"I like you, but you are just too nice"

[Guest]

When a woman breaks it off with a guy because he is "too nice", then they get dubbed a "nice guy". It's just a phrase people use.

 

In this thread, by saying someone is a "nice guy", I mean someone who sucks up to his woman in a new relationship. This sucking up feels like manipulation, in my opinion.

 

So don't contribute to the problem by using the term 'nice guy' to mean 'suckup doormat'. Use 'suckup doormat' when you mean 'suckup doormat'. It's the constant misuse of the term 'nice' that confuses people.

[Prise]

In this thread, by saying someone is a "nice guy", I mean someone who sucks up to his woman in a new relationship. This sucking up feels like manipulation, in my opinion.

 

Especially if it's done in the first few dates.

 

I can't imagine how corny it must look to any woman who would be showered by everything on your list of stuff during the first several dates. I can only imagine it would be unbearably overwhelming to the point where anyone unfortunate enough to witness such an embarassingly presumptuous display of corny affection would grab the nearest vomit-bucket heading towards the nearest restroom.

 

Being a nice guy is fine. Doing everything on your list during the first few dates is just corny making you wonder if the pathetic guy has read one too many trashy romance novels.

 

I think we can all agree there's nothing more pitiful than a man reading trashy romance books.

[HeadlessZebra]

I can't imagine how corny it must look to any woman who would be showered by everything on your list of stuff during the first several dates. I can only imagine it would be unbearably overwhelming to the point where anyone unfortunate enough to witness such an embarassingly presumptuous display of corny affection would grab the nearest vomit-bucket heading towards the nearest restroom.

 

Yep. I can tell you it would bring down his "social value" in my eyes. Kind of along the lines of "God, what a desperate buffoon... he must not be worth much on the dating market if he has to try this hard." It's an instinct thing.

[rglove]

I can see where you thought that I was slamming on the typical-balanced NG. I am sorry I wasn't.

 

When a woman breaks it off with a guy because he is "too nice", then they get dubbed a "nice guy". It's just a phrase people use.

 

In this thread, by saying someone is a "nice guy", I mean someone who sucks up to his woman in a new relationship. This sucking up feels like manipulation, in my opinion.

 

It's very annoying, and kills any feelings that might have been there in the beginning.

 

 

I think the word you should have used was needed, nobody likes a needed, overly clingy, guy or girl, but ATTENTION, now that’s nice – especially from the right person (kind of person) but from the wrong person real uncomfortable and sometimes, very creepy. I’m personally am fond of giving and getting attention. Sometimes I’m the “NICE GUY” … extremely sweet … sometimes I’m the “BAD BOY” … the egotist pushing the envelope of flirtation with sexual banter (innuendos) and a sly smile … No matter what, I’m always a nice guy. Being a little bad is fun and I revel in playing that role, but I’m still always nice and enjoy:

 

 

• showering a girl with flowers, gifts, or try to win her heart with monetary items.

• being extremely nice and think chivalry will win her over.

• hugging & kissing her often.

• buying her chocolates.

• Writing her love poems.

• professing my love (of coarse, I do that do all those whom I really like).

• giving her my amorous attention.

If I genuinely like you, I show it. Those whom I like, love, (female or male) know it. Those whom I don’t, I can still manage to be nice to. The guys you speak of are more NEEDED than NICE. Lets call them what they are!!!

[NIKI 28]

I would just like to say by me being a female please keep doing what you are doing. It's okay to be nice as long as you don't let her run over you then be yourself and take it to the next level that's all. Guys make relationships harder than what it is all you have to do is just keep it real and whatever you do please...........don't bash her looks because I just went through something like this. I mean if you're not feeling her looks or her boobs heehee had to add that in there don't deal with her. If you like everything about her and even her mishaps then hopefully GOD will work it out for you. Just keep being your nice self and I really appreciate men like you and wish I had a man like you.

 

God Bless

[luvtoto]

I know that there are some genuinely nice guys out there. Saying someone is a "Nice Guy" is a term that is used all over the internet and IRL. I think we all know what I am trying to convey by using that term.

 

I havenever heard of a needy guy being called a "needed" before.

 

And another thing, I didn't say that a guy has ever or will ever use ALL the don't on my list. I have never met anyone like that, and that was not my point to begin with when I made the list of dont's.

 

Geez, guys...cut me some slack.

[Pyro]

I know that there are some genuinely nice guys out there. Saying someone is a "Nice Guy" is a term that is used all over the internet and IRL. I think we all know what I am trying to convey by using that term.

 

I havenever heard of a needy guy being called a "needed" before.

