rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Because it's not a biological reality. Again, we're talking about basic fundamental instincts, not some trumped up romanticized ideal that barely exists outside of fiction. I sugges you read this. It's a snippet from a paper on primate monogamy (or rather, lack thereof). The bottom paragraph on the left side, and the whole right side deal with humans. So basically love doesn't really exist and humans are only together to reproduce and get a steady source of sex if I belive your biology ideas. Its not normal instincts to want to screw everything you find attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 So basically love doesn't really exist and humans are only together to reproduce and get a steady source of sex if I belive your biology ideas. Its not normal instincts to want to screw everything you find attractive. Eh, believe whatever you want. Just don't go whining that your ideals aren't working out in the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Eh, believe whatever you want. Just don't go whining that your ideals aren't working out in the real world. Well if I really believed like you that it was ok for my man to want to screw everything that moved then I would either have to find someone who I didn't give a damn about so I could just use them the way they would be using me........ I'm really glad that at least for some people we don't have to want to screw everything that moves and we have found someone who satisfies us. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Well if I really believed like you that it was ok for my man to want to screw everything that moved then I would either have to find someone who I didn't give a damn about so I could just use them the way they would be using me........ I'm really glad that at least for some people we don't have to want to screw everything that moves and we have found someone who satisfies us. Did I say he would "want to screw everything that moved"? No. You are exaggerating. My whole point (which people seem to be missing) was that it's pretty much a biological impossibility to expect people to never think about sleeping with someone else just because they are in a relationship. Maybe there are exceptions, but exceptions are not the rule. We are biologically not a monogamous species. Now you may not like it and you may not agree with it, but that doesn't mean that's not the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Did I say he would "want to screw everything that moved"? No. You are exaggerating. My whole point (which people seem to be missing) was that it's pretty much a biological impossibility to expect people to never think about sleeping with someone else just because they are in a relationship. Maybe there are exceptions, but exceptions are not the rule. We are biologically not a monogamous species. Now you may not like it and you may not agree with it, but that doesn't mean that's not the way it is. Then if what you say is true why should I even waste my time trying to look good for him? What is the freakin point if he is secretly no matter what he tells me wanting to sleep with other people? In my opinon whether he thinks about sleeping with one other person or 1000000 other people it is the same. We are lacking something in our relationship that is making him turn to outside sources for arousal. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Then if what you say is true why should I even waste my time trying to look good for him? What is the freakin point if he is secretly no matter what he tells me wanting to sleep with other people? In my opinon whether he thinks about sleeping with one other person or 1000000 other people it is the same. We are lacking something in our relationship that is making him turn to outside sources for arousal. Can I ask you a question? Why is it that you think the way you do? Where are these ideas coming from? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 We are lacking something in our relationship that is making him turn to outside sources for arousal. That is remarkably Freudian. He theorized that only people who are unhappy or dissatisfied with their relationships have sexual fantasies. How repressive! As much as it sticks in your craw though, sexual fantasies are normal. If you cannot accept that your boyfriend has normal sexual fantasies, then you may want to consider a new boyfriend. From what I've read there are five percent or less of men out there who claim to never have sexual fantasies. Perhaps you'll get lucky and meet one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Can I ask you a question? Why is it that you think the way you do? Where are these ideas coming from? You have to realize that some people want their SO to ONLY think about them. To never look at other women, to never think about having sex with other people, to never look at porn. IF they do then that other person feels like their not good enough. They feel they should be the ONLY thing in their SO's head. Nothing else. They shouldn't have to seek other things. And yes there are some guys who feel the same way. I would suggest that you look at the 600 post porn thead. Lots of discussion and explaination there. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oh, I know that, believe me. I've read and contributed to many a porn thread here. What I want to know is where these ideas originate in the first place? Is it an upbringing thing? A religion thing? Something else? Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oh, I know that, believe me. I've read and contributed to many a porn thread here. What I want to know is where these ideas originate in the first place? Is it an upbringing thing? A religion thing? Something else? Upbringing, religion, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Can I ask you a question? Why is it that you think the way you do? Where are these ideas coming from? I am in no way religious... My ideas come from the relationships I see. People are unhappy with their SO weight gain or lack of intrest in sex so they go to porn. (this I DO understand-why porn would be needed here) People are unhappy for whatever reason so they think about someone esle. What I do not understand is why when your SO loves sex and looks really good that you would need someone esle for stimulation. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 ^^ You constantly refer to porn as "someone else". The porn is merely a tool, a means to an end:- Orgasm. It's not a person, he's not cheating on you and it has nothing to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 ^^ You constantly refer to porn as "someone else". The porn is merely a tool, a means to an end:- Orgasm. It's not a person, he's not cheating on you and it has nothing to do with you. It is someone esle...... How is it not? It is naked pictures or video of another women....... Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 The porn is merely a tool, Kind of unnaturally large. No wonder there's so much screaming going on. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Rainfall, wonderful Avatar, I have paused to look at it often today. Sadly, your grasp of relationship realities is lacking. Human nature is what it is. The success of humanity is in part due to the rich imaginations literally bred into us. People with richer imaginations are more successful. I'm sure your BF wouldn't dare to fantasize about anyone but you. He knows you would kick him to the curb instantly. I'm sure when he dreams while sleeping he also engages the Parental Controls and only allows G and PG dreams. Good thing too.. gawd help him if you caught him doing otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Guys like porn and stripclubs and women just need to deal with it or not get involbved with a man. If a woman is secure in herself she will not make a big deal about it. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Guys like porn and stripclubs and women just need to deal with it or not get involbved with a man. If a woman is secure in herself she will not make a big deal about it. UMMM no way in hell strip clubs are ok...... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 UMMM no way in hell strip clubs are ok...... They are to me. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 They are to me. Well if your SO is ok with that great for you. I however will never allow anyone besides me to be naked on top of my man. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 The guy I was dating also had a collection of short porns on his computer. He and I talked about the whole fantasy thing...he feels that if we are together he shouldn't have fantasies about anyone real (like a coworker) or ex-girlfriends...he feels it's disrespectful to me. I don't have a problem if he fantasizes about Carmen Electra or something once in awhile, and I don't care if he looks at porn once in awhile as long as it isn't interfering in his sexual relations with me (it never did...he usually only masturbated if I wasn't around or we didn't really have time to have sex). What is it that bothers you so much? Does he still have sex with you? Or has porn/masturbation replaced your sex life together? I don't think there's anything wrong with someone masturbating some in a relationship. It sounds like there is more of a control issue for you. I heard that Pornography is the #1 addiction in America. I don't have data to back that up...just what I have been told. He probably doesn't have any good reason why he does it except that it is an addiction and will not be easy to stop. Doesn't it seem like men are so much more into porn than women. Why is that? Men only think about sex and that is it while we ponder how we can save the world or put the perfect outfit together. I think men would go nuts if the tables were turned and there were a bunch of nudy bars for just women and we all started looking at a bunch of male porn behind our spouse or boyfriend's back all the time but they still knew. My husband tells me not to look if we are watching TV and we see a naked guys butt or something go by. Unfortunantly it seems all men like porn but when it becomes an obsession or gets in the way of respecting your partner....I think it is time to try and get some help. Like the above said....Don't marry until this issue is resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I agree here....I would be lying if I said that I never once fantasized about someone else when in a relationship. Particularly my last relationship, we had a GREAT sex life. We have both said that we never have experienced sex like that with anyone else. Especially with guys it's only natural that they are going to think about someone else once in awhile. I'm more concerned whether he intends to do something with someone else. If he can have an internal fantasy once in awhile, but still be satisfied with me in real life and want only to REALLY make love to me, then who cares? Besides, I don't need to know every little fantasy in his head. It's not like I'm standing over him waiting to see how often he fantasizes and gets off. Give me a break...I have better things to do with my time. It seems like this is more a control/ego issue than anything else. It could be TONS worse...he could be actually out cheating on you. And he's not. No it's not "wrong" it's fantasy, a natural human trait. Everyone fantasizes relationship or not relationship, trying to stop it is going against nature God, some people are soooo stuck up. I guess it has to do with the closed minded society you have over there... Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I agree here....I would be lying if I said that I never once fantasized about someone else when in a relationship. Particularly my last relationship, we had a GREAT sex life. We have both said that we never have experienced sex like that with anyone else. Especially with guys it's only natural that they are going to think about someone else once in awhile. I'm more concerned whether he intends to do something with someone else. If he can have an internal fantasy once in awhile, but still be satisfied with me in real life and want only to REALLY make love to me, then who cares? Besides, I don't need to know every little fantasy in his head. It's not like I'm standing over him waiting to see how often he fantasizes and gets off. Give me a break...I have better things to do with my time. It seems like this is more a control/ego issue than anything else. It could be TONS worse...he could be actually out cheating on you. And he's not. If he is thinking about someone esle HE IS NOT SATISFIED WITH YOU!!!! You say it natural for men to have a fantasy? If that is reallt true then that i skinda sad that men can't really love someone. They only care about looks and getting off. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Using porn is not, "Thinking about someone else". Using porn has nothing to do with the health of your relationship. Why do you think everything is about you? Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Using porn is not, "Thinking about someone else". Using porn has nothing to do with the health of your relationship. Why do you think everything is about you? Well in my relationship if he is looking at naked pictures or videos of ANOTHER WOMEN it is someone esle. That chick knows what those items will be used for. So when I am willing to give him sex whenever he wants it and he has pictues and videos of me he can use then yes it is about me. He is choosing someone esle to get off to over me. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 So basically you are saying that you should be the only thought in his head, EVER? You are also one of those girls who gets irate if your man even glances in the direction of another woman when out and about, aren't you? It's just ridiculous. If you really think it's that scandalous and horrible, then break up with the guy, and go date a eunich or something. PS I don't know many -- if any -- men who are NOT just about getting off when in the midst of masturbation or intercourse. If he is thinking about someone esle HE IS NOT SATISFIED WITH YOU!!!! You say it natural for men to have a fantasy? If that is reallt true then that i skinda sad that men can't really love someone. They only care about looks and getting off. Link to post Share on other sites
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