Question for Guys 40 - 50

[flc]

I have gone out with two women who were 20+ years younger than me. I enjoyed both but with that much of an age gap there was not a lot in common and while fun to date I did not even think of a relationship. So for me it physical looks are primary not age but I need someone who also shares some common past experiences. Also I am somewhat uncomfortable going out with women who are younger than my kids.

[Shygirl15]

To actually think that a 50+ woman has a better chance to date than a mid 20s, is pure joke.

[Shygirl15]

 

I wonder if it is true that most women think they look younger than they do . . . I am not the one deciding how old I look though. It was my friend's friend who assumed that I was between 35 and 43 based upon meeting me. She was not telling this to me so she had no reason to be buttering me up or sparing my feelings. It is the guy who is her friend, so she would want to be completely honest with him.

 

Perhaps she knows that you're insecure with your age. I mean, why else would this come up:

 

But I am worried this guy will be taken aback when he finds out how old I really am.

[StartingOver07]

To actually think that a 50+ woman has a better chance to date than a mid 20s, is pure joke.

 

I don't think so.

 

What I find so interesting about this thread (and the others like it that I have seen pop up recently) is that so many posters seem to be very threatened by the idea that there are attractive and desirable 40, 50 and 60 year old women out there.

 

Why is that?

 

If you don't find someone attractive (inside and out), don't date him/her. Why the need to insist that no one will prefer an older/younger partner, when this is clearly not true.

 

Even if you accept vonerik's statistics at face value (which, as spookie has pointed out, is ridiculous), wives are 4+ years older than their husbands in 7% of marriages. That's 156,100 marriages per year. And no one is counting co-habitation or other relationships.

 

Not everybody is looking for the same thing in a relationship. Even if the majority of men prefer younger women, well, that still leaves plenty of men in the "minority" who do not.

 

More people are eating at McDonald's than anywhere else, but there are still 5-star restaraunts.

[Shygirl15]

I don't think so.

 

What I find so interesting about this thread (and the others like it that I have seen pop up recently) is that so many posters seem to be very threatened by the idea that there are attractive and desirable 40, 50 and 60 year old women out there.

 

Why is that?

 

I'm positive I'm not one of those posters.

 

All I have been trying to say is beauty can be found at ANY age, and women should not feel insecure with their age, or try so hard to appear/act younger, because youth does not necessarily mean beauty.

 

While I can understand why women feel the need to look younger, I have not really understood why men do the same. I was talking to this guy last night (after I had posted on this thread), and we went through the same tired routine, "so do you think I really look 40?".. "Ummh, no, actually you look something like 34, I could never have guessed if you didn't tell me you're 40".."Yeah, that's what everybody says."

 

As a matter of fact he looks 45+. Geez.

[sumdude]

 

While I can understand why women feel the need to look younger, I have not really understood why men do the same. I was talking to this guy last night (after I had posted on this thread), and we went through the same tired routine, "so do you think I really look 40?".. "Ummh, no, actually you look something like 34, I could never have guessed if you didn't tell me you're 40".."Yeah, that's what everybody says."

 

As a matter of fact he looks 45+. Geez.

 

Just another double standard. Everyone would prefer to look younger, more attractive and more desirable. That's just human nature.

[KingPenguin]

First of all, I can't stand when men post that they speak for all Men and know the Great Universal Truths. If you think ALL men prefer younger women, regardless of their personality, you are wrong, plain and simple. I married an older woman and it's great- less youthful insecurities, less drama-mongering, less problems, more in touch with herself. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to show it.

Everyone gets old. You'll get old, and if you settle down with anyone for the long haul, eventually they'll get old, too. So if you married a vacuous but good looking 22-year old bimbo, unless she happens grow a personality at some point, you'll have spent 20 years with yep, that's right... a stupid person. That's way too long. By that point, maybe you'll have had stupid kids, too.

Of course, I would be an old man by then, and would probably laugh at you, except that I'd have to deal with the bumper crop of new stupid people. So please, realize what you are describing- looks < personality always, unless you get off on being with someone not on your level, which is lame and kind of weak. If all you want is a status symbol, work hard, make a buttload of money and buy a trophy wife to drive around in your midlife-crisis mobile. But if you want happiness, find someone you can stand living with. Mine just happened to be older.

[Eyeofthoth]

Shygirl -

 

She has no idea how old I am, nor would she have any idea whether or not I am insecure about my age. She would say such a thing to her friend only because she is guessing my age based upon having met me and having had a conversation and glass of wine with me once with our mutual friend. Nothing whatsoever was said about age during this conversation.

