why does he need me if he has porn

[littlepiggy1]

No, because you are still under the misassumption that just because a person fantasizes, it means they want to necessarily fulfill them.

[rainfall]

No, because you are still under the misassumption that just because a person fantasizes, it means they want to necessarily fulfill them.

 

No I assume that if a person has a fantasy it is because their reality is not good enough therefore they have to get their sexual satisfaction ( at least a part of it) from "fake" situations.

 

Also you are telling me you never fantasize about something you would actually do?

[mistizzle21]

Porn is impersonal. People are personal. We need personal relationships with people. That's why he needs you.

[rainfall]

Porn is impersonal. People are personal. We need personal relationships with people. That's why he needs you.

oh yeah that makes it all ok..............

[littlepiggy1]

No I assume that if a person has a fantasy it is because their reality is not good enough therefore they have to get their sexual satisfaction ( at least a part of it) from "fake" situations.

 

Also you are telling me you never fantasize about something you would actually do?

 

I'm pretty sure we've covered this previously. I don't feel like rehashing the same points over and over, especially since I think that we're at an impass.

[rainfall]

I'm pretty sure we've covered this previously. I don't feel like rehashing the same points over and over, especially since I think that we're at an impass.

 

Yep you will never convince me its ok if my man wants to sleep or think about sleeping with others and I will never convince you that there is no place in a commited relationship for thoughts like that.

[Virginia]

Ahh OK my man is a liar then LMBO

 

Considering he told ME that he didn't want a relationship where we viewed porn or fantasized about others BEFORE we were a couple. Yep,he lied to me then,he pretended it was important to him to not do those things just so I fell in love with him.

 

Sorry,not all men are lying when they say they don't do that stuff. Yes,I will carry on trusting him because I know how important it is to him that I do not fantasize etc either.

 

As for statistics,I tend to think they are just numbers and do not live my life believing everything they say or take them as fact. Maybe I did meet a man who is a one off,I got lucky,I can cope with that

 

I read this thread to my SO and he too thinks it is laughable that you can say he is lying to me,when you have not even met him.

 

My SO is different,he hates TV,he doesn't watch it,he doesn't drink,he doesn't go out with friends to bars,he spends all his time listening to music,with his and our family and looking at nature. He gets off on plants and birds. So yeah,he is unlike a lot of men out there.

[Citizen Erased]

Ahh OK my man is a liar then LMBO

 

Considering he told ME that he didn't want a relationship where we viewed porn or fantasized about others BEFORE we were a couple. Yep,he lied to me then,he pretended it was important to him to not do those things just so I fell in love with him.

 

Sorry,not all men are lying when they say they don't do that stuff. Yes,I will carry on trusting him because I know how important it is to him that I do not fantasize etc either.

 

As for statistics,I tend to think they are just numbers and do not live my life believing everything they say or take them as fact. Maybe I did meet a man who is a one off,I got lucky,I can cope with that

 

I read this thread to my SO and he too thinks it is laughable that you can say he is lying to me,when you have not even met him.

 

My SO is different,he hates TV,he doesn't watch it,he doesn't drink,he doesn't go out with friends to bars,he spends all his time listening to music,with his and our family and looking at nature. He gets off on plants and birds. So yeah,he is unlike a lot of men out there.

 

Wow he sounds great

[new_stella]

Enema,

you missed the point. This is NOT the evidence.

 

Littlepiggy,

maybe I am too dismissive, maybe you’re right.

I still think that the study proves nothing and can be taken as indication only. But you may be right that most people fantasize. I know I do. I just don’t fantasize about other people.

 

What I don’t understand is why you think you should be the one to decide who is lying and who is not. Just stop for a minute and think about it: maybe, just maybe there are people, there are men who don’t think or feel like you do.

 

That doesn’t make them broken or defective, that makes them different.

[Virginia]

Wow he sounds great

 

yes he is,I love him very much I don't get the sarcasm in your post,perhaps a bit of jealousy? who knows.

 

Anyway,I won't be back to this thread because there is no point talking to someone who thinks that everyone who feels differently is lying.

 

You have a few studies under your belt and feel you can tell others that there partners are lying,it is laughable but actually pretty sad that you are too closed minded to believe that not all men are the same.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Just because you objectively fantasize about something doesn't mean you are dissatisfied with what you have or want to change it in any way.

 

I guess the problem people are having is with INTENT/MOTIVATION behind the fantasy, rather than the idea of fantasizing by itself. Everybody fantasizes about something (sexual or otherwise), just not everyone has the intent or motivation to want to act on it.

 

If a hot woman walks by, and your man checks her out, finds her attractive and wonders what she looks like naked and imagines it, that is fantasy. It says nothing about you as his girlfriend and how you fulfill his needs - it has nothing to do with you at all, in fact. It is a simple matter of aesthetics mixed with normal brain chemistry. Some people appreciate art, some music, some attractive people. Its simple observation.

