Question for Guys 40 - 50

[vonerik012]

Here is my point..

 

Ok first of all, with an Older man and younger woman, financial security often times play a role. Do older women want to be more of the provider? Something tells me no.

 

Secondly, I have an older sister who is 40.

 

Would I be happy if she is meeting lots of young guys off the internet who just want sex? No. Or if she is providing for a younger man?

 

Or, lets say best case scenario, she is with a man who is 33 and he likes her. Does this man know FOR SURE he never wants kids, or more kids? Will she waste her prime on a man who will have a higher probability of leaving her when they age? Or would she have the best chance if she IS the younger woman, and date a guy who is 43-48?

 

It is correct to say there are NO guarantees. But that does not mean one should not take all things into consideration, and focus on the right target market.

 

If I want to make 10 million dollars, i can start businesses. Or I can buy lots of lottery tickets. Obviously neither is a "guarantee" of reaching that goal, but one has a much higher probability than the other.

[Eyeofthoth]

I understand your points von, but the stats don't seem to support them. Except for the case where the younger man wants children and the older woman doesn't or can't.

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3679116/

[vonerik012]

I failed to see one relevant stat in the entire article...

 

1/3 of women 40-69 are "dating" younger men...

 

I guess it depends how you define dating...Going on a date counts? A younger sex buddy? I wonder why more don't translate into marriage? Younger men AND older women do not want to marry? So if a woman has 3 younger sex buddies, that is dating? I am speaking of relationships.

 

The article did not say SO, or partner, etc.. it said "dating"

And another interesting line....

 

As for the men, he says: "I guess it could be nice not to hang around a ditz with no knowledge of music or something like that."

 

This is what I mean.. So younger women have to be put down as being "ditzy" to make the case for older women..

[spookie]

So starting over...

 

It is your hypothesis that older men would prefer to marry older women, but the women their age or older just do not want marriage? So they are "forced" to settle for younger girls? LOL Come on...

 

Yes you might think McCain looks ridiculous. But not nearly as ridiculous if he was with a woman 25 years older (95 years old), instead of younger.

 

No, that is not my hypothesis. My hypothesis is that of all the old dude's in R's, the ones with younger partners are far more likely to actually get married. That's how you get to your stats.

 

Conditional probability lesson:

 

There are 100 old dudes.

 

60 are in R's with young chicks. That's 60%.

 

40 are in R's with old chicks. That's 40%.

 

Both groups of old dudes are equally ambivalent about marriage.

 

HYPOTHESIS: More young chicks want to get married. Say, 50% of them push for it, as opposed to 10% of the old chicks.

 

So, 60*.5 = 30 old dude- young chicks marriages happen.

 

And 40*.1 = 4 old dude- old chick.

 

The stats you see: 30/34 = 88% of old due marriages happen to young chicks.

 

BUT that stat is deceptive if only 60% of old dudes are WITH young chicks.

 

You see my point? Or will you twist it into some omg insecure aging women don't know s!ht about men statement?

[vonerik012]

Do you have stats to back it up?

 

I think obviously far more older women are not even in relationships than younger women. After menopause some might just drop off the charts, I don't know.

 

Also, there is some common sense lacking...

 

So this is how you feel it goes down...

 

50 year old man..."Wow, I would really love to be married, but I can't find a woman older than myself or my age that wants to get married!" or...

 

"I am 50, and my girlfriend is 60.. I have been asking her to marry me, but she keeps saying no!"

 

Why is it hard to believe that men in their 40's simply might prefer a woman in their 30's? Is there something horrible about younger women in their 30's that counterbalances their younger bodies, higher energy level, and beauty?? Are you a misogynist?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Wow, the negative attitudes towards older women here are truly disheartening. We all age. We will have wrinkles, and everything else that goes with that. What is the alternative? To be dead? It is hard to deal with these changes for many people. Why do certain posters seem hell bent on cramming it down our throats that older women are ugly, useless, and unattractive? Apparently, some of these women just "fall off the charts". Yes, I wonder where these poor, lonely old souls go. They must rent sailboats and sail out into the middle of the sea and then dive in. Why not, their lives are apparently "worthless".

 

I know that if I am lucky enough to live out my days, whether single or with a significant other, that I will greet each day as a new beginning, a day unlike any other. There will be people to see, trips to take, and family to love. I will be grateful that I am not ill with cancer, or disabled due to MS. I will be happy to be alive, whether or not a large number of people find me attractive.

