"I like you, but you are just too nice"

[Rooster_DAR]

Just let it go? This seems overly simplistic advice to me.

 

Rglove, have you ever had your heart broken into a million and one pieces before by someone who apparently loved you??

 

I have. I wil never love freely again. I will forever have my guard up and look for the signs. That is called, "loving smart".

 

...is a recipe for disaster in my book.

 

But, hey....to each his own.

 

I agree and disagree if that's possible.

 

I agree with the smart love and being apprehensive to save yourself from the tremendous pain of being hurt on such a high level. The pain is so unbearable that I don't think can ever love freely again myself, and I probably won't.

 

I disagree because I think until we let our guard down and let go of the past, we would need to take a chance if we want to feel deep love and commitment with our future parter(s). So it comes down to risk, am I will to chance emotional pain and destruction to endure a real deep relationship, or should I just standoof and never let this happen to me again?

 

Myself at this point would apt for the smart love, I don't ever want to go through this again. Maybe sometime in the future I may change my mind, but for right now it's smart love.

 

Regards,

[SmoochieFace]

I can only explain my point of view so many times..........

 

See, it's just that: a point of view. Only one out of many.

 

I will venture to say that your specific point of view isn't shared by many women simply because there are a wide range of opinions on this issue. Based on the experiences in my current relationship, my GF has no problem with most of the behaviours you have indicated to be a turnoff. So this thread shouldn't be taken too seriously by all those unsure guys out there because it is basically only pointing out one point of view.

 

There are many different 'types' of women out there who have just as many unique points of view.

[norajane]

So, expect it to be returned to you, and if it is not, then, just let it go, because it is not at all worthy, giving love to one, who does not love you!!!'

 

Just let it go? This seems overly simplistic advice to me.

 

Rglove, have you ever had your heart broken into a million and one pieces before by someone who apparently loved you??

 

I have. I wil never love freely again. I will forever have my guard up and look for the signs. That is called, "loving smart".

 

...is a recipe for disaster in my book.

 

But, hey....to each his own.

 

I think he's referring to the NG, luvtoto. Like in your situation with the last NG - he gave and gave too much to you. You didn't return the feelings, nor did you appreciate all the excessive time and attention. Shouldn't he just let it go now?

[IWalkAlone]

I guess you can't judge your own clinginess, can you? Have any women had clinginess issues with you in the past?

 

Not that they've told me, although in my expereince, women are rarely honest to guy about why they're dumping them.

 

So I guess I can't judge myself as clingy, but I can say that I don't call three times a day (or even every day). I don't write poems, and flowers/cards are occasional at most. We don't have to spend every waking not-at-work moment together. I don't get upset if she talks to other guys or has male friends.

 

At the same time, I know plenty of boyfriend/girlfriend and married couples who DO appear to spend all their free time together.

 

So how can one tell if one is too clingy?

 

So how can i

[luvtoto]

So you are saying that because he did these things you liked him ?

I don't know how I felt about him A_C. I was too busy being smothered by him that I spent all my energy fighting him off. Now, it's over and I still have that smothered hangover feeling.

[SmoochieFace]

Not that they've told me, although in my expereince, women are rarely honest to guy about why they're dumping them.

 

So I guess I can't judge myself as clingy, but I can say that I don't call three times a day (or even every day). I don't write poems, and flowers/cards are occasional at most. We don't have to spend every waking not-at-work moment together. I don't get upset if she talks to other guys or has male friends.

 

At the same time, I know plenty of boyfriend/girlfriend and married couples who DO appear to spend all their free time together.

 

So how can one tell if one is too clingy?

 

So how can i

 

I agree. And the excuses they use for not being honest are pitifully pathetic.

 

Ironic, isn't it? Women rail on all the time about how they want their men to have strong backbones and yet those very same women do not have a single firm bone in their bodies.

[Art_Critic]

I don't know how I felt about him A_C. I was too busy being smothered by him that I spent all my energy fighting him off. Now, it's over and I still have that smothered hangover feeling.

 

that sux.... I guess he ruined any good that the relationship had

[luvtoto]

I agree and disagree if that's possible.

 

I agree with the smart love and being apprehensive to save yourself from the tremendous pain of being hurt on such a high level. The pain is so unbearable that I don't think can ever love freely again myself, and I probably won't.

 

I disagree because I think until we let our guard down and let go of the past, we would need to take a chance if we want to feel deep love and commitment with our future parter(s). So it comes down to risk, am I will to chance emotional pain and destruction to endure a real deep relationship, or should I just standoof and never let this happen to me again?

 

Myself at this point would apt for the smart love, I don't ever want to go through this again. Maybe sometime in the future I may change my mind, but for right now it's smart love.

 

Regards,

Well, yes you are going to let your guard down eventually. My advice is for young relationships. Around 1-4 months tops. Just in the getting to know someone phase, I think it's very smart to be aprehensive.