 

However...

 

If he tells you that he is attracted to her, thinks about her all the time, and wants to sleep with her, that is not simply a fantasy - that brings intent and motivation into the fantasy. I can wholly understand why you wouldn't want that to be a part of your relationship.

 

There is a HUGE difference between finding someone objectively attractive and abstractly fantasizing about them, and being attracted to them and fantasizing about finding ways to actually carry out the deed.

 

I do think 99.9 percent of fantasy is best kept to yourself if you are in a relationship with someone who supresses any fantasy or happens to be insecure. Its simply not worth the trouble to share it with a partner like that. Best to simply deny that you fantasize at all.

[iamwhatiam]

Did I ever fantasise?

 

I should clarify myself here.

I do fantasise, but not in a way you, or most of other men, imply, that is - I see a woman on the street, in a shop, at work etc. and start imagining having sex with her. That I simply haven't experienced - you could call it my disadvantage, or some other negative attribute, but that is simply what I am. What I do is re-live those moments that really happened. And, for that matter, since I have been with this partner, I re-live only the moments with her, and those are wild enough that feel me with pleasure again and again.

 

Monogamous or polygamous?

 

Still no definitive proof to me. The study results are just that: study results - the same way as red meat is bad for us for about 10 years, and then good for us (for another 10 years?). Other aspects of publicly available study results, often not cited, go hand in hand with other publicly available information (and this, in my opinion stands for much broader fields than sex, but let's stay here within the topic): who financed the study and with what motives? who will have benefits of the study? etc.etc.

 

Another aspect is, that men are still dominant in this society, and it is only natural that they will try to find a way to convince the population that it is their views, habits, characteristics that are valid and justified.

 

Here is an example of a much wider survey, published last year, that still proves nothing in either way:

http://www.martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/nov2006/sex_surveyed.html

 

Another article on the topic, that is within the same category (ie. proves nothing):

http://www.funreports.com/fun/23-05-2006/1373-polygamy-0

 

The list goes on.

 

As a conclusion, I would come back to my initial comment, that it is far too early to declare that human society is either monogamous or polygamous. It may be revealed either way in the future, but in the meantime we have to live our lives and decide what we can do with them, despite the fact that some studies show that 98% of people fantasise, or some other percentage want something that the rest don't. Those are still just statistics, and still limited to the sample used, and still cannot help at all to those who are not part of that statistics.

[Virginia]

Did I ever fantasise?

 

I should clarify myself here.

I do fantasise, but not in a way you, or most of other men, imply, that is - I see a woman on the street, in a shop, at work etc. and start imagining having sex with her. That I simply haven't experienced - you could call it my disadvantage, or some other negative attribute, but that is simply what I am. What I do is re-live those moments that really happened. And, for that matter, since I have been with this partner, I re-live only the moments with her, and those are wild enough that feel me with pleasure again and again.

 

Monogamous or polygamous?

 

Still no definitive proof to me. The study results are just that: study results - the same way as red meat is bad for us for about 10 years, and then good for us (for another 10 years?). Other aspects of publicly available study results, often not cited, go hand in hand with other publicly available information (and this, in my opinion stands for much broader fields than sex, but let's stay here within the topic): who financed the study and with what motives? who will have benefits of the study? etc.etc.

 

Another aspect is, that men are still dominant in this society, and it is only natural that they will try to find a way to convince the population that it is their views, habits, characteristics that are valid and justified.

 

Here is an example of a much wider survey, published last year, that still proves nothing in either way:

http://www.martinfrost.ws/htmlfiles/nov2006/sex_surveyed.html

 

Another article on the topic, that is within the same category (ie. proves nothing):

http://www.funreports.com/fun/23-05-2006/1373-polygamy-0

 

The list goes on.

 

As a conclusion, I would come back to my initial comment, that it is far too early to declare that human society is either monogamous or polygamous. It may be revealed either way in the future, but in the meantime we have to live our lives and decide what we can do with them, despite the fact that some studies show that 98% of people fantasise, or some other percentage want something that the rest don't. Those are still just statistics, and still limited to the sample used, and still cannot help at all to those who are not part of that statistics.

 

You liar you you don't just think of your partner,admit it,you think of others too. Youre a man,after all it is normal

 

Off to love my man who is 100% true to me and does not need anyone else to get off on I hit it lucky for sure.

 

I am sure if most women were honest with themselves they would love to have a man who doesn't think of other women sexually so they make it OK in their heads by refusing to believe men can be that way.

 

Who wouldn't want a man who is only sexually attracted to her? whos husband only thinks of her in bed? There are some people,esp those who swing for example who probably finds that a turn on,but for most women who want a monogamous relationship would probably love it if their partners didn't think of others and that is where I think a lot of people refuse to see that all men differ because they might have to admit to themselves that it hurts when their men are getting their kicks thinking and looking at other women.