[spookie]

Do you have stats to back it up?

 

I think obviously far more older women are not even in relationships than younger women. After menopause some might just drop off the charts, I don't know.

 

Also, there is some common sense lacking...

 

So this is how you feel it goes down...

 

50 year old man..."Wow, I would really love to be married, but I can't find a woman older than myself or my age that wants to get married!" or...

 

"I am 50, and my girlfriend is 60.. I have been asking her to marry me, but she keeps saying no!"

 

Why is it hard to believe that men in their 40's simply might prefer a woman in their 30's? Is there something horrible about younger women in their 30's that counterbalances their younger bodies, higher energy level, and beauty?? Are you a misogynist?

 

You're twisting my words, once again.

 

I didn't say anything about the men's desire to get married or not. My assumption was the BOTH GROUPS OF MEN felt equally about it. Although, common sense would indicate that the men with the younger women would prefer marriage more to the other group, WHICH ONLY SKEWS THE STATS EVEN FURTHER TO YOUR SIDE. (Old guy seeking out young woman = good indication that the person is not done having children).

 

Just because such a large percentage of marriages for old guys are with younger women doens't mean the percentage of old guys who PREFER younger women is the same.

 

Who CHOOSES to marry at all is largely based on the very stat we are trying to calculate. That's very recursive and not very good statistical analysis at all. It's like polling people in bars about whether they like beer. Probably: they're in a bar. (Probably: he got married for a reason, which is family for a lot of guys (possible only with younger woman), or cause she wants to for others (again, more probable with younger women).

[vonerik012]

Cherry, this is my point...

 

Many older women are wonderful. They are sexy. Beautiful. Sensual. Etc.

Nobody is saying they are not.

 

Does that mean that younger men want to have long term relationships with them? Typically no. Must the above women have everything? They do not like older men, but younger men must be interested in them? Are these older women also realizing men age as well, and being open minded to that fact?

 

I used to have a profile on a dating site, and it was really eye opening. I received so many emails from women 45-50 (I was 28) in which they were seeking a ltr. On their profile, their age range was 28-40.

 

If I said "well you are out of my age range", often times they seemed offended. Yet, they exclude older men themselves..

 

Ok Spookie..So a 50yr old man would typically be blind and not care about age, and choose a 35 yr old, or a 65 yr old? The stats are skewed because he is more likely to marry a 35 yr old..

 

Common sense says most men would want th 35 yr old either way..

[soserious1]

Cherry, this is my point...

 

Many older women are wonderful. They are sexy. Beautiful. Sensual. Etc.

Nobody is saying they are not.

 

Does that mean that younger men want to have long term relationships with them? Typically no. Must the above women have everything? They do not like older men, but younger men must be interested in them? Are these older women also realizing men age as well, and being open minded to that fact?

 

I used to have a profile on a dating site, and it was really eye opening. I received so many emails from women 45-50 (I was 28) in which they were seeking a ltr. On their profile, their age range was 28-40.

 

If I said "well you are out of my age range", often times they seemed offended. Yet, they exclude older men themselves..

 

Ok Spookie..So a 50yr old man would typically be blind and not care about age, and choose a 35 yr old, or a 65 yr old? The stats are skewed because he is more likely to marry a 35 yr old..

 

Common sense says most men would want th 35 yr old either way..

 

I'm a woman in my 50's just beginning the process of divorcing a husband who openly voices many of the same ideas you do and has no problem with letting me know that I'm too old for sex and ought to be grateful that he's still here.

 

Here's the deal, I'm no movie star I'm an average middle aged woman but I've stayed trim, size 8, I have vibrant skin and almost all of my natural teeth. I have an interesting, demanding career that is just ramping up. I am well read, I travel, I am an accomplished baker and throw wonderful parties.

 

I have no problem with the looks of older men, a lot of them are quite handsome.My problem centers around life stages and energy levels.Say I decide to date a man 10 yrs my senior, he's getting ready to retire or preparing to, his career is winding down unless he's in science, medicine or teaching. Many older men have low energy levels, they're more interested in plopping in front of the tv or throwing in a dvd, many have few real long term friends. A lot of men 10 yrs older than I have also developed significant health problems that limit what they can do and often signal that they are going to need nursing assistance not too far on down the road.

