Lor Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 lol :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 Ok, so i called the lawyer and they said anyone could witness the signature, so i wont have to pay again. I just need to find the appropriate witness. They're fixing up the affidavit and resending it. Asshat has to do the same too. My lawyer sent his lawyer notice. On the good side of life, I'm still corresponding with the musician (he's actually becoming something else, and he hasnt sang in years, but it's nicer than saying pizza dude guy lol) I'm sure we'll meet up again soon. The thing is, I'm not really sure how i feel about him. I mean, he's definitely very cute and I love talking with him, but it's weird. We have these weird silences at times where we dont really know what to say. It's probably way way too soon to know how I feel, and I'm just going with the flow for the moment. But at the same time, I question if I should be dating. Not that I'm still hung up on my exh, but more of a feeling of not wanting to put in the effort of having another relationship. Not wanting to get to know someone again. There's no excitement. And I dont think this has anything to do with him. I love talking with him, and I smile just at the thought of getting to talk to him again. But at the same time there's just not enough drive in me. I'm becoming content and complacent in my singleness. I feel slighty burned out. Maybe this is normal after being in a relationship for so long? You just dont have the patience to go through the dating process again? I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Sounds to me like Pizza Dude is destined to be only a friend, albeit a good one. You gotta have that spark! If it isn't there, then it just isn't there and nothing will change that. Sure he's cute but if he doesn't light your fire..... It doesn't really have anything to do with you becoming complacent in your singles life, it only means that you haven't found ol' sparky. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Thanks for yesterday BTW.... Being out of town for the past few weeks I didn't read your post in a while so now I do see that we're both feeling the same thing about being with someone else. Guess when you have a relationship that goes so darned sour so fast and you use all your energy to try to fix something that is not fixable finally at the very end, you end up burned out and very VERY cautious about the future. As you know I've been told by many you need 1 to 2 years following a divorce to be truly free of the past and I'm really starting to believe it. Lor, infatuation can be cruel down the road, there is nothing wrong with being cautious at this time in a person's life. Good luck to you and hopefully you're not moving WAY too fast where things can come tumbling down like a house of cards. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Caution is a given for anyone who's gone thru what we have. The reason I point out about needing the spark is because I too felt dead inside for over a year, the feeling that it isn't worth the effort. It's kinda hard to describe but you feel numb, and even though you can have fun with someone, there isn't a feeling of attraction. Dating in general is a good thing, just to get out of the house, but dating to find someone...no, bad idea. In my case, I wasn't activing looking for a relationship, just people to have fun with. Wasn't even a "we'll see how it goes" deal with me, it was friends only--they wanted something else, I made it point-blank clear that was not on my agenda. When the attraction hits, it's like fireworks. Where all you can think about is what you're feeling inside--and it'll scare you to death. And its almost like when we've switched the light and realized that our previous relationships are truely dead and over....its amazing the transformation in ourselves, our personalities, our outlook on life in general. All of a sudden, the world has color again. Maybe I'm waxing too poetic....... I'm still cautious, still leary of any potential downfall and trying to keep my eyes clear to the big picture and not blinded by infatuation. Am I moving too fast? More than likely and the thought has gone thru my head over and over. That's why we discussed it and decided we'll see where things are in 3 months before we take any further steps. It's actually nice being in a relationship with someone else who's gone thru what we've gone thru--they know what they want and have no desire to move too fast either. Dgiirl, if you feel uncomfortable and don't think you are ready to date then don't date. But do get out of the house and have fun. If Pizza Dude makes you smile, then every second is worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Thanks guys I was thinking about this last night actually. I was talking to this other dude on the internet and realized that I didnt really want to be talking to him. I really wanted to be talking to the Pizza dude But it's a mixed emotions. We've only met once, and we've talked a few times over the phone. This past week has been difficult to get our schedules to match up, and although I'm hoping we can do something this week, I feel like I should be showing him I'm interested more than I am. I'm naturally a very cautious and reserved person. And I just dont feel like getting all googlyeyed silly over some guy. I dont know how to explain it. It's like I'm ok being single and although I would like a relationship, I dont feel like putting in effort to have one. I dont feel like keeping up appearances just to land a guy, which I usually do in past relationships. And Lor, those fireworks would scare the heck out of me. I felt those with my ex and look where it got me. Plus my therapist told me what she believes is the real cause of those love at first sight feelings, and that scares me even more. It has nothing to do with meeting your soul mate, but meeting someone who actually fills a dysfuntional aspect of your past that you havent healed yet. And in hindsight, my exh filled that role perfectly. So for me, I'm not sure I can trust those fireworks anymore. But who knows... maybe in 6 months I'll be looking back on this thread feeling completely different. I never thought I'd be where I currently am, but in time, things heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 What do you mean "Pizza Guy"? You mean he delivers pizza? