Question for Guys 40 - 50

[Jake Barnes]

 

 

Umm, I don't think so; they are more likely to also look for women younger than themselves..

 

Which takes us back to the same older man - younger woman situation..

Its not right for older men to chase younger women either

 

People should stick to people within a decade of themselves (in either direction) I think, otherwise its totally undignified

[soserious1]

LOL

 

When did I say "Many years older?" I said "her age or older". But even in your scenario, I would rather her love, and be loved, than sleeping with random younger men and being used for sex. Or being in a relationship up until she is a certain age, then being dumped when her options are almost non existent.

 

If you can have a successful relationship with an active younger man, then go for it.

 

If a woman of a certain age makes the choice to have sex while not in a committed relationship she's not being "used" for sex.

 

I have at no time said that I refuse to consider dating men my age or a few years older ,what I have said is that I won't rule out a man because he's a few years my junior. Once again, the key factors are going to be, how well will we get along? are we similar in background? do we share any common interests? are our life goals at all similar?

[soserious1]

Its not right for older men to chase younger women either

 

People should stick to people within a decade of themselves (in either direction) I think, otherwise its totally undignified

 

my thoughts for myself are around 7 yrs in either direction.. because then you have a lot of the same memories, you grew up in the relatively same era.other people's milage may vary of course.Btw, I've met many a 40 yr who lives and acts as if they were 65 already.

[Jake Barnes]

 

my thoughts for myself are around 7 yrs in either direction.. because then you have a lot of the same memories, you grew up in the relatively same era.other people's milage may vary of course.Btw, I've met many a 40 yr who lives and acts as if they were 65 already.

That seems totally sensible to me

 

So what are we arguing about?

[Capricciosa]

 

my thoughts for myself are around 7 yrs in either direction.. because then you have a lot of the same memories, you grew up in the relatively same era.other people's milage may vary of course.Btw, I've met many a 40 yr who lives and acts as if they were 65 already.

 

The rule is half your age plus 7, apparently. Though when I do it with my age, the result is far too young for my interest. I think 5-8 years in either direction is acceptable. And you seem like a gal who knows what she wants, so you should stop arguing with that Vonerik dude, who is stuck in his own biases, and has no interest in coming out of them. In your wisdom, you should know it is a waste of breath.

[vonerik012]

The half your age plus 7 is the rule for men...

 

I don't understand what the argument was. If you find a younger man great...

[Shygirl15]

That seems totally sensible to me

 

So what are we arguing about?

 

 

Because dating younger people is not sensible to some of us, unfortunately.

 

My personal preference is guys 7-15 years older than myself. Not only they can provide the security I want, I seem to have better connection and hold interesting conversation with them, than their younger counterparts. I am currently dating a 41 yo guy (10 yrs my senior) who was married to a to a 45yo for 17 yrs; he says he has never felt so youthful and refreshed the way he feels right now. Go figure

 

I know as I grow older, the situation is likely to reverse and perhaps due to fewer options I might be more open to date younger guys. I just hope I will no longer be dating by then, but rather settled down with someone.

[Lizzie60]

 

 

Because dating younger people is not sensible to some of us, unfortunately.

 

My personal preference is guys 7-15 years older than myself. Not only they can provide the security I want, I seem to have better connection and hold interesting conversation with them, than their younger counterparts. I am currently dating a 41 yo guy (10 yrs my senior) who was married to a to a 45yo for 17 yrs; he says he has never felt so youthful and refreshed the way he feels right now. Go figure

 

I know as I grow older, the situation is likely to reverse and perhaps due to fewer options I might be more open to date younger guys. I just hope I will no longer be dating by then, but rather settled down with someone.

 

You raised a good point.. when I was younger... I, too, preferred older men. I guess it's normal when we're young.

 

I had my first encounter with a much younger man when I was 45. he was 27 yr old... it was embarrassing at first.. but I got used quickly..

 

Then I met my second ex who was 12 yrs younger.. we lived together 5 years.. he was an old soul..

 

So I guess, at my age, 56, I don't want an older guy.. like 10-15 years older.. ewwww.. I don't even want a guy MY age..

 

I don't see well how a 31 year old would date a much younger man.. he'd have to be in grade school still..

 

so I guess it's all about our situation, where we are in life.. how old we are.. bottom line.. our preference.

[Alma Mobley]

No not at all..

 

I have an older sister who is 40... If she is single at 50, I would much prefer her to be treasured by a man her age or older, for the rest of her life than...

 

 

1. To pay younger guys for sex

2. To be screwed for a few years until she is too old

3. Or to be alone

 

If she then has all kinds of expectations, of travelling, going dancing every night, going skiing, beoing entertained, etc, then it is her own problem..

