"I like you, but you are just too nice"

[luvtoto]

I'll tell you sister, it was very hard and painful at times.

Ya, know...it's getting pretty damn hard and painful to keep breaking up with these NG's, too! I hate it. I just attract them to me, though.

 

yes but its basic advice. I would have to teach the advanced course personally and it would be quite complex.

Basic? Yea, I agree. But, that's what I am trying to do, make a basic point to these guys. Not teach a course. You'd have to pay for that, Alpha!

 

I am sure some NG's out there would pay you for your knowledge. Maybe. Maybe they think, "oh, I could never treat a woman that way. That would be too disrespectful!"

 

But, there comes a time when NG's get tired of being disrespected, as opposed to being disrespectful. That is when they change. Right?

[Pyro]

But, there comes a time when NG's get tired of being disrespected, as opposed to being disrespectful. That is when they change. Right?

 

Luv, those are just two extremes. There is indeed a happy medium. This one of the longest running debates that has been going on here on LS. The nice guy, the balanced guy, and the jerk. You can still be kind and treat your SO like gold and not be a spineless pushover.

[alphamale]

You can still be kind and treat your SO like gold and not be a spineless pushover.

Thats a naive and idealistic point of view and it does not work in reality.

[norajane]

Luv, those are just two extremes. There is indeed a happy medium. This one of the longest running debates that has been going on here on LS. The nice guy, the balanced guy, and the jerk. You can still be kind and treat your SO like gold and not be a spineless pushover.

 

Bingo! I totally agree!

[Pyro]

Thats a naive and idealistic point of view and it does not work in reality.

 

Just because your afraid to try that?

 

Hate to burst your bubble, but what I wrote above describes me and it seems to be working well.

[luvtoto]

Luv, those are just two extremes. There is indeed a happy medium.

You actually understood what I wrote?? I wrote it, then I had to re-read it a couple times to make sure I meant what I meant.

This one of the longest running debates that has been going on here on LS. The nice guy, the balanced guy, and the jerk. You can still be kind and treat your SO like gold and not be a spineless pushover.

Treating someone like gold and being a spineless pushover are also two extremes. Yes, Riddler, there has got to be a happy medium here.

[Pyro]

You actually understood what I wrote?? I wrote it, then I had to re-read it a couple times to make sure I meant what I meant.

 

Treating someone like gold and being a spineless pushover are also two extremes. Yes, Riddler, there has got to be a happy medium here.

 

I understood it loud and clear.

 

I like happy mediums. It seems rare but I bet its pretty common.

[luvtoto]

I like happy mediums. It seems rare but I bet its pretty common.

Yea, what I wouldn't do to meet a balance guy. *sigh*

[Pyro]

Yea, what I wouldn't do to meet a balance guy. *sigh*

 

Keep your head high Luv. Balanced guys are out there.

[luvtoto]

Keep your head high Luv. Balanced guys are out there.

Well, luckily, I am a balanced gal, so it doesn't get me down.

 

Well, anyway, I hope my list helped someone out there.

[johan]

Ahem - instant breakup. I've stopped dating countless men over this. The Jekyll-and-Hyde act triggers my flight response faster than you can say "Why hasn't she called me?"

 

on the contrary HZ....my personal experience [from a long string of very short relationships that I couldn't stand after a while] is that it makes women even more interested in the man. It works for me [in my very short relationships] and I'll continue to practice it no matter what anyone says. Remember HZ...I used to be "nice guy" 15+ yrs ago and had few women.

 

You didn't realize you were so wrong about yourself, did you HeadlessZebra. You should listen to Alpha. Next time you say you do or did something, check with him first to see if it's true.

[luvtoto]

Well, luckily, I am a balanced gal, so it doesn't get me down.

Uh..did I just call myself a balanced gal?? Oh, good Lord! :rolleyes:

 

The s***'s pretty deep today!

[johan]

There is a guy at work, and there is a really cute girl, too. She's probably the cutest in the company. He was living with another girl who he dumped suddenly so he could date this girl. That was several months ago.

 

I've noticed that in his office he has loads of pictures of her. And in her office there are always flowers, sometimes two vases full of them. They just kind of sit there. I often see the flowers appear in the trash can in the break room. She has one little picture of him now, but she used to have none.

 

They are engaged, but from what I can tell he's pouring gifts and sweetness on her, and she's not returning it. So I don't see true, equal love. And I wouldn't be surprised to see their engagement get cancelled.

 

Guys are so stupid sometimes.

[alphamale]

on the contrary HZ....my personal experience [from a long string of very short relationships that I couldn't stand after a while] is that it makes women even more interested in the man. It works for me [in my very short relationships] and I'll continue to practice it no matter what anyone says. Remember HZ...I used to be "nice guy" 15+ yrs ago and had few women.

actually JOHAN... My longest relationship lasted 4.5 yrs. I was also married for 3 years. I've had 3 relationships that lasted around a year. And many that lasted under 6 months. And I dumped most of them.

[luvtoto]

There is a guy at work, and there is a really cute girl, too. She's probably the cutest in the company. He was living with another girl who he dumped suddenly so he could date this girl. That was several months ago.

 

I've noticed that in his office he has loads of pictures of her. And in her office there are always flowers, sometimes two vases full of them. They just kind of sit there. I often see the flowers appear in the trash can in the break room. She has one little picture of him now, but she used to have none.

 

They are engaged, but from what I can tell he's pouring gifts and sweetness on her, and she's not returning it. So I don't see true, equal love. And I wouldn't be surprised to see their engagement get cancelled.

 

Guys are so stupid sometimes.

Sounds to me like that guy must have some mojo.

 

He dumped a live in GF to be with another?? Doesn't sound like a typical NG to me.

