IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Well in my relationship if he is looking at naked pictures or videos of ANOTHER WOMEN it is someone esle. That chick knows what those items will be used for. So when I am willing to give him sex whenever he wants it and he has pictues and videos of me he can use then yes it is about me. He is choosing someone esle to get off to over me. So what does your SO think of this? I see what your saying and yes men shouldn't be thinking about other women. Whether or not they are when looking at porn, I don't know. Personally I think some just use it to get off quick. Especailly if they don't have anyone to help them in that department. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 So basically you are saying that you should be the only thought in his head, EVER? You are also one of those girls who gets irate if your man even glances in the direction of another woman when out and about, aren't you? It's just ridiculous. If you really think it's that scandalous and horrible, then break up with the guy, and go date a eunich or something. PS I don't know many -- if any -- men who are NOT just about getting off when in the midst of masturbation or intercourse. Well if I am with him and he turns his head to look at another chick then yes I get pissed. It is like is he looking for something better and trying to keep his options still open. Really I find it very sad that people are ok with knowing their SO is only with them because they don't have permession to sleep with other people. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 So what does your SO think of this? I see what your saying and yes men shouldn't be thinking about other women. Whether or not they are when looking at porn, I don't know. Personally I think some just use it to get off quick. Especailly if they don't have anyone to help them in that department. I don't really see a problem with a man using porn if he is single or if he doesn't have a partner who loves to have sex. However when he does I don't see why he would choose porn. He has kinda said that porn use is related to looks. This guy we work with is a big big porn user. I was saying something about how I feel bad for his wife. His response was, "well if you were the size of his wife I would use porn as much as he does too." Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I don't really see a problem with a man using porn if he is single or if he doesn't have a partner who loves to have sex. However when he does I don't see why he would choose porn. He has kinda said that porn use is related to looks. This guy we work with is a big big porn user. I was saying something about how I feel bad for his wife. His response was, "well if you were the size of his wife I would use porn as much as he does too." Nice guy. Okay I see what your saying. I guess for some guys, it's hard to give up porn and sub. it for their SO's videos/pics. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 LOL If you think any person is NEVER once going to EVER look at another attractive person in his or her life, you must be very young and naive. I still see movies and think "Damn Leo DiCaprio is hot" or I might see a hot guy out and think "Huh that guy is hot." HOWEVER, and I imagine this is the case with your man, we LOVE our partners for very specific reasons, and MOST of those are NOT related to appearance. The guy I love is not the hottest guy in the world...he's got a cute hairy belly, and I used to despise hair on a man. But to me, I love that about him. I love him for so many other reasons and THAT is why I choose to be with him, and probably why your man chooses to be with you. No one is holding a gun to his head, and as controlling as you COULD possibly be, if he wants to think about someone else or leave you for someone else, he can and would. Be thankful you have great sex and a relationship with someone you love, and stop worrying so much. Well if I am with him and he turns his head to look at another chick then yes I get pissed. It is like is he looking for something better and trying to keep his options still open. Really I find it very sad that people are ok with knowing their SO is only with them because they don't have permession to sleep with other people. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I think it's pointless to let stuff like this creep up in someone head. Trust me it does no good worrying about what he thinks and see's 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 LOL If you think any person is NEVER once going to EVER look at another attractive person in his or her life, you must be very young and naive. I still see movies and think "Damn Leo DiCaprio is hot" or I might see a hot guy out and think "Huh that guy is hot." . I don't check out other attractive people really. I'm not sure what you consider young. When I was single I checked out attractive guys because I had noone. Now that I have someone I just don't see the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I don't check out other attractive people really. I'm not sure what you consider young. When I was single I checked out attractive guys because I had noone. Now that I have someone I just don't see the point. If you owned the Mona Lisa, would you stop looking at other artwork? Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I don't check out other attractive people really. I'm not sure what you consider young. When I was single I checked out attractive guys because I had noone. Now that I have someone I just don't see the point. Yeah I do the same thing. But I will say this and I hope guys don't jump me for this but I'm sorry but I can't use that "men are visuals" as an excuse for EVERYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 My ideas come from the relationships I see. People are unhappy with their SO weight gain or lack of intrest in sex so they go to porn. (this I DO understand-why porn would be needed here) But do you think that's only reason? People are unhappy for whatever reason so they think about someone esle. Again, do you think that's only reason? What I do not understand is why when your SO loves sex and looks really good that you would need someone esle for stimulation. I've tried to explain this before, but it seems like you just ignore it because it's not fitting your preconceived notions. I think the only way you will ever understand this is to step outside of those notions and make a real effort to see another perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 It is like is he looking for something better and trying to keep his options still open. I notice that you automatically equate someone else with someone better. Why do you assume "different" = "better"? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 This is the more "repressive" post I have read in years. I cannot imagine that a woman, angry at her short term boyfriend/sperm doner has caused all this commotion. Porn mags, and Dolphin Petting have gone from rude behavior to a near Capital Crime. Get a grip folks! Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 If you owned the Mona Lisa, would you stop looking at other artwork? That is not even close to being the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 This is the more "repressive" post I have read in years. I cannot imagine that a woman, angry at her short term boyfriend/sperm doner has caused all this commotion. Porn mags, and Dolphin Petting have gone from rude behavior to a near Capital Crime. Get a grip folks! Short term sperm donor? OK......... Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 It is absolutely the same thing. Just because I, or you, or your boyfriend, or Tom next door, has found the one person who he feels is perfect for him, beautiful in every way, the person he/she wants to spend the rest of his/her life with, does not mean you cannot still appreciate beauty in other people. I've seen some pretty amazing beaches in my time, but does that mean I'm going to stop going and looking at any others? Hell, no. What you're saying is utterly ridiculous, closed-minded and controlling. Seriously, how old are you? I keep getting this picture of some really overbearing redneck woman yelling at her husband from the door of their trailer....Sorry. Is this really 2007? That is not even close to being the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 I would say the reason your SO looks at porn even though he has you is because there is always someone more sexier and prettier than you (than all of us). This is a fact of life and I don't know how old you are but you'd better start realizing this fact or you will make yourself miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 It is absolutely the same thing. Just because I, or you, or your boyfriend, or Tom next door, has found the one person who he feels is perfect for him, beautiful in every way, the person he/she wants to spend the rest of his/her life with, does not mean you cannot still appreciate beauty in other people. I've seen some pretty amazing beaches in my time, but does that mean I'm going to stop going and looking at any others? Hell, no. What you're saying is utterly ridiculous, closed-minded and controlling. Seriously, how old are you? I keep getting this picture of some really overbearing redneck woman yelling at her husband from the door of their trailer....Sorry. Is this really 2007? I am 26 and in no way a redneck. I also do not live in a trailer. So because it is 2007 I am supposed to accept it if my man wants to screw other people. You know there is a BIG BIG difference between thinking someone is hot and wanting to see them naked on top of you. If you imagine sleeping with every single person you find attractive that is just sad. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 No one said that. If he wanted to be sleeping with someone else, he would be. So what if he fantasizes about something different once in awhile. Like we have all said, if it bothers you that much, and he won't stop, then dump him. Otherwise you'll have to learn to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 You know there is a BIG BIG difference between thinking someone is hot and wanting to see them naked on top of you. If you imagine sleeping with every single person you find attractive that is just sad. I agree with you here rainfall. I find quite a few men attractive. Do I think about having sex with every man I find attractive? NO. Just because I think they are nice looking does not automatically equate sleeping with them. I think something is wrong with people who automatically find anyone attractive as the next potential bed partner. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 No one said that. If he wanted to be sleeping with someone else, he would be. So what if he fantasizes about something different once in awhile. Like we have all said, if it bothers you that much, and he won't stop, then dump him. Otherwise you'll have to learn to deal with it. If he has a fantasy about sleeping with someone esle then yes that means he wants to sleep with them. Basically according to the people on here my chooses are accept the fact that I will never be good enough for anyone or be single and lonely forever. Isn't life great. :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Capatinacen Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 OMG the porn thread is back. If he has a fantasy about sleeping with someone esle then yes that means he wants to sleep with them. Basically according to the people on here my chooses are accept the fact that I will never be good enough for anyone or be single and lonely forever. Isn't life great. :sick: No one is saying that Rainfall. Yes if someone thinks about sleeping with someone else then yes IMO want to. You see the loophole that's out there to make this okay is hiding behind "It's okay because I'll never met them/see them." BUT if they know them/have access to them then some claim that's not okay. But it is if they don't know them. Makes no sense to me. Does that make it okay? Some say yes and some say no. Then some people go to the whole "visual" thing which is also debatable. But I don't see what your problem is because doesn't your SO agree with you? If so then there you go. You are good enough for guys. There are MEN out there that believe in the same thing you do. I know because I've met some. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 If he has a fantasy about sleeping with someone esle then yes that means he wants to sleep with them. No, this doesn't. I've had all sorts of sexual fantasies, but in reality, I doubt I would act on many of them. Fantasy is fantasy. Reality is reality. Learn to seperate the two. Basically according to the people on here my chooses are accept the fact that I will never be good enough for anyone or be single and lonely forever. Isn't life great. :sick: *thud* No, for the millionth time, people aren't saying that. *You* are saying that because you have an extremely myopic view of this whole issue. I think you need to understand that your expectations are completely out of touch with reality here, and that just because an SO might fantasize occationally, it doesn't have anything to do with you not being "good enough". Your self-esteem seems to be resting on other people's sexuality, which doesn't bode well for you at all. What I think you need to do is develop a healthier and more realistic understand of human sexuality, as well as develop your own self-esteem. Then none of this would be an issue for you. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 No, this doesn't. I've had all sorts of sexual fantasies, but in reality, I doubt I would act on many of them. Fantasy is fantasy. Reality is reality. Learn to seperate the two. *thud* No, for the millionth time, people aren't saying that. *You* are saying that because you have an extremely myopic view of this whole issue. I think you need to understand that your expectations are completely out of touch with reality here, and that just because an SO might fantasize occationally, it doesn't have anything to do with you not being "good enough". Your self-esteem seems to be resting on other people's sexuality, which doesn't bode well for you at all. What I think you need to do is develop a healthier and more realistic understand of human sexuality, as well as develop your own self-esteem. Then none of this would be an issue for you. So why haven't you done these things you have fantasys about? Not enough money, they are illegal, you would hurt someone you love, you don;t know the person in RL? Sorry if I am wrong here but I can't think of what would keep you from something you want. I have a very healthy self esteem. I find people who are ok with this to be the ones lacking in self esteem. Why would someone want to put up with this?It is insulating. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 I agree Rainfall. I am lucky that my man never checks out women,I am sure he has or will at some point notice a pretty girl,but I know for a fact he never thinks of anyone else sexually. Before we became serious he made it clear that he could not be with a women who would want to watch porn,or perv over other men. And I don't. I think nothing of other men because the truth is NO ONE is as attractive as my partner,no one is better looking than him,because to me he is perfect. No one else comes close to him,it is not because I think he is some god,but he fullfills my every need,emotionally and sexually and if I start thinkin g of anyone else it would mean something is going wrong in the relationship. People can say I am naive all they want,some men really do not go around looking at other women,some men,like mine,have respect for women and refuse to see them as sexual objects. Some men are not so obsessed with their dicks that they have to see women as something to check out. It took me a while to believe him to be honest because I was raised to beleive all men look at other women and have sexual thoughts. Well not my partner. He says the day that happens in the day he will have to take a look at what is missing in our relationship. The same goes for me. It has nothing to do with low self esteem. I think if we are all honest with ourselves we would all want our partners to be sexually attracted to us and only us. The people who have no isses with it are the people who probably lie to themselves. OK I am sure there are some people who are fine with it but I think the majority of people would prefer their partners to think only of them. We are all different and I resent being told I am naive because we work differently. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Being sexually attracted to someone, and simply finding someone objectively attractive are two different things. The first is about intent, the second a simple fantasy, a private fun thing that is never acted on nor intended to be acted on. For example, I am sexually attracted to my SO. I happen to find that even as I am sexually attracted to my SO and only my SO, that doesn't stop me from noticing a good looking guy if he happens to walk by. It doesn't stop me from finding the actor Ryan Reynolds incredibly sexy, for example. It doesn't stop me from letting my mind wander from time to time in a pure indulgent fantasy. It doesn't mean that I am sexually attracted to the person I am noticing - it just means that I happen to notice an attractive guy when I see one. If it dips into a fantasy, then that doesn't mean that I actually intend to cheat on my SO and want to sleep with that person. Its more of a mental hypothetical. Does that mean I don't love my SO? Nope. Does that mean that there is something lacking in my relationship that I would find someone else to be attractive? Nope. Does that mean that I am going to sleep around on my SO because I happen to notice other attractive guys out there? Nope. Why? Because fantasies are meant to be just that: fantasies. Not something you act on. Not something that takes the place of your real relationship. Fantasies are fun, but certainly nothing I would ever consider trading in the real thing for. I can understand someone not wanting their SO to be sexually attracted to someone else, and I can believe it when someone says their SO is not sexually attracted to anyone but them. However, there is no way on the face of G_d's green earth that you can convince me that there is a human being out there who never finds anyone else simply and objectively attractive except for the person they are involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
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