 

I am sure it is not that way for all women,but the women I know IRL all would love their men to not think of others.

[littlepiggy1]

I still think that the study proves nothing and can be taken as indication only. But you may be right that most people fantasize. I know I do. I just don’t fantasize about other people.

 

Proof is for math and alchohol. In science, you can only have evidence. So far the evidence I see supports the idea that most people fantasize about others while in a relationship. I'm still waiting for evidence to the contrary.

 

What I don’t understand is why you think you should be the one to decide who is lying and who is not. Just stop for a minute and think about it: maybe, just maybe there are people, there are men who don’t think or feel like you do.

 

Indeed, maybe they are. But I'm going by the odds here. I have three people (2 women, and 1 man) telling me that their men/they don't fantasize about others in a relationship. Going by the 2% chance that is true (from that study), that means there is a 1 in 125000 chance of all three telling the truth. Even if I increase the odds, say to 10% there is still only a 1 in 1000 chance of this being true.

 

Do you see why I'm skeptical?

 

That doesn’t make them broken or defective, that makes them different.

 

When I use terms like that, most of the time I'm speaking in jest.

 

I do appreciate that different people are wired differently sexually. At the same time, when it comes to statistical scientific data versus anecdotes, I'm going to go with the statitistics.

[littlepiggy1]

He gets off on plants and birds. So yeah,he is unlike a lot of men out there.

 

So he's a botanophile/ornithonophile? Kinky.

[Virginia]

So he's a botanophile/ornithonophile? Kinky.

 

A botanist yes

 

I can see why you are skeptical but I do not put that much stock in studies like that.

 

I also do not think it is odd that 3 people here say they don't/there men don't fantasize. If you took a poll and the whole of LS answered I bet there would probably be only 3,4 people who would say their partner doesn't. We are in the minority for sure.

 

I don't care what a study has to say,I got one of the rare men and I am happy with that

[Virginia]

I just read that study more and I have to laugh.

 

349 people were surveyed,you have what? at least 300 million people living in the US alone. The survery surveyed 0000.1% of the US so that makes you think you can judge the whole of the US/Europe?

 

349 people? give me a break! That is no where enough to get a clear picture.

[Enema]

Hey as long as you believe it, that's all that matters right?

[littlepiggy1]

I just read that study more and I have to laugh.

 

349 people were surveyed,you have what? at least 300 million people living in the US alone. The survery surveyed 0000.1% of the US so that makes you think you can judge the whole of the US/Europe?

 

349 people? give me a break! That is no where enough to get a clear picture.

 

It's called sampling. This is what statistics is about. Nobody can go and ask 100% of the population their opinion on something. Have you ever taken a statistics course?

 

For example, within that particular sample size (if we are assuming purely random sample, which admittedly it is) relative to the U.S. as a whole, you'd expect to be within about +/- of 5% @ a 95% confidence level.

 

And the authors do admit the limitations of the study, at least from a demographics perspective. It was a convenience sample as opposed to a random sample (I doubt you could really do a pure random sample for something of this nature).

 

I will wager, though, that your objections have far more to do with your preconceptions than anything to do with the study itself. It really is easier to rationalize away contradictory data than change our preconceptions.

[Virginia]

There are 38,891 memebers here,lets just presume 19,000 members are male,well 2% of those members would be 380 people. So having three people on a website of 38,891 is not hard to imagine at all and doesn't go against your stats.

 

I think you need to educate yourself on how stats work.

 

I am sure I could find studies that show not as many men fantasize as much as people think they do but that would take a lot of time to google and my researching skills are not great. I do not treat men like they are numbers,I treat them as individuals and I take there word for it because there was never a reason to lie about it in the first place.

[Virginia]

I don't have preconceptions.

 

I am just saying that not every man does it like you seem to think,well,not over other women anyway. I agree most people do but to call people liars who say they don't based on your evidence is shallow minded and a bunch of crap.

 

Just to let you know,I am off on vacation for a few days so will not be able to respond

[littlepiggy1]

There are 38,891 memebers here,lets just presume 19,000 members are male,well 2% of those members would be 380 people. So having three people on a website of 38,891 is not hard to imagine at all and doesn't go against your stats.

 

3 people, no. 3 specific people, yes. If you take a random sample of 3 male individuals from this site, the odds that all fall into the 2% category is 1 in 125000.

 

Now you three specifically aren't exactly a random sample (two of you in the sample are heavily biased due to getting this information from your SO.), so I'll grant that a random probability doesn't apply.

 

I still say the odds are in favor of at least one of you have a guy that fantasizes about other people.

 

I think you need to educate yourself on how stats work.

