"I like you, but you are just too nice"

[luvtoto]

All that stuff that only applies to short term or one nighters.

Not necessarily. I have been in a couple LTR's where the guy was a 'come here, go away' type guy. One lasting 2 years. All we did was fight in it. I would fight him for attention, I would fight him for this..that. I was a mess.

 

I will NEVER, and I repeat...never get into another relationship like that again. The pain it caused was unbearable.

 

Let me tell ya. That was not love. I don't know what it was, to be quite honest with you.

 

It was manipulation at it's best. Looking back years and years later, it is clear as a bell now, and I can tell you that those men had awfully low self-esteems.

[IpAncA]

In a young relationship (1-4 mo) dont...:

• shower her with flowers, gifts..or try to win her heart with monetary items.
  
• be overly nice and think chivelry will win her over.
  
• hug & kiss excessively.
  
• overwhelm her by introducing your curious family members to her.
  
• buy chocolates.
  
• write love letters.
  
• take up all her time on the phone or by seeing her.
  
• bring up any future plans.
  
• profess any kind of undivided love to her.
  
• give her your undivided attention.
  
• be a doormat.
  
• be only the giver in a relationship.

Well I've never had this said to me, nor have I heard of anyone having this said to them but I'm responding anyways.

 

Are majority of these things just what you don't like guys doing to you? Because my list is a little bit different.

 

Most of this stuff seems to apply to teenagers in my experience. Now I have seen some of this stuff on the list happen, BUT those women like it.

 

If there really are older guys out there who do this, then that's not good because their messing up what could be something good. Flowers, gifts, and flowers are nice when appropriate.

 

I guess I view the whole "nice guy" thing a little different. But if this really how the whole "nice guy" thing is viewed for a lot of people then WOW .

[Pyro]

I guess I view the whole "nice guy" thing a little different. But if this really how the whole "nice guy" thing is viewed for a lot of people then WOW .

 

The problem is alot NG's will do that stuff excessively to the point that they are driving the woman nuts, or at least that seems to be the case for Luv.

[luvtoto]

Well I've never had this said to me, nor have I heard of anyone having this said to them but I'm responding anyways.

 

Are majority of these things just what you don't like guys doing to you? Because my list is a little bit different.

 

Most of this stuff seems to apply to teenagers in my experience. Now I have seen some of this stuff on the list happen, BUT those women like it.

 

If there really are older guys out there who do this, then that's not good because their messing up what could be something good. Flowers, gifts, and flowers are nice when appropriate.

 

I guess I view the whole "nice guy" thing a little different. But if this really how the whole "nice guy" thing is viewed for a lot of people then WOW .

Yes, IpAnca, just my observation and opinions here. I don't want a full out debate here...just how I feel.

[Pyro]

Not necessarily. I have been in a couple LTR's where the guy was a 'come here, go away' type guy. One lasting 2 years. All we did was fight in it. I would fight him for attention, I would fight him for this..that. I was a mess.

 

I will NEVER, and I repeat...never get into another relationship like that again. The pain it caused was unbearable.

 

Let me tell ya. That was not love. I don't know what it was, to be quite honest with you.

 

It was manipulation at it's best. Looking back years and years later, it is clear as a bell now, and I can tell you that those men had awfully low self-esteems.

 

I agree.

 

I apologize then for my last post. In my experience, the stuff that I listed does not work for LTR, but there is always some exceptions.

[luvtoto]

I agree.

 

I apologize then for my last post. In my experience, the stuff that I listed does not work for LTR, but there is always some exceptions.

Oh my gosh, Riddler. Noooo need to apologize.

[IpAncA]

Ok sorry. I wasn't coming here to debate. I was just asking and saying my own opinion.

[Pyro]

Oh my gosh, Riddler. Noooo need to apologize.

 

I know, but I felt like that I owed one.

 

IpAncA, I don't see any debating, just stating our opinions.

[luvtoto]

Ok sorry. I wasn't coming here to debate. I was just asking and saying my own opinion.

I am glad you brought your point up, IpA.

 

The debate remark I made wasn't directed to you. Sorry.

 

I just really thought when I first started posting about this subject, that I was going to get reamed. Everybody has their own opinions and experiences. I am just expressing mine. That's all.

[luvtoto]

IpAncA, I don't see any debating, just stating our opinions.

I was the one that brought up that debating remark.

[Pyro]

Bad Luvtoto, bad.

[Prise]

If there really are older guys out there who do this, then that's not good because their messing up what could be something good. Flowers, gifts, and flowers are nice when appropriate.