 

Would you be okay with your sister dating a 30-year-old man? Just wondering.

[vonerik012]

Would you be okay with your sister dating a 30-year-old man? Just wondering.

 

My sister is more old fashioned,due to how she was raised. So she would have common sense, and know it would most likely be a waste of time. Anyway at this point she is married to a guy who is 43.

 

She's not the type that just wants casual sex with several younger men before she finds one that would date her longer. Some "cougars" give their bodies to dozens or hundreds of younger men before they meet one that will date them on a more serious basis.

[almost famous]

No worries. I am a 40 year old female and have no problems finding men who are interested in me. I don't like to date more than 5 years above and am finding they are looking for serious relationships with women within that age range.

If men see a woman they're attracted to and she continues to get their interest, a number doesn't mean anything. The men I date think when they meet me that I'm in my very early 30's and are surprised after they date me to learn my real age. Just because the number is 40 doesn't make them less attracted to me, that is crazy.

Don't let these guys scare you that because you are over a certain age, you won't find a loving, caring, commited relationship with a man. The men stating this aren't really looking for a loving, emotionally satisfying relationship, they're just looking for the porn dream.

[Shygirl15]

The men I date think when they meet me that I'm in my very early 30's and are surprised after they date me to learn my real age.

 

Do you really fall for that? Really??

[vonerik012]

1. You are right. A guy will know you are 40 and still have sex with you.

 

2. Every man trying to get laid, or just being nice, will guess you are 10 years younger, lol. Offer him $1000 to guess your age, and i am sure it won't be 30.

Or, are you saying when you were 30, you could pass for 40?

 

3. looking for a fertile woman is looking for a "porn" dream? All I am saying is you are automatically disqualified from being in a real relationship with any man that might one day want a kid or more kids. Thats all.

 

It's funny how it is ok for women to call older men "gross", yet verbotten for younger men to do the same..

[almost famous]

I really do look younger than I am. Women are even shocked. When I turned 40 in the spring, the women in the office were shocked, they thought I was 30. My students, who can be the harshest critics, couldn't believe it when I told them my age. They said "I thought you were the same age as Mrs. X! You look the same age!" (She's 28.)

Sorry, it's true, hon. WEAR SUNBLOCK, YOU CAN HAVE THAT, TOO. I STARTED IN MY TEENS. AVOID THE SUN!!!!

 

Why is it shocking that someone can look younger than they are? I meet people I think look younger all the time - they don't smoke and they take great care of themselves, like I have.

 

 

Do you really fall for that? Really??

[almost famous]

No, I hope to have kids someday. Tons of women are having kids in their late 30s and 40s. This is just you talking, not all men, and certainly not the ones I date. And I date a lot! Sorry, you can't rain on my parade.

 

1. You are right. A guy will know you are 40 and still have sex with you.

 

2. Every man trying to get laid, or just being nice, will guess you are 10 years younger, lol. Offer him $1000 to guess your age, and i am sure it won't be 30.

Or, are you saying when you were 30, you could pass for 40?

 

3. looking for a fertile woman is looking for a "porn" dream? All I am saying is you are automatically disqualified from being in a real relationship with any man that might one day want a kid or more kids. Thats all.

 

It's funny how it is ok for women to call older men "gross", yet verbotten for younger men to do the same..

[vonerik012]

No, I hope to have kids someday. Tons of women are having kids in their late 30s and 40s. This is just you talking, not all men, and certainly not the ones I date. And I date a lot! Sorry, you can't rain on my parade.

 

Well, medical specialists and doctors disagree..

 

http://www.ahealthyme.com/topic/agefertility

In September 2002, women in New York and other U.S. cities got a less than gentle reminder about age and fertility: bus-size billboard ads trumpeting "Advancing Age Decreases Your Ability to Have Children. Infertility is a disease affecting 6.1 million people in the United States." Accompanying the ad was an unsettling image of an upside-down baby in the shape of an hourglass. The ad was part of an information campaign from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and the American Fertility Association, which defended itself against charges of alarmism by noting that few women are aware of exactly how aging affects their fertility. In this, the reproductive specialists were right: Women are well aware of the biological clock's damnable tick, but until recently many of us were a little vague on just what that meant. In an online survey of 12,500 women conducted by the American Fertility Association in 2001, some 88 percent of us had no idea of the age at which fertility begins to decline -- and 39 percent thought fertility rates didn't begin falling until age 40.

