okay? I mean seriously, discuss the topic please. But stop over-expoiting my comments by trying to throw in foolishness with silly comments like "men are evil". I certainly don't think anyone here thinks the opposite sex is evil. And frankly, it makes you foolish to try to pass that statement off in the logic of a discussion presented to you.
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Men aren't all evil and women aren't all controlling, insecure, harridans. It's the extremism that breeds more extremism in these threads. It appears that there's a subset of the male population that don't give a crap about the needs of their partners, enough that they would lie and cheat to get their own selfish needs met. There's also a subset of the female population that believe their insecurity trumps all, at the expense of any personal freedoms for their partner. This is also selfish. But...the vast majority of men and women sit somewhere in between. Either pick a partner who shares your core values and yes, this is applicable to men too, including walking from one who doesn't, or if you choose to remain with one who doesn't, you're either going to have to find a relatively happy compromise between the two of you or let go of your resentments/insecurities. This really, really isn't complex. It's simple and easy to do unless you allow it to fester.
MissConduct Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 @Trial By Fire you make is sound so black and white and cut and dry. I think the point of this thread was to demonstrate both sides of the equation as to why people feel the way they do in terms of the topic. Grant it some just use it as a chance to bash the opposite gender but others genuinely want to see both sides and discuss in a logical manner. To say "well if you don't like it just get out or adjust" seems to really undermine the disconnect that happens in a fully invested relationship that sometimes starts on the same page but somewhere down the line the needs change. In that case and let's say 10 yrs down the line you and your husband with babies and he suddenly changes his mind and starts to go behind your back because he craves "this variety" from the mundane work/life routine, that men seem to find as a perfectly legit excuse for escape, what do you do then? Do you use your own logic to deal with the situation? Is it really that black and white when you have years of emotional investment in someone and you share a family? Is it really as simple as "adjust your insecurities or get out"? walk from one who doesn't, or if you choose to remain with one who doesn't, you're either going to have to find a relatively happy compromise between the two of you or let go of your resentments/insecurities. This really, really isn't complex. It's simple and easy to do unless you allow it to fester. When we can't even see eye to eye on how the issue affects women and how non-challant it is for men to brush off, I can't see how one would apply what you suggested if that were to happen down the line and even AFTER securing you did choose the right type of partner? People change all the time, then what? These are all hypothetical of course. But as Annie stated and in many cases of marriage I am sure this has become an issue and affected the best of couples.
normal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 But hey guys..keep mocking women and belitting them for their natural concerns. Keep telling them how awful they are and how their needs as a woman aren't 1/10th as important as a man's needs. that's the overall message.. Men are mor important..their needs more important..women are nothing..their needs don't matter and if a woman has needs..she is jsut insecure and an evil person right? It's not so much the disagreeing of the topic that bothers me but the lack of trying to see where women are coming from and trying to shame women for natural concerns. Why sit at home? Why not indulge in a male strip club or one of those monster vibrators (you know, the ones with 6 speeds, 20 different functions, 10 inches long and includes it's own wall charger?). Then when he comes home smelling like cigarettes, booze and strippers, you can think of how wonderful life is with your ten inch vibe... Otherwise, why don't you put on a little strip tease for him so he doesn't feel the NEED to go to the strip club? There are more options than sitting around being jealous. And life is way too short for that nonsense anyways. Not only that, but there's absolutely nothing to be jealous over when it comes to strippers and porn actors. They'll never be known for anything worthwhile. And fifty years after their career has ended, they'll be remembered (IF they're even remembered!) for being a slut....nothing more, but maybe less. Why would anyone be jealous of that? And why would anyone waste their time getting all sad and insecure over that? There are much better things to do in life...like buying a giant vibrator. Or going to the male strip club. What woman wouldn't want a giant cock wiggling in their face just like what man wouldn't want to experience some fake boobs jiggling around in their face? Having strip clubs and porn available are probably what help keep your partner from cheating... they can experience variety without needing to be intimate or physical with another person.....
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Yes, it's that simple. Keep in mind that I walked from a cheater, even though he was on his knees, begging forgiveness, which lasted two+ years.
MissConduct Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Otherwise, why don't you put on a little strip tease for him so he doesn't feel the NEED to go to the strip club? Wake up! Men don't go to strip clubs because their women don't cater to their sexual needs they go for variety. You can become a naked controtionist for him and pull doves out of your ear and if he needs variety he's seen you naked a million times already it doesn't matter what you do he wants something new.
MissConduct Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Yes, it's that simple. Keep in mind that I walked from a cheater, even though he was on his knees, begging forgiveness, which lasted two+ years. Ok so you are saying you would walk then no time to ponder, just walk. Did you have children with your ex?
normal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Wake up! Men don't go to strip clubs because their women don't cater to their sexual needs they go for variety. You can become a naked controtionist for him and pull doves out of your ear and if he needs variety he's seen you naked a million times already it doesn't matter what you do he wants something new. Then why try and stop him if that's what he wants? In any case, that was hardly the point of the post. The point is that there is no sense in crying because your bf wants to go to the strip club or watch porn. Because there is plenty available for women to indulge in sexually.
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Ok so you are saying you would walk then no time to ponder, just walk. Did you have children with your ex?I would get hard proof, then walk. A relationship fraught full of distrust, is no relationship at all. And no, we have no children, as you're fully aware. Even with children, I would still have walked.
MissConduct Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 IAnd no, we have no children, as you're fully aware. Even with children, I would still have walked. What's with the attitude? I have no idea what your past is about. Sorry I asked.
normal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 What's with the attitude? I have no idea what your past is about. Sorry I asked. Actually, I think you're the one with an attitude. If I was your SO, I'd probably want to watch porn and go to strip clubs too.
normal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 My guy doesn't go at all actually he thinks it's pointless. You mean that's what he tells you? He'll probably go at some point in his life.
Woggle Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Her guy is probably telling the truth. She has him nicely whipped.
Jake Barnes Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Spookie's post was the best on this thread. She knows what shes talking about as she's been a stripper As someone who had a problem with strip clubs I can tell you its exactly like she says it is. Im pretty sure going to these clubs outside of maybe the possibility of a bachelor party (and how many of them are there really ) is a violation of trust in the context of a sound relationship
Jake Barnes Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Yes, it's that simple. Keep in mind that I walked from a cheater, even though he was on his knees, begging forgiveness, which lasted two+ years.Please tell me he never literally got down on his knees
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