 

And another thing, I didn't say that a guy has ever or will ever use ALL the don't on my list. I have never met anyone like that, and that was not my point to begin with when I made the list of dont's.

 

Geez, guys...cut me some slack.

 

So much for this not being a debate.

[luvtoto]

So much for this not being a debate.

Tell me about it. Geez. Ain't like I'm the only person to ever use the phrase 'Nice Guy' before.

[Pyro]

Tell me about it. Geez. Ain't like I'm the only person to ever use the phrase 'Nice Guy' before.

 

Like I said, this is one topic that will NEVER have one clear correct answer that satisfies everyone. This type of topic is only opinionated and not everyone likes to have people disagree their opinion.

 

Haha, Nebraska got their butts kicked.

[luvtoto]

Haha, Nebraska got their butts kicked.

Yea, that game sucked. But, the team has come a long way, baby!

[alphamale]

Like I said, this is one topic that will NEVER have one clear correct answer that satisfies everyone. This type of topic is only opinionated and not everyone likes to have people disagree their opinion.

ha ha ....yea the "nice guy" threads are very popular on LS, they always get lots of posts and heated discussions.

 

look like the Lions will drop another one

[rglove]

I havenever heard of a needy guy being called a "needed" before.

 

Geez, guys...cut me some slack.

 

 

Yeah, I meant needy, and you're cut some slack.

[luvtoto]

Yeah, I meant needy, and you're cut some slack.

I was wondering what you were talking about. Thanks for the clarity, rglove.

 

Just for the record, if I offended any nice guys out there (notice no quotes)...my bad. I was just trying to express my experiences.

[Pyro]

Yea, that game sucked. But, the team has come a long way, baby!

 

I am a cornhusker fan. I just wanted to rub it in your face.

 

They are good, but my Wolverines are great.

[alphamale]

I am a cornhusker fan.

you mean the Corn-Holers

 

They are good, but my Wolverines are great.

BCS was just announced. Florida & Ohio St. in the big dance.

[DanielMadr]

DanielMadr, now that is just rude. I find many of your posts offensive. Do you still think women are like terrorists??

 

Yeah rude it is and it happens pretty often too I dont know why some of you do it. Sexploitation is it called.

 

Yep I still think so. You still view kindness as weakness ('He is so kind to me, he wants me, he is so sweet, nice and .....' Hey you admited it already in this thread.). But you dont wear head/rags and dynamite, so of course you have only one common thing with terrorists, hence the word 'LIKE'

[gfto]

Here is a list of some mistakes nice guys make too early on in relationships. IMO!!

 

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• shower her with flowers, gifts..or try to win her heart with monetary items.
  
• be overly nice and think chivelry will win her over.
  
• hug & kiss excessively.
  
• overwhelm her by introducing your curious family members to her.
  
• buy chocolates.
  
• write love letters.
  
• take up all her time on the phone or by seeing her.
  
• bring up any future plans.
  
• profess any kind of undivided love to her.
  
• give her your undivided attention.
  
• be a doormat.
  
• be only the giver in a relationship.

These things do not win a woman's heart or build respect for you.

I agree completely. But, if a male had written this, everyone would be screaming, "that's playing games! If you like her, then just be honest and tell her how you feel about her."

[Rooster_DAR]

you mean the Corn-Holers

 

 

BCS was just announced. Florida & Ohio St. in the big dance.

 

:laugh::laugh:

[Kittiecat]

Crap, I think I would LOVE it if a guy were sappy and romantic. I've never had that before.

 

Maybe my self esteem is on the low side, I don't know - but I think it would be nice to have a man go out of his way to make me feel special.

 

YES - it's corny , but I think a lot of women feel that way. Hollywood doesn't help things either; they're forever promoting the image of the romantic hero who conjures up grand gestures of undying love.

 

We've all been fooled! Men aren't really like that, and if they are, they watch far too many chick flicks.

[Pyro]

Crap, I think I would LOVE it if a guy were sappy and romantic. I've never had that before.

 

Maybe my self esteem is on the low side, I don't know - but I think it would be nice to have a man go out of his way to make me feel special.

 

YES - it's corny , but I think a lot of women feel that way. Hollywood doesn't help things either; they're forever promoting the image of the romantic hero who conjures up grand gestures of undying love.

 

We've all been fooled! Men aren't really like that, and if they are, they watch far too many chick flicks.

 

Yes those are some very nice gestures, but when it gets to the point of overdoing it, then it can make one look or seem desperate and no one wants that or to deal with someone who trys too hard. I think that is the point that the OP is reiterating here on this thread.

[theadventure50120]

 

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• shower her with flowers, gifts..or try to win her heart with monetary items.
  
• be overly nice and think chivelry will win her over.
  
