outofdarkness Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 my boyfriend and i have been living together for a year, we're having a baby together and we'll probably get married in the next year or so. from the very start we've had a more than healthy relationship, good communication after fights, and ability to work out problems. except for one. I need help understanding why, if he gets to have sex with me whenever he wants (well almost), then why has it gotten to the point where I’ll be sitting in the next room watching TV and he'll just leave to the bathroom and jerk off. a) his porn isn’t even half decent and its only the same two mags every time, b) he just got laid the night before (and i know he's gone plenty longer than that) so he clearly didn’t even need to get off THAT bad, especially since it took him like ten minutes to finish when i know he can do it in like 2.2 minutes flat. I’ve fought with him so many times and he doesn’t really defend himself except to say that it's normal for boys. ok so now he's using MY computer to stay up until 4 am to look at disgusting naked women. I don’t even know how to say that this completely and utterly disgusts me to the point that my morning sickness isn’t because I’m pregnant anymore, it's because the man i thought i could never stop loving absolutely creeps me out. like, get a life. if all he wanted to do with his life was play video games and look at porn (and not even use it to jerk off) then what the hell am I wasting my time on? i could be single and jerking off too. in fact, if that's what's become so acceptable in today's society, then why even have strip bars or prostitutes? if guys wont have sex with their girlfriends whom they say they love, why would they bang a dirty hooker? I don’t think that it's as much jealousy as it is a feeling of maybe being excluded from an extremely important part of his life, a part which, if we did ever end up married is such an important aspect that people divorce over it: a lack of intimacy. I’m not with him so that i can relieve his testosterone. this is all besides the fact that porn is a dangerous addiction. and there is absolutely no other way to begin an addiction than that. where does it end? who knows. sometimes it never does, and that's how my family was broken apart. I think i have read almost every thread on porn on this sight and I have to say I’m a little more than disappointed with the outrageously unintelligent replies I’ve seen to the other queries of confused and sickened girls just like me. it's not normal, not everyone does it, and it happens to be a huge problem. if it's love that's missing, then deal with the real problem. I on the other hand don't have clue what the problem is. my boyfriend tells me he loves me a hundred times a day. it sure doesn't make up for anything though. I’m sorry if you couldn’t read through this whole thing, but I’m under the impression that i am far from alone out there and this problem has gone undealt with for far too long. it's time someone started saying something that made sense. It IS normal for people; male and female, to fantasize on occasion. It is NOT normal to watch porn in the room next to where your pregnant girlfriend is and then go to the bathroom in plain site and mast...This is a very disrespectful of you and could be an early indicator of addiction. I am more concerned about his seemingly lack of respect for you during this time in your life. Of course you feel hurt and upset...any woman would, especially if your pregnant and alittle on the emotional side anyway. I would try asking for a very frank discussion about this...If you get a favorable response, and the behavior stops, great for you all. If he is argumentative and continues this behavior, then I think you have some decisions to make. Good luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Well I'm not going to get back into this debate again but I can see both sides to this. I don't need fantsay's myself. If any it's just me and my H only. No other guys/girls are involved. For me I can't picture someone else. I end up feeling guilty and it just bothers me like I betrayed or something. Hope that makes sense. But this is just ME so please don't think I'm generalizing. H on the other hand seems to need it. I could right now go on his computer and look up crap. Doesn't hid it every well. For him I pretty much told him I don't like it and I can't stop you. But if it affects our relationship he's the first one I'm coming to. That ended it and so he just does it when I'm not around. I can't be all up in his head and censor what he's thinking or seeing. Even if I asked him he would lie about it so there's no point even talking about it. I just try to not let my imagination run wild. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Fantasies are just natural. This whole porn thing is simple really. If you're that insecure and stuck up you can't handle your SO to look, think or watch any other woman then discuss those things BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. Sheesh!! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Fantasies are just natural. This whole porn thing is simple really. If you're that insecure and stuck up you can't handle your SO to look, think or watch any other woman then discuss those things BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. Sheesh!! Are you talking to me? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Are you talking to me? It sounds like something Porn_Guy would say. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Eh, no lol Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Oh good. I wasn't looking foward to responding. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Oh good. I wasn't looking foward to responding. You look like you were walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 You look like you were walking away. Yeah, I didn't wanna have to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
