quankanne Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 How is she lucky to have a person who most likely wants her dead, as her caregiver?? The wife is in the way and you can bet that the OP is fantisizing about her death. Creepy, creepy, creepy! oh jeez, CL, now you're creating scenarios out of thin air. OP seems to be concerned for both patient and spouse, and wants to be there for both. But she also understands that she's got to be very careful about the moves she makes if she wants to be professional ... and fair back to the question of going sexless for five years because your spouse is physically unable to engage in intercourse: I imagine that despite his physical needs, up until this point he could very well have enough love and respect for his wife to put those needs aside because she needs him more than he needs a sausage wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 yes, her mind, her spirit, her essence, her soul - depending on what you believe - THAT is still there from what Wyld has posted........ you're the one that keeps saying she's a cabbage Well in terms of performing her duties as W yes she is in a vegetative state. She cannot provide any wifely duties to her H due to her illness. Her sould might still be alive but she can't even speak. So what is there really? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 back to the question of going sexless for five years because your spouse is physically unable to engage in intercourse: I imagine that despite his physical needs, up until this point he could very well have enough love and respect for his wife to put those needs aside because she needs him more than he needs a sausage wallet. It's not just about the act of "sex" insert sausage here----------> V And nice analogy by the way I guess to you sex only represents that. It is about the intimacy a person needs in a relationship the intimacy any person needs from another human being to give and feel loved. Gees! Why is that so hard for some of you to understand? Why must it always be boilled it down the lowest common denominator. Would it kill some of you to expand your minds a bit beyond the mediocre way of thinking? Yeah I guess it would... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Well in terms of performing her duties as W yes she is in a vegetative state. She cannot provide any wifely duties to her H due to her illness. Her sould might still be alive but she can't even speak. So what is there really? "...love, honor, and cherish (and don't forget to take advantage of all those 'wifely duties' as long as they're available. After that, you are free to dump her, my son.)" Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I'm wondering where the sense of empathy FOR THE WIFE is at right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 He could be a jerk and leave her.. I seriously doubt that at this stage in the process he can.. well at least not without him being pulled into court or something.. He is most likely her medical power of attorney and is bound to make the medical decisions for her. They most likely had already previously set that medical power of attorney up previously and well as her living will. He would have to be one cold person to leave his wife who he loves without following through on till death do us part. It seems to me that he is doing the till death do us part seriously... Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 So what is there really? A woman who deserves to have the loving husband that vowed to "love, honor, and cherish" until death do they part. Not a man that is planning his future with someone else before she is even gone. He made a lifetime commitment to her and he should see it through to the end for better or worse. I'd say she didn't choose to be in the condition she is in and it is not her fault that she can't fufill her "wifely duties". Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I DON'T think she'd agree... YOU have no idea what she might think. She may surprise everyone and think "I love this man and I want to see him happy" and say to wyldflr "I want you to love him because I can't" Some people are just THAT evolved. Contrary to what the masses think. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 YOU have no idea what she might think. She may surprise everyone and think "I love this man and I want to see him happy" and say to wyldflr "I want you to love him because I can't" Some people are just THAT evolveld. <--- snide, not so hidden insult. Contrary to what the masses think. If that's such an obvious possibility, then they should simply ask her, shouldn't they? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 YOU have no idea what she might think. She may surprise everyone and think "I love this man and I want to see him happy" and say to wyldflr "I want you to love him because I can't" Some people are just THAT evolved. Contrary to what the masses think. and as she can 'mouth words' she is fully capable of doing that - IF anyone asked her........... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A woman who deserves to have the loving husband that vowed to "love, honor, and cherish" until death do they part. Not a man that is planning his future with someone else before she is even gone. He made a lifetime commitment to her and he should see it through to the end for better or worse. I'd say she didn't choose to be in the condition she is in and it is not her fault that she can't fufill her "wifely duties". And I agree with that no one chooses to be in that kind of sick condition but to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish and misery loves company. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I I care for her immensely and would be devastated if she ever found out. Hmmmmmm ......... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 You're right...she might say that. Or she might say "Hey, dingleberry...you wanna wait until the body cools????". You don't KNOW any better than I do...or anyone else on this thread. But if your thought is that she's basically a radish with diapers and a feeding tube, I've not seen any indication so far that you think what she feels is relevent to the situation. DO YOU think her feelings are relevent? Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 And I agree with that no one chooses to be in that kind of sick condition but to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish and misery loves company. I took the same vows my H did and if he were the one in this womans situation, I would be right by his side, being there for him no matter what. I would not be making plans for my future with someone else while he was still alive. Oh, and no I am not selfish. I think and care about other people's feelings-not do what I want and everyone else be dammned! Which is a train of thought that you seem to be very familiar with. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 You're right...she might say that. Or she might say "Hey, dingleberry...you wanna wait until the body cools????". You don't KNOW any better than I do...or anyone else on this thread. But if your thought is that she's basically a radish with diapers and a feeding tube, I've not seen any indication so far that you think what she feels is relevent to the situation. DO YOU think her feelings are relevent? Or she might not. If we are going to speculate it could go either way. So we don't know what she feels we are ALL speculating. Not even the OP knows what she feels. But my opinions are on what I would want for me and my partner, as your opinions are for what you want. Me personally I would not want to castrate my spouse if were a vegetable I couldn't do that to another human being they deserve to find happiness and just because I am dying they do not need to die with me. Now if they choose to stay by my side it is their choice but I woudl expect that from them. Because that was never discussed in this case then we can only specualte on how we would handle the situation. Of course I think her feelings are relevant, what are they by the way? Do you know? Becuase last I checked her feelings were never posted here. SO until then your speculation is as good or bad as mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I took the same vows my H did and if he were the one in this womans situation, I would be right by his side, being there for him no matter what. I would not be making plans for my future with someone else while he was still alive. Oh, and no I am not selfish. I think and care about other people's feelings-not do what I want and everyone else be dammned! Which is a train of thought that you seem to be very familiar with. No one chooses to be in that kind of sick condition but to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish and misery loves company. They are all choices you are free to make yours. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 No one chooses to be in that kind of sick condition but to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish and misery loves company. They are all choices you are free to make yours. Do you think that if you keep repeating yourself and trying to force your opinion down everyone's throat that doesn't agree with you that we will all eventually give in and convert to your way of thinking? What part of "for better or worse" don't you understand? I believe in treating others the way you would want to be treated. Last time I checked that wasn't selfish and I am by no means miserable. Good try honey! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Do you think that if you keep repeating yourself and trying to force your opinion down everyone's throat that doesn't agree with you that we will all eventually give in and convert to your way of thinking? I believe in treating others the way you would want to be treated. Last time I checked that wasn't selfish and I am by no means miserable. Good try honey! Well you keep asking me the same question so if you are not getting it obviously I need to repeat it. "Good try honey"!?!?! WTF!?!? You are not in a wheelchair and with a breathing tube and can't speak or move or eat without the assistance of a team of 7 on 24 hr watch, so let's hope you have a little something to be happy about. I said IF YOU WERE in that scenario you might expect your partner to also die along with you. I would not. I think I just figured out why there is so much back and forth here people just can't read. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Well you keep asking me the same question so if you are not getting it obviously I need to repeat it. "Good try honey"!?!?! WTF!?!? You are not in a wheelchair and with a breathing tube and can't speak or move or eat without the assistance of a team of 7 on 24 hr watch, so let's hope you have a little something to be happy about. I said IF YOU WERE in that scenario you might expect your partner to also die along with you. I would not. I think I just figured out why there is so much back and forth here people just can't read. And yet more insults. Yeah, the W IS on a feeding tube inert. What does SHE get to be happy about? The fact that her H is making plans with a new woman - her caretaker no less - before she's even cold yet? Oh, that's right. She doesn't GET to be happy because, after all, she's not performing her "wifely duties." Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 How is she lucky to have a person who most likely wants her dead, as her caregiver?? The wife is in the way and you can bet that the OP is fantisizing about her death. Creepy, creepy, creepy! Wow.. I very much doubt that the OP wants the W dead.. come on.. don't be so melodramatic. Plus I would bet anything that the W has absolutely no idea about her and her H.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 And yet more insults. Yeah, the W IS on a feeding tube inert. What does SHE get to be happy about? The fact that her H is making plans with a new woman - her caretaker no less - before she's even cold yet? Oh, that's right. She doesn't GET to be happy because, after all, she's not performing her "wifely duties." How was that an insult? I was making the point that she has nothing to be miserable about, nor did I even say she was miserable so I have no clue where she got that from!?!? She didn't read what I wrote which is why she jumped to that silly conclusion, I had said if she was in the W's situation which just so happens to be: in a wheelchair and with a breathing tube and can't speak or move or eat without the assistance of a team of 7 on 24 hr watch, so let's hope you have a little something to be happy about how was that an insult?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 oh, lizzie, what would these threads be without all the fabricated drama? :laugh: And nice analogy by the way I guess to you sex only represents that. … Why must it always be boiled it down the lowest common denominator? and … to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish oh, the irony of your posts! I try to introduce a little levity (okay, and a bit of vulgarity, so sue me), and I get lambasted, yet it’s perfectly fine to suggest that her husband deserves to poke someone because you believe he shouldn’t have to live “like some castrated monk.” isn't what some amoral schmuck like the one you're describing the exact same kind of guy who's looking for a sausage wallet to alleviate some pressing ... need? honoring a commitment he made his wife does not make him a martyr ... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 oh, lizzie, what would these threads be without all the fabricated drama? :laugh: And nice analogy by the way I guess to you sex only represents that. … Why must it always be boiled it down the lowest common denominator? and … to expect a partner to devote themselves to you like some castrated monk because you cannot function IS a choice, and one some of you here would want because ultimately you are selfish oh, the irony of your posts! I try to introduce a little levity (okay, and a bit of vulgarity, so sue me), and I get lambasted, yet it’s perfectly fine to suggest that her husband deserves to poke someone because you believe he shouldn’t have to live “like some castrated monk.” isn't what some amoral schmuck like the one you're describing the exact same kind of guy who's looking for a sausage wallet to alleviate some pressing ... need? honoring a commitment he made his wife does not make him a martyr ... Well no because this is not about a sausage wallet Quank c'mon the man is getting emtional support and affection from the OP. Why reduce it to some pokefest? This conversation is so one track minded. C'mon! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Honestly Wyldflower I totally feel for you if this thread is any indication of what you are afraid to be faced with on the outside I can see why you are in so torn. I'm out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 It's very sad for the W but it's reality and every one around her has to make every thing possible so that she is comfortable and well taken care of.. I'm sure the OP is a great provider of the best cares.. and also a very good friend of this woman.. She (W) is surrounded by people who are doing everything in their power to alleviate her misery and makes life easier/happier for her. Despite her illness, she finds some happiness with all those people. Good for you wyld.. keep up the good work... You're a great person! Link to post Share on other sites
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