In reality, women's fertility begins to decline slightly by age 27. Many women are surprised to find that it dips significantly after age 35; by age 40, 50 percent of a woman's eggs are abnormal and the chances of conceiving without a donor egg drop to 7.8 percent. In contrast, men's fertility doesn't begin to decline significantly until after age 50. Men produce brand-new sperm every day, but the quantity and quality of women's eggs declines sharply over the years.

[almost famous]

Nah. Not really. I have met lots of women, there's a 39 year old woman who just had a baby in my workplace. Next time try getting a reliable study which isn't 6 plus years old.....

Sorry, again....you're not raining on my parade.

Women are having babies into their 40's all the time, and healthy ones.

[vonerik012]

Nah. Not really. I have met lots of women, there's a 39 year old woman who just had a baby in my workplace. Next time try getting a reliable study which isn't 6 plus years old.....

Sorry, again....you're not raining on my parade.

Women are having babies into their 40's all the time, and healthy ones.

 

WOW, talk about living in denial...Yes i guess thousands of years of evolution and genetics have just changed dramatically in the past 6 years...I could post a different study from 2008, but would it matter to you?

 

Look,

 

Lets say a man is five foot 4. It is not his fault. But women reject him for something he cannot control.. A superficial preference.

 

So, men can also reject older women on a preference too.

 

You might have spent your life rejecting men. Now many will reject you. Big deal.

 

The entire idea of "not looking a certain age" is completely silly. Do you have a text book, or some kind of model that illustrates exactly what 40 looks like? If you are 40, then you look exactly like 40. Are you putting down all other 40yr old women as looking older than you?

 

Or are you saying all 30 yr old women look 40? You are the special unique one? lol

[almost famous]

When I see women in real life having babies, then it doesn't worry me, If I don't have one, then it wasn't meant to be.

When there is a woman at work who just got married and had a child at age 39 within the last year, then the stuff you post is just gravy, sorry.

[almost famous]

You haven't met someone who looked younger than they were and you were surprised when you found out their age? This happens to me all the time. People (both men and women) guess me in my early 30's. A couple coworkers last year thought I was in my late 20's....It has happened quite a bit. Also, I do look in the mirror and at other women my age. I have always taken care of myself, used sunblock like crazy since I was very young, I don't smoke...I just look younger than a typical 40-year old. Sorry you have trouble accepting that. When people (both men and women) are constantly shocked when you tell them your age and tell you they thought you were several years younger, and you compare yourself to other women your age, you KNOW you look younger.

 

When my students and fellow teachers thought I was the same age as that teacher who is 28....hmm...you get to thinking (knowing) you must look younger. WHen a 26 year old female teacher is SHOCKED when you mention that you just turned 40 and she says "You're what? Oh my gosh, I thought you were my age!!! YOu look so young! You DON'T look anywhere NEAR 40!" You starta thinking that you look younger than you are. And this has been happening a lot in my adult years. Call me blessed, I don't know....

I met a 55 year old woman recently and I was shocked....she really looked a lot younger.

 

It is possible.

 

I don't get your problem with that.

 

If a guy meets me and is attracted to me, both personalitywise and physically, my numerical age is not going to dissuade them, it never has. I've never had to date men over 5 years older than myself, as I'm just not attracted over that age, and I've never been low of suitors.

 

I think you are living more on the internet/porn world rather than the real world.

 

The real world is....women at any age can date and you are not washed up after a certain age. I am living this. You are simply quoting "stats" from the internet and your own personal preferences.

[vonerik012]

I have told hundreds of women they look younger than their age. I have never guessed older. That's just being nice. Now give me a million dollars for guessing correctly, and trust me, I won't be undershooting by 10 years. Now you look 26? ok....

 

If many men your age and younger are asking to marry you and have a family, then great. You have proved me wrong.

 

So a woman in your office had a baby at 39? So? I never said it is impossible. Just a very low chance after 40.... Unless all doctors are lying and it is a huge conspiracy...

[Shygirl15]

I really do look younger than I am. Women are even shocked. When I turned 40 in the spring, the women in the office were shocked, they thought I was 30. My students, who can be the harshest critics, couldn't believe it when I told them my age. They said "I thought you were the same age as Mrs. X! You look the same age!" (She's 28.)

Sorry, it's true, hon. WEAR SUNBLOCK, YOU CAN HAVE THAT, TOO. I STARTED IN MY TEENS. AVOID THE SUN!!!!

 

Why is it shocking that someone can look younger than they are? I meet people I think look younger all the time - they don't smoke and they take great care of themselves, like I have.

 

You know what shocks me? Is the fact that almost every 40+ female LS member think they look younger than their real age, I mean is it a coincidence or what? Can't we all just be happy at our own ages and stop trying so hard to convince others that we look young? Geez. Sorry, but your post sounds soo desperate.