 

I've taken multiple statistics courses at the Unversity level and did quite well. Have you taken any stats courses?

 

I am sure I could find studies that show not as many men fantasize as much as people think they do but that would take a lot of time to google and my researching skills are not great.

 

I doubt it. I've done my research hitting the journals and can't find anything to contradict what I put forth.

 

I do not treat men like they are numbers,I treat them as individuals and I take there word for it because there was never a reason to lie about it in the first place.

 

Are you kidding me? There's a HUGE reason to lie about: to maintain the relationship. Look at rainfall's case, for example. She stated that she will never accept being with someone who fantasizes about someone else. Therefore, any SO she has who wants to maintain a relationship with her is always going to tell her, "No, honey, I never fantasize about anyone. Except you of course." And if there is a 1 in 50 chance of this being true, then there's a 49 in 50 chance of them lying.

 

Now nobody wants to believe their SO is a liar, so it's much easier to dismiss the evidence.

 

I don't have preconceptions.

 

And yet you outright dismiss the study because...?

 

I am just saying that not every man does it like you seem to think,well,not over other women anyway. I agree most people do but to call people liars who say they don't based on your evidence is shallow minded and a bunch of crap.

 

I'm just playing the odds.

 

Just to let you know,I am off on vacation for a few days so will not be able to respond

 

Enjoy your vacation.

[rainfall]

I guess the problem people are having is with INTENT/MOTIVATION behind the fantasy, rather than the idea of fantasizing by itself. Everybody fantasizes about something (sexual or otherwise), just not everyone has the intent or motivation to want to act on it.

 

If a hot woman walks by, and your man checks her out, finds her attractive and wonders what she looks like naked and imagines it, that is fantasy. It says nothing about you as his girlfriend and how you fulfill his needs - it has nothing to do with you at all, in fact. It is a simple matter of aesthetics mixed with normal brain chemistry. Some people appreciate art, some music, some attractive people. Its simple observation.

.

 

 

I DO NOT FANTASIZE. Why is that so hard for anyone on here to accept. I have no need to. It would be such a huge turn of for me to start thinking about some randomn stranger while with my man or masturbating.

I would in no way be more turned on.

Thinking someone is attractive is ok but when it goes past that (wondering what she looks like naked and wanting to sleep with her) then it is wrong. It should not be part of a commited relationship.

[new_stella]

Proof is for math and alchohol. In science, you can only have evidence.

And now you’re saying math is not a science?!

Plus you were talking about statistics – pure math!!

 

The thing is your survey is neither the science nor the evidence.

 

The sample we are talking about is small and not representative and as such cannot represent evidence. I thought you were aware of the limitations of the study, because its authors certainly were.

 

Maybe you can’t do a pure random sample, but you can do much, much better than that. It takes many studies, and in different part of the world AT LEAST to call something a science. Science also has additional various tools and is not based solely on surveys.

 

The study you're talikin about is simply a survey and you cannot calculate your percentages and put us all in the boxes based on an EXTREMELY limited survey. Open Cosmo and you will find at least couple of those. Do you believe in all of them?

 

And all this goes REGARDLESS of me being of the opposite opinion.

 

(In fact, if you are interested in my opinion, it is actually very close to yours. My SO says he never fantasizes about other women (any more) and I’m having a hard time believing him. It’s hard to believe, NOT because of the study, but because of whole lot of other reasons - but that is a completely different story.)

 

So far the evidence I see supports the idea that most people fantasize about others while in a relationship. I'm still waiting for evidence to the contrary.

iamwhoiam has posted a couple of links. Have you read them?

 

Indeed, maybe they are. But I'm going by the odds here. I have three people (2 women, and 1 man) telling me that their men/they don't fantasize about others in a relationship.

Than again based on this small sample, you are in the minority (in the 33.33%)!

Chances to find a man who doesn’t fantasize is 50%!

You can laugh, but you are doing exactly the same thing with your survey! Comparing to the entire population there is no difference between the sample of 3 and a sample of 349. You can't base your conclusion on either of them. None of them gives us evidence, only results.

 

I do appreciate that different people are wired differently sexually. At the same time, when it comes to statistical scientific data versus anecdotes, I'm going to go with the statitistics.

There is nothing anecdotal about genetic diversity. High school textbooks talk about it and its effect to the survival of species.

Not only that, this very idea of genetic diversity lies in the core of the theory of polygamous nature of the human beings, in which you believe so passionately.

 

By negating diversity, you are negating your own theory.

[RF123]

I have to say that I am utterly amazed. I just did a post just like yours, before I read yours. I'm 6 mo prego and I'm having the same problem as you. All I can say is, I don't have anything to tell you, because I'm just as disgusted and confused as you, but I do want to let you know that you are not alone, sadly Let me know how it turns out.