• hug & kiss excessively.
  
• overwhelm her by introducing your curious family members to her.
  
• buy chocolates.
  
• write love letters.
  
• take up all her time on the phone or by seeing her.
  
• bring up any future plans.
  
• profess any kind of undivided love to her.
  
• give her your undivided attention.
  
• be a doormat.
  
• be only the giver in a relationship.

These things do not win a woman's heart or build respect for you.

 

I'd say you hit it right on the head. These are the mistakes i made in the last relationship , i start off on who i am then something happens to change me (her) into all of that haha. Never again i'm doing that , i might be going into another relationship soon and i'm just so glad i found this site and learnt alot so i won't make the same mistake....3times in a row

 

I was 20 - she was 21. I did most of that in 5month But yeah good thread. You shouldn't need to work to actually make the relationship work , it should just happen. Correct.

[luvtoto]

Crap, I think I would LOVE it if a guy were sappy and romantic. I've never had that before.

 

Maybe my self esteem is on the low side, I don't know - but I think it would be nice to have a man go out of his way to make me feel special.

 

YES - it's corny , but I think a lot of women feel that way. Hollywood doesn't help things either; they're forever promoting the image of the romantic hero who conjures up grand gestures of undying love.

 

We've all been fooled! Men aren't really like that, and if they are, they watch far too many chick flicks.

 

Nice guys...do you want to know when a girl likes you early on?? When she is the requesting things from you. Like your time. Your affection.

 

Kittiecat, yes...if you like to be smothered (as I call it...) in a relationship, then that is perfectly fine.

 

Please read my post above. The information that I am trying to convey is if a guy has a history of being needy, then they need to be more aware of the women's needs.

[Woggle]

I am just myself and a woman can take it or leave it. I never put on a front or try to play a role to impress a woman because I figure if she can't accept who I am then she is not right for me. So far it has worked fine. I just do what feels right.

[bab]

 

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• shower her with flowers, gifts..or try to win her heart with monetary items.
  
• be overly nice and think chivelry will win her over.
  
• hug & kiss excessively.
  
• overwhelm her by introducing your curious family members to her.
  
• buy chocolates.
  
• write love letters.
  
• take up all her time on the phone or by seeing her.
  
• bring up any future plans.
  
• profess any kind of undivided love to her.
  
• give her your undivided attention.
  
• be a doormat.
  
• be only the giver in a relationship.

These things do not win a woman's heart or build respect for you.

 

 

I thought my husband was quite chivelrious (sp?) when I first met him. He always opened the car door for me. Turns out hi 1985 VW golf had problems and it needed a special touch to get the door opened. Once I figured it out, not more door openings for me!

 

Seriously though, my H did some of these things on the list and not others. I think it really depends on the mindset of the relationship. Let's see:

 

Did:

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• be overly nice and think chivelry will win her over.
  
• hug & kiss excessively.
  
• overwhelm her by introducing your curious family members to her.
  
• take up all her time on the phone or by seeing her.
  
• bring up any future plans.
  
• profess any kind of undivided love to her.
  
• give her your undivided attention.
  

 

He really is a genuinly nice guy, not just to me, so it would be strange for him not to be overly nice. He would be just as nice to alpha.

He said he loved me, and when when we were together he gave me his undivided attention, but I don't know if that classifies what you were talking about. We were also both moving back to our repective states, so talk of future plans was needed. I do admit that the introducing me to the family was a bit overwhelming, but it was mostly fun.

 

 

Did not:

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• shower her with flowers, gifts..or try to win her heart with monetary items.
  
• buy chocolates.
  
• write love letters.
  
• be a doormat.
  
• be only the giver in a relationship.
  

 

Okay, he's only bought me flowers once, and he has bought me chocolates and written me a love letter, but all of those occured much after the 4 month mark. He isn't a doormat, he knows when to tell me know, and I feel like I'm a giver as well.

 

The point is, that there is a distinct difference between a balanced guy and a NG (needy guy). A balanced guy does things on this list because they actually reflect who he is, and NG does them to earn love, which is ridiculous. It's all about context.

[Art_Critic]

I can't think of anyone over 30 who does all the stuff on that list.

 

I buy the women I'm involved with lots of flowers.. it's all about romance if done right..

But just flowers.. they are cheap and if given right can help escalate the relationship to other levels of intimacy.

 

I always try and make sure the flowers are her favorites and are given at good times.. ie:.. I bought my GF flowers this weekend because we were going to spend the weekend out of town at my cabin..

It made her feel good.. but I didn't buy her flowers to get her to the cabin.

 

Loves letters have to come from the heart in order for them to be taken seriously..

 

I have only written one GF a love letter