 

Believing 10% of what you hear, 90% of what you see.

 

But, the thought of forever living with your guard up, seems...well, I don't know what word I am looking for. But, it wouldn't be good.

[luvtoto]

that sux.... I guess he ruined any good that the relationship had

Nice hat, A_C.

[Art_Critic]

Nice hat, A_C.

 

thanks.. I stole it from MH

[lindya]

and yet those very same women do not have a single firm bone in their bodies.

 

I hear Viagra can help with that.

[luvtoto]

See, it's just that: a point of view. Only one out of many.

 

I will venture to say that your specific point of view isn't shared by many women simply because there are a wide range of opinions on this issue. Based on the experiences in my current relationship, my GF has no problem with most of the behaviours you have indicated to be a turnoff. So this thread shouldn't be taken too seriously by all those unsure guys out there because it is basically only pointing out one point of view.

 

There are many different 'types' of women out there who have just as many unique points of view.

Exactly, Smoochieface. Thank you. I stated right out of the gate, that this advice is my opinion and taken from my own experiences.

 

Don't take me too seriously guys. Just one little point of view.

[rglove]

Just let it go? This seems overly simplistic advice to me.

 

Rglove, have you ever had your heart broken into a million and one pieces before by someone who apparently loved you??

 

I have. I wil never love freely again. I will forever have my guard up and look for the signs. That is called, "loving smart".

 

 

But, hey....to each his own.

 

 

No, I never had my heart broken into a million and one pieces before, by someone I loved or who apparently loved me, but than again, I can love a lot different women at once at varying degrees and I have the ability to throw myself into another woman easily. See, I understand that things aren't always perfect and don't always workout as we might want them to with and in relationships, but here's that thing, that's ok, and sometimes, even for the best although we might not get it, realize it then, but if you believe like I believe that love has something/someone fabulous, worthwhile, out there for you and believe that you deserve that, anybody who doesn't prove to be that was and is just unworthy, so what a we loosing - NOT MUCH!!! As I said before there's no such thing as heartbreak in a relationship, just opportunity. It's an opportunity to find that truly worthy, worthwhile, love, an opportunity to upgrade and that an exciting thing. It's all in how you look at life. I myself am a glass half full guy. The fact of the matter is, sometimes your heart will be toss a little by love, sometimes a lot, but it's how you respond to that that determines whether you can love richly again or not. The fact is, people's hang-ups and baggage from previous relationships can negatively impact and effect there new one (relationship) and hinder there opportunity for happiness and success in that. Remember, the higher the wall around your heart, the less somebody wants to climb it, and who knows that person might have filled your life with happiness and love like you've never known, but they just couldn't deal with climbing your wall!!! The only thing you have control of relationship wise is you, and you can make yourself someone people want to be involved with or that they don't. Yes, to love smart is something I would advise all to do, but be willing to love uninhibitedly, as well!!!

[DanielMadr]

The fact is, people's hang-ups and baggage from previous relationships can negatively impact and effect there new one (relationship) and hinder there opportunity for happiness and success in that. Remember, the higher the wall around your heart, the less somebody wants to climb it, and who knows that person might have filled your life with happiness and love like you've never known, but they just couldn't deal with climbing your wall!!! The only thing you have control of relationship wise is you, and you can make yourself someone people want to be involved with or that they don't. Yes, to love smart is something I would advise all to do, but be willing to love uninhibitedly, as well!!!

 

Smart and very true.

[luvtoto]

No, I never had my heart broken into a million and one pieces before, by someone I loved or who apparently loved me, but than again, I can love a lot different women at once at varying degrees and I have the ability to throw myself into another woman easily.

Like...you have more than one wife??

 

See, I understand that things aren't always perfect and don't always workout as we might want them to with and in relationships, but here's that thing, that's ok,

I am well aware of that.

 

and sometimes, even for the best although we might not get it, realize it then, but if you believe like I believe that love has something/someone fabulous, worthwhile, out there for you and believe that you deserve that, anybody who doesn't prove to be that was and is just unworthy, so what a we loosing - NOT MUCH!!!

That's exactly how I view relationships now.

 

As I said before there's no such thing as heartbreak in a relationship,

just opportunity. It's an opportunity to find that truly worthy, worthwhile, love, an opportunity to upgrade and that an exciting thing. It's all in how you look at life. I myself am a glass half full guy. The fact of the matter is, sometimes your heart will be toss a little by love, sometimes a lot, but it's how you respond to that that determines whether you can love richly again or not.

I agree.

 

The fact is, people's hang-ups and baggage from previous relationships can negatively impact and effect there new one (relationship) and hinder there opportunity for happiness and success in that. Remember, the higher the wall around your heart, the less somebody wants to climb it, and who knows that person might have filled your life with happiness and love like you've never known, but they just couldn't deal with climbing your wall!!!