 

We talk often of people who have "good genes" it isn't until age 45- 50 really that we start to see not only who got lucky in the gene pool but who also took good care of themselves and made good life choices. Barring unexpected serious illness or accident I will most likely work at least part time till I am 70. I travel now and expect to do more of it every year.I am physically active, limber, I can scrub a floor,wash walls, go out dancing, I ski.

 

 

For me the decider is not just age as a raw number, I'm looking at overall health and current station in life. I am not interested in taking on an active step mothering role to school aged/teen aged children, nor am I interested in providing skilled nursing care.My children are grown, I have a good job, no serious debt, I am healthy and take only 1 regular medication. I want the last 1/3 of my life to be rich with travel, good food, good wine and good company, including regular, lusty sex.

 

A guy who wants kids obviously won't want me and that's okay because there are people I'm not interested in either. The fragile,sickly 65 yr old isn't long term relationship potential for me..but neither is a grossly overweight 45 yr old divorced guy with 2 teenaged children.. our life stages just won't mesh.

[Lizzie60]

I don't know about other women or other men.. but all I know is that since I hit the big 5-0.. I've never had so many guys in their 20s...

 

Some are still sending emails once in a while... even after 5-6 years.

 

I just broke up with a guy 20 years younger last week.. he wanted a 'serious' relationship.. I'm not 'ready' yet for something serious..

 

I don't even try to 'overanalyse' that 'phenomenon' like you guys are trying to do.. all I do.. is E N J O Y.. to the max..

 

My young MM, this week was talking about us getting together still .. in 10 years from now.. sooo cute.

[Water Tiger 08]

I can't explain it but I can get very attracted to older ladies, but i think it's the look in the eye and a youthfullness that transcends physical age.

 

Water

[Rooster_DAR]

I'll chime in...

 

 

Men generally do like younger women, but I don't think that set in stone. I prefer younger women, however I like women my age or older as long as they take care of themselves, and have good personality traits. As some of the posters stated, physical health and appearance does need to be in place to some degree.

 

Some of us have good genes and look a lot younger, but does that always matter in the long run? I prefer someone I can relate to regardless of their age, but some degree of attraction has to be in place. So for me, age does not matter it's just a number.

 

And to set the record strait, younger women do tend to like older guys (sometime a lot older), they always have and always will. Do some research, you will be surprised at the results.

 

Cheers!

[Rooster_DAR]

Ironically, the next thread I visited is a good example of my point that younger women like older men.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t161412/

[Eyeofthoth]

Well good. If a lot of younger women like older men (I never did, but I do now that I am older) then that leaves a lot of younger men who can't find partners their own age.

 

It's all starting to add up.

[Rooster_DAR]

Well good. If a lot of younger women like older men (I never did, but I do now that I am older) then that leaves a lot of younger men who can't find partners their own age.

 

It's all starting to add up.

 

Thus the homosexual explosion in the past 20 years.

[flc]

I don't know about other women or other men.. but all I know is that since I hit the big 5-0.. I've never had so many guys in their 20s...

 

 

I would agree with this from my perspective as well. My dating life has been much more active at 50 than it ever was when I was in my 20s. For me, it has to do with age bringing confidence and experience. I know what I want and I am aggressive about getting it and I have no fear of rejection. This is not something I could say 25 years ago. I think that women and men like that in their partner, no silly games.

[soserious1]

I'll chime in...

 

 

Men generally do like younger women, but I don't think that set in stone. I prefer younger women, however I like women my age or older as long as they take care of themselves, and have good personality traits. As some of the posters stated, physical health and appearance does need to be in place to some degree.

 

Some of us have good genes and look a lot younger, but does that always matter in the long run? I prefer someone I can relate to regardless of their age, but some degree of attraction has to be in place. So for me, age does not matter it's just a number.

 

And to set the record strait, younger women do tend to like older guys (sometime a lot older), they always have and always will. Do some research, you will be surprised at the results.

 

Cheers!

 

 

I think that looking younger than your actual age is important because it usually signals not just good genes but more importantly that a person takes care of themselves.

 

Ever meet a person and get a shock when you hear that they're 3-5 years younger than you are yet they look 10-15 years older? Those folks look that way for a reason and that reason usually involves a lot of unhealthy habits and a long track record of making poor life choices.