 

That guy has got some skills when it comes to dealing with the ladies. IMO. Not much character, though...hope he gets dumped in return.

[luvtoto]

actually JOHAN... My longest relationship lasted 4.5 yrs. I was also married for 3 years. I've had 3 relationships that lasted around a year. And many that lasted under 6 months. And I dumped most of them.

Alpha, you are so misunderstood! I always thought your main objective with women was to use them, then lose them.

[Pyro]

Alpha, you are so misunderstood! I always thought your main objective with women was to use them, then lose them.

 

I had no idea either, but its not going to help if he continues to have this belief that ALL women are inferior and evil and they need to be treated like garbage just because he had a few bad experiences with them in the past. If you keep assuming, well you know the saying.

[luvtoto]

but its not going to help if he continues to have this belief that ALL women are inferior and evil and they need to be treated like garbage just because he had a few bad experiences with them in the past.

But, rejection changes people. It changed me! If I may, Alpha...I think he figured, somewhere down the road, he developed a hurt or be hurt attitude against women. I could be wrong!

 

Riddler, have you been dumped for being too nice? Just curious.

 

Has every guy been dumped for that in their life? I mean, if once upon a time, Alpha was even having troubles with the ladies, this NG syndrome might be more common than I thought.

[Rooster_DAR]

Don't just hand things over to us.

 

I can tell you this statement is true to form.

 

Good Advice!

[luvtoto]

I can tell you this statement is true to form.

 

Good Advice!

Thank you, Rooster_DEAR!

[Pyro]

But, rejection changes people. It changed me! If I may, Alpha...I think he figured, somewhere down the road, he developed a hurt or be hurt attitude against women. I could be wrong!

 

Riddler, have you been dumped for being too nice? Just curious.

 

Has every guy been dumped for that in their life? I mean, if once upon a time, Alpha was even having troubles with the ladies, this NG syndrome might be more common than I thought.

 

I was cheated on for being too nice and I put up with alot of emotional abuse for being too nice, two different women might I add. I could have easily just hated every female and say f*ck it with LTR, but I prefer to get back on the horse and try again. I learned something new from each relationship and as a result, I did get rid of the NG syndrome, but I refuse to be a jerk. What is the point of holding all that anger inside of you instead of moving on? Not every woman is the same.

[johan]

I've had relationships fail because I was such a nice guy. Unlike others, I turned my anger and disappointment on myself, not on the women. So I don't blame them, I blame myself. And that means I don't feel they are the enemy or a threat of any sort. I just felt unworthy, and I try to make sure I feel worthy when I get involved with someone.

 

Flowers and gifts and all the bs is often used as a way to distract a woman's attention from other more important things that are broken. I'd rather just keep it simple and let them see me as I am with no distractions. If that isn't good enough, there's nothing I can do about it. That's what I really want them to love. And it's the part of me that is least likely to change.

 

I'm guessing that this all means that your Mr. Nice guy is history, luvtoto?

[luvtoto]

I did get rid of the NG syndrome, but I refuse to be a jerk. What is the point of holding all that anger inside of you instead of moving on?

Yep, I agree, Riddler. There are some hard and heavy jerks out there.

 

There are some women out there that find "jerkness" sexy in a guy.

 

Early on in a relationships, if the NG just backs off and tames the beast of wanting to dote on her, he will find greater success. IMO.

 

No need to be a jerk about it...or seriously mess with someone's head. That's painful. I've had the 'come here, go away' type BF's before in my life. I will admit, it did work in building that "I wanna screw your brains out" mentality in me..but, I didn't love those guys. They were just a challenge to me.

 

I don't see how anything long-term could come from that.

[Pyro]

Yep, I agree, Riddler. There are some hard and heavy jerks out there.

 

There are some women out there that find "jerkness" sexy in a guy.

 

Early on in a relationships, if the NG just backs off and tames the beast of wanting to dote on her, he will find greater success. IMO.

 

No need to be a jerk about it...or seriously mess with someone's head. That's painful. I've had the 'come here, go away' type BF's before in my life. I will admit, it did work in building that "I wanna screw your brains out" mentality in me..but, I didn't love those guys. They were just a challenge to me.

 

I don't see how anything long-term could come from that.

 

Exactly, SOME women. I hate these broad generalizations that all women, or even most women like this or that.

 

Thats the thing, anything involving being a jerk, messing with the head, or playing games will not get you anything long term. If you want temporary and short term, then good for you (not referring to anyone in particular), but don't try and tell people who come on here for advice in terms of a LTR, that all that stuff will work on a LT. All that stuff that only applies to short term or one nighters.

[luvtoto]

I've had relationships fail because I was such a nice guy. Unlike others, I turned my anger and disappointment on myself, not on the women. So I don't blame them, I blame myself. And that means I don't feel they are the enemy or a threat of any sort. I just felt unworthy, and I try to make sure I feel worthy when I get involved with someone.

That's the key, I think.

 

Flowers and gifts and all the bs is often used as a way to distract a woman's attention from other more important things that are broken.

Yes, and most women can see through that. At least I can. When I get flowers after the first few dates, I feel manipulated. Like..."Please like me! I bought you flowers!" These are just the basic things I am trying to get across to the NG's out there.

 

I'd rather just keep it simple and let them see me as I am with no distractions. If that isn't good enough, there's nothing I can do about it. That's what I really want them to love. And it's the part of me that is least likely to change.

I seriously can't believe you are single.

 

I'm guessing that this all means that your Mr. Nice guy is history, luvtoto?

Yep. I guess he finally got it. Now, he's finally giving me some breathing room. It's gonna be awkward talking to him again. My house is bombarded with his stuff. I never heard of a guy marking their territory before.