I never asked anyone to climb my walls. I don't want to be in a relationship for those reasons. I don't want a guy to break my defenses down. He couldn't anyways. UGH...I am not explaining it right.......

 

I am just not looking for a guy to help me with my baggage per say. My baggage is *my* problem. Things that I need to deal with. Not him.

 

I wouldn't feel right making a guy or giving a man the impression he has to "climb my wall". I would like a relationship with a man who is responsible for his own sense of well-being. I would then be responsible for mine.

 

Isn't that the way relationships should be anyways? Maybe I have a crazy notion about them. That is why I am not attracted to "needy guys".

 

I just want a healthy relationship between two people. One person not leaning on the other more than the other. Just balanced. Maybe that is too much to ask.

[rglove]

Like...you have more than one wife??

 

 

 

No, but I have a lot of females that I love (friends and such), and although you don't love a friend like you love the one you are involved in a romantic relationship with, you can still have love for them.

 

 

I just want a healthy relationship between two people. One person not leaning on the other more than the other. Just balanced. Maybe that is too much to ask.

 

The problem with that view is that you learn in life that relationships are never totally on and even keel, there can be balance, but at some point, someone in the relationship is going to do, give more than the other and that's ok. It's a Evan flow thing. As long as one isn't given more all of the time (they switch back and fourth in that), it's a balance relationship.

 

 

I never asked anyone to climb my walls. I don't want to be in a relationship for those reasons. I don't want a guy to break my defenses down. He couldn't anyways. UGH...I am not explaining it right.......

 

I am just not looking for a guy to help me with my baggage per say. My baggage is *my* problem. Things that I need to deal with. Not him.

 

I wouldn't feel right making a guy or giving a man the impression he has to "climb my wall". I would like a relationship with a man who is responsible for his own sense of well-being. I would then be responsible for mine.

 

Isn't that the way relationships should be anyways? Maybe I have a crazy notion about them. That is why I am not attracted to "needy guys".

 

I'm just taking about people walls and baggage in general. It's not an attack on no one. Too many people let there old relationship affect their new one. Now, you seem like a very grounded girl, but never let yourself be so grounded that you heart can't take flight.

[blind_otter]

I hear Viagra can help with that.

 

yes ma'am! :lmao:

[alphamale]

REally what it comes down to when the dust settles is the man's masculinity factor. If he's a bit too nice but still masculine then he will get chicks. If he's a bit too mean but still masculine then he'll get chicks. It is confidence & masculinity that attract women the most. So that's my .02 for today...

[luvtoto]

Too many people let there old relationship affect their new one. Now, you seem like a very grounded girl, but never let yourself be so grounded that you heart can't take flight.

Well, I know you mean well, rglove. I appreciate the pep-talk.

 

I just want to add one thing. Getting your heart broken in a million pieces is like having your innocence die. I know that I will never love that way again.

 

But, I feel my vulnerability has warped into a new improved me!

 

I don't know if I am just not letting my heart take flight, I just seriously haven't found someone that gives me the *butterflies/passion* I so desperately want.

[rglove]

I just seriously haven't found someone that gives me the *butterflies/passion* I so desperately want.

 

Hopefully you will, and when it happens, let your heart love fervently!!!

[luvtoto]

REally what it comes down to when the dust settles is the man's masculinity factor. If he's a bit too nice but still masculine then he will get chicks. If he's a bit too mean but still masculine then he'll get chicks. It is confidence & masculinity that attract women the most. So that's my .02 for today...

Anyways...back on topic.

 

Masculinity factor is important to me.

 

I remember when I first started talking to my NG. He would talk for hours about the bar fights he broke up, the shot gun he owns, the car he's fixing up, and fixing up his house.

 

But, the more I got to know him, I didn't see any of that side of him. All he wanted to do was dote on me like a wuss. Even on Thanksgiving, he was running around with an apron on cooking. Wha!!

 

I liked his image, not him.

[DanielMadr]

Anyways...back on topic.

 

Masculinity factor is important to me.

 

I remember when I first started talking to my NG. He would talk for hours about the bar fights he broke up, the shot gun he owns, the car he's fixing up, and fixing up his house.

 

But, the more I got to know him, I didn't see any of that side of him. All he wanted to do was dote on me like a wuss. Even on Thanksgiving, he was running around with an apron on cooking. Wha!!

 

I liked his image, not him.

 

It is bragging. You should be smarter than that

Strong silent types are probably more masculine then the rest but it has a catch....no one see them. Girlfriend of my friend told me one time, that she cant imagine her boyfriend could stand a fight.....I had to tell her all the stories when he was like Barbar Conan and she then reconsidered her image about him. But she couldnt see it because he is modest and she knows shyt about real world.