 

A guy who wants kids won't want me, a guy who looks with longing at 20 yr old co-eds won't want me either and that's fine. That doesn't mean I need to settle for some grossly overweight,unhealthy fellow just because he's willing to lower himself enough to actually be seen with an older gal.

[soserious1]

Wow, the negative attitudes towards older women here are truly disheartening. We all age. We will have wrinkles, and everything else that goes with that. What is the alternative? To be dead? It is hard to deal with these changes for many people. Why do certain posters seem hell bent on cramming it down our throats that older women are ugly, useless, and unattractive? Apparently, some of these women just "fall off the charts". Yes, I wonder where these poor, lonely old souls go. They must rent sailboats and sail out into the middle of the sea and then dive in. Why not, their lives are apparently "worthless".

 

I know that if I am lucky enough to live out my days, whether single or with a significant other, that I will greet each day as a new beginning, a day unlike any other. There will be people to see, trips to take, and family to love. I will be grateful that I am not ill with cancer, or disabled due to MS. I will be happy to be alive, whether or not a large number of people find me attractive.

 

 

From what I've experienced first hand I think it goes like this

 

Older women are expected to absorb the message that they've totally lost value in the sexual marketplace.. that not only do men not want them but that many people consider our physical appearance outright frightening and disgusting to look at.

 

We are supposed to absorb this message.. but we are not supposed to openly talk about it. We are expected to pretend to not notice when our middle aged husbands are ogling college girls or locking themselves in the den to view porn of much younger women. We're expected to laugh at crude jokes regarding the appearance and sexuality of older women.

 

We are supposed to take in the social message that we're now worthless...but we're also expected to act as if we are totally fine with that and have a healthy sense of self worth.

 

We're told that we must basically "settle" for any man who will lower himself enough to be with our digusting,wrinkled selves but if we openly talk about how we've significatantly lowered our standards in order to attract more potential romantic partners.. then we're clearly showing signs of having low self-esteem and admonished that men don't find that attractive either.

[Rooster_DAR]

I think that looking younger than your actual age is important because it usually signals not just good genes but more importantly that a person takes care of themselves.

 

Ever meet a person and get a shock when you hear that they're 3-5 years younger than you are yet they look 10-15 years older? Those folks look that way for a reason and that reason usually involves a lot of unhealthy habits and a long track record of making poor life choices.

 

A guy who wants kids won't want me, a guy who looks with longing at 20 yr old co-eds won't want me either and that's fine. That doesn't mean I need to settle for some grossly overweight,unhealthy fellow just because he's willing to lower himself enough to actually be seen with an older gal.

 

I agree with this to a degree, but many people who starting looking old sooner may be dealing with genetics, and lifestyle may not be the cause.

[Rooster_DAR]

From what I've experienced first hand I think it goes like this

 

Older women are expected to absorb the message that they've totally lost value in the sexual marketplace.. that not only do men not want them but that many people consider our physical appearance outright frightening and disgusting to look at.

 

We are supposed to absorb this message.. but we are not supposed to openly talk about it. We are expected to pretend to not notice when our middle aged husbands are ogling college girls or locking themselves in the den to view porn of much younger women. We're expected to laugh at crude jokes regarding the appearance and sexuality of older women.

 

We are supposed to take in the social message that we're now worthless...but we're also expected to act as if we are totally fine with that and have a healthy sense of self worth.

 

We're told that we must basically "settle" for any man who will lower himself enough to be with our digusting,wrinkled selves but if we openly talk about how we've significatantly lowered our standards in order to attract more potential romantic partners.. then we're clearly showing signs of having low self-esteem and admonished that men don't find that attractive either.

 

Wow, so very true, and sad too.

 

People should take care of themselves physically if they expect to attract a mate they find attractive, no matter what age group. I've seen women in their 40's and 50's that look better than some of the hottest younger women but they are few and far between. There are big differences depending on where you live geographically as well, for instance older women in California look much better than older women in south Texas. But then again, most women in California look better than other states anyway IMO.

 

Cheers!

[soserious1]

Do you have stats to back it up?

 

I think obviously far more older women are not even in relationships than younger women. After menopause some might just drop off the charts, I don't know.

 

Also, there is some common sense lacking...

 

So this is how you feel it goes down...