dcknudson Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I hear what you are saying. Believe me when I say that can be a serious problem. But there are some things we will need to let go of or they will make us sick. He just has a higher sex drive than you. He could go out of the house and pretend that he is doing something else and he is actually cheating on you. You don't want that. I have had a male friend mention to me that guys do this like they are going pee. If he included you would that work? I truely don't have a problem with guys looking at porn. But I do have a problem with them connecting with those sleezy half dressed hussies on myspace. Coming in contact with real women out there bothers me more than them taking a magazine or a video. I feel he is harmless in his actions. I would be more concerned with him connecting with outside women. Hope this will help. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 No it's not "wrong" it's fantasy, a natural human trait. Everyone fantasizes relationship or not relationship, trying to stop it is going against nature God, some people are soooo stuck up. I guess it has to do with the closed minded society you have over there... No everybody DOES NOT fantasize. I don't. I am not stuck up just because I feel that my boyfriend should not think of anyone but me in a sexual way. Men are stuck up to think it is there right to want to screw anything they find attractive and their partner should just accept that they aren't good enough. If he wants other women he should be single. H eshould not waste my time making me think he loves me when he has to think about how he wishes he could sleep with other people. Really why should I bust my butt at the gym everyday and try to keep our sex life exciting when he is still going to want other people. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Men are stuck up to think it is there right to want to screw anything they find attractive and their partner should just accept that they aren't good enough. Agreed. It's all about respect. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Men are stuck up to think it is there right to want to screw anything they find attractive and their partner should just accept that they aren't good enough. Eh, the reality is humans (men and women) are on the whole not a monogomous species. In fact, most mammal species aren't. So it's not even about that you aren't "good enough". It's simply about gene propogation. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 It's simply about gene propogation. How amusing. So you think we have no "choice" in the matter?! You give humanity so little credit. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 How amusing. So you think we have no "choice" in the matter?! You give humanity so little credit. I didn't say that, now did I? I'm just pointing out that someone in a relationship should automatically stop even thinking about having sex with someone else is, quite frankly, completely absurd. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I'm just pointing out that someone in a relationship should automatically stop even thinking about having sex with someone else is, quite frankly, completely absurd. The point here is the flaunting. Not the thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I didn't say that, now did I? I'm just pointing out that someone in a relationship should automatically stop even thinking about having sex with someone else is, quite frankly, completely absurd. How is it absurd? I don't see how if you are in love with someone you could even want to think about sleeping with other people..... Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 No everybody DOES NOT fantasize. I don't. I am not stuck up just because I feel that my boyfriend should not think of anyone but me in a sexual way. Men are stuck up to think it is there right to want to screw anything they find attractive and their partner should just accept that they aren't good enough. If he wants other women he should be single. H eshould not waste my time making me think he loves me when he has to think about how he wishes he could sleep with other people. Really why should I bust my butt at the gym everyday and try to keep our sex life exciting when he is still going to want other people. Like I said rainfall, if porn watching is such a deal breaker for you you should discuss it BEFORE entering a serious relationship, you can't expect someone to change themselves because they're your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Like I said rainfall, if porn watching is such a deal breaker for you you should discuss it BEFORE entering a serious relationship, you can't expect someone to change themselves because they're your bf. Yep I agree. That way you don't have problems later. It's best for both people to be on the same page in this area. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 How is it absurd? I don't see how if you are in love with someone you could even want to think about sleeping with other people..... Because it's not a biological reality. Again, we're talking about basic fundamental instincts, not some trumped up romanticized ideal that barely exists outside of fiction. I sugges you read this. It's a snippet from a paper on primate monogamy (or rather, lack thereof). The bottom paragraph on the left side, and the whole right side deal with humans. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Like I said rainfall, if porn watching is such a deal breaker for you you should discuss it BEFORE entering a serious relationship, you can't expect someone to change themselves because they're your bf. That sounds so good on paper, but it's not very practical. "Hi! Oh, by the way, do you consider it reasonable to whack off to porn whilst I'm in the room? What about in bed, next to me, at 3:30 AM in the morning, when I'm trying to sleep? Just wondering." These are things that usually surface later on. Much later on. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Because it's not a biological reality. I'm sorry, but some of us have brains. Independent thought. Choices. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 "Hi! Oh, by the way, do you consider it reasonable to whack off to porn whilst I'm in the room? What about in bed, next to me, at 3:30 AM in the morning, when I'm trying to sleep? Just wondering." I would love to hear the responses on that. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I'm sorry, but some of us have brains. Independent thought. Choices. *sigh* Once again, you are not reading what I wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 *sigh* Once again, you are not reading what I wrote. It's more fun my way - trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
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