 

I am definitely not insecure about my age. I love my age, because only upon having reached this age could I know that everything said about age and wisdom is true. At your age I probably would not have believed this. I am also much happier at this age than I have probably ever been before.

 

I have posed the question about preferences to men of a particular age because I want to know if there is a majority opinion among these men. I am also interested in the opinions of older women who may have had experiences with such men. No offense to you or to anyone else younger than 40, but you simply do not have the experience to answer this question.

 

I find it odd though that you don't seem to believe that people age very differently and that one 50 year old woman or man can look radically older or younger than another. Both self-care and genetics are huge factors. Also I suppose cosmetic procedures, although I haven't done any of that.

 

I would not presume to say for myself how old or young I look. I don't think we are the best judges of ourselves in either this or other things. However, I do get random out of the blue comments frequently, to the effect that "I simply cannot believe that you are 52." I never go around asking people how old they think I look. That would be ridiculous. I have better things to do with my life than think about that all the time.

 

Also, just to clarify, I do not have a preference for younger men. Ideally I would prefer to date someone within one year of my own age. But we all know that "ideal" is not really out there. There are a million factors that attract us or don't attract. What is important to me is physical fitness and health. And a good sense of humor ranks up pretty much number one.

 

What I am really considering here is how low to drop my "age-range" in looking for a serious, long-term relationship.

 

Actually I suppose I should open up the question to men 40 and all the way up, since if it did turn out to be a great match, I would also want to know if a man of say 67, would have any problem knowing that his SO was 74, provided she was beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, extremely funny, and extremely kind. (Humble too, ha ha)

 

Gotta run. I have a coffee date this morning with a 58 year old.

[Jilly Bean]

Then by the time I am in my 80's I will be ready for Harold. . . .

 

LOL. FABULOUS movie, Maude.

 

I believe I mentioned earlier that you need to ignore the posts of the guys who are 20's-30's. They have no frame of reference to even talk on this topic and IMO, their opinions are useless.

 

You had asked for opinions from men of a specific age group, and it appears that all of the older men are telling you that they love older women.

 

I agree.

 

I have an older hot sister and have seen the men that court her. I have also seen the marriage proposals she has received. Lemme tell ya, they are NOT from 70-year old men. They are from hot, younger guys who adore a sexy older woman who's got it going on.

 

The younger guys on here haven't a clue. If googling statistics is all you can provide to support an opinion, I have to laugh. I'd pay attention to the advice and comments from men who have dated older women, who have the actual experience to speak of, and leave it at that.

 

Still...keep us posted, ok?

[Treasa]

My mom doesn't think she looks 35. She gets told she does by others. She does think she's attractive, and she also rolls her eyes when guys my age (occasionally even younger) ask her out, not realizing she has a daughter their age.

 

Just because you don't know anyone who looks a lot younger than their age doesn't mean that people like that don't exist.

[sumdude]

LOL. FABULOUS movie, Maude.

 

I believe I mentioned earlier that you need to ignore the posts of the guys who are 20's-30's. They have no frame of reference to even talk on this topic and IMO, their opinions are useless.

 

You had asked for opinions from men of a specific age group, and it appears that all of the older men are telling you that they love older women.

 

 

Some older women are hot. They are more the exception than the rule though. Like I posted before, being 40 and still wanting a family one day... eventually it will have to be a younger woman... Still, I sure wouldn't kick an older hottie out of bed.. I still might learn a thing or two! or teach for that matter... he he

[vonerik012]

Ok, so let me get this straight..

 

Women in their 50's do not want to marry? But men in their 50's do? Please find the statistic backing up this claim.

 

It is all very hypocritical. If a man prefers younger women he is a pig, and the woman is a gold digging bimbo.

 

If a woman dates younger men then she is empowered, and he is with her for her wisdom!

 

The Op seems to want a serious relationship, not just to get laid. So telling her "age makes no difference" is a joke.

 

Yes, some younger men settle down with older women. Some tall women marry shorter men too!

 

Does that mean I would suggest to a man who is 5 foot 5 to be seeking women 6ft plus? That would be dumb.

[vonerik012]

So starting over...

 

It is your hypothesis that older men would prefer to marry older women, but the women their age or older just do not want marriage? So they are "forced" to settle for younger girls? LOL Come on...

 

Yes you might think McCain looks ridiculous. But not nearly as ridiculous if he was with a woman 25 years older (95 years old), instead of younger.

[flc]

I think it is true that many people over 45 who have had their kids and who may have gone through at least one divorce do not see marriage as necessary to having a good committed relationship.

 

The relationship I am in now with a 47yo women is very good. She specifically wanted someone who did not have small kids and I was the same, we want time for each other, we have done the child rearing thing and have 4 kids between us. Beauty is not just physical.