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 LOL Gunny, i dont know what to call him and remain annonymous, and since we had pizza on our first date, he became the Pizza dude Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 LOL Gunny, i dont know what to call him and remain annonymous, and since we had pizza on our first date, he became the Pizza dude You ordered Doimino's one night, and fell for the first guy that knocked on your door! (Picture of you "snacthin' some poor pizza delivery guy through the door, pizzas flying everywhere, with you sticking your head out the door looking left to right, before slamming and locking door shut ~ barring it with your body!) I was all ready to go "Gunny" on ya'! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 since we had pizza on our first date, he became the Pizza dude Must not have been too great of a date otherwise you would've named him the sex dude Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Must not have been too great of a date otherwise you would've named him the sex dude Good one AC ~ wished I'd thought of it first! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 lol sorry to burst your bubble, but I dont sleep with someone on the first date And I'm not sure I would on the second or third either Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I better hope for 5 eh D? Gee by then you'll want to marry me........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 lol is there anything wrong with being old fashion? <self-pity> Ok, today I've been feeling really weird. I dont know what is wrong with me *sigh*. I think I'm starting to really like this guy, or atleast really like to get to know him better. But I keep second guessing myself, and keep feeling I'm screwing things up. I keep wondering what he really wants from me. I wish I didnt feel so insecure with myself. </self-pity> Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 lol is there anything wrong with being old fashion? <self-pity> Ok, today I've been feeling really weird. I dont know what is wrong with me *sigh*. I think I'm starting to really like this guy, or atleast really like to get to know him better. But I keep second guessing myself, and keep feeling I'm screwing things up. I keep wondering what he really wants from me. I wish I didnt feel so insecure with myself. </self-pity> Chill there Dgril! Just go slow! Walking through a mine field slow! PM if you need to! In the mean time take a deep breath! You're still learning how to exhale! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 lol sorry to burst your bubble, but I dont sleep with someone on the first date And I'm not sure I would on the second or third either That a girl! That a woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 lol sorry to burst your bubble, but I dont sleep with someone on the first date And I'm not sure I would on the second or third either That made you laugh and smile! Which is all we sought! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 lol is there anything wrong with being old fashion? <self-pity> Ok, today I've been feeling really weird. I dont know what is wrong with me *sigh*. I think I'm starting to really like this guy, or atleast really like to get to know him better. But I keep second guessing myself, and keep feeling I'm screwing things up. I keep wondering what he really wants from me. I wish I didnt feel so insecure with myself. </self-pity> You should feel good about yourself, sure you might be scared but you are stepping out of your comfort zone and who knows it might be the best thing you ever did for yourself, you don't know that unless you give it a try. You said it yourself you are just wanting to get to know the guy and that's it. Once you get to know him then see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Ok, today I've been feeling really weird. I dont know what is wrong with me *sigh*. I think I'm starting to really like this guy, or atleast really like to get to know him better. But I keep second guessing myself, and keep feeling I'm screwing things up. Yep, I feel the same way...like maybe I'm not doing things right and I'll lose my guy.....then I shake myself and realize that, if I'm only being me, then if I lose him cuz of something that is from me being me, then I don't want him in my life anyway, not if he can't accept my quirks and such. Just be yourself and don't try to be the person you think he wants you to be. Then you'll feel more secure and he'll be more relaxed, too. I keep wondering what he really wants from me. I wish I didnt feel so insecure with myself. It's hard to trust again, isn't it? Doesn't sound so much like your feeling insecure but more that you question his motives. Why can't he just want to be with you like you want to be with him? Not every guy has an agenda, not every guy is out there for the slap and tickle. Maybe he honestly enjoys your company, too....you are a great girl, so it wouldn't surprise me if that's the case. You're allowed to smile and be happy. You deserve it! You can sit there and second-guess everything or you can enjoy it on a day to day basis. You're not marrying the guy, having kids with him, you're going out for pizza. Unless of course it's delivered as Gunny said. Then you better remember to invite the Dr. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 always make it harder on the guy..... Remember that movie "how to lose a guy in 7 days" All the testing that was goin on? Try a few.. If he hangs in ( he better damn well do that ) ---( or he's a fool) You will know............................ Just don't put pink in his bathroom............... He might be gay...... LOL just teasing...... Or.... heaven forbid....... Show up at his poker night...... He might lose his shirt trying to impress you.................. CC Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 I'm in a groove right now..... CC taking effect... lots of CC little ginger.... The REAL CANUCK STUFF TOO not that American Gov't mandated blended stuff either.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 Aww, thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. I'm feeling better today. I just go through these ups and downs. It's been leveling off lately, but I guess not completely. I've always had a problem trusting. My first instinct is always the guy must have an agenda. I was like this before getting married, and now I'm repeating my pattern. Once the relationship progresses far enough, and I know for sure he's actually interested in me and doesnt have an agenda, then I feel secure in the relationship and I'm ok. It's just those initial stages of a relationship. Especially when they tell you they dont have an agenda, yet are not patient enough for you to be comfortable in the relationship, and then they end up leaving and making you feel like crap. Blah, I worry too much What I have to remember is he hasnt given me any indication of having an agenda. And he IS calling me, so he must have some interest in me. It's just this past week has felt weird. He's been really busy, and although he does call me more frequently than i call him, i feel like getting together wasnt a high priority. We are getting together this week, so I just have to be patient and see where things go. I'm sure all of this is just in my head. I think I'm just looking for excuses to get out. I feel like i'm waiting for the shoe to drop. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 Ok, today I've been feeling really weird. I dont know what is wrong with me *sigh*. I think I'm starting to really like this guy, or atleast really like to get to know him better. But I keep second guessing myself, and keep feeling I'm screwing things up. I keep wondering what he really wants from me. I wish I didnt feel so insecure with myself. DG - are you more afraid of screwing up and driving him away, or of screwing up by continuing a relationship with him when you really "shouldn't"? I'm barely starting to kinda sorta think about maybe the possibility of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and dating someday, but I think I am more scared by the possibility of ending up staying with someone that I shouldn't by mistake, than I am about the possibility of accidentally driving someone away... Am I even making sense here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted September 27, 2006 Author Share Posted September 27, 2006 Hey Trimmer It's hard to explain where I'm at right now. I've made some major progress since my move. Two months ago, I still had some feelings towards my ex, mostly anger, and a lot of stress about the move. Since I've moved tho, I truely have worked on the forgiveness part. If you catch me on a bad day, I can still get caught up in the anger, but then I remind myself that I forgive him, and it seems to go away pretty quickly. Two months ago, I know I wasnt ready for dating. Any interest from guys made me freak out with anxiety, and I ran the other direction. But I also could sense that I was in kind of a desperate stage, not wanting to be alone, and hoping to meet someone to fix that. At that time, I know I wasnt ready for dating. Desperate and freaking out dont mix. Although I freaked out on my first date with this guy, I realized my actions and took an honest look at myself and realized that I was pretty happy with my current life and irregardless of what happens with him, my life is still good. I dont need a relationship. I dont want a relationship to mess that up. I've kind of lost those desperate feelings of getting back to the plan of life. So I am further along the road, and I think I'm ready for dating as long as it goes real slow. Maybe I'm contradicting myself. Depends on the mood and day you catch me on lol But I also fear that I will drive someone away and that I might stay with someone I shouldnt, but not as intense as I use too. I've overanalyzed this guy like crazy. I've overanalyzed myself too. One good thing about anxiety, you get to think lol Right now I would say I'm a few feet from that light. Things are starting to get brighter around me, but the light is so bright that I cannot see what's around me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted October 4, 2006 Author Share Posted October 4, 2006 So, I'm taking a few steps back into the darkness. I'm not sure this is the right guy. And lately, he's been extremely busy, and although we made plans to go out twice, nothing was concrete, and he was suppose to call me a day b4 with the final details, and he didnt call me until very last minute on the actual day. What confuses me is I give him every opportunity to back out gracefully and yet he still says he wants to go out and still suggests another day. Unfortunately, our last convo had me saying I'd call him next. My initial reaction is to not call him at all, but I know karma has a way of biting me in the behind whenever I do something out of anger and frustration. Chances are I'm probably overreacting too, and most people wont find a problem with what happened, but I'm tired of compromising myself to bend to what other's find acceptable. I did that way too much in my marriage. I'm not ready to start doing that again. Link to post Share on other sites
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