 

I can't think of anyone over 30 who does all the stuff on that list.

[luvtoto]

Bad Luvtoto, bad.

Oh, Riddler...you have noooo idea.

[luvtoto]

I can't think of anyone over 30 who does all the stuff on that list.

Well, I hope not.

[Pyro]

Oh, Riddler...you have noooo idea.

 

I don't, but I have a wicked imagination.

[burning 4 revenge]

What you're calling nice isnt nice ,so much as just some lame facade. You have to be careful with the language you use, because some guys get the impression you want them to be jerks and disrespect you.

 

You don't want to be doted on and suffocated. I can understand that, I wouldn't want it either. It's almost creepy, like you can feel the other persons emotional needs draining you. But do you want them to be indifferent, of treat you like sh*t? Of course not.

 

You just wan to be friends with your SO and like them for who they are and then something a little bit more. What you object to isn't a guy being nice, it's sycophancy.

[luvtoto]

What you're calling nice isnt nice ,so much as just some lame facade. You have to be careful with the language you use, because some guys get the impression you want them to be jerks and disrespect you.

 

You don't want to be doted on and suffocated. I can understand that, I wouldn't want it either. It's almost creepy, like you can feel the other persons emotional needs draining you. But do you want them to be indifferent, of treat you like sh*t? Of course not.

 

You just wan to be friends with your SO and like them for who they are and then something a little bit more. What you object to isn't a guy being nice, it's sycophancy.

sychophany? What is that?

 

Where's your reasoning for me possibly wanting to be treated like ****? Throughout my enter thread I've only emphasized how I don't want to be with another jerk.

 

Yep, I agree, Riddler. There are some hard and heavy jerks out there.

 

There are some women out there that find "jerkness" sexy in a guy.

 

Early on in a relationships, if the NG just backs off and tames the beast of wanting to dote on her, he will find greater success. IMO.

 

No need to be a jerk about it...or seriously mess with someone's head. That's painful. I've had the 'come here, go away' type BF's before in my life. I will admit, it did work in building that "I wanna screw your brains out" mentality in me..but, I didn't love those guys. They were just a challenge to me.

 

I don't see how anything long-term could come from that.

[burning 4 revenge]

sychophany? What is that?

 

Where's your reasoning for me possibly wanting to be treated like ****? Throughout my enter thread I've only emphasized how I don't want to be with another jerk.

I didnt say that.

 

And sycophancy is sucking up

[luvtoto]

I didnt say that.

I must have taken this out of context. I am sorry if I did. What did you mean by this statement?

You have to be careful with the language you use, because some guys get the impression you want them to be jerks and disrespect you.

 

By the way...yea, I don't like suck-ups. I just thought suck-ups and NG's went hand in hand.

[luvtoto]

Oh, wait!!...I just got your point!

 

I'm a little slow on the uptake, B4R. der-d-er.

[Pyro]

Oh, wait!!...I just got your point!

 

I'm a little slow on the uptake, B4R.

 

This just isn't your day is it Luv?

[luvtoto]

This just isn't your day is it Luv?

Yea, and I meant to say 'der-d-der'! Got a typo in my last post.

[LuminousZ]

sychophany? What is that?

 

-noun

 

1. self seeking or servile flattery. ( dictionary.com )

 

 

Hey luv, I'm getting started in what I hope to lean toward a LTR..., Please help.

 

Short version - two months in..., she mentioned her Bday - I sent of all things, "flowers".., ...She responded positively.

 

So fastforward about 10 days, With it being the holidays and all I show up with a poinsettia for her entry way.

 

Am I in the "NG" catagory? Or dangerously close?!!

[burning 4 revenge]

By the way...yea, I don't like suck-ups. I just thought suck-ups and NG's went hand in hand.

I think one of the biggest problems is simply the word itself. Nice. It's such a general word that it's open to too many interpretations. That's why I like sycophant, because I think it's more exacting in meaning.

[luvtoto]

-noun

 

1. self seeking or servile flattery. ( dictionary.com )

 

 

Hey luv, I'm getting started in what I hope to lean toward a LTR..., Please help.

 

Short version - two months in..., she mentioned her Bday - I sent of all things, "flowers".., ...She responded positively.

 

So fastforward about 10 days, With it being the holidays and all I show up with a poinsettia for her entry way.

 

Am I in the "NG" catagory? Or dangerously close?!!

I suggest that you start a thread about this problem you have. Then, everyone can give you the advice you are needing. I just don't feel comfortable being the only one telling you what to do. That's not the point of LS. But, if you post, Yea! I can offer you some advice!