[vonerik012]

FLC, how old are you?

[flc]

FLC, how old are you?

 

50 soon to be 51, so I am with a younger women;) However my ex was 2 years older than me

[vonerik012]

Well you are with a younger woman. I thought you were one of those saying age does not matter. How would you feel about being with a woman who was 65? Would you overlook that age gap as so many people on this board believe?

[BentSpine]

Eye, you seem afraid to be left one day by your future younger partner. When you realise that you can never get a guarantee, regardless if your partner is older or younger, then it will be easy for you to find your 'low' age limit.

[flc]

Age always matters at some level. It is an indicator to some extent of physical attractiveness, fitness and emotional maturity. So when I was looking, I went with an age range from 40-55. I did this because in general women under 40 lack the maturity/experience I like and women older tend not to be as physically active as I am. But if I found someone that was younger than 40 or older than 55 that I was attracted to physically and emotionally I would not disqualify based on age.

[Capricciosa]

Well you are with a younger woman. I thought you were one of those saying age does not matter. How would you feel about being with a woman who was 65? Would you overlook that age gap as so many people on this board believe?

 

You seem to have some deeply ingrained opinion about this whole issue--who knows why--but you can, I assume, believe that it doesn't matter to some people as much as it seems to matter to you. And citing a 14 year age gap for a 51 year old man is ridiculous given what he said, and the original question of the OP, which involves 7 years. Though I am sure 14 years older is ok for some people, because not everyone is you!!!

[Shygirl15]

My mom doesn't think she looks 35. She gets told she does by others. She does think she's attractive, and she also rolls her eyes when guys my age (occasionally even younger) ask her out, not realizing she has a daughter their age.

 

Just because you don't know anyone who looks a lot younger than their age doesn't mean that people like that don't exist.

 

Okay.. probably the same way I told this guy last nite that he looks 34 while infact he looks 45.

 

And I have met many, many people who look younger for their age.. but really, not 21 years younger. Even by cosmetic surgery, you can't look 21 years younger, my friend. They may be wrinkle free, gray-hair free, act childish.. but still, there's just something to them that screams OLD!

[Art_Critic]

FLC

47 and 50 years old are the same age in my book...

 

 

I'm 45.. my wife late 30's ( I'm no fool )..

 

When I was dating I used the 10 year rule... I would date 10 years younger and only would date older if they were of child bearing age ( since I still wanted kids of my own some day ).

Dating older was something I was used to as well though.. My exw was almost 3 years older than me...

[flc]

FLC

47 and 50 years old are the same age in my book...

 

 

I'm 45.. my wife late 30's ( I'm no fool )..

 

When I was dating I used the 10 year rule... I would date 10 years younger and only would date older if they were of child bearing age ( since I still wanted kids of my own some day ).

Dating older was something I was used to as well though.. My exw was almost 3 years older than me...

 

I agree, the OP asked does the age as a number mean anything. My response is that it does only on a superficial level. To some here though it seems like no matter how much you might be physically and emotional attracted to someone if you found out they were past a certain age you would drop them, I wouldn't.

[Taramere]

Yes you might think McCain looks ridiculous. But not nearly as ridiculous if he was with a woman 25 years older (95 years old), instead of younger.

 

Not many people live to 95, and I don't suppose many people of that age would be interested in getting married. I think if I live to that age, my main concern will involve "can I get out of the bath without breaking a bone or two?" rather than "will anybody ever fancy me again?"

 

Seems to me that most people want a partner they feel comfortable and happy around as well as physically attracted to. I don't doubt that for a lot of men feeling comfortable and happy might feel more possible with a much younger woman. That's fine. Nobody should be dictated to as to who they may and may not pair up with - provided all parties are of a legal age and have the capacity to think for themselves.

 

I've gone out with younger men at times for the simple reason that we liked eachother. People do sometimes get together primarily because they just happen to connect with eachother - rather than because they want to make any kind of sociological statement, or strike a victory blow for their gender.

[Eyeofthoth]

BentSpine -

 

You make a good point. I am afraid of being left, because I have been left before. Of course, in other situations, I have been the one to do the leaving. As you say, there are no gaurantees, and the really funny thing is that in my case, I was left by an older guy for an even older woman!

 

In my experience, the life stage is more important than the age number. The guy who left me had trouble with the fact that I still had kids at home and that they required a lot of attention. The older woman was past all that.

 

This is similar to and seems to be equally important to the question of whether or not someone wants kids or more kids. This particular 45 year old already has two kids, as do probably the majority of 45 year old men, and I would bet that most of them don't want more.