 

PS Thanks for the sunblock advice, I never knew about that one

 

WOW, talk about living in denial...

 

Like in a big way. Not worth my energy at all.

[Jersey Shortie]

I've just read this thread and it's rather depressing over-all. There is alot of disrespect and hostility from both genders to the other side. It be cool if we could be more understanding of where the other side is coming from because basically men and women want the same thing out of life. To be loved and valued and respected. Picking women or men based on age isn't about respecting or valuing another person.

 

The truth is, no one wants to be replacable. Men don't want to be replacable and women don't. But what I see is that quite a few men and women are trying to make the points why the opposite gender is replacable to them in some twisted bitter power struggle. Where does that hostility come from? Are we all so afraid that we are going to be replaced that we feel we must fight on our side so it doesn't happen?

 

Our society promotes the line of thinking that "younger is better". We live in a point in history where women have more freedoms then any time before. Women don't need a provider anymore. Women are now picking mates based on their looks a little more then they use to when they needed someone to provide for them. Women don't place as much as of importance in looks as men do but I think that is on the rise compared with the medium images that women are given of men and the fact that women are marrying later in life themselves and don't need a provider. Perhaps men are begining to feel a little taste of what they have been dishing out to women for generations and it doesn't taste so good.

 

Men our encouraged to act as over grown frat boys and women are encouraged to act like entitled princesses. If both men and women could over come what society as shaped them into thinking is the truth, we both might be able to break through the anger and bitterness at the opposite sex when we feel like they are disrespecting us.

 

Quite honestly, as a mid 20s girl...its depressing to hear all the talk here about how older women are thought to be less by men. It's insulting to my mom, my mommom, and my aunts who have bared men's children and taken care of them and built a home for them. At the end of the day does a 20 year old trump all that for men? You might think it does.

 

Men don't hit a certain age and stop wanting to feel like men. Women don't hit a certain age and stop wanting to be beautiful. Why do we want to make each other feel the opposite of this?

 

Did you know that bioloigically speaking, while a man can have babies later in life, his sperm is less vertile and more prone to diease just as an older woman trying to have a baby is?

 

I have heard so many comments from men in my age group who are looking to settle down soon because they don't want to be old fathers. I have heard so many comments from men that have taught me that men are just as worried about aging as women are. I don't want to make men feel less for getting older. And I would hope that men don't want to make women feel less for the same. However, that seems to be partly a fantasy for us women. After all, I am young now and it's no big deal. But what happens in the next 10 years or 20? Am I then replacable for the new crop of 20 year olds that all men want? WHy don't men just ship us all to an island when we get old and you don't have to look at us less diserving human beings.

 

The poster Vonerick posted an interesting article about both rich men and poor men marrying women yonger them themselves. Lets say it's true for the sake of argument! Basically the message is that a man can just be himself and doens't have to have any qualities and still score the perfect babe and a woman has to be 20-25 to be considered worthy of any male affection. He can be poor, he can be fat, he can have no teeth, he can be dumb and still score a younger woman. I guess men win Vonerick. I hope this statisfies you on some level. It should statisfy someone and obviously this is not something that is going to make women feel good about their standing with men when women want men's affection, love and respect. We all get older, I guess the only ones that aren't suppse to and aren't suppose to real human beings are women. And when we do get older, we can sit on the side of the road by the trash while our men seek out younger versions to replace when they too get older.

 

On a final note, I have dated younger men and older and both have their pluses and minuses..you get a different set of issues with each group. My mother married my father who is a good 15 years older then herself. She is still very full of life at 51 and my father at 66 never wwants to do anything. She always tells me never to marry a man who is that much older then myself because as you get older, the gap gets wider again.

 

I don't replace men based on age and there are alot of women here that don't want to be replaced based on age either. We still want to feel beautiful and feminine and worthy of male affection because we love men. But when you put women down for getting older, or you have husbands all over the world getting older along their wives checking out the 20 year coeds, you got to wonder if men don't really value women beyond their age. And you got to wonder if men or women ever really grow up and learn to value the things that are really important in this life.

[Jake Barnes]

Whoa,that was the first post I read today and what a good one it was. You have a lot of wisdom Jersey and a lot of heart too

[vonerik012]

Jersey, I agree and good post...

 

I am not putting down all older women. Nowhere did I say men who are 45 should marry, (or even want to marry) 20 year olds. You made that part up.

 

I just sense a hypocrisy.. Many older women do not want older men. They rip on them. However, they feel younger men should overlook age when it comes to them. (because they feel they look younger).