 

50 year old man..."Wow, I would really love to be married, but I can't find a woman older than myself or my age that wants to get married!" or...

 

"I am 50, and my girlfriend is 60.. I have been asking her to marry me, but she keeps saying no!"

 

Why is it hard to believe that men in their 40's simply might prefer a woman in their 30's? Is there something horrible about younger women in their 30's that counterbalances their younger bodies, higher energy level, and beauty?? Are you a misogynist?

 

I don't think there's anything "horrible" about younger women but by the same coin I can no longer sit here and buy into the message that there's something "horrible" about me simply because I'm not 30 anymore. I could well live into my 90's that is a LONG time to have to carry the weight of that particular cross!

 

 

I'm also not buying into the idea that because I'm older this means I need to "settle" for someone who's miles apart from me in terms of his health,level of fitness, his level of debt and who comes lugging a ton of expensive obligations from a pre-existing family.

 

 

Also food for thought..like many of my age peers I'm in process of exiting a long term marriage. I'm not interested in getting married again, nor am I interested in a serious, exclusive relationship.. I have a lot of work to do internally to process my part in the failure of my marriage.. Any relationships at this point would be purely for fun, recreation, casual friendships, nothing more wanted nor expected.

 

If I choose at some point to be in another serious relationship it will be because I've met someone who comes from the same place,the same time as I do, somebody who's mindset and lifestyle meshes with mine, somebody who I think is wonderful and who returns that feeling to me. None of this "settling"

stuff, what a horrible insult to both parties!

[flc]

 

People should take care of themselves physically if they expect to attract a mate they find attractive, no matter what age group. I've seen women in their 40's and 50's that look better than some of the hottest younger women but they are few and far between. There are big differences depending on where you live geographically as well, for instance older women in California look much better than older women in south Texas. But then again, most women in California look better than other states anyway IMO.

 

Cheers!

 

Agreed, I spend 8hrs a week on the bike (120-150mi/week) and watch what I eat. My gf goes to aerobics 4-5 times a week and is fanatic about what she eats. People living in areas that are focused on a lot of beach life like Socal and SoFl spend a lot of time on their appearance because they spend a lot of time on the beach and it becomes ingrained into the local lifestyle. When I lived in the midwest winter demotivates people IHOP seems to be the restaurant of choice.

[soserious1]

I agree with this to a degree, but many people who starting looking old sooner may be dealing with genetics, and lifestyle may not be the cause.

 

If I stopped coloring my hair, if I stopped exercising every day, if I started stuffing my face with fast food 3-4x a week and drinking to excess regularly, If I stopped drinking water and getting regular sleep.if I stopped caring for my skin x2 daily I would most likely look 10 years older in about 3 months.

 

A great part of looking well as we age has to do with upkeep.. you need to do more,push harder with each passing year.Many people give up the fight,some a lot sooner than others.

[vonerik012]

I don't think there's anything "horrible" about younger women but by the same coin I can no longer sit here and buy into the message that there's something "horrible" about me simply because I'm not 30 anymore. I could well live into my 90's that is a LONG time to have to carry the weight of that particular cross!

 

 

I'm also not buying into the idea that because I'm older this means I need to "settle" for someone who's miles apart from me in terms of his health,level of fitness, his level of debt and who comes lugging a ton of expensive obligations from a pre-existing family.

 

 

Also food for thought..like many of my age peers I'm in process of exiting a long term marriage. I'm not interested in getting married again, nor am I interested in a serious, exclusive relationship.. I have a lot of work to do internally to process my part in the failure of my marriage.. Any relationships at this point would be purely for fun, recreation, casual friendships, nothing more wanted nor expected.

 

If I choose at some point to be in another serious relationship it will be because I've met someone who comes from the same place,the same time as I do, somebody who's mindset and lifestyle meshes with mine, somebody who I think is wonderful and who returns that feeling to me. None of this "settling"

stuff, what a horrible insult to both parties!

 

 

Nobody is telling you to settle. Find the best mate possible. If you just want fun, I am sure many younger guys would like to have fun with you too. Admittedly you do not want a serious relationship, so you can date 18 yr old men if you want.

[Jake Barnes]

Even though theres been some mean things said by the men here they're right that theres an awful lot of hypocrisy coming from some of the women. They dont want men their own age for superficial reasons and then they exect younger men to overlook their own physical